I was wondering how many people have had a partner who was supportive in the beginning become less so as time went on?

Also has your relationships changed for the better? Worse? How so?

I am Pre-sleeve and have a very loving, kind and supportive fiancé. We have been together since I was 16 (12 years now :-) ).

I'm scared that our relationship is going to change for the worse and either I'm going to go crazy and have an EARLY mid life crisis and become a slim party animal or he's going to become an insecure controlling a-hole. (As I have read on different WLS sites)

I love our relationship and I don't want things to change. I understand that it's impossible not to change as that is nature and we are changing all the time. But I'm NOT doing this to find another mate, or become a model. I want to be healthy and around for my kids for a long long time.

I guess I just want to know what the majority of you are going through relationship wise. This is a huge life change and I would even go as far as counseling together to make sure that he's with me at the end of this journey.

All your comments are MUCH appreciated!

-Sheena

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

Do not allow this to control you. Love your body. It is not stretch marks or saggy boobs that cheated-he cheated. He is the person at fault! So, lets say you never found out NOW, your married him and at some point had children. Then you discovered this about him-would you hate your babies?

Move forward, beautiful head held high! The person that is meant to be your partner is out there!

I'm sad upset and angry I will use these emotions in a positive way to get healthy and leave.

I agree with everyone. If you had a good relationship before the surgery. You will be just fine after the surgery.

It is so important for making this change for you,& not for anyone else. I use to want to be skinny to make my husband want me more. I am so glad I decided to do this for me and my well being. Because at the end of the day my husband doesn't love me any more or less than he did when I was 110 lbs heavier. Actually I think we made love more before my surgery than we do now. I thought sex would be better with me being smaller. But, it really isn't. Of course when friends ask me If its better. I say yes. Because it seems like its the answer everyone wants to hear.

Sometimes I think my husband is jealous because of my weight loss & he is pushing me away. Has anyone else had this happen?

I found out my other half has a BBW fetish and has been chatting with someone online for a while it hasn't stopped. At first I blamed myself my low self esteem had me thinking it was my fault. In reality it is their fault' date=' their loss. My husband has cheated on me in the past also I forgave him gave him a chance and he blows it again. Once a cheater always a cheater. They are the problem not us. I had male friends tell me you are beautiful, smart what is wrong with him. I love myself enough to make the decision to leave and I will as soon as i heal and save money im gone.

Very sad yet determined![/quote']

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I don't know what BBW fetish is but. My husband has cheated, i have found him having profiles on several sex websites. Im so saddened & broken hearted. I have many friends tell me how beautiful, fun, & smart I am as well. However, hearing all that from everyone but your husband is still hard. I don't understand his actions. It hurts so bad. All I can do is be the best I can be and move on when I can financially. I am more insecure being 154( smallest I have ever been since 6th grade) than I was at 264. Good luck. Keep your chin up & pray. Prayer gets my through the day ????

I agree with everyone. If you had a good relationship before the surgery. You will be just fine after the surgery.

It is so important for making this change for you' date='& not for anyone else. I use to want to be skinny to make my husband want me more. I am so glad I decided to do this for me and my well being. Because at the end of the day my husband doesn't love me any more or less than he did when I was 110 lbs heavier. Actually I think we made love more before my surgery than we do now. I thought sex would be better with me being smaller. But, it really isn't. Of course when friends ask me If its better. I say yes. Because it seems like its the answer everyone wants to hear.

Sometimes I think my husband is jealous becauses of my weight loss & he is pushing me away. Has anyone else had this happen?[/quote']

Is your husband heavy? Mines is and he likes heavy women I know this will and is having an impact on my marriage. Sorry to hear you are going through this. Talk to him ask him flat out if the attraction is still there. Communication is key!

While it's true that the divorce rate is pretty high after WLS and split ups are common' date=' there seems to be a common denominator of treatment. The fat spouse is usually comfortable for the other one because they are easier to control, easier to manipulate, and easier to feel secure with. The fat spouse suddenly becomes healthier and the other spouse is jealous and angry. This can bring out the ugly truth about a relationship. If your spouse loves you and respects you fat or thin, odds are, you will be absolutely fine. Respect and love and communication are so important. My husband loved me when he met me thin, still loved me when I was fat, and loves me now that I'm thin again. He is my rock. We are open and honest and have no jealousy or anger/controlling issues. We have actually grown closer together in the year since my surgery. I am happier to be around and that makes him happier. He doesn't have to hear me whine about my weight anymore LOL. We are just happy taking care of our kids and growing old together. I am sure your relationship will be fine.[/quote']

You are truly blessed to have a husband that loves you so much. That's the way it should be. But. Unfortunately not all relationships are that way. Honesty and communication is the key!

Yeah' date=' my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.[/quote']

Unfortunately,I know how you feel... I just posted this same response on an earlier post. I caught my husband on those websites as well before surgery. I thought after surgery it would be different and it's not. He is still on those websites and talking to other girls. It breaks my heart. I'm a good woman and he is just killing me.

