after the band relationships

househuntress · October 25, 2006

Hello All,

I'm still trying to decide about the band each day I'm getting closer to deciding to have the surgery!

My husband who is the right weight and has been all his life married me fat...I wish I weighed that now!

He always tells me he supports me at anything I choose and he always has except for some reason he thinks that if I loose weight I'll run amuck or something. GEEEZ!! I never have before and won't! Aftern 35 years of marriage you would think he would KNOW this.

How did the band change your partner? Better worse?

I do know that many times when very overweight people lose a lot of weight their marriage crumbles. What is your take on the situation?

Alexandra · October 25, 2006

A healthy marriage is a healthy marriage, before or after the band. Losing weight might give room for other issues to grow and become more prominent, but IMO if the couple is on a good strong foundation weight loss (or gain) shouldn't make any difference.

Sure, things will change. My husband has had to adjust the amounts he prepares for dinner, and has learned that I'm not always interested in big Pasta dinners. But these are minor things, and we've never had problems with them.

At one point before my surgery my husband did confess to being a little concerned that he'd be insecure if the rest of the world found me more attractive, but as soon as he said it he realized it amounted to an insult and retracted the comment. He knows and trusts me, and realizes there is no reason to think I'd be a different person just because I'd lose weight.

Many things come into play here, of course, and not every situation is the same. But in general, I believe that a strong foundation of marriage has nothing whatsoever to do with the partners' body types.

green · October 25, 2006

I think change can be initially scary and threatening to those around you whatever that change may be, and here I am thinking of such things as marriage, a promotion or loss of a job, coming into money, buying a house, or having a child. Two of the people who are closest to me, the friend who told me about lapband surgery and my husband, were initially supportive but began to get antsy as the day for my surgery approached. Another one of my friends and my doc were completely disapproving. Now that it is done and I have begun to lose weight everyone is cool. In fact I've been getting a lot of compliments.

I would suggest that you reassure your husband about your feelings for him. Explain to him how living as a fat person feels and why you want the band. He will likely calm down a bit though he will worry about the surgery itself as the day approaches. This is normal. My husband coped with it by drinking too much beer while I was under the knife. We had to go home by cab. LOL