I'm a single mom.. Am I selfish for doing this?

[Pinkbetty 2]

Hello!

I have been bound and determined to be sleeved in Mexico now for over a year. Like many of you, I've tried every diet known to man and will always sadly be prone to gaining weight. I am dipping into some savings bonds to do this. I have a 2 year old son and am a single mother. I am 33. I feel like such a loser. I am college educated (USC) and NEVER thought I'd be a single mother. I just wasn't at all happy with my spouse. I want a new life, an opportunity to be someone who is cute and fun loving. Maybe even meet someone. I want to be able to run around with my son instead of sitting on the sidelines and feeling blah all the time. Am I crazy? Maybe I am being selfish for doing this? Maybe I should save that money (that my parents gave me as a child) for my son?

I really, really want this. Am I crazy? Thank you all so much for listening. I feel very envious when I see all of your posts about what wonderful spouses you have.

I know what it's like to feel pretty and average weight... I want my life back!

Thanks!!

[mnbsleeve 87]

I believe that taking care of your health, physical and emotional IS taking care of your son!!! When you are healthy and feel well emotionally you exude happiness and you reach for life. You have the energy to do what you need to do and want to do. You are both a role model and a support for your child. Money comes and goes. You are fortunate to be able to have it to do this with. You will save up again and you will take good care of him ... starting by taking care of yourself first. BTW, I commend you for your courage and strength. Being a parent is no easy thing and it's even harder as a single parent and it takes a great deal of courage to do what is right for oneself and one's family. In my experience, settling always has led me to regret. Reach for your dreams!!! Good luck on your journey!!!!

[Pinkbetty 2]

Thank you! I soooooooooooo needed to hear that. Reach for the stars, right? Thank you so much for your kind words. I settled for eight years and am/ was miserable. Just not worth it. That's where most of the weight gain came from in the first place. Over it. Yuck!

[Lisalu 89]

Hi PinkBetty,

I had my 1 year surgerversary last week. I too am a single mom (of an 8 year old) and I asked myself the same questions. Let me tell you that I do not have a single regret about my decision to have the surgery. I love my sleeve. All my co-morbid conditions resolved with the weight loss and I look and feel at least 10 years younger. I hope this surgery means that I will live longer and my son and I can enjoy many more years together.

My biggest fear before sugery was dying and leaving my son an orphan. I did EVERYTHING within my power to avoid this. This is what I did:

1. I researched my doctor carefully and I recommend that to anyone considering this surgery. Statistically, most of the bad outcomes happen with less experienced doctors, though of course there are exceptions. The surgery is tricky to do laparoscopically and takes experience to perfect the technique. I'm sure there are many good doctors in Mexico, but I recommend you research them carefully and if your language skills prevent you from doing this, consider going somewhere else.

2. I lost 25 lbs prior to surgery. Getting to a lower BMI will (statistically anyway) reduce risk.

3. I exercised as much as I could tolerate. (same as above)

4. I followed my surgeon's recommendations to the letter.

Also I wrote a will and appointed a guardian for