I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Roxy that is hilarious!!! I'm still laughing...

Hey Chris - great idea for a post!

I am single and have been for more years than I'd like to admit. My surgery date is Jan 10. I am taking this step for a same reason a lot of you mentioned - it is just time to get my life together, internally and externally. I didn't start to gain a lot of weight until mid-20's and dated kind of a lot when I was younger. There were some good times and bad times. I miss the closeness of having someone there just for me. Most my friends are married. Although I am not unhappy being alone, I do want a boyfriend but it also kind of scares me to think of being so close to someone. I really hope this post keeps going and we can share our dating experiences. I don't feel comfortable with my physical self at this point and won't even be looking to date until I am well into the weight loss journey.

There are definite challenges being single. Even just with the immediate after care for the surgery. It's not like I have a husband who can take care of me. Luckily, I have great friends.

I have kind of been all over the place but I think this is a great post.

Let's keep it together girls!

they are remodeling some areas at work for the next two months. Construction workers :peep: LOL. Somethings to look forward to!! Ha. I am SO bad.

Kristi

Oh Kristi I lust after our WB Mason delivery man. He is so HOT!

I have a secret crush on one of the doctors here at the hospital. He is 10 years younger, cute and really smells good when he comes cruising thru in the morning at 5am. lol :peep: :)

Hey, Im Guinevere , 25 female from Perth, Australia.

Ive been overweight all my life, and had the banding done almost a year ago now. Before the banding, i never had a problem dating men or with men not finding me attractive. 80-90 % of men prefer women who are curvy. Alot of men these days do not find the stick image of women attractive in the least and if you have the confidance and personality, you will have no problem attracting men, regardless of shape, size, colour.

I know that being over weight does cause some self esteem issues, ive been through them myself, but you need to realise that you are beautiful, in ALL ways, regardless of what you look like.

Just my pennies worth.

Guin

Guin I totally agree!

Missy - nothing better than a man who smells good. Yummm! lol

I am having my surgery on January 3rd. I date a lot, but don't want to settle down with anyone, especially right now, because I am not entirely happy with myself (hence the surgery), and I don't want to "rush" into something just because I am lonely/looking for a relationship/should be in a relationship/etc. It's weird though, the guys that I do hang out with tell me I don't need the surgery, which makes me wonder...are these those "chubby chasers" we always hear about? lol And uh, do I REALLY want to be the girlfriend of one? Yawn.

Hi all, congrats on all your banding successes!!!:clap2:

I was going to start a similar thread, I used to be so confident but haven't really dated seriously in the last 6 years, part of getting the surgery was to change and turn my life around...........I am so scared about dating though, as I can't eat a lot and that seems to be such a social thing, especially when you meet someone, and also terrified of the scar thing, I am such a bad liar.................so nice to know I am not alone...............!

XX Amourette!

For the first 20 some odd years my life I was afraid to speak up, I walked around with my head down and was basically ignored by the opposite sex. I'm not sure when I decided to change but it's been only in the last couple of year's Ive been walking around with my head held a little higher, not so afraid to look em in the eye and say I'm fat accept it or move on. Ive had meaningless relationships several time's to try to feel some sort of void, and try to validate myself in proving the point "yes men can find larger women attractive". Nothing worked, I still wasn't happy. Nowdays I'm very upfront with the men I date, I don't mind telling them exactly how much I weigh, and not to let the door hit them on the way out if they cant handle it, that's their issue. I can't help but thinking when I'm at goal weight, if I'll always question if my partner would of liked the heavier me, but thats something I'm going to have to deal with. Wether I'm a hundred pounds overweight or at goal weight I'm still going to have some sort of nagging issues, what really matters is finding happiness in myself now rather than thinking everything will magically be cured once I loose the weight.

Well, I am back. Still single. But thats's okay, I have been used to it for a while now. LOL actually prefer it now. I am afraid of meeting someone who I think is the ONE, and find out he's a child molester, or something. I know how rare that probably is, but you hear about it so much in the news, it really scares me. I think I should really wait to start dating until my daughter is older, or at least old enough to be a good judge of what is appropriate, and not be afraid to tell me if something happens to her. It is so hard these days.

So where would I go to meet men anyway? Football games I can do, but I don't think I would like to watch golf, or hockey, or soccer. I guess baseball games are okay, too. I actually thought about being the 'beer girl' at baseball games. You know, the person selling the popcorn and drinks, just to meet guys. How lame is that?

I think my confidence is already rising. People are already looking at me differently. I have actually gotten a few look backsLOL it feels good. I have only lost like 25 lbs. I can't wait until I lose it all!

Well, girls, its Saturday and I am going out tonight. One of the girls I work with has been a singer at a bar for 15 years, so she must be good. A bunch of girls at work are going out there to see her perform, and we invited the construction workers!!! They probably won't come. They aren't even supposed to be talking to us, due to a lawsuit from some other women that they DID talk to. I really don't know what happened, but these men all seem very nice and respectful, so it may just have been uppity women who thought they were too good for workers. Or maybe not, I can't be the judge I don't know what happened.

Bye bye.

Kristi

Two comments from me...

First of all...Roxy's friend wasn't so far off...it really was a knifing incident...but in my case it was a knifing and a forking and a spooning that caused those scars...

On the dating question... I am a 47 year old single mom, (divorced for just a little over 10 years now), not quite 5'2" and have been between 75-100# overweight for the past 22+ years (which means I am as wide as I am tall).

I have been in some great relationships with some great men over those years and actually get asked out a lot more than a lot of skinnier women I know. I have been proposed to multiple times -- and by some great men -- but I have opted to remain single until my kids are grown. (Been there, done that with the whole blending of a stepfamily thing and I have decided my kids don't need to be put through that ever again.)

