Wrong of me?

[KimMarh 99]

Everytime I someone that is obese, the first thing that comes to my mind is ... They need the sleeve!! I have only lost 46lbs and have another 100 to go!! Who am I to judge??

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

It's almost like we know a secret weight loss tool that we're dying to share. I have had the same thoughts and I don't think it was judging as much as feeling empathy for a struggle that we're now conquering. Nothing has worked as well for me as the sleeve. I love sharing it with others I know that are struggling. BUT, only if they ask.

[sarsar 824]

I think that same thing all the time but I don't believe I am judging them at all. I feel so thankful that I was given this gift and I know the hurt and pain that they are going through. I want them to experience the freedom and joy that is on the other side!

[sarahzamudio1091 185]

Me too !!! Don't feel bad )

[fyre_storm 1,412]

OMG all the time

[mokee 588]

Me too. I want to go up to them and say please look into WLS. Your life will be so much better. I also have 2 sons that each weigh 400 plus pounds. I invited them my DIL and husband to the first seminar I attended. They all went because I said it was to support me. I was so hoping that they would go this route because I don't want to lose them.

[LadyOfVirtue7 3]

I think we all think that from time to lol I am a silent recruiter.

[newat52 1,612]

Me too. I want to go up to them and say please look into WLS. Your life will be so much better. I also have 2 sons that each weigh 400 plus pounds. I invited them my DIL and husband to the first seminar I attended. They all went because I said it was to support me. I was so hoping that they would go this route because I don't want to lose them.

With all due respect, most obese know that there is weight loss surgery. Unless you are living under a rock, most people know about it through their doctors, families and friends.The question, is are they ready? It's not a magic bullet. How would you have felt if someone had come up to you and starting talking about it before you were ready? I would have felt humiliated and mortified as would most people.

Yes, as much as this is a gift for us and and we are thankful for it, we didn't do it until we were ready to make the life changes. While intentions are good, I would think it would be the same as someone saying how much better your life would be if you just lost weight. How did that work for you when someone said that?

Sometimes as much as we want to shout it, folks really have to come to the conclusion by themselves.

[popsicle_20721 27]

I too sometimes look at folks and want to suggest they look into WLS; however I know that would be crossing the line and certainly offensive. As many folks as I see opting for WLS, I figure it won't be long before the surgery will be so commonplace that it won't have the stigma it may have now, the cost will be much less and the insurance requirements will become a little less stringent. I also look at many people now who I know lost a lot of weight and wonder if they had the surgery. In fact, I found out recently that a very good friend of mine was recently sleeved. She was shocked when I told her that I too had been sleeved in Dec. We then started talking about our respective experiences and challenges. It was good.

[iggychic 1,405]

I had a very sick baby and had to do some things that people find very controversial. At ten months of age a VERY GOOD doctor told me to give him six oz of diet soda daily and he'd never be back in the hospital for dehydration again. He was right, it was amazing. And from that point on until to day (he's 7) there are people who feel they must share with me their views seeing a child drink soda (not to mention when it was in a baby bottle watered down). Believe me, I knew that soda wasn't in the plans for my baby, but life threw me a curve and there we were. The pain it saved him from was immense! He'd been in the hospital over a dozen times for dehydration prior to seeing that wonderful doctor.

He eats cheetos and m&m's now whenever he wants them. I have been stopped by so many people, fat and thin, who want to tell me that I"m taking him down a path to a future life of obesity because I'm such a bad mom. They of course don't know he won't eat more than 3 or 4...he has no natural hunger drive so for him it's just the taste and then he's done and for me, I need to get any calories down him I can.

Fat people know surgery is available. But there are many reasons that they might not have or want it. Having someone wave their views in their faces isn't going to help any and likely it will cause hurt.

Every idiot who had to speak up to me has been in the wrong. I am bitter about every stupid one of them....I wish they had to deal with what we did, though honestly....no I don't because I don't want another child to suffer as mine has, but I'd like to teach people a valuable lesson about judgement. You think they're fat enough for the surgery so you'll tell them about it???? Judgement. If they want to know they'll ask. If not, be quiet, be kind.

