I am having my sleeve on December 10th and I was so excited but now I am thinking that I may have to postpone it. My husband and I have always had issues but lately it seems that they are boiling over. He has been trying to get his business off of the ground and buy a rental property and there are times where i dont even see him. I have gotten so emotional about it that i try to talk to him and it ends up in an argument. I am hearing more and more comments like- if you arent happy leave cause he is just trying to better his situation and him basically telling me that I need someone else who can be what I want. I am heartbroken and scared that any day now he is going to leave. The problem is- he was my support for me to have the surgery. I have five children so I cannot possibly do it alone. He is basically all the family and support I have. I am so confused right now and I have been crying all day. Its hard to convince someone that all you want is for them to be your husband and its obvious that he doesn't want to be. I dont know what to do. Am i emotionally capable of doing it?

It's really hard when your on the brink of a relationship separation. Does he love you and do you love him? Have you both sought out marital counseling. You are both having a lot of changes going on in your lives, new business, buying property, getting surgery, having arguements. You have 5 beautiful kids that need both their parents. They also need a healthy mom too. The surgery improves your physical health as well as your psychological health. Do you have relatives that can help give you support and help at least in the beginning. I imagine your Husband is also scared of losing you to but doesn't have to words to tell you. Take a bit of a break and sit down with him and have a heart to heart discussion. Take it 1 step at a time. You are worth it....

*hugs* I am sorry to hear you are going through this. This is time when we need and expect those who love us to be there for us and support us.

You say he has been your support and is your only support, but then you say he is hardly there and tells you to leave?? I am a little confused, is he really that much of a support?

Is your concern over the surgery if you will be able to manage alone physically?? or is it that you will need someone to care for your children? or is it that emotionally you want to know if one can do this alone? and then I would ask myself how important is this surgery to me right now, is it needed for my health and sanity or would I feel better if I waited. More importantly 6 months from now, will I be glad I waited?Only you can answer that.

It's really hard when your on the brink of a relationship separation. Does he love you and do you love him? Have you both sought out marital counseling. You are both having a lot of changes going on in your lives, new business, buying property, getting surgery, having arguements. You have 5 beautiful kids that need both their parents. They also need a healthy mom too. The surgery improves your physical health as well as your psychological health. Do you have relatives that can help give you support and help at least in the beginning. I imagine your Husband is also scared of losing you to but doesn't have to words to tell you. Take a bit of a break and sit down with him and have a heart to heart discussion. Take it 1 step at a time. You are worth it....

Thank you for replying to me. I really dont know what to do. I have just locked myself in my room after work and I haven't even looked at my kids. I talked on the phone to my husband who could really care less about how I felt. I don't have any other support and I have gotten into the habit of not telling my friends my issues because they are quick to tell me that there must be someone else and to leave. I love him and I definitely do not want to let my family go so I am lost. I thought the surgery would help with my issues (concerns about getting bigger and losing control, gaining self esteem, avoiding co morbities, and just trying to live and enjoy life) and it could have been a positive thing for us.

*hugs* I am sorry to hear you are going through this. This is time when we need and expect those who love us to be there for us and support us.

You say he has been your support and is your only support, but then you say he is hardly there and tells you to leave?? I am a little confused, is he really that much of a support?

Is your concern over the surgery if you will be able to manage alone physically?? or is it that you will need someone to care for your children? or is it that emotionally you want to know if one can do this alone? and then I would ask myself how important is this surgery to me right now, is it needed for my health and sanity or would I feel better if I waited. More importantly 6 months from now, will I be glad I waited?Only you can answer that.

First and foremost thank you for reading this. My husband has gone to my appointments with me, he has listened to my rants and raves about how I feel about myself etc. It seems that he is trying to get his self on track but he is leaving me behind. Its kind of like he doesnt want me to be involved in any decision that clearly I should know about i.e. buying rental property. The late hours are causing more arguments because my mind starts to wander and I guess by him telling me that if i am not happy to leave pretty much tells me that he is on his way out the door once he gets on his feet.

I am sure that I will need some help because I have five children with the youngest being 1 year old. I wouldnt have anyone to help me to transport them to and from school or anything like that. I just want to be happy. I want to get the surgery for me.

My 2 cents....

