I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Thanks Wootsie! Have a Wonderful Holiday!Maybe next year we will have someone to smooch under the mistletoe,until then we can direct all that love inward to ourselves! Cheers!

Online dating is tough, because no one is dating or "talking to" only one person. That's kind of the point of it. My guess is that it had very little to do with you, and moreso to do with the fact that he probably met one of the other women in person (maybe they hesitated less) and they hit it off. It's a crapshoot sometimes.

The holidays can be tough when you're single. I'm ok with it though. I enjoy spending the time with my family and friends, and there is always plenty to do so I'm never bored. It's just New Year's Eve. I have a tough time with New Year's Eve. I hate it! But this year I am going to try and focus my energy on the positive things to come in 2007 - whether they involve a man or not. When the time is right, it will happen!

Chrispy -

I hate New Years too....going to a party as a single with all of my couple friends...and sometimes single friends too...midnight...few hugs but then just watching everyone else have that midnight kiss and feeling rather desperate. I'm out there, meeting/greeting, being social, looking fabulous....just cannot solidify the relationship for the New Year's date.

Why does that DAMN KISS mean SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much?!?!?!

Tiff

To me, New Years is like the ulitmate painful couples holiday. I hate new years. I always schedule myself to work, and this year is no different.

I plan on working dec 31st and jan 1st. Night shift baby, me and all the looney tunies...lol

I had my fill yeserday. It felt very weird. I guess it's okay. I had a bad I guess we call it the PB, where it feels like it gets hung up, and you are so miserable you just want to vomit. Didn't vomit, but needed to. I think it was a little piece of chicken. Might not be able to do chicken... crap.

Anyway, yes I agree. New Years sucks when you are single. Also Valentines day. Thanksgiving and Christmas are usu. okay for me, cause I have the rest of the family to occupy my mind and time. But there is something about New Years. Its always about renting the room at the nicest hotels in town, partying with a bunch of other couples. I miss it. Its been a long time since I had fun on New Years.

My doc was proud of me. Lost 21 lbs since 11-1-06. I already had .5 cc, so the PA added 1cc. I can feel the restriction a lot! Well, it was only yesterday,so maybe I will get used to it.

Kristi

Congrats KristiB! Losing 21 lbs is fantastic! The boys will be knocking down that door!! Woo Hoo!

I say we need to make some kind of pact to not be down this New Year's Eve. Instead of being bummed about what we don't have, we should focus on what we do have, and what the future holds for us! Either that or I'll end up drinking waaaay too many martinis. lol

ohhh, I love martini's.....apple martini's, vampire martini's, peach passion martini's, chocolate martini's.

I have been thinking that maybe I don't really want a husband again. Just a friend with benefits??!!

Kinda like grandkids. Send them home when your tired of them. Someone to share the fun times with and maybe a fishing buddy! This is really starting to sound better and better!

This is a great thread, it's nice to know we aren't alone out here.

As for me and dating, I gave it up awhile ago...it was a very high investment low yield proposition and I got tired of it. Living in San Diego doesn't help, bunch of skinny blonde 22 year olds running around. :faint:I always thought (and been told by many people) "oh, I'd get a guy if I lost weight". The kicker is, I'm not even thinking about how this surgery will help in that area! Which means I am doing it for me, and not for them-Yeah me! :clap2: LOL I look at my life and realize I have cake. Cake is good! Would I like the frosting of a relationship on my cake? Sure. But if I can't have frosting I still have darn good cake!

I’ve lived on my own for 18 years, never been married, never even been in love, so I am so used to being own my own, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have someone in my life. It’d have to be someone darn special to kick my dogs out of my bed.

I agree on the holidays-it’s a lot of hype and pressure on New Years and Valentine’s Day. My plan for New Year’s is to ignore it. After all, April Fools Day used to be New Years so if they moved it, it can’t be that big of a deal, right? I say lets enjoy being single and free and concentrate on what guys are missing-no matter what size we are!!

