As you can probably tell by how long I’ve been a member here, I’ve been considering VSG for a long time. My husband has never exactly been on-board with it; he’s naturally very thin, and can eat whatever he wants without gaining any substantial weight. Since he’s never really been willing to hear me out on VSG, I’ve tried everything else under the sun to try and get my weight under control. In 2011 I did Medifast. Over the year, I managed to lose 100 pounds. Over the next year and a half, I managed to gain back every last pound.

I talked to my husband last night again about VSG, and he was not terribly supportive of the idea (as usual). He doesn’t like the idea of me having surgery, and he is also of the opinion this is somehow taking the easy way out and I should be able to just do this on my own. He feels like I “quit” on Medifast, and that we wasted money because I gained it all back. I tried to explain to him that it’s not losing weight that’s the problem…it’s keeping it off. I’ve tried and tried, and I *can’t* stay a normal weight. I am just not able.

I’m not a snacker, and I don’t eat a bunch of junk food. I’m a vegetarian (15 years), don’t have high cholesterol, etc. My problem is the speed and quantity at which I eat. If my husband and I are having pizza, I will be on my 4^th slice by the time he’s finishing his first. I literally inhale my food. I don’t chew, I don’t wait for it to cool, and I eat so quickly and so voluminously that I feel ill. I’ve tried to consciously slow down, but even my “slow” is fast to most people. And I don’t know the meaning of the word “full.”

Through all my research, it seems like VSG would be the best option for me because it would force me to slow down (lest I get sick!), and I physically won’t be able to hold as much food. I know you can “eat around” the sleeve, but like I said I’m not a big snacker or junk food eater so I don’t worry about that so much. I feel like the sleeve would be a good tool to help me control my portions and give me that sense of when to stop that I’m *supposed* to have.

Since my husband feels like I “quit” at Medifast, he thinks I’m going to “quit” on the sleeve. He thinks I’ll just gain it all back, and we’ll have “wasted” all that money. I know he wants to be supportive and he wants me to have something that works, but he just doesn’t know what it’s like to have a problem with food. It’s impossible to understand if you haven’t been there. But he raises a good point, and one I feel is fair to ask—how IS this different from Medifast or anything else I’ve tried? Will it just end up being another “waste of money”? How will this help me succeed where other plans haven’t?

Please, any insight you can provide would be so appreciated. I just want to be healthy again.

To OP, good luck with your financing. I work for State Government also, our insurance is "no how, no way" towards bariatric surgery. I secured financing through my credit union for 4 years. Best thing I have ever done for myself. I have read lots of good things about surgeries in Mexico on here, but I could not bring myself to have surgery outside the US despite the cost difference. I paid 14K for my sleeve, and it's the best investment I've ever made.

There are credit companies that specialize in financing medical procedures. Google it.

I was actually referring to squeakywheel and wasn't intending to it be snarky, I was genuine in my statement. Sorry if it came across that way. Was not my intention at all. You are right though, it's all in the way the policy is written. For most total exclusions they are inserted at the request of the employer to keep costs down, much in the way several other procedures can be excluded. Have a friend who needed breast reduction, for true medical reasons and it's excluded at the request of the employer, strictly to keep costs down, so it's really not the insurance companies, it's the cheap ass employers (ok, THAT last statement was meant to be snarky!)

@Hathery, most surgeon offices work with some companies that specialize in medical financing. You may want to check that out.

I figured you meant me and never took any of it as snarky. You are my Sleeve-Sister! GIRL POWER!

I figured you meant me and never took any of it as snarky. You are my Sleeve-Sister! GIRL POWER!

:)

I'm the same way - gung ho in the beginning and then I fizzle - and my husband was the same way. He was fine with my weight and I didn't have any serious medical problems so he didn't understand why I wanted to risk life and limb, and money, on surgery. He thought since I had lost the weight before, I could do it again if I "really tried" or "really wanted to"....yeah. I had to sit him down and tell him I was tired and I was tried out. I wasn't going to be fighting this battle for the rest of my days. Then I had to tell him all the things he didn't know, never realized, and never thought about - like the times I couldn't tie my shoes, my fear of falling because at 100 lbs overweight, I could really hurt myself, how my thighs touch from my pelvis to my knees so I don't walk like a normal person, how I couldn't get in the tent at the outdoorsy store because I wouldn't have been able to get back out, how I can't wear a skirt without shorts, how carrying 100 lbs makes me too tired to have sex or go hiking, how I hate people thinking he has a fat fetish, how I know my kids aren't proud of me, how I feel like less of a person around people, and on and on and on. I literally poured my heart out and IT SUCKED! I told him I needed help to have the life I deserved and that he couldn't help me but he could at least support me. If he had put up a fight after that, I would have left him. Seriously. I have never been that open with another human being in all my days and damn it, he was either going to get on board or get ran over. But that's only me and mine. I've just had it with living this way. I'm through. I deserve better and I'm worth more.