[sarsar 824]

Wanting to tell someone about the surgery is different than actually doing it. I would not go up to people and tell them about the surgery. Most people that know me don't know how I lost the weight. I know the pain of being obese and because I have had such a good experience with my surgery, I always think that I wish they could have surgery, too. I know in my mind that they already know about surgery and know that they have to be ready to have the surgery in their own time. In my heart I wish I could take away the pain. Although, I feel that way about anyone who has any kind of pain, not just because they are obese. That doesn't mean I am judging them at all.

[iggychic 1,405]

Wanting to tell someone about the surgery is different than actually doing it. I would not go up to people and tell them about the surgery. Most people that know me don't know how I lost the weight. I know the pain of being obese and because I have had such a good experience with my surgery' date=' I always think that I wish they could have surgery, too. I know in my mind that they already know about surgery and know that they have to be ready to have the surgery in their own time. In my heart I wish I could take away the pain. Although, I feel that way about anyone who has any kind of pain, not just because they are obese. That doesn't mean I am judging them at all.[/quote']

Well honestly, YOU are deciding that their life is as unhappy as yours because they are over weight enough to bother you right???? They might be ok with their world...this is you saying that you feel they are so fat they need the surgery, which is judgement. That said, as long as you refrain from sharing that with them all is well in the world.

[sarsar 824]

Well honestly, YOU are deciding that their life is as unhappy as yours because they are over weight enough to bother you right???? They might be ok with their world...this is you saying that you feel they are so fat they need the surgery, which is judgement. That said, as long as you refrain from sharing that with them all is well in the world.

Nope, not deciding anything for them and other people being overweight doesn't bother me either. And no, I'm actually not saying I feel they are so fat they need surgery. I don't think anyone needs surgery at all, it's not for me to decide how overweight someone needs to be to "need" surgery. I look at the surgery as a gift that I was given. I can only speak for me and what I feel, I can't speak for others. I am not judging anyone. I will agree to disagree with you on this!

[The Travel Guru 40]

I too have those thoughts, and I must say, without judgments. I sometimes think they might be scared, or just don't have the funds for the surgery, so they go each day as I did overweight. And I say this because, it actually happen to me. My neighbor is overweight, she knew I was getting WLS when I started my journey back in August 2012. We chatted several times about it, and I never said to her that she should think about it. I am 3 months post op, and saw her the other day, she noticed the weight loss, we chatted, she went on her way. That afternoon I got a txt from her, asking me about my surgeon, since seeing me her fear had dissipated, and was very interested in the surgery. I gave her my surgeon's number, her appt was today, insurance approved. She should have her surgery by July/August. When we spoke this evening she said she was scared to do it, but wanted to do it forever.and if it was not for seeing me and being honest with her about how I lost the weight, she probably would not have done it.. she was very appreciative. I told her I will be with her every step of the way.. I am very happy for her. She had joy in her voice.. I also think that when sleevers start losing the weight we feel so much better about everything, but we will never forget how miserable we were being overweight..and kinda just want to pay it forward.. Its totally not about judgment..

[lexysdad04 43]

I don't think anything is wrong with you I too have had the same thoughts as long as your not actually going up to them then I completely understand where you are coming from. This has been such a great gift to me that I just want to share it with everyone but I don't for the same reasons everyone has already mentioned.

In fact the only person I have actually "shared" the secret with is my cousin (mist of my familly knows i had some kind if wls but that's about it no real details) this Easter weekend when SHE asked me about my resent weight loss and wanted to know how I was doing it. So I told her about the surgery and the cost and having to go to Mexico to get it done to save on the cost. I then simply mention to her "you know if ever you are interested or have any question feel free to ask me ill be happy to point you in the right track" her response was " I have been interested in getting the lapband but I don't think my insurance will cover it" so I explained to her that a lot of insurances are covering it including medical that brought a big smile to her with a really? After that I had to talk to her about the cons about lap band and the few pros.

What I'm trying to say is even thought I wish I could share our secret with everyone, unless they ask first I'm not going to go up to them and be rude and I'm sure the OP is not going to be going up to people either

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