I was wondering how many people have had a partner who was supportive in the beginning become less so as time went on?

Also has your relationships changed for the better? Worse? How so?

I am Pre-sleeve and have a very loving, kind and supportive fiancé. We have been together since I was 16 (12 years now :-) ).

I'm scared that our relationship is going to change for the worse and either I'm going to go crazy and have an EARLY mid life crisis and become a slim party animal or he's going to become an insecure controlling a-hole. (As I have read on different WLS sites)

I love our relationship and I don't want things to change. I understand that it's impossible not to change as that is nature and we are changing all the time. But I'm NOT doing this to find another mate, or become a model. I want to be healthy and around for my kids for a long long time.

I guess I just want to know what the majority of you are going through relationship wise. This is a huge life change and I would even go as far as counseling together to make sure that he's with me at the end of this journey.

All your comments are MUCH appreciated!

-Sheena

People talk about 'the change' but really' date=' I feel like the same guy I've always been. I guess I've always thought I was a skinny bloke in a fat (and getting fatter) body!

My wife and I have been married 16 years. We do things by consensus. IE We talk things through and decide together what we will do. I couldn't imagine doing something without her support.

I'm happy losing weight and being healthier. If I'm happy she's happy. If she's happy, I'm happy.

That's how we roll.[/quote']

Yeah, that is how we roll, too! Well...he doesn't roll..,he is too skinny to roll. he he.

We are actually going through a really crazy time now! He is an air traffic controller, and with every day our government can't get the budget figured out, it is looking like he will be out of a job on 4/7/13. Then my son, who is 18, is having his 4th knee surgery in 14 months, tomorrow. And of that isn't enough..,we are in the midst of planning/paying for my daughter's wedding, which is in just a few months.

But you know what? I feel like we can get through anything as long as we are together.

A happy wife means a happy life

And having handcuffs lol

LOL Handcuffs are fun. To be honest, we took them for a test drive when they were new. There's been too many nasties in them now!!

LOL Handcuffs are fun. To be honest' date=' we took them for a test drive when they were new. There's been too many nasties in them now!![/quote']

Hee! Hee!

Yeah, that is how we roll, too! Well...he doesn't roll..,he is too skinny to roll. he he.

We are actually going through a really crazy time now! He is an air traffic controller, and with every day our government can't get the budget figured out, it is looking like he will be out of a job on 4/7/13. Then my son, who is 18, is having his 4th knee surgery in 14 months, tomorrow. And of that isn't enough..,we are in the midst of planning/paying for my daughter's wedding, which is in just a few months.

But you know what? I feel like we can get through anything as long as we are together.

There's nothing like the feeling of resilience knowing someone has got your back 100%

I agree! We have been married for 21 years. Ran off an eloped at 18 because he enlisted in the USAF. We raised two children, and I feel like if you can make it through raising kids without killing each other, you're golden!

I'm worried my husband has an attraction to BBW now that I'm losing weight I'm not sure what with happen.

While it's true that the divorce rate is pretty high after WLS and split ups are common, there seems to be a common denominator of treatment. The fat spouse is usually comfortable for the other one because they are easier to control, easier to manipulate, and easier to feel secure with. The fat spouse suddenly becomes healthier and the other spouse is jealous and angry. This can bring out the ugly truth about a relationship. If your spouse loves you and respects you fat or thin, odds are, you will be absolutely fine. Respect and love and communication are so important. My husband loved me when he met me thin, still loved me when I was fat, and loves me now that I'm thin again. He is my rock. We are open and honest and have no jealousy or anger/controlling issues. We have actually grown closer together in the year since my surgery. I am happier to be around and that makes him happier. He doesn't have to hear me whine about my weight anymore LOL. We are just happy taking care of our kids and growing old together. I am sure your relationship will be fine.

I have enjoyed each thought about marriage and divorce after weight loss. I am 59 (60) in May. My husband and I celebrated our 41st anniversary on the 12th before my surgery on 2/19. Marriage takes commitment and work, compassion, understanding, love and support for each other. My Endocrinologist spoke with me the first time last summer about surgery. We talked about it many times, prayed about it and talked about it until they were rolling me back to surgery! He has supported my decision. I welcome the weight loss but it is secondary to my primary goal - my health. He has been great since the surgeryand I am thankful to have him at my side through thick and thin.

I pray that your relationship lasts but if it doesn't move on. You are in the process of getting healthy. I want to grow old with my husband and knew I was headed the wrong way if I did not have the surgery.

God Bless!

Yeah, my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

You shouldn't hate your body! You should hate him! He didn't do that because you "look" bad he did it because he's NOT a good person!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if he had a profile on "benaughty" he's probably been at it a while.

You deserve better than that.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if he had a profile on "benaughty" he's probably been at it a while.

You deserve better than that.

I actually did research and it was created 2 weeks ago.

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

Oh honey! That sucks! Remember you are not to blame. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. You can't "what if" this situation! There are women who have perfect bodies who still get cheated on.

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

You hate your body? Because he sounds a lot like an assho!e and you should turn that on to him. I'm not one for being judgmental, but when I see a significant other shatter someone's confidence, self-worth, it's disgusting. Especially if its something we can control.

Forgive yourself. You don't have to forgive him.

You hate your body? Because he sounds a lot like an assho!e and you should turn that on to him. I'm not one for being judgmental' date=' but when I see a significant other shatter someone's confidence, self-worth, it's disgusting. Especially if its something we can control.

Forgive yourself. You don't have to forgive him.

[/quote']

I found out my other half has a BBW fetish and has been chatting with someone online for a while it hasn't stopped. At first I blamed myself my low self esteem had me thinking it was my fault. In reality it is their fault, their loss. My husband has cheated on me in the past also I forgave him gave him a chance and he blows it again. Once a cheater always a cheater. They are the problem not us. I had male friends tell me you are beautiful, smart what is wrong with him. I love myself enough to make the decision to leave and I will as soon as i heal and save money im gone.

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Very sad yet determined!