This is probably going to sound really stupid but now that my surgerys getting closer i find myself obsessing about alot of things and its really starting to make me depressed , not like depressed about the surgery im actually super excited about that but more like depressed that i did so many things in my life and wasted so much time while i was overweight, like i was looking at my wedding pictures and burst into tears the other day and no matter how many people have told me that i was beautiful in them i still pick out every flaw i see in every picture and it makes me so depressed because thats a moment in my life that ill never ever get back ill never have another wedding and i wasted it being overweight, obviously if i would have known i was getting the surgery i would have waited but at the time i didnt even know what vertical sleeve surgery was let alone that i would be getting it a year and a half later,..and thats just one example, pictures of my sons birthday parties and other events have been doing it, looking at my old clothes, it seems like any little thing can set me off soo i guess what im asking is has anyone else gone through anything like this or am i just losing it lol

This is one of my wedding pictures so you can see what im dealing with...

Sounds like you need to remind yorself that you are finally doing something about it and from here on in, you can now work towards being the person you wish you had been back then. Give yourswelf credit for doing something about it now. Lots of people don't get this far.

Is there any way you can renew your vows and get a new wedding dress to take some more pics? Or maybe when you're finally happy to see yourself in photos, buy yourself a drop dead gorgeous dress and book a professional photography session.

Think about how you will look in that custom made designer gown when you renew your vows

You have made a big decision that will change your life for the better and make you a much healthier person. Try to focus on the future and not the past. Think of the things you will be able to do with your son that you amy have not been able to do if not for the surgery and try to think about the new you. I went window shopping before my surgery and tried to imagine what it would be like to wear that size. I actually bought something in a size 8 before my surgery, and it gave me so much incentive cuz I wanted to wear it so bad! Now it is too big for me! Try doing that. You won't have time after the surgery to think about the past cuz you will be busy making sure you are eating right and planning right. Don't feel guilty about where you have been, but feel inspired about where you will be. Look at some of the before and after pics on here, and imagine what yours will look like! And read some of the nsv's and tell yourself that will be you soon! When is your surgery? Best of luck to you. Keep us posted.

I know you're happy about the change you're about to make, but I think that if you get yourself in a state of mind that you will be healthy aside from looking and feeling better you will feel different. You may not be able to have that wedding again, but like others said, renewing your vows sounds like a great idea. Don't worry about what you didn't do in the past, worry and concentrate on living and enjoying your new life to the fullest.

In six months your sooooo going to be over it.

Thanks everyone for helping me get my head in straight, my mom used to always tell me I'm my biggest critic and I guess she was right lol, I just feel like I'm carrying so much guilt about letting myself get so big and it's hard to let it go and just let myself be completely happy especially when theres a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me all the diets and things I've tried before haven't worked so this won't either...but I know that it will because I REFUSE to let myself fail again, I can't I'm only 25 and on the verge of diabetes, I don't want to die young I have too much to live for I really love the ideas of renewing my vows and buying a pretty dress or something that I can work towards fitting into, I guess it's time to stop focusing on the old memories and start making some new ones!!! I really appreciate all the support my surgery is on the 10th and I can't wait to start working towards the new HEALTHY me!

Thanks everyone for helping me get my head in straight' date=' my mom used to always tell me I'm my biggest critic and I guess she was right lol, I just feel like I'm carrying so much guilt about letting myself get so big and it's hard to let it go and just let myself be completely happy especially when theres a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me all the diets and things I've tried before haven't worked so this won't either...but I know that it will because I REFUSE to let myself fail again, I can't I'm only 25 and on the verge of diabetes, I don't want to die young I have too much to live for I really love the ideas of renewing my vows and buying a pretty dress or something that I can work towards fitting into, I guess it's time to stop focusing on the old memories and start making some new ones!!! I really appreciate all the support my surgery is on the 10th and I can't wait to start working towards the new HEALTHY me! [/quote']

Your wedding day is probably one of the most important days of ur life, but it is just one of the many milestones that will come. I agree with all of the above posts. Think about how amazing u will look when ur kids graduate? Or when u Renew ur vows? Or when u take those casual family shots? Or how about vacations? Ur time will come

October 10th? Keep us posted. We are all here for you so don't worry about a thing! Praying that everything will go just fine for you!

yep october 10th thanks ill definitely keep you all posted!

I think you look adorable and pretty in your picture. If you are going into the surgery thinking that skinny is going to solve all of your problems, then you are going to be in a world of hurt later on because being skinny does not solve your problems or make your life perfect. It just means you're skinny.

Making changes for yourself now does not negate or preclude you from loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin. Come to that point and the rest will be so much easier.

Thank you so much!!! it's great to have such supportive new friends <3