I have had such a problem in the past really admitting to what has actually caused me to be fat. I have been married almost 11 years and I just told my husband this today. He had no idea. Since I was 19 years old (I'm 27 now) Whenever I'm alone, especially when I would drive to town with out kids or husband, I would binge on food. I would not throw it up, but I would just stuff my face and then hide the wrappers. Hiding the wrappers I have no idea why because my husband met me big and has never been bothered by the fact. (he has a thing for bigger women). He has never told me to not have that extra twinky or slice of pizza. If I'm happy, he's happy. But I still found myself buying two double quarter pounders with cheese, two large orders of french fries, and a large soda and downing in in 20 minutes. If I was on any kind of diet, whatever I didn't eat in front of someone, I didn't count as eating at all. (hmmmmm, wonder why I'm fat??? lol). Anyways, I'm so glad I can put this out in the open, I have never talked about it and certainly never posted it in a public forum. I just figure, if I keep it a secret, I'm obviously not trying to change it. Although, now I'm banded and doing great so far. I feel as if my life is gonna change. I know the band does not change my mental issues with food but after admitting this, I think I have decided to start seeing a counselor about that part. Thanks for listening. What a load off my chest. (about two quarter pounders and a some fries worth!)

Mary I have my own special relationship with the BK drive-thru guy :-) He knows when I'm late for work or been on vacation - some weeks I see more of him than my husband. I think this would qualify as an unhealthy relationship all around, but I just keep going back :-)

Food Network is still my nemisis and I can't turn away. I can turn the channel walk through the living room go to the bathroom, go the kitchen and by time I get back to the living room the dag on channel is back on Food Network. How did that happen, then I say I turned from that because it was making me upset(hungry). I love food shows....ummmmmmm.

Marysuee33 goodluck and let us know if you are able to get yoru car to go pass the McD. Been there done that.

I have

Bojangles

KFC

Taco Bell

Burger King

Popeyes

Checkers

Wendys and

McDonalds in that order near me. (WOW I didn't relize there were so many, I need to move)

I can get the closest one in 2 min and farthest in 4min. That is so sad. I thank God for my band. I still visit all of these wonderful locations but not everyday as I did in the past and my choices are a whole lot smaller or diffrent all together. Now I can actually drive pass these places even when I have money in my pocket.

Mary: Years ago I paid big money to go to a specialist evert week for check ups while I was on Optifast. I would always leave there, loss or not, and buy a large chicken sandwich meal at Wendi's. The rest of the week, I only cheated with smaller things.

The past few months before the pre-op LB diet, every time I drove through Chick-Fil-A, I ordered not only the largest number of chicken strips you can get, I also ordered the largest number of nuggets you can get. For a while I thought the clerk was giving me the benefit of the doubt with her look. But after a while, she started sneering when she took my money. It got to be so embarrassing that I would drive all the way across town to avoid her. It only took me about an extra 45 minutes! It was the same way with the Starbucks drive through.

And as for the evidence, if I had to pick up my daughter or husband, I would find a road less traveled and dump the trash, hoping no one was watching. I knew how creepy it was and that made me feel almost as bad as the overeating did.

You are not alone!

Overeaters are some serious literbugs. We all dumped our evidence out the window.

Mary - I LOVE the Margaret Thatcher quote!

I can so relate to Mom of Many.....I have a reputation of being a really good cook. I love to cater parties and will go all out to please anybody and everybody, with the secret thrill of being able to "test" each item on my own body!

I've have loved to cook and EAT for as long as I can remember. My passion is collecting and reading cookbooks. I must have at least 500 so far and will buy any new one I see that has just one recipe I want to try. I could watch the FoodNetwork 24/7 if I didn’t have other things to do.

I love to watch others enjoy eating my cooking and telling me how good it is........I don't mean to come across as a self-centered person (just the opposite of my true self), but my insecure self "feeds" on this need to be accepted for something.