Stick it out for a bit... Unless this is a fairly new develoment in the relationship, it probably has more to do with stress than anything else. Your situation sounds so much like mine did once things "got real" re: surgery. My man emotionally freaked. His insecurity went through the roof--driving himself crazy with the "what ifs..." & "when she's skinnys..." & all the constant talk talk talk about surgery & MY insecurities about it, etc. He was convinced that I was gonna either leave or be scooped away once I was "transformed". Additionally, we both have businesses & J-O-Bs...& 2 kids, a cat, fish, etc etc etc...

I can attest to how insanely turned around starting a business can make you feel. You're scared to death that something will go wrong, but you are extremely excited & want and NEED support on all levels. Plus the immediate time frame is crazy and all about promotion of the business. He probably is feeling stretched thin. And when we get to that point, it doesn't just disappear.

I'd say that maybe some gentle talk & reassurance may help a little. But keeping life as steady as possible will do the most good. Don't reset the surgery quite yet....

Sending my best lights your way! :}

347*294/285/135 (*347HW/294SSW) | @Mwrarr | mwrarr.wordpress.com

If he is in love with you than you need to find what he is scared of. He may be scared that you will get smaller and leave him, he might be scared that you will die. he might be scared of you failing on another "diet". you need to find what he is scared of and try to remedy that. being a guy myself we tend to have a hard time verbalizing our feelings and fears . counseling may be needed. try inviting him to some of your doctor appointments or support group meetings. Dont give up on him, attempt to find what his issue is and work toward fixing it. That being said, dont back down from having surgery, at the end of the day your kids need a healthy mother whether your are with your husband or not. Be strong and stay positive.

Hey there.... You are far from alone in how you feel and how your husband is acting. View my profile and my posts and you will find similar stories of emotional wives and seemingly withdrawn husbands.

Personally, my husband has done a 180 in his response to this decision since the surgery. I drove myself to the hospital to get the surgery, but once he realized I was ok, he's been overly caring for me.

I'm not saying that same will happen to you as I don't know your husband. But what I am trying to say, is don't let his reaction to the surgery be the reason you two breakup. If your heart is set on it, and you know your body, then stick to your feelings.

I do recommend relationship counseling. My hubby and I have just started seeing one.

So sorry you're dealing with this on top of worrying about surgery. Now this is my own opinion but it seems he's saying these things because he's insecure & wondering if after you lose all the weight YOU will leave him. He just might've been comfortable with how you looked because he knew where he stood with you. I'm married 30 years & every so often in a "joking" way my hubby will say something like - oh now that you're losing all this weight you're gonna want to look for a stud" and I tell him - of course I will! Lol- we both know we're just kidding (we've been together since we were kids! But he says it alot so I think there's a little something there. Good luck to you & take care of YOU so you can be healthy enough for your beautiful children. Keep us posted....

Here's the question I would ask: why not listen to your friends? Or ask yourself why you're not listening to them.

Don't they know you? Don't you trust their judgement?

Often we cannot see things that others can because our perspective is biased.

Hi

With 5 kids and loving your husband,not overreacting at this point is very important.

His new business is as big a life chaning event than what your upcoming surgery is.He went with you for your appointments and that is more than what a whole lot of women can say.He listened to your rants about you feel about yourself...that says a lot too.He has a whole lot of stress to deal with right now,the business and your upcoming surgery.

If his late nights are purely work related I would say you have to have some understanding for that too.Us girls want emosional support.Boys "do".They fix things and if you are very insecure at the moment,he might just not have the ability to fix that.Then of course the threat of you becoming pretty,new and dinamic...this scares them too.However the more we nag about things we think they do wrong the more they avoid situations where they have to listen being nagged at...lol.

Surely he wont walk out the door just before your surgery but you will have to become a little more self reliant as far as your feelings are concerned.

Is he a bad husband and father?Do you maybe rely too heavily upon him for emosional support and to feel secure?And dont we all often say stuff we just dont really mean?Maybe the stress of it all is just getting to him.Maybe the stress of all this is getting to you and the situation might just seem worse than it is.

Just sit down and think about this.We cannot fix anyone but ourselves.What can you do to support him,make him want to come home earlier?

And dont you think you might need the surgery even more if at some point in the future you will have to take care of yourself and your kids by yourself?

It might not be as simplistic as this but then it might just be.I am just saying,think it through very carefully.What can you do to make things better?

If he is in love with you than you need to find what he is scared of. He may be scared that you will get smaller and leave him, he might be scared that you will die. he might be scared of you failing on another "diet". you need to find what he is scared of and try to remedy that. being a guy myself we tend to have a hard time verbalizing our feelings and fears . counseling may be needed. try inviting him to some of your doctor appointments or support group meetings. Dont give up on him, attempt to find what his issue is and work toward fixing it. That being said, dont back down from having surgery, at the end of the day your kids need a healthy mother whether your are with your husband or not. Be strong and stay positive.