It's not because I am a raving beauty...but because I am confident, fun to be with, have a great smile and I am genuinely nice to people. In fact, one of my skinny friends' husbands told her that I am one of THE sexiest women he has ever met. He told her that five minutes after meeting me, most guys wouldn't even care one bit about my weight. (I was extremely flattered at that one, as you might guess!)

I have had several very slim and physically attractive women ask me what my secret is. I tell them that there IS no secret. You just need to be yourself, be genuine and, above all, be CONFIDENT. (Whoever said 'fake it til you make it' is absolutely right!) I have a co-worker who could be a model -- she is that physically attractive -- but she cannot get a guy to ask her out more than twice before she never hears from him again. Why? Because what she has is only skin deep. What WE have is the real thing.

We fat (and soon-to-be-formerly fat) girls have an HUGE (no pun intended) advantage here, ladies. Use it to your advantage.

Having been the 'fat one' of the group, we always had to make sure that if they weren't going to like what they saw on the outside, they were going to like us for who we were on the inside. We have been the subject of shallow folks' prejudices. We know what it is like and, hopefully, we do not treat others the way that we have been treated by some. We are the folks who are typically in the caring professions or who know the value and importance of volunteering and non-profit work. We are the unselfish ones who have always put others first (sometimes to our detriment) and the ones with the big hearts and the warm smiles.

If you look at a lot of the 'after' pics of folks who have lost a lot of weight, you will see that underneath all that flab that we are losing are some absolutely beautiful people -- on the inside AND -- once we shed those layers of fat -- everyone else will be able to see it, too. How many times have you heard the 'you have such a pretty face' line from well-meaning (but ill-mannered) family and friends? Well...we not only have those pretty faces, we have those awesome fat girl personalities, too!

So...hold your head high, smile, make eye contact, say hello to that stranger, walk with a purpose -- EXUDE CONFIDENCE no matter what you weigh. Even at our heaviest we can still take pride in our appearances. The things that really matter won't cost an extra dime. Curl your hair, throw on a little make up, accessorize a bit, pamper yourself and SMILE! We've got it going on, ladies...don't hide behind your body...embrace it at ANY size! You're worth it. Trust me...confidence is the sexiest attribute there is.

If we're this sexy now...just wait until we are buying things from the regular sized ladies departments...we'll be unstoppable!

Lol "a knifing accident" thats hillarious... ummm well if you really don't want to explain to someone what your scars are just yet you could tell them that you had your galbladder removed.. We do (I work in surgery) Laproscopic gallbladder removals all the time and the trocar placement (scaring) is very similar to the lap band except... the lap band there is one extra scar(port)... Just a thought....

MarySue what a beautiful post! It's funny - we all say that there are many others who accept us as we are, but we never seem to fully accept ourselves. Big lesson to be learned here.

I am so glad someone started this thread! I just found it tonight, but I think it's great.

My name is Joan and I'm 50. It's interesting to read the posts of the much younger women here. I was slim when I was in my 20's, but I was seriously hurt in a few relationships along the way. So, as I porked out day after day and poured on more and more weight, I said I wanted to find someone who liked me for me instead of what I looked like on the outside. Well, I'm still single and not really dating at this point in my life. Of course, I have very low self-esteem like most of you other girls do. That has worked very much to my detriment, but I also think this weight has been my parka for many years. I believe I gained tons of weight to protect myself from getting hurt again! That's the bottom line with me. I always said I wanted to find someone, but deep down, I didn't really want that. If I got into a relationship again, then I had to put myself out there and take the huge risk of being hurt again, and I didn't think I could handle that. So.......now I've decided I want my life back.

When I was younger, I didn't get involved with men because I had a small child. I wasn't just afraid of her being hurt if the relationship ended, but I was very concerned about her being molested by a man I was dating or married to; another excuse. Well, my daughter is 33 now, so I sure can't use that as an excuse anymore. I've learned a lot from her in the past few years though. She was married and got divorced, but she just rebounded and started going out again within a few weeks or so. She is in a relationship now, but if it ended, she would start dating someone else in a very short time.

I have also met someone, a friend without physical contact at this point. We've been talking on the phone numerous time per day since the first part of August. He was going through a divorce and needed a friend, so his sister introduced us. His divorce is final, but I get very mixed messages from him. Sometimes I think he really cares for me, but other times I know I'm just his friend. I don't know why, but I still believe my weight has a lot to do with our not really dating. I don't know if that's my parka coming back on, or if it's really true. But, he has told me he thinks me having the surgery is horse hockey. I think he is starting to come around though, very slowly. In either case, he has helped my self-esteem more than I thought was possible. He takes me out to dinner and spends hours at a time with me on the phone. So, I have taken a huge step and written a letter to the love of my life who I lost to another woman, because I thought I was in love with someone else until it was too late. As my daughter says, that's a huge step for me. I know he is divorced from her, so no I'm not after a married man. I'm ready and willing to put myself out there again and take the chance of being hurt again. So she's right, it is a huge step for me.

My decision to have the surgery has nothing to do with men though. I've had some very serious health issues in the past few years and am doing it so I can get healthy again. I'm tired of being sick all the time, so....hence the surgery. I'm not banded yet, but I have my first consultation set for January 4, 2007 and I'm so excited I can barely contain myself most days. I spend a huge amount of time on here and other websites learning as much as I can about the lap-band. I'm an RN, so I know I'm very particular who does my surgery and what I need to expect from it pre and post op.

So, that's my story. I can't wait for this thread to continue so we can all share our experiences as we lose the weight. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to get some things off of my chest and let you guys get to know the real me; something I struggle with on a daily basis.

Joan