I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Chrispygal, that is very strange about these 2 guys. I think I might stay away from the 2nd 1 to! LOL I think the 1st guy sounds like you might have something there.

Cathy, how exciting! The man, Steve, I've told you guys about was my next door neighbor when my daughter was 4 and 5 years old, and she is 33 now. So, it's been a long time, but I found out he was divorced, so I'm going for it. If he's interested, I'm not going to miss the 2nd chance either. I'm proud of you! Don't let the CA bother you to much. They can treat it so much better these days.

ALL I have to say is: "Always the friend, never the girlfriend"

(or even hook-up buddy). Why is it that so many other ppl, people I would consider to be rather distasteful, still get to have a little fun, and date, and meet ppl that sort of thing. Not me. I never, ever get asked out or hit on by "the guy" its always some guy 10-12 years older than me. Which age isnt a big deal to me, but Im rather young and they are probably looking for different things than I am right now. I dunno, its hopeless I think, I get interested in guys, then end up having to hook them up with friends of mine so that they can find a relationship. Why arent I attractive to STRAIGHT guys? Oh YEAH the gay guys love me lol! And I love them, and I wish they were straight, because no straight guy is never as nice and sensitive, yet can be manly and what not as a gay guy, I swear it would kill them to have manners sometimes. Its just with my age group the size of your body is EVERYTHING, no guy wants to date the fat chick at this age (and some never grow out of it). I mean I dont even think its my weight sometimes, because much bigger girls than me get way more action than I do!!! I guess Im destined to be single, but Im telling you guys, Im not one for take backs, but if my ex boyfriend walked through that door right now, with the way he's been treating me, and asked me to take him back, I would in a heart beat...I miss him so much because I dont have anyone like that in my life anymore...I dont have a guy to be affectionate with or whatever,I have the Gay Mafia, and they arent much help lol!

KristiB,

I'm sorry you were so embarassed, but from this side, it's really funny. I can see myself doing the same thing, so I'm laughing with you, not at you. I can see myself running my mouth with my friend and wham, there they are. LOL At least you got to get some good eye candy!

Joan

Okay, I don't have anyone to share my weird men stories with so either rid them or skip this thread.

There are not alot of expats here. About 40 American households, 2 with single men that I know of. A few British, S. African, etc.

When you divide the single men between the single women, I think, by age category, its about a dozen or so women for each single guy. Now, does that mean women are more willing to move internationally on their own, or is it because men seem to marry women from other countries quicker.

So the dozen or so get passed around (I haven't participated). so when someone starts dating someone else, everybody know everything about his last 1,2,3 etc girlfriends.

I guess it really alleviate having to learn about someone from scratch.

Weird things that happen to me - yesterday at work, a very young guy, in his 20s, (Malawian) came up and told me I looked so good in my outfit the guys were waiting to see me in Malawian native dress. I am sorry but when I talk to most of the people at work, I am older than their parents!!

I haven't had a date in 12 years or as I like to say, during the purchase and sale of my last 5 motorcycles.

To be honest, I could not handle a date right now. Worrying about electricity, phone, internet, poisonous household bugs, getting stonewalled at work, understanding what people say, etc maxes me out. But I never would have quit my job and moved to Malawi without the band. Even if I never get another international job, I have had the opportunity of a lifetime.

I have been on safari here in Malawi, am going to safari in Zambia and visiting Victoria Falls in December, Capetown in January. Oh, and turning 50 in March.

Maybe I'll find a date when I return to the US in 2008. Celeste

I am 36 years old and working on getting this weight off and healthy like everybody else seems to be on the boards. A relationship will hopefully come with the good health but one thing at a time... if you know what I mean.

I am really hoping that this new healthy life will bring many changes and I will be up for anything. I don't know where I'm going, I just know I am getting away from where I've been.

Kristi - you're bad, but I love it! LOVE it, LOVE it! lol

Less than Baxter - self-confidence is a big factor. I bet you could have had those dates, but I understand that is very hard to put yourself out there and ask someone out. I've done it a couple times, and it's hard! lol. You're on the right track now to losing weight, and feeling better about yourself. Definitely keep posting here. I can't wait to hear about all the dating you'll be doing!!

Wootsie - I think it's wonderful that you are telling these guys that you're intersted! You deserve to have a wonderful, loving man in your life and if these guys aren't interested - it's their loss! Oh, and that first guy apologized up and down about how rude and inconsiderate he was. lol. I appreciated the apology.

Jodie - I understand what it's like to not have a man to be affectionate with. Even just to cuddle. It's tough to not have that, but making it through these times does help you have a better sense of self and make you stronger. And don't ever settle. You deserve to find the guy that is totally into you - and you'll find him!

Road Queen - I think it's awesome that you had the guts to move to a foreign country. What a great experience it must be! I don't think I'd be too thrilled with passing around the same guys either. Don't blame you there. But how nice to have the 20 year olds hitting on you. What a boost for the ego!

OK, so it's only been a week, but I want all of you to know that I am completely smitten with my old flame, and he is also smitten with me. I thank the band and the work I've done on myself in the past year. Without those things, I'd probably never have agreed to meet him, I'd have projected myself poorly if I had, and I never would have exposed myself to rejection by writing to tell him how I was feeling. I broke up with him all those years ago, so I don't know if he'd have ever gotten up the courage. We have decided to take it very slow, as he lives and works far away, and I still have a 15 year old at home. But from the content of our conversations, I have a feeling it isn't going to be long before that resolve becomes difficult to stick with. I actually went to see my therapist, because I thought maybe I was crazy to feel like this so quickly. He advised me that I would be crazy if I didn't grab this chance and go with my feelings. Have faith and do the work...miracles happen.