If I get in a relationship with someone, I plan to tell them about the band up front, because the reality is-they probably wouldn't be dating me without it. Harsh, but true. Although if I change my mind, I got my gallbladder out a few months ago, so I can follow Stormy0187 advice and tell them it’s from the gallbladder. LOL

Hey guys.. i had never seen this thread before on here.. so thought i should make a post those of you near goal.. do you ever wonder if the people that are liking you now.. would have liked you before the weight loss? that thought kinda scares me.

ive lost 160+ lbs in past yr and halg, 122 since the band in january, and i get ALOT of attention now, and even met a guy i really really like and were starting something slow.. but always lingers in my mind if he or any of the people looking at me now, woulda had any interest in me at 400 lbs

It would be okay with me if I date someone who wouldn't have been attracted to me heavy. After all, I myself wanted to be thinner. And hopefully my weight loss will be permanent.

BUT I would expect to still be loved if I got heavier later on... after we fell in love. I have dated people who gained weight while we were dating. I can honestly say I was still attracted to him and I still loved him even after he was heavy. But I if I had met him heavy, I probably wouldn't have dated him.

I do plan to discuss this with a serious boyfriend though -- and show him pictures so can clearly understand how heavy I was. I want to marry someone who would love me if I got fat, lost an arm, became paralyzed, was burned in a fire. And vice-versa.

Victoria21, I am lying in bed under my pile of dogs laughing at your post. I love sleeping with my dogs! I have had such a long dry spell that I now probably won't be able to sleep with a guy unless he is an overweight, hairy, snoring bed hog! (He should also have restless leg syndrome and kick me repeatedly while he is sleeping)

I always tell new guys all about me before and me now and whats gonna be me in the future... i show them before pics and some seem obsessed with what i will look like at goal... those are ones i no longer talk to.

New guy however.. seems interested in helping me make goal...but asking him about it .. he doesnt seem to care what my weight is, long as im healthy and happy... so he seems like a winner, but the thought still lingers.

Well I agree with that... the ones obsessed with if and when instead of the here and now are good for the curb!

Missy - my latest kick is melon-tinis. mmmm...

KLM3hrt - first of all, you have done FANTASTIC with your weight loss. Congratulations! I understand exactly where you're coming from with wondering about the guys you would date now versus your highest weight. My guess is, unfortunately, they would probably not be the same. I struggle with how I feel about this too, but I guess the reality of it for me is that I didn't like how I looked at my heaviest, so I can, in a way, understand if others didn't either. Sure I've always been the same, great person and I agree with supergenius that I want to be with someone who will love me no matter what. And I do believe that I will meet a guy that will love me for who I am, understand my past, and give me the assurance that if (god forbid!!) I were to gain weight again, he would not leave me. I think this is probably at the root of why we are concerned about men who would date us after the weight loss and not before.

But this new guy sounds nice, and like a really good guy. I think the jerks are pretty easy to spot and weed out. Good luck with this one, and let us know how it goes!

Susan, I laughed at your comment about the dogs and the guy! I only have small dogs (one 12 lb, one 6 lb) and yet they manage to take up 3/4 of a queen size bed. And still kick me, step on me, scratch me. But I wouldn't give them up for the world! I love the fact that they don't care what I look like-they just love me. Oh, if we could all love like dogs. LOL

I guess for me, I just assume that if a man likes me skinny, they would not have liked me heavier. It's sad, but we are a visual society and let's face it, when they put 14 year old girls on the cover of a magazine to suggest we all look like that as mature women, there is something twisted. I always tell people to really look at women's magazines-I don't care if it's Cosmo or Family Circle-you are going to see at least 1 of 3 things; how to lose weight quickly; how to do something that pleases a man; how to firm up some part of your body. Gee, why would we be weight obsessed as a society? Ever look at a men's magazine? Most don't have articles like that (and some don't even have articles-LOL).

I have had several guys tell me they'd like me if I lost weight-I tell them I wouldn't want them fat or skinny. They certainly aren't good enough for me when they make comments like that. And trust me, these guys weren't all that to begin with. What I find funny is the double standard-it's more acceptable for a guy to be 20-40 lbs overweight, but not a woman. I actually had a guy who was bigger than I am tell me that I was too fat for him! Wow, lost a winner there. I probably sound like a man-hater-really, I'm not. I'm just sick of the double standards. I think it's time us women took over the world-after all there are more of us than them. LOL