Thank God my hubby got on board. He just never knew. I NEVER spoke to him about my struggles. I would mention every new diet I was trying but I never let him in on how my weight affected my life. He was so sorry that he never realized how I was struggling, then I felt bad for putting that guilt on him, but in the end we're all good.

I think your husband's fear of regain is reasonable. My sister had that same fear. A lot of people never address why they eat the way they do and they do re-gain a signficant amount of weight back. I didn't want to research weight re-gain, because that was not going to be me, but I'm glad I did. I eat to feel ok. I eat to bring joy into my life. I eat to be happy. I eat because I deserve it. I eat to zone out. I eat to treat myself. I eat to not feel. If I dont' find acceptable substitutes for all those reasons, I will not be a weight loss success. Thus I'm addressing those issues beforehand. Maybe if you learn more about why you eat the way you do -what purpose food is serving in your life - and come up with acceptable substitutes, your husband will be more agreeable to you having the surgery.

Cerenatee, I admire your courage. And thank you for sharing this with us.

The surgery is def the easy part. It's a life style change and I have to make choices everyday.

Hathery,

My insurance excluded all wls as well. I have previously been diagnosed with a hiatal hernia and it's repair is covered. I called a surgeon here in Dallas TX...Dr. David Kim, and his office verified my benefits and said that since the hernia repair is covered, my portion to pay for ths sleeve will only be $5800. It is very possible that you need hernia repair as well. I have a consult Friday! I know you will find a way to do this for YOU!

Lori

~ L Nor in TX

@elinor How do you know if you have a hernia?

@Cerenatee THANK YOU for that post! That was tremendously helpful.

My advice is to get into counseling and work on your food issues and then bring your husband in. Sometimes you have to barter and go slow if you want to keep your realtionship.

Maybe do this for 6 months and in the meantime employ some of the things you will need to do with the sleeve so that you aren't shocked or depressed if you go through with it. No more than 8 oz per meal or 4 oz per snack, 80g Protein per dsy, 64 oz Water, chewing your food to mush, eating over 20-30 min timeframe, etc.

I say this because you seem to want the fix but aren't too sure. Setting patterns ahead of time will help.

Also keep in mind that about 75-80% of relationships fail after WLS, so if you want to stay married your spouse needs to be with you on this

My advice is to get into counseling and work on your food issues and then bring your husband in. Sometimes you have to barter and go slow if you want to keep your realtionship.

Maybe do this for 6 months and in the meantime employ some of the things you will need to do with the sleeve so that you aren't shocked or depressed if you go through with it. No more than 8 oz per meal or 4 oz per snack, 80g Protein per dsy, 64 oz Water, chewing your food to mush, eating over 20-30 min timeframe, etc.

I say this because you seem to want the fix but aren't too sure. Setting patterns ahead of time will help.

Also keep in mind that about 75-80% of relationships fail after WLS, so if you want to stay married your spouse needs to be with you on this

75-80% of relationships fail? Where did you get this statistic?

75-80% of relationships fail? Where did you get this statistic?

I was wondering that, too! That is startling!

Everyones different. You mentioned you wouldnt be able to eat fast or you would get sick. I eat fast and even right after surgery i could still eat fast but you will stop because you will feel full just as fast

I get very suspicious when I see those kind of stats. They are out there for any kind of life change you look for. I know when our son was very ill at birth and was not expected to survive, (he did but had residual problems for a couple of years) we were told my the NICU social worker that our marriage was 95% doomed because that what statistics showed. Let's see, almost 30 years later we are still waiting.......

I think that strong relationships will thrive, and weak ones will fail no matter what the life change.

I have no idea what the actual statistics are but a friend of mine works for a bariatric surgeon and he says it is startling at how many of the patients come in after surgery and tell them they are getting a divorce or that they have broken up with their partner after years of being together. I do think a strong relationship will withstand it but it is not to be dismissed because it does happen more than people realize. This is why my surgeon and NUT ask me about my relationship with my husband and his reaction before and after surgery. This surgery changes you and how you feel about yourself which can be dangerous to a lot of people who had no self-esteem before or who did not love themselves. I am no expert and this is just my opinion. I am thankful that my husband loved me before and he loves me now and he has been behind me all the way. It did take some education to get rid of the fear though!