Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Advice for relationships post-op



Recommended Posts

My bf got really excited when i told him my surgery date. He even joked about me leaving him for someone else... and mentioned how he can't wait to throw me all over the place in the bedroom lol.

He's very happy. He wants to get bikes so we can ride together. Will this last? Will it get better or worse?

I am excited and I hope my bf doesn't change and that i don't change as well.

Jealousy is normal in any relationship. I hope he doesn't get jealous when i start going out and wearing nice clothes and gett attn from guys, etc.

I've been with my bf for 5 years and I've gained 45 lbs during the time we've been dating. I hope to lose the wait and gain the confidence i had back then.

I want to keep him on his toes but at the same time reassure him that i am still the same person. Any advice is strongly appreciated. Thanks!!! :wub:

*** Getting sleeved on March 19th***

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i guess the feelings are normal , but on my end its a little different ! my fiance of 5 years and i are both swingers !!!He has always enjoyed "chunky" "curvy" girls and really wasnt too fond of me having this surgery. But now that i have and have shed some major pounds ....our sex life has never been better!i know about gaining weight .....since we met i had gained a good 50 pounds myself!!!...wait til your curves start poppin out !!!i feel soooo much better !!!! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course you are gonna change dear! all for the good. If you are truly in love with him--- you will not care about attention from other men Therefore - your boyfriend will not need to feel jealous- because you will be showing him he has nothing to worry about and you care deeply for him. I truly believe that relationships that break apart because one party has lost weight were never meant to be.

I have a friend who lost 100 pounds. She looked gorgeous and had a dedicated husband who adored her- even when she was fat. He always encouraged her to get healthy in a loving way. All of a sudden - she gets major attention from men at work and everywhere else they usually went as a couple. These men never even batted an eye at her before. But her husband - proudly stood by her and showed her love and respect. Well she ate it up and couldn't get enough attention- and ended up cheating with a man who gave her an STD. Her and her husband of 12 years - divorced. They have 2 little children. The husband is still a mess. ANd she is alone and miserable- gaining weight and seriously regretting the choices she has made. Sorry for the novel- just felt like sharing a story....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh and jealously is not normal in any healthy relationship. Not even a little bit of jealousy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i guess the feelings are normal , but on my end its a little different ! my fiance of 5 years and i are both swingers !!!He has always enjoyed "chunky" "curvy" girls and really wasnt too fond of me having this surgery. But now that i have and have shed some major pounds ....our sex life has never been better!i know about gaining weight .....since we met i had gained a good 50 pounds myself!!!...wait til your curves start poppin out !!!i feel soooo much better !!!! :)

Congrats on your surgery... You give me great hope... I hope you and your fiance are doing well!! Thanks for posting!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course you are gonna change dear! all for the good. If you are truly in love with him--- you will not care about attention from other men Therefore - your boyfriend will not need to feel jealous- because you will be showing him he has nothing to worry about and you care deeply for him. I truly believe that relationships that break apart because one party has lost weight were never meant to be.

I have a friend who lost 100 pounds. She looked gorgeous and had a dedicated husband who adored her- even when she was fat. He always encouraged her to get healthy in a loving way. All of a sudden - she gets major attention from men at work and everywhere else they usually went as a couple. These men never even batted an eye at her before. But her husband - proudly stood by her and showed her love and respect. Well she ate it up and couldn't get enough attention- and ended up cheating with a man who gave her an STD. Her and her husband of 12 years - divorced. They have 2 little children. The husband is still a mess. ANd she is alone and miserable- gaining weight and seriously regretting the choices she has made. Sorry for the novel- just felt like sharing a story....

Thanks for your kinds words... and that story! I was following this girl on youtube who got the lap band like 4 years ago and I can tell that her hubby and her are having trouble and she mentions it but i love the fact that they are fighting for their relationship. Thanks for posting!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband wasn't excited about my decision but supported me anyway. Now I can hardly keep his hands and other parts off me!!!! Good Luck!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. He loved me 90 pounds ago, and loves me now.. even when I don't love myself. There's no man that could do for me what he can. In any way!!! Now im just bragging lol. Sorry.

