I have had such a problem in the past really admitting to what has actually caused me to be fat. I have been married almost 11 years and I just told my husband this today. He had no idea. Since I was 19 years old (I'm 27 now) Whenever I'm alone, especially when I would drive to town with out kids or husband, I would binge on food. I would not throw it up, but I would just stuff my face and then hide the wrappers. Hiding the wrappers I have no idea why because my husband met me big and has never been bothered by the fact. (he has a thing for bigger women). He has never told me to not have that extra twinky or slice of pizza. If I'm happy, he's happy. But I still found myself buying two double quarter pounders with cheese, two large orders of french fries, and a large soda and downing in in 20 minutes. If I was on any kind of diet, whatever I didn't eat in front of someone, I didn't count as eating at all. (hmmmmm, wonder why I'm fat??? lol). Anyways, I'm so glad I can put this out in the open, I have never talked about it and certainly never posted it in a public forum. I just figure, if I keep it a secret, I'm obviously not trying to change it. Although, now I'm banded and doing great so far. I feel as if my life is gonna change. I know the band does not change my mental issues with food but after admitting this, I think I have decided to start seeing a counselor about that part. Thanks for listening. What a load off my chest. (about two quarter pounders and a some fries worth!)

MOM that was beautiful. Well know you have her and us in your corner.

Teresita! I used to live in Chantilly, VA. We had one of the first houses in Fox Glen Subdivision. Many moons ago. OMG I loved living there. I've heard that it is very congested with traffic now. That I wouldn't recognize the place.

Congratulations on your success! I hope I can follow in your footsteps!

Teresita! I used to live in Chantilly, VA. We had one of the first houses in Fox Glen Subdivision. Many moons ago. OMG I loved living there. I've heard that it is very congested with traffic now. That I wouldn't recognize the place.

Congratulations on your success! I hope I can follow in your footsteps!

Chantilly does appear to be very nice. There is a bit of traffic because I go that way to go to my doctors office sometimes.

Thank you and I know you will do well. Take a page out of the book of some of the folks on here that have not even been banded a year and have lost over 80 pounds. Tip: Exercise-cardio-walking and low carb

Good Luck

Anyone who doubts that food is an addiction just like alcohol or cigarettes should read this thread. I confessed my lifelong binging to my (skinny) mom a few months ago, telling her about how my sister and I would stop at the drive thru on the way home from school the moment we got our licenses, and then eat a full dinner an hour later. It only got worse the older I got.

One of my earliest memories is lying in bed at about the age of 7 and fantasizing about ordering a stack of 20 big macs. I didn't want a pony, I didn't want a million bucks, I wanted 20 big macs. What's up with that?!

The band is great for bingers once we get the right fill level, but I know that I would also benefit from some counseling. My mind is not working with the band right now.

Anwyn: You have over 30 years of living with a certain mindset about food. How can you expect yourself to reverse that in such a short amount of time?

You are moving in the right direction to be able to come out with your childhood fantasy of a stack of Big Macs. My Mom's not alive to either criticize or praise me. I think though, in a very real sense, it's up each and every one of us to work on developing a better self-image.

Reading all these stories about people's relationships with food, convinces me that we all could probably use some counseling. But getting someone who is equipped to deal with our inner selves, isn't as easy as it sounds! There are just too many people in the medical and psych professions who, if they've never experienced it for themselves, are secretly prejudiced against obese people. Frankly, I think we all wish we had been able to get a LB sooner. It might have made the "head" part less difficult.

Hang in there. You'll get it right and it will be all good.

Earliest memories of food obsession:

1. Eating white bread with sugar poured on top-I would run outside (careful of course not to spill the sugar) to the side of my house and stuff this gourmet snack in my mouth as fast as I could. Age 6

2. When pringles first came out they had a sample package for 10 cents-I would paw through the couch or whatever and ride my bike about 2 miles to the store to get this little container of pringles. I remember having fantasies about dimes and chips and how many chips I could buy with a whole dollar...Age 8

3.Begging my mom to buy me a candy bar for dessert and hiding behind chairs or in my room to eat it right when we got home. Ages 6 and up.

4.Babysitting for people and literally rumaging through their cabinets to find food and then being worried I ate too much and they would know. Teenager.