I am more insecure 110 lbs smaller than I was before. I don't understand how someone can lie and cheat.

I had the surgery for me. So, I can be heathy. But. I also thought that our relationship would blossom as well.

Hang in there. Stay strong. You are beautiful. No one deserves to be lied to and cheated on. It's just so sad.

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I don't know what BBW fetish is but. My husband has cheated' date=' i have found him having profiles on several sex websites. Im so saddened & broken hearted. I have many friends tell me how beautiful, fun, & smart I am as well. However, hearing all that from everyone but your husband is still hard. I don't understand his actions. It hurts so bad. All I can do is be the best I can be and move on when I can financially. I am more insecure being 154( smallest I have ever been since 6th grade) than I was at 264. Good luck. Keep your chin up & pray. Prayer gets my through the day ?de0a[/quote']

BBW stands for Big Beautiful Women he goes on these porn sites to look at them however when I asked him if he would still love and find me attractive if I lost 100 lbs he said yes! He lied to me.

BBW stands for Big Beautiful Women he goes on these porn sites to look at them however when I asked him if he would still love and find me attractive if I lost 100 lbs he said yes! He lied to me.

Ya. My husband looks at the porn sites with skinny girls. So I thought he would like me skinny. However. Whn I asked him the other day if he liked me fat with big boobs or skinny with no Boobs. He said big with boobs.

Really he just liked me insecure so he could do his thing and not worry about me leaving.

My husband isn't fat. He actually has a really nice body and girls really like him. So, it makes it hard. He doesn't discriminate so girls love giving him attention and he loves attention. Why I didn't see this before we got married I have no idea. It's so hard and stressful.

Ya. My husband looks at the porn sites with skinny girls. So I thought he would like me skinny. However. Whn I asked him the other day if he liked me fat with big boobs or skinny with no Boobs. He said big with boobs.

Really he just liked me insecure so he could do his thing and not worry about me leaving.

My husband isn't fat. He actually has a really nice body and girls really like him. So' date=' it makes it hard. He doesn't discriminate so girls love giving him attention and he loves attention. Why I didn't see this before we got married I have no idea. It's so hard and stressful.[/quote']

Ugh this is hard! So sorry!

Yeah, my relationship has fallen apart. Recently found out my fiancé has a dating profile on "benaughty". Guess my stretch marks, saggy boobs, and loose skin has changed his mind about me. Completely shattered my heart and confidence. I hate my body now more than ever.

Umm your beautiful so clearly your man is an idiot! There is nothing wrong with you at all, and cheating starts with insecurities with the person who cheats... This is the problem with us as women, we blame ourselves instead of putting the blame where it belongs. My ex cheated on me, blames myself, oh I must be ugly... then I was like nope, I told myself bigger girl or smaller... I'm still hot and have a hell of a lot to offer. You should be thinking the same.

. I thought after surgery it would be different and it's not. He is still on those websites and talking to other girls. It breaks my heart. I'm a good woman and he is just killing me.

I am more insecure 110 lbs smaller than I was before. I don't understand how someone can lie and cheat.

I had the surgery for me. So, I can be heathy. But. I also thought that our relationship would blossom as well.

Your very beautiful as well as all the women responding to this post. The reason why the surgery didn't help your relationship get better was because you weren't the person who needed to change. Surgery should of helped you with health, and feel better as a woman. Which you should because you look amazing. Again, you weren't the person who needed to change your husband was... and clearly still is!

I am two and a half weeks out and the hardest part in my relationship is that I've been really irritated and agitated because I can't eat yet. I'm that way towards everyone now but it seems to be harder at home when I get frustrated with my fiancé for no reason. I'm hoping it will get better once I can finally have some real food and not all liquids.

Yeah, that is how we roll, too! Well...he doesn't roll..,he is too skinny to roll. he he.

We are actually going through a really crazy time now! He is an air traffic controller, and with every day our government can't get the budget figured out, it is looking like he will be out of a job on 4/7/13. Then my son, who is 18, is having his 4th knee surgery in 14 months, tomorrow. And of that isn't enough..,we are in the midst of planning/paying for my daughter's wedding, which is in just a few months.

But you know what? I feel like we can get through anything as long as we are together.

WOWZAS you don't even look old eanough to have am 18 year old and another one getting married. I wan't whatever you are drinking!!!!!

Unfortunately' date='I know how you feel... I just posted this same response on an earlier post. I caught my husband on those websites as well before surgery. I thought after surgery it would be different and it's not. He is still on those websites and talking to other girls. It breaks my heart. I'm a good woman and he is just killing me.

I am more insecure 110 lbs smaller than I was before. I don't understand how someone can lie and cheat.

I had the surgery for me. So, I can be heathy. But. I also thought that our relationship would blossom as well.

Hang in there. Stay strong. You are beautiful. No one deserves to be lied to and cheated on. It's just so sad.[/quote']

I'm sorry you experienced it as well, it's heartbreaking. 110lbs down I feel the same way. No words can explain how hurtful it is.