Everything new we expect to experience always is discussed as a WE. I look forward to going dancing in sexy clothes...with him.

I trust that we will be ok. I believe that if you're solid before, you'll be solid after.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Oh and jealously is not normal in any healthy relationship. Not even a little bit of jealousy.

I don't agree with this completely. ****... 'normal' isn't normal in most relationship THESE DAYS.

A bit of jealousy can be healthy if only for the reason that it prevents complacent blinders.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. He loved me 90 pounds ago, and loves me now.. even when I don't love myself. There's no man that could do for me what he can. In any way!!! Now im just bragging lol. Sorry.

Everything new we expect to experience always is discussed as a WE. I look forward to going dancing in sexy clothes...with him.

I trust that we will be ok. I believe that if you're solid before, you'll be solid after.

Couldn't agree more...great advice! My hubby and I are the same way and have been extremely happy for 14 yrs. He was supportive when I gained weight, supportive of my surgery, and Iis VERY supportive of my new and improved figure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with the above statements be honest with yourself and your partner, my husband has been very supportive from the very start he loves me unconditional no matter what size I am, although the weight lost helps you become healthy you must remember the people who are in your corner and who were their for you. This should enhance your commitment because you are making choices to be healthy which makes yo a better person, poor choices is what got you into this point in the first place and you need to always keep that in mind.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 3 months post op. And my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. He's been scared of loosing me and ya know the typical fears. But so far we've been happy like we've always been. I have my moments where it doesn't feel like I've lost weight and he's been my biggest supporter! He's even told me he sees a huge difference in me now. If I don't want to go to the gym he tells me to get my ass up and go! And sex wow I can go on top now and not feel tired after 5 seconds. Sex is more fun.

If he's the right one for you he'll stick around through the good and the bad times.

Wish you guys the best!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • allwet

      Coffee and Tea drinkers Rejoice
      https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-45540-1
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • CJ.  »  BrendaIsela

      Did you go through with the DS? How are you making out?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • MrsGamgee

      Well, long time no see. 
      It's been a rough couple of weeks. I should have been expecting the other shoe to drop after having it so easy for the first three weeks post op. I was getting my water and protein easily, had no pain, nausea, or vomiting.
      But as soon as the soft foods really started in earnest I started having problems. Pain, foamies, slimeys, vomiting galore. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to it. Something that I ate easily yesterday causes pain and vomiting after the first bite today. Sometimes it's my pills, other times they go down easy. I just don't get it. 
      I'm trying to stay positive. I know this is a season in my life, and things will eventually even out. I'm just so tired of being afraid to eat, not knowing what kind of response my body will have. I'm mostly hitting my protein target, thanks in large part to protein shakes (which I hate, but look at as medicine). I missed my water targets by a lot over the weekend, due mostly to feeling awful, which I know is a terrible cycle... throw up, don't feel like drinking anything, get dehydrated, get constipated, feel like crap, repeat. 
      The three-week stall is also still here. I thought I had busted through it, but I've been bouncing between 216-219 for the last two and a half weeks, which is a contributing factor to my mood and frustration level. And add in wee-lings who are going crazy with end of the school year insanity, friends with busy schedules who I haven't been able to see in weeks, and I'm an unhappy girl. 
      Things will turn around. I know they will. Just not feeling it at this moment. 
      · 7 replies
      1. ms.sss

        hope things get better with the slowing down and the water-prioritizing. keep us posted :1007_hearts:

        small tip: I used the timer on my watch religiously between bites in the early days (actually I still do, but I'm a lot less rigid about it now), it really helped keep the foamies/slimies/pain/barfing at bay by helping me slow down.