I am sooo proud of us for facing this demon. It is so wonderful to not feel alone. Thanks Guys...

I see skinny people........

I thought my mother was the only person in the world who would suggest white bread with sugar on it for a starving little kid. I've always been too embarrassed to tell anyone that I ate sugar sandwiches! Also, when there was no sugar, we'd make butter sandwiches. Mom used to make peanut and butter and banana sandwiches. An awesome treat. Guess she musta come from the same background as Elvis.

Earliest memories of food obsession:

4.Babysitting for people and literally rumaging through their cabinets to find food and then being worried I ate too much and they would know. Teenager.

OMG! I totally did this, too! Mushrooms in the can, mac & cheese, cake, canned corn or peas, pretty much anything. Then I'd have to figure out how to hide the cans after I'd emptied them!

I also used to get up in the middle of the night when we would stay at my grandparent's house and sneak into the kitchen and get Cookies out of her cookie jar - again worrying that it would look like too many were gone.

Here's a little ray of hope that might help some of us...

(or rather, some advice to "go catch some rays"...)

I had my pre-op psych evaluation over the weekend, and I discussed my sneak / control / primal urges to eat with the counsellor. Obviously, I am worried about learing strategies to deal with these post-band.

She said, in my case, that it sounds like my eating is driven by an imbalance in my emotional inputs and outputs - that is, a wellbeing issue rather than an eating issue. She said that the urges / jumpyness driving me to eat is a sign to me that something in my environment is imbalanced, and that I should change something - like take a walk, go sit in the sun for a little while etc. ...kind of like a "prescription" to eat lunch outside in the sun!

By trying just to keep a lid on things (as I have tried to do with food), the pot will always overboil. This is the diet mentality, and what makes us scream at the thought of being told what to eat, or being under scruitiny (whether own, or by others). I now need to build a non-diet mentality - and learn to reduce the pressure in other ways.

It really makes sense for me - and maybe some of you identify with this as well. I feel like I've been given a "get out of jail free" card - I feel like I have permission now to take better care of myself - to do girlie things, to be feminine again, to meditate and relax. I feel like I can be free of guilt etc about failing to control the Snacks better.

...so, time to break out the aromatherapy oils, and time to go buy a hammock - Goannabanda's goin' relaxin'!!!

It's great that you had such a productive meeting with the psych person. My psychologist was nice, but I came away from the meeting feeling that I should re-think my decision to have the surgery. He made it sound like I should be able to reach a normal weight without the band. All on my own. Right, sure, no problem.

Maybe he was just not used to someone who didn't open up and share their history of unhealthy eating with him. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded telling him, I just didn't think that he was looking for that.

Anyway, that's what brought me to this site. He was one of the primary reasons I was getting cold feet. I was afraid there was something about the surgery that was much more dangerous than I had been led to believe. I have learned a whole lot more about possible complicaitons at LB Talk.

But I have also come to realize that I am very much like everyone else here. I've spent many years in an unhealthy relationship with food. I need something to help me change that "imbalance" you referred to. Using the LB as a "tool" makes a lot of sense.

So, you are fortunate to have found someone you can communicate with who understands where you are emotionally. I believe that if we decide we deserve the aromatherapy and a hammock, we may also realize that we deserve to be beautiful. I'm learning that from what your psych said, and what I've found here online, self-respect must be the key in the journey to real success after LB surgery.

I am convinced that your average (and I mean weight wise and intelligence wise) person will never get "it" I love coming here because you guys do get it. :confused:

I've been analyzing the whys (genetic, environmental, social) I love food soooo much and I'm sure,in part,like someone said above we are literally eating our feelings. :hungry:

I was talking to my thin friend about a neighborhood girl (age 8) who plays with her kids and always wants to eat when she's at Laurie's house. Ms. Laurie-that Soup sure does look good, Ms. Laurie I'm so hungry. She was kind of ranting about what's wrong with her and I said:That little girl is me. Whoa. Epiphany. :faint:

I explained that the hunger is always there-I could almost hear the puzzled look over the phone. Why? I don't know I told her but I fight it everyday. She got kinda quiet for a minute and then changed the subject.:phone:

I posted this before but I like it so here goes: Everybody has issues of some kind, it's just that fat people wear theirs on the outside where everyone can see them and judge them for it. (paraphrasing Oprah)

I used to have a theory that my taste buds were far suprerior to everyone else's. Now, I realize I'm beyond that. Not only does food taste really good to me, but it also makes me feel good. More than just satisfaction. I mean really good. Happy. Content. All good feelings. Especially with certain food.