After the fight we had last night and being called stupid and ignorant because I want to be included on major endeavors like buying rental properties (I forgot to mention that I am the only one carrying the household financially) and that it's not acceptable for him to work all hours and we only see each other 30 minutes a day he basically said since I cant handle what he is trying to build then he will leave. I'm not going to argue I guess he doesnt love me anymore after all.

Hey there.... You are far from alone in how you feel and how your husband is acting. View my profile and my posts and you will find similar stories of emotional wives and seemingly withdrawn husbands.

Personally, my husband has done a 180 in his response to this decision since the surgery. I drove myself to the hospital to get the surgery, but once he realized I was ok, he's been overly caring for me.

I'm not saying that same will happen to you as I don't know your husband. But what I am trying to say, is don't let his reaction to the surgery be the reason you two breakup. If your heart is set on it, and you know your body, then stick to your feelings.

I do recommend relationship counseling. My hubby and I have just started seeing one.

I would love to see a counselor but it takes two to make it work, and he is not emotionally in the marriage anymore.

So sorry you're dealing with this on top of worrying about surgery. Now this is my own opinion but it seems he's saying these things because he's insecure & wondering if after you lose all the weight YOU will leave him. He just might've been comfortable with how you looked because he knew where he stood with you. I'm married 30 years & every so often in a "joking" way my hubby will say something like - oh now that you're losing all this weight you're gonna want to look for a stud" and I tell him - of course I will! Lol- we both know we're just kidding (we've been together since we were kids! But he says it alot so I think there's a little something there. Good luck to you & take care of YOU so you can be healthy enough for your beautiful children. Keep us posted....

I am glad that you and your husband are doing well but his attitude is a reflection on this marriage. I get the feeling that he is not into me anymore and judging by the comments he says to me it's a o brained. I can't tell you how many times I've been called stupid and told my feelings don't mean anything. I wish I could have fealty with this after the surgery.

Here's the question I would ask: why not listen to your friends? Or ask yourself why you're not listening to them.

Don't they know you? Don't you trust their judgement?

Often we cannot see things that others can because our perspective is biased.

Unfortunately my friends are single and single minded. Everythie you have a problem there solution is to leave and find someone else. I made the mistake of just making life revolve around him so I am basically alone.

Hi

With 5 kids and loving your husband,not overreacting at this point is very important.

His new business is as big a life chaning event than what your upcoming surgery is.He went with you for your appointments and that is more than what a whole lot of women can say.He listened to your rants about you feel about yourself...that says a lot too.He has a whole lot of stress to deal with right now,the business and your upcoming surgery.

If his late nights are purely work related I would say you have to have some understanding for that too.Us girls want emosional support.Boys "do".They fix things and if you are very insecure at the moment,he might just not have the ability to fix that.Then of course the threat of you becoming pretty,new and dinamic...this scares them too.However the more we nag about things we think they do wrong the more they avoid situations where they have to listen being nagged at...lol.

Surely he wont walk out the door just before your surgery but you will have to become a little more self reliant as far as your feelings are concerned.

Is he a bad husband and father?Do you maybe rely too heavily upon him for emosional support and to feel secure?And dont we all often say stuff we just dont really mean?Maybe the stress of it all is just getting to him.Maybe the stress of all this is getting to you and the situation might just seem worse than it is.

Just sit down and think about this.We cannot fix anyone but ourselves.What can you do to support him,make him want to come home earlier?

And dont you think you might need the surgery even more if at some point in the future you will have to take care of yourself and your kids by yourself?

It might not be as simplistic as this but then it might just be.I am just saying,think it through very carefully.What can you do to make things better?

Wow. I guess I never thought about it like that. I swear that I try to be supportive with his goals but he won't allow me to. This new house he is buying, well he keeps saying when the time is right he will show me. Everything he does is labeled as his business and nothing to do with me. You are right though, I fuss a lot about him not being here and I think it makes it worse but i don't think I should have to keep my feelings to myself.

If I can find at least one person to help. Me during the surgery I will do it. He keeps saying that I can't deal with his work ethic and that I need someone else and last night he decided that he would leave. I'm not sure if he just said it or if it's true but I'm done arguing. I never walked out on him no matter what. I was willing to fight he isn't.