      2. FluffyChix

        Oh wow. Just read of your struggles! So sorry to hear it hon! ((hugs)) It's no fun when the stalls hit, makes bearing other parts of this journey really tough. Added to the fact that most of us experience mood swings/sadness that is usually transitory for most of us. But it still just makes it that much harder.

        I promise the stall will break. If that helps? ((hugs))

        Also, maybe concentrate on upping your water and hitting it consistently? The reason I say that is cuz it will make eating that much easier/pleasant. And the up side to that is with every real meal you have, you're training your tool to accept solid foods again. And being well hydrated makes your pouch less "tricky" and finicky. You know?

        Try varying the temperature of the fluids you drink. I remember cold water was not my friend. I did better on room temp or warm liquids.

        Also, the protein drinks may be contributing a little to your stall. I know I lost better after I really reduced them to very little. I'm very IR, and whey protein isolate is very insulinogenic.

        Hang in there. I promise, in 2-3 weeks, things will feel so much better!!

      3. MrsGamgee

        Thanks @FluffyChix! I know the stall will break, it has to eventually given I'm only consuming 700ish calories a day and I am trying to be active every day. I confess it's hard to be motivated to go for a walk though when I feel like crap.

        Cold water seems to be better for me right now... icy anything makes my tummy happy. It's when my water gets to room temp that it is harder to get down. But I am committed to getting my water in. It's so funny, before surgery I never had a problem with water. Today I decided that I won't count my 'other fluids' as part of my water total... they have to be over and above my target.

        I'm looking forward to lowering my reliance on the shakes. I really don't like them. I got clearance with my RD to cut back on them, provided I can hit at least 80g of protein without them. But I haven't been able to manage that just yet. I'm hoping in the next few weeks, provided I can get real foods to go down and stay down.

        Thanks for the encouragement!

      4. FluffyChix

        80 grams without protein shakes at your stage feels very ambitious IMHO? Are you sure she didn't mean 80g including protein drinks and food sources?

        We all heal so uniquely! :( Don't rush advancing. I know it's hard not to, but your tum will heal easier if you just listen to it and what it will and won't allow for the day.

        Gosh I so get the motivation of the scale!!! ((hugs)) With one reading I can determine my mood for the day. LOL. Then I wait a bit and have a nice poop. ;) haha Mood restored. ;) I'm ever just one solid poop away from a good mood. hehe

      5. MrsGamgee

        She was pretty clear... I asked about cutting back on them last week and I'm guessing she wanted to encourage me to continue with the protein shakes without actually saying so. Making it my decision. I have 2 shakes a day, plus some protein powder in my breakfast, so I'm hoping to maybe drop one shake a day in a couple of weeks. I'm really not into the lack of satisfaction they provide for the calories they take up in my daily totals.

        I *know* that this is just a step on the road. I need to put on my big girl undies and deal with it. And I need to really learn to listen to my body and not push too far too fast.

      6. View All Replies
    • dmadms  »  ARMoma45

      I saw the post where you were denied the first time because you lost to much weight.  How much did you lose?  I lost 1 # my 2nd month and 6# my third month and scared to death I have screwed up.  
       
      Thanks
      Dana
      · 1 reply
      1. ARMoma45

        I lost 11% of my body weight and they wanted me to fail to lose 10%. I even called the insurance company and asked them to clarify because the wording was confusing. I didn't know if they wanted me to lose the 10% or fail to lose the 10%. I was told to lose 10% so I did and apparently the person that I spoke to wasn't correct. But also this was in December and my company was scheduled to change to a different division of BCBS after the first of the year. So that probably played more into the denial than anything.

        I continued my monthly visits and they clearly showed that I plateaued about month 5/6 and began to regain. I originally lost from 333 to 298 and regained back up to 330 but have now lost back down to 318.

    • allwet

      · 1 reply
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        As a tea-a-holic, I'm happy to hear this. Thanks!

  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×