Hubby Doesnt Understand

[Nikki613 120]

I grew up with a very negative mother. Nothing i ever did was right. I felt like my entire family judged me even when i was pretty small. I was the annoying kid noone wanted around. Iwas spoiled with things but not with attention or emotion......this has made me a very scared about everyones judgements. I care way too much what people think or may think. I was not as bad when i felt better aboit my weight. Bit at my all time high now my self esteem is broken.

So my husband gets annoyed when i worry about what people will say about me having surgery. Or even hmthat inviting his parents over for the super bowl sends me into worry....i cant eat unhealthy...i have to clean the whole house...ect ect. He doesnt care what anyone thinks but i freak about it. I tried to tell him that i need him to be very supportive and understand that im extrememly fragile right now. Im making this huge decision to fight for my life and the last thing i need is for him to roll his eyes or say "really?!"...the smallest tine or look can really hurt me right now.

I know this is my issue but i feel he should try and be more understanding that i am under a lot of stress and fighting my way back from deppression.

[circa 333]

Here's the thing - he's never going to understand because he's not walked in your shoes. It would be great if he could accept this and try to help you find a way to come to terms with it.

You are fragile right now - When you are not in a situation where a decision is being made or something needs to be done, maybe you can bring up the subject and explain to him the kind of support you need from him.

You do a lot as his wife to support him - perhaps making that clear to him will bring him around.

As far as his parents and the superbowl - invite them - and only serve healthy foods. New year - new you - they don't like it? Too bad!

[Nikki613 120]

Thank you. I love this board. You are completely right. My first appt with the Surgeon is next week. I cant wait to start this journey and get my confidence and my life back. My husband fell in love with the confident woman i used to be....cant wait to be her again.

[carbgrl 119]

Sleeveme, I feel the same way. I'm very sensitive right now. This is a big decision and very difficult to make. I busted out crying at a restaurant talking about whether my husband would be going to the hospital with me or not. Ask your husband to try to understand and be gentle. If that doesn't work, at least you have us. We'll listen and understand completely !!!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Big big hugs!! It's normal to be sensitive, and it's also normal to want your Hubby to be more supportive of you during this time you are going through. Circa made an excellent point, its almost impossible for him to feel empathy because he has no idea what you are going through, but a little sympathy would be nice.

Your world is changing a lot, and we will be here to listen to you vent, talk and we will also be here when you begin to lose lots of weight and we will all Celebrate with you! Hang in there!! All of this will be but a distant memory and even very soon.

[circa 333]

Thank you. I love this board. You are completely right. My first appt with the Surgeon is next week. I cant wait to start this journey and get my confidence and my life back. My husband fell in love with the confident woman i used to be....cant wait to be her again.

You kinda said it right there....he's probably longing for your understanding about how confident you used to be!

[Lissa 2,631]

SleeveMe81, The others are right. It's very hard for him to be empathetic to you because he hasn't done what you are doing. Men often want to solve our problems, moving right into action, rather than just giving us the bit of sympathy we need right that minute.

It might help you to talk to a therapist for even a couple of visits. Once you have someplace to vent your frustrations, you'll probably feel better about yourself and you'll have some of that confidence back pretty quickly!

Congrats to you for moving forward and taking a huge step to improve your own life!!

[1Bumblebee 8]

Hi Sleeveme81, I too have a husband that can't seem to be sensitive when I need. I know my husband loves me however some of my past baggage which leaves me needing special attention sometimes I don't blame him for. You need to find an outlet like this board to help you through some of the tough times.

[Caradina 65]

Your story is so like my own childhood that it breaks my heart. I so so so understand. I'm at an alltime high myself, and I find that I'm cancelling cosial obligations, because those people haven;t seen me since my recent 30 lb balloon, and I'm afraid of what they will think to see that I am even bigger than never ever before! (Even though it was caused by medication and a health issue.) The photo on here is also my Facebook photo... It is 3 years old, and 60 lbs lighter...Some people have not seen me since then. It's sad. I can't wait to be that thinner, pretty woman again. Try to be gentle with yourself, and KNOW that you aren't alone.

[VJSlim 156]

I cant relate to not having your husband's empathy because I was never married. But I sure can understand how disappointing and frustrating it can be.. Like others said, maybe he wants to see the old confident you. But anyway, dont worry too much about it. every pound you lose will be replaced with a pound of self-confidence!

[spainter2009 12]

I am in the same boat as you are. My hubby, and all of his family feel that it will be a dealth sentence if I have this surgery. His mom has been a nurse for 35 years and she is being very negitive about this. I wanted him to be very supportive but I have come to the concluion that he is not going to be. He went as far as telling me that he NEVER wants to talk about it again. That I am going to do what I want and he doesn't want to know about it. So I have left it at that. My parents are very supportive to the point that my MOM is looking to have the surgery at the same time as I do so we will go through it together. My daughter always tells me that i am not FAT and that I am the most beatiful mom in the world but she is supportive to the surgery as well as long as it makes me happy.

[gramaof4 58]

Wow!!! I love this forum!!!

