I am so Mad and HURT!

[JMO 0]

My dd is 5 1/2 years old. She worships my father and his wife and her step aunts. (they are 14 & 15) She is very impressionable, and my dad let the kids get their belly buttons peirced. At first my DD said she wanted hers done, I told her when she gets older we will see. Now I am makeing her plate for dinner and she tells me she does not want to eat because she want her tummy to be flat. I told her she has a beautiful tummy and why does she want flat. She said that nana said that she needs to shrink her tummy. OHHH I AM PISSED... Not only did she tell a five year old thats she is fat but she told her she needs to quit eating....

I have been working with my dd on healthy eating and working out. She has done great because WE were doing it TOGETHER. she worked out 5 days this week but I have never told her that eating was what made her bigger. She has really never asked why she is bigger than other kids. She is very out going and makes friends with everyone. I guess the reason I am so pissed is because I am worried they are going to give her a complex.

I never felt as if my father accepted me 100 %. He always made stupid comments that really hurt, so in turn I would turn to food. He ran out on us kids several time for months and I think alot of my food issues stem from not having a DAD.

His step kids are little prissy brats who put their goods out for advertisement (which I totally disagree with) but they are skinny and pretty and it hurts so bad for me to see the relationshiip he has with them but never had with me. I just don't want him to treat her different.

My dd is over weight, but she is not out of control. Am I over reacting? I just don't want her to be hurt.

[Woodys 0]

You need to get this family under control. It was inappropriate what was said to your daughter and they are way out of order since it is not their place to broach such subjects with your daughter.

You need to tell them to back off and mind their own business, tell them that your daughter is your responsibility and you will take care of your daughter's well being as, and when you see fit.

Carol

[Mert 0]

They should not put that on a little girl. I think your approach with her is the right one.

[Yoda 0]

Yup...I can understand why you are hurt and MAD!!! They had NO right to talk to your daughter like that and tell her those things. She is only 5 for cryin' out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She should sooooooooooooo NOT be worrying about her weight. If she eats healthy and is active, she will likely not be an overweight kid/teen as she gets older. Now look what they've done to her though process.

I agree with WoodyS....you have to have a heart to heart with those people...it is insane that they are talking to a 5 yr old like that.

[MoOrLess 0]

I say forget talking to the family -- they don't get it - proof? How they treated you growing up (Dad, that is) -- just continue to encourage your daughter to exercise and remind her that YOU eat too -- just talk about 'healthy' choices -- I did that with my now 8 year old son and he knows the difference between healthy and unhealthy -- tell her that grandmas and grandpas are just silly sometimes and laugh and go on with exercising together!!! Just my thoughts on the matter -- people don't change and if you say something it will just get worse before it gets better - that's been my experience.

[argon 3]

I agree with telling them to back off and not say $#*& like that to a 5 yr old. ANY KID for that matter!! One thing I remember to this day, is my mom always telling me to 'suck in my gut', and that WAS when I wasn't even fat yet.

You SHOULD be mad! Give 'em hell!

[TexasRose 0]

This started with me when I was 7 by my step grandmother....every time she would call, she would ask if I was "still fat." Looking back at pics, I was not fat, I would get a little chunky and then shoot up inches. My parents did not say anything to them and brushed it off as her being "her".

Anyway, the mental damage from that treatment has been a life long struggle. Please protect her as much as possible. My step grandmother's voice is in the back of my head every time I even consider eating anything that might be considered unhealthy. My first of very many diets started at 7....and I cannot think of a time that I did not highly criticize my body....or think that someone was judging my weight.

Best of luck in handling the situation.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

I know that your daughter loves your dad, but I would not allow them to be around her for a while. I think that you need to sit them down and have a SERIOUS talk to them. Not with them...to them. They have no say in this matter. You tell that that what was said to your daughter was not only wrong, but it was damaging, and that for her protection she is not going to be allowed around them until you can trust how they will treat her. You can also bring up that you do not like the influence they have on her with how they let their kids run around acting the way they do. I had to do that with my dad, and it was hard, but he was doing the same thing to my kids. Refusing to feed my daughter when she would stay over with my parents because he felt she might get fat. She was 1 at the time. Can you believe that?? Now he does not get to see either kid. I know how he treated me growing up, and I (as my children's protector) must not allow him to treat my children that way either. No matter how much they want to see him. It is for their betterment.

This is hard, but you know how you felt growing up this way. Do you want that for your daughter? I agree that around her you should call it silly. Laugh it off. And keep feeding her right and working out. That is best. And get her weight under control the healthy way. But please do not allow that woman to do such awful and damaging things to her again.

[jgandg 0]

This might sound extreme, but I would tell them they are never to make comments about your daughter's weight or appearance, but I would also not allow them to spend time with your daughter when you are not there. I would not trust them to not say something stupid, or say something not TO her, but within ear's reach, that she can overhear.

Your daughter is in such an impressionable age, and will be for years to come, very sensitive to what other's say about her. Try to build up her confidence by telling her how beautiful she is, encourage physical acitvity and healthy eating, and limit her exposure to #*%heads who might put her down.

This is a touchy subject with me, b/c my dad also made me very self-conscious about my weight, even when I was "normal". :angry

[Woodys 0]

It seems that the majority agree that you have to talk to this family and stop the way they talk to your 5 yr old daughter. Others are correct when they say that you should continue with the confident meaningful and healthful chats with your daughter......however, if your family does not get the message to back off then it just counteracts what you are trying to convey to her.

Act now, yourd daughter deserves it.

Carol

[DonnaB 3]

I agree with FunnyDuddies,

Talk to them about what they've done, laugh it off with your daughter - don't make a big deal out of it - and don't let her be around them unless you are present.

Either that or take Ripley's advise: "I say we take off and nuke them from space. It's the only way to be sure." - Aliens

[gentlespirit 1]

I think you are a wonderful caring mom and your daughter is lucky to have you watching out for her! I have found out in recent years that my ex husband said some things to my sons that they have never really gotten over (they are 25 and 27), and they tell me they struggle with insecurities every day. So stand up to those people and tell them they are not allowed to talk to or around your daughter like that. I agree that you probably shouldn't let them see her for awhile until they realize that you are serious about it. It's so sad that they are putting this on a child. What shallow people! Keep strong for your little girl...

Emily

["Just" Paul 1]

If that was my folks I'd tell them to kiss the shiniest part of the bottom of my A$$, and let them know if they did it again, they wouldn't get to spend ANY time with her.

That was uncalled for.

Sorry, don't mean to be crude, but I hate it when poeple do that to kids, and make them feel badly about themselves in any way.

[NJChick 3]

I also have a 5 year old and let me tell you, I wouldn't be pissed, I'd be fuming. You have every right to let them know they overstepped their bounds... my gosh...what's next? a tattoo at the age of 6. Don't get me wrong, I like piercing and tattoo's but there's an age, time and place for it all.

My DD has a little chubby belly and anyone who tells her she is fat will have to deal with me. I grew up being told I was no good b/c I was fat... I won't have my child subjected to that sort of abuse.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your DD. Shame shame on them!!

[Yoda 0]

YEAH!!!

This still has me all riled up.

I forgot to mention one thing in my previous post....

At five yrs of age....it is NORMAL if a lil' kid as a belly. OMIGAWD....if a kid at that age didn't have a baby fat belly, I would wonder if they were undernourished!!

%$^%$^&%#%$$@#!$# this damn thin-obsessed society makes me so angry when it gets lil' kids involved. YEEESH...poor thing....let 'em enjoy life!