I don’t always hide the food, but will hide MYSELF when I am eating food. I will wait until my family is out of the house and then go to the kitchen to see what I find/fix good to eat. No, not because I’m hungry, just want to enjoy the experience of eating. I’ll stand at the kitchen window and watch for them to come back and eat until they return. Then I’ll go and sit in the recliner just like I was when they left and they are never the wiser. Of course, I have to push any food wrappers to the bottom of the trash can so they don’t find the evidence.

I must admit that even though the band is helping and I'm so glad I have it, I frequently eat "past" the band. I should be stopping after I feel "satisfied", but don't just because I enjoy the taste and texture of the food. I guess that is what having an addiction to food is all about, and why I am and have always been overweight. I need to find a way to get past the addiction and conquer my demon. In the beginning (post-banding), I could eat a few bites and not feel hungry. I could even watch others eat and not feel deprived. I would walk away from food with not problem. Now, when I get “full”, I just wait a few minutes and am able to eat again. Maybe I just need another fill. Does getting to your “sweet spot” with the fills abolish the “want” to eat?

I have spent too much time, money and effort on the Band to let it be a failure. Too many people are watching me and waiting for results. I need a kick in the pants (or something) that will get my brain back into the proper mindset. What’s it gonna take? Still searching………..

Miss Vicki: For what it's worth, I've been the hostess with the mostess almost all of my adult life too. Everyone loves to come to my house for dinner. I've always enjoyed the rave reviews - it is a very large part of who I am. I love to eat and give good party more than I love to do anything else.

But what I realized is that I am going to die an early death and in my coffin, I am going to be one big, fat, unattractive mamma. No one will be surprised at my early death, either. It will be something everyone will be saddened by, but what can you do? "She loved to eat" could be inscribed on my tombstone. What a legacy!

I figured out what I can do. I can change it. I am positively the only one who can change it. The question has been, do I want to change it? I have battled back and forth with myself for a very long time over this delimma. I thought that if I gave up the way I loved to cook and eat, life just wouldn't be worth living anyway. So what the heck? I thought I was pretty happy, so what if I am much bigger than I should be?

This unhealthy, self-absorbed lifestyle I lead is actually NOT making me happy. I've been on anti-depressants for a while and as my head is being cleared by them, I've come to realize that not only am I not happy being MO, I am withdrawn, lonely and really don't like myself much - in spite of years of telling myself what a sparkling, fun, witty, fabulous cook and entertainer I am. In spite of telling myself that everyone loves to be around me, even if I am fat.

I realize now that I don't respect myself for secretive binge eating. I don't respect myself for not getting out of the house and exercising. I don't respect myself for choosing to self-distruct. I don't respect myself for choosing a certain death over spending more time with my DH and family. I don't respect myself for having such a disgusting appearance, and thinking that other people are rude for not respecting me.

The Lap Band was a huge decision for me. Any elective surgery is HUGE! And to have a prosthesis in the core of my being, for the rest of my life, simply as a tool to remind me to stop eating, is HUGE! So when I went into this, I didn't choose it because people were disgusted by me, or because my DH or children were disgusted by the enormous portions I ate, or because of anything anyone else thinks of me. I did it because I was disgusted. I am the one who has to wear the thing. I am the one who has to eat like I'm supposed to since being banded. I am the only one who can decide this for myself. And I decided to like me again, respect me again and care enough about myself to get back with the living... not the dying.

I have no reason to believe it will be easy in any way. I don't deserve for it to be easy. I embrace that it will be a struggle because I want it to make me stronger. And I REALLY, REALLY want to care about and respect myself again.

Wow, I just found this thread after coming here for weeks and I am so glad. I too would eat in the car, sometimes in the bathroom even (uck!) to avoid being seen. I could never leave the grocery store without a "treat" for the car ride home. It was so shameful and degrading to myself and those bad feelings just fueled more of a need to feed my emotions with food.

I feel like every post I've read on this thread (and there are many) has taken away a small peice of that shame knowing that I'm not alone! Thanks to everyone who has shared.

I was so worried about getting the band (to be banded in Dec.) because I saw all the great results people had but always wondered, could this work for me? I'm sure none of these people did the aweful thins I do pre banding? To know that the bingeing can be improved with the band (and a healthy dose of self awareness and noggin work) is such a relief.