Sweet But Clueless Hubby - Sometimes You've Just Gotta Laugh!

[WhoozisAnyway 176]

Just have to vent a little here . . .

I am an EXTREMELY private person. I have only told my hubby, siblings and a couple of friends about my upcoming surgery (April 9th, yay). I've never been comfortable with accepting comments and attention and I think my noticeable weight loss is going to be the hardest part of my journey. I absolutely dread discussing my weight issues with people. No one in my office knows exactly why I'm going on leave, and I cannot tell my parents because my mother will be jealous and negative about it. I don't want daily inquiries as to pounds lost, or critique as to what I eat. There's the backstory.

Anyhoo, I asked my dear hubby to please not say anything to our friends or relatives, and he kept his word . . . kind of. I love this man more than anything, but my goodness sometimes people are clueless! Last week we were at a gathering with some friends. I'm half-listening as Hubby discussed an upcoming vacation with a friend who will be joining us. Friend knows I'm having a little "female procedure" but not the purpose. Discussion moves to dining plans. Hubby sweetly says "Well, we're not sure if the dining plan will be right for us, as Whoozis will be on a very strict diet after her surgery." I see friend's face register the comment. Sigh. Well, that news will be all over our circle of friends now.

Last night we're talking about schedule the day of surgery. Hubby says he cleared time off with his boss and made her aware I was having a procedure. He tells me that boss offered to bring me dinner my night in the hospital as she lives close by. Hubby AGAIN innocently says "I told her not to do that because you will be on a strict diet following surgery." Great, now it will be all over his office too.

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!! I had to sit him down and explain that when you tell someone that I am having surgery and then immediately follow up with "strict diet afterwards" line, it takes that person all of 2 seconds to figure out what I'm having done. He had no idea anyone would figure it out. Seriously. I didn't ask how many other friends he gave this line too. I'm afraid to know.

I'm not angry, on some level I find it hilarious and oddly endearing that he is that naive. Someone could give him that line about their spouse and he'd have no idea what they were talking about. He's been supportive of my decision and has never criticized my many weight fluctuations over the years. I simply feel the need to vent a little, so thanks for letting me do that . . . ANONYMOUSLY!!!!

Still shaking my head . . .

[FluffyBleu76 32]

LOL... my husband did the same thing!!!!! All you can do is look at them and sigh.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Secrets are so hard to keep. Your hubby did you a favor, now you don't have to tell anyone because they already know. This is the time to be the center of attention because you are beginning to shine! This is awesome!

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

LOL your husband sounds like a sweetheart.

[Joni 94]

I think you should just give him a great big hug cuz he sounds like a real sweetie!! Too cute!

[deltadawn817 106]

I can understand your frustrations but if these are people you will be eating in front of ever again they are going to figure it out. Also there are many other surgeries that have a limited diet immediately following so some people might not even bat an eye at the comment.

[WhoozisAnyway 176]

Unfortunately, this isn't a simple problem. It's a hang up I have no matter if I'm thin or fat. There is nothing I hate more than being questioned or scrutinized about my weight and it can put me into a full blown panic attack. Most of my friends will be cool but there are a couple of co-workers and my mother who would never give me peace. For my own well being, I need to keep this quiet until I can adjust to the changes. Nevertheless, Hubby didn't mean to let on and I'm not mad.

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[Lyra 43]

While I don't normally advocate being rude, if you're coworkers are being intrusive a curt and cold, "It's none of your concern" or "I don't care to discuss my personal life at work" and immediately walking away would get your point across. They may still watch you, but they probably wont say anything to you for awhile. I dislike being questioned as well and when some of my coworkers got too nosy about why I was having surgery I told them I had been infected with spider-alien love spore and needed to have it removed before I did my best Sigourney Weaver in Aliens 3 impression. That pretty much shut them up. Good luck and your hubby sounds like a sweet guy! Clueless, maybe, but sweet

[WhoozisAnyway 176]

Thanks Lyra! I think it's because we've all worked together for so many years, it's morphed more into a dyfunctional family, lol. In my preop testing I was diagnosed with a hiatal hernia that also needed repair. If I really get pushed, I can just say I got it fixed. It's true, and a boring subject that doesnt invite further discussion - but I'm keeping the alien excuse as a backup!

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[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

Your husband does sound adorable. What a "keeper"! I give him major points for already considering how to accomodate your restrictions post surgery.

You may want to consider finding a counselor or some other professional to talk to. You are going to get LOTS of attention and comments as you lose weight and people will ask you. I think you have 100% right to not tell them anything you aren't comfortable saying. I also think you are living in a fantasy if you think by not telling people what you had done is going to stop you from being the center of attention about your amazing weight loss. If you talk to a professional, they can help you feel more comfortable when people pay attention to you. That would make this journey so much easier for you - and even enjoyable!

Some people come up with a plausible lie to tell questioning friends. (Their right, if that's what they want.) That takes careful thought to come up with a situation that accounts for your new eating and drinking habits. And, it takes your husband telling the same story.

I didn't want to go down this path.

I wish you the best of success on your sleeve journey.

Sharon

[101driver 46]

Gotta love 'em, those hubbies!! Mine did something similar. When requesting time off to stay a few days at home with me after surgery, he pretty much told his bosses what was up (of course, I'd asked him not to tell anybody). It's a close-knit school community. The asso. head of school asked if she could leave a card at the front desk for everyone to sign -- and he said yes (didn't even occur to him to say no, I wanted it to be private). So now EVERYBODY knows I'm having surgery and word spreads quickly what kind of surgery. Sigh. Well, they are all sweet and concerned, so I shouldn't mind. But so much for privacy. I'm feeling a little better about it now and less protective of the information, but I still haven't out and out discussed it with anyone accept a few close friends.

[Afro_Cyster 74]

I agree with the others, he does sound like a nice guy.

Since he is concerned about your diet, this seems like a good idea to discuss what your progression diet (meaning the different stages to a normal diet). Let him know how you'll feel about him eating certain foods in front of you while you are progressing.....such as your trigger foods. Mine are pastries sodas, and fried chicken fingers. If you have one, show him a copy of your progression diet, he may feel as though he can join in near the end of the diet since it is less restrictive and allows you to bond with him.

When you are out of the progressive diet, he may also continue your weightloss diet with you, albeit with bigger portions. Your hubby definitely sounds like a winner.

[thinoneday 445]

gotta love 'em. . . . I'm sure you have gotten lots of responses here that can help. . .but yup they are so clueless at times. . . .I didn't tell my mom/family until about 1/2 year later and she (mom) only found out cause she came to visit me and noticed the weight loss. . .then she was like "why didn't you tell me!" I just laughed and shrugged it off. . . don't worry, in the beginning it'll drive you nuts, all the questions, the looks, the people trying to tell you how to eat, what to eat, when to eat. . . but then it wears off. . . then it's nice again to just be you. . . . good luck