Except when I overeat and I get so uncomfortable, it is negative that I feel.

I think I best describe my feelings about my relationship with food as being like a crack addict. Not that I've ever really been around a crack addict. But what I've heard described as a crack addict.

It's to the point that whether I get food or I don't, I am constantly thinking about it. If I'm satisfied, for the moment, I am a happy reasonable person to be around. If I'm feeling deprived, not so much.

Think I need psychological help more than the physical help from LB?

Earliest memories of food obsession:

1. Eating white bread with sugar poured on top-I would run outside (careful of course not to spill the sugar) to the side of my house and stuff this gourmet snack in my mouth as fast as I could. Age 6

2. When pringles first came out they had a sample package for 10 cents-I would paw through the couch or whatever and ride my bike about 2 miles to the store to get this little container of pringles. I remember having fantasies about dimes and chips and how many chips I could buy with a whole dollar...Age 8

3.Begging my mom to buy me a candy bar for dessert and hiding behind chairs or in my room to eat it right when we got home. Ages 6 and up.

4.Babysitting for people and literally rumaging through their cabinets to find food and then being worried I ate too much and they would know. Teenager.

I am sooo proud of us for facing this demon. It is so wonderful to not feel alone. Thanks Guys...

OMG!!! I never realized this until I was just reading this thread... I had somehow repressed or forgot about it. When I was 12 my stepmother complained that the food disappeared to quickly. She would yell & scream at me and ask me what happened to the food. I was too embarrassed to tell her I ate it, so I told her that I fed my 4 friends when they came over. For example, I would eat 4 bags of microwave popcorn in one afternoon.

One more, LOL, I forgot about this one too. Age 12 still, after school, I would make toast, put Peanut Butter on the toast and then load it up with pancake syrup. I would always hide this treat behind a chair if someone came while I was eating it. Subconsciously, I must have known they would disapprove.

OMG!!! LOL. I just thought of ANOTHER one as I typed the one above. I had an older step-sister, 8 years older, this was when I was 12 still. She had a plastic tub of Kit-Kats (bulk) under her bed that she had bought from Sam's. I would take one out and eat it EVERYDAY. I jusitifed this in my head by thinking that only taking ONE a day, she would never miss or notice they were gone.

Honestly, I never knew it went back this far until I read this thread. Thanks for sharing everyone.

We do share more that we realize in common. I as a child was not allowed to eat anything in the pantry that belonged to my Step Father. No coke, no Cookies, no nothing that was on the second shelf. Of course as a child in the 4th grade I would sneak it. You have no ideal how many times I was in trouble.

To think that I could sneak the food and no one would be able to tell was a childs mind trying to satisfy an adult hunger.

I understand, as all of us surely do, that food was the constant in our life, our security, our freind when there seemed to be none.

I'm sure there are many that have hidden to eat as children and as adults (like me) and try to justify the reasons in our own mind.

Skeltons in my closet are too many to mention when it comes to food and the feeling of comfort that goes hand and hand. For 5 years I have been considering WLS and feeling that is was a sign of a weak soul, until I was diaganosed with health problems due to years and years of abuse to my body by that old friend (food).

After a 20 year marriage and the demise of that life long relationship from a man that believed that "I did'nt love him enough to lose weight", I knew that no matter how many attempts I had made or will make to lose it on my own, including to many weight programs to mention, a abusive drug addiction, over and under the counter diet pills, consultation with nutruitionists, and tharapists, that decission had to be mine and a bit of help would be welcomed.

Cooking and enjoying the food I cooked would become my tharapy and I would laugh about it, and joke about it outloud.

My new husband, bless his heart loves me for who I am no conditions, and that has given me the strength to do what is necessary for me, my choice, my decission no matter how personal it is.

I will never have to hear that she has a pretty face or her personality is what makes her again. I am what makes me and I am pretty inside and out!

To all those here that have shed a tear in private, and to all of you that have made this brave choice, you are not alone, never were, never will be again.

I'm in your corner,