I had my surgery in Mexico...My husband never wanted to talk about it, did not wish to think about it...UNTIL the very morning I was set to leave....He came into the kitchen from the bedroom as I was writing him a love letter for him to read when i was gone....He said to me "Oh writing out your last will and testament' Having unneccessary surgery in a third world country...not so very smart" and he walked out the door to head off to work. Did not kiss me did not hug me did not say good luck nothing he just left...Now let's talk about unsupportive....well he takes the cake.

I am a christian woman and have decided I am going to pray for him, I have been given a book "The Power of a Praying Wife" and man is it good. I am learning alot about myself and in the process I believe the Lord will change in me the things that my husband will notice and he will want to be a part of the woman he married 20 plus years ago. I love him deeply with all my heart but sometimes I do not like him very much. He can be uncaring and say things with a tone that are very condiscending and it would have been better had he not opened his trap at all.

While I was away at surgery, he told out 12 yr old that mom could not do this and it was just a huge waste of money that mom would always be fat...Of course my 12 yr old really did not know how exactly to process this information so he asked me why dad would say such a thing when I was trying so hard. NOW what do you tell a child after that?

[cam 15]

Wow!!! I love this forum!!!

I had my surgery in Mexico...My husband never wanted to talk about it' date=' did not wish to think about it...UNTIL the very morning I was set to leave....He came into the kitchen from the bedroom as I was writing him a love letter for him to read when i was gone....He said to me "Oh writing out your last will and testament' Having unneccessary surgery in a third world country...not so very smart" and he walked out the door to head off to work. Did not kiss me did not hug me did not say good luck nothing he just left...Now let's talk about unsupportive....well he takes the cake.

I am a christian woman and have decided I am going to pray for him, I have been given a book "The Power of a Praying Wife" and man is it good. I am learning alot about myself and in the process I believe the Lord will change in me the things that my husband will notice and he will want to be a part of the woman he married 20 plus years ago. I love him deeply with all my heart but sometimes I do not like him very much. He can be uncaring and say things with a tone that are very condiscending and it would have been better had he not opened his trap at all.

While I was away at surgery, he told out 12 yr old that mom could not do this and it was just a huge waste of money that mom would always be fat...Of course my 12 yr old really did not know how exactly to process this information so he asked me why dad would say such a thing when I was trying so hard. NOW what do you tell a child after that?[/quote']

You don't need to tell him anything. He will figure out on his own that his dad can be a jerk sometimes. They all do.

[Nikki613 120]

Wow!!! I love this forum!!!

I had my surgery in Mexico...My husband never wanted to talk about it' date=' did not wish to think about it...UNTIL the very morning I was set to leave....He came into the kitchen from the bedroom as I was writing him a love letter for him to read when i was gone....He said to me "Oh writing out your last will and testament' Having unneccessary surgery in a third world country...not so very smart" and he walked out the door to head off to work. Did not kiss me did not hug me did not say good luck nothing he just left...Now let's talk about unsupportive....well he takes the cake.

I am a christian woman and have decided I am going to pray for him, I have been given a book "The Power of a Praying Wife" and man is it good. I am learning alot about myself and in the process I believe the Lord will change in me the things that my husband will notice and he will want to be a part of the woman he married 20 plus years ago. I love him deeply with all my heart but sometimes I do not like him very much. He can be uncaring and say things with a tone that are very condiscending and it would have been better had he not opened his trap at all.

While I was away at surgery, he told out 12 yr old that mom could not do this and it was just a huge waste of money that mom would always be fat...Of course my 12 yr old really did not know how exactly to process this information so he asked me why dad would say such a thing when I was trying so hard. NOW what do you tell a child after that?[/quote']

Wow. Im so sorry your husband is so unsupportive. I hope he comes around. I will pray for you and your family.

[Netgallegos 19]

Wow!!! I love this forum!!!

I had my surgery in Mexico...My husband never wanted to talk about it' date=' did not wish to think about it...UNTIL the very morning I was set to leave....He came into the kitchen from the bedroom as I was writing him a love letter for him to read when i was gone....He said to me "Oh writing out your last will and testament' Having unneccessary surgery in a third world country...not so very smart" and he walked out the door to head off to work. Did not kiss me did not hug me did not say good luck nothing he just left...Now let's talk about unsupportive....well he takes the cake.

I am a christian woman and have decided I am going to pray for him, I have been given a book "The Power of a Praying Wife" and man is it good. I am learning alot about myself and in the process I believe the Lord will change in me the things that my husband will notice and he will want to be a part of the woman he married 20 plus years ago. I love him deeply with all my heart but sometimes I do not like him very much. He can be uncaring and say things with a tone that are very condiscending and it would have been better had he not opened his trap at all.

While I was away at surgery, he told out 12 yr old that mom could not do this and it was just a huge waste of money that mom would always be fat...Of course my 12 yr old really did not know how exactly to process this information so he asked me why dad would say such a thing when I was trying so hard. NOW what do you tell a child after that?[/quote']

Wow spunds like he has some issue of his own to deal with. If he thinks that low of you he must think of himself even lower. I hope everything worked out for you because family support is a key thing in this. Praying for you all