Cathy, I am so happy for you! I completely understand about the child at home part, though. I think I will probably use my daughter as an excuse to not get serious with someone. I hope I don't but I can honestly see myself doin it.

Chris(lessthanbaxter), Another man! Woo hoo! Okay, so you got the band, you're losing weight. We all here know how it feels to be passed over. So you know what's going to happen? YOU are one day going to be the hottie, while your friends get passed over! Just imagine that while you are pumping Iron at the gym.

Harlito, my dad weighs about what you started out at, and I wish he would do something about it. I worry for him, he's got borderline diabetes, phlebitis and sometimes gets gout in his toes. You are still young, I hope you didn't have any of these problems. But good luck with you in your journey.

Celeste, how hard it must be for you! I would enjoy some safaris, but not alone, probably. So you'll be back to the states in 08? Are you returning for good, or just for a short while?

Jodie, I feel your pain. Although you said some of these women were bigger than you, getting the action. Maybe they are getting the action because the men know they are willing to do things that you have to good sense not to do? I also get to hook up my girlfriends with men that I have met. I have this problem. I ALWAYS have hot friends. I never hang out with other overweight people, so maybe I am setting myself up for disappointment.

Wootsie, good luck with your neighbor. You have got guts.

Okay, I am going to post this and then hopefully do another one.

Kristi

Thanks for the encouragement Chrispy! I know I'm setting myself up for heartache, but I have to start somewhere. I have already had some very negative things happen with the guy I talk to on the phone all the time, but hopefully I will hear from my old neighbor. If I don't, it's his loss. If I do, all the better. I am just proud of myself for putting myself out there again. It has taken a long time and a lot of courage for me to do this.

Hi Gang,

i was banded almost 3 weeks ago and am enjoying my mushies!!!

i was looking forward to reading the single bandsters discussion but am looking more for recipes and food ideas than for a man right now!!!

.......and i do want one!

Would anyone be interested in startin a discussion for single recipes? (i don't know how)

i have been used to making larger pots of Soups, casseroles etc. and eatin them for a couple of days...but now that i'm banded i don't know where to start in cooking for a meal or two!! lol

cal

Kristi, I think I know what you are saying. I know that I wanted to lose weight to get my life going as well. Being a man does not change that even without the hormones going amuck. Time doesn't stop ticking for any of us. There are so many things that I want to do in life and having a family is one of them and being in my 30s means that if I want to enjoy what most seem to enjoy I need to get a move on. But I don't know what is going to happen. What happens if I just go ape wild and become as lose as some of the wastebands in my shorts?! All these plans that are running around in my mind are on notice, things could change. I am almost afraid of what I will become! What if what I think I want is not that at all? Maybe going ape wild is what I need.

I think it's going to be fun either way... and healthier than the life I've been leading.

I have dated lots of guys that are somewhat overweight and that does not bother me as long as they are healthy. I think it would be fine to date a bandster myself. Just think---you could eat the same things and never have bread on the table!!! I think you do have to be happy with yourself to be happy in a relationship. I lost weight on phen/fen 10 years ago and boy was I happy then. Time has passed and I will admit that I am a little set in my ways and a professional so I can make it on my own but it would be nice to share everything with that "special someone". I also feel the big guy upstairs is in control of our lapband journey and our love lives.

What do you all think?

Kay

Hi Gang,

i was banded almost 3 weeks ago and am enjoying my mushies!!!

i was looking forward to reading the single bandsters discussion but am looking more for recipes and food ideas than for a man right now!!!

.......and i do want one!

Would anyone be interested in startin a discussion for single recipes? (i don't know how)

i have been used to making larger pots of soups, casseroles etc. and eatin them for a couple of days...but now that i'm banded i don't know where to start in cooking for a meal or two!! lol

cal

Hi Cal! What a good topic! To start a thread on this, go to the "General Lap-Band Discussion" thread, and then select the button that says "New Thread" or "Start a New Thread". It's that simple. I'll definitely post on that thread. It will be interesting to see what others do.

Jodie I hear ya. Gay guys LOVE me too. I cant hook a straight one who is not sketchy, old, too short, or a houdlum for the life of me. I mean, I have a HUGE range of types I find attractive. All races, ethinicities (there is a difference), nationalities, and religions (as long as they dont want me to convert). I dont even require that they are taller than me. Im 6'1" its a lot to ask. I mean really...WTF!

Maybe I not "out there" enough and maybe Im a little stuck up but whatever, its all because I have a poor self image. Tehehehe

Im not banded yet but I am definately expecting a beast to be unleashed when I start losing.

Would anyone be up for an evening sometime in the chat room? Maybe we can take votes on a time, and all be there. I am in the middle of a snowstorm, so tomorrow night would be fine. I am not leaving my house except for work. Don't even want to do that.

Kristi

Day before yesterday our high temp was 76, today our high is 28. Oklahoma weather, if you don't like it, give it a minute.

PinkSoprano,

Glad to hear your surgery is over and your new life is beginning! Sweetie, have you heard about the Gas-X Strips that melt on your tongue? You can get them at Wal-Mart...and they work! Give 'em a try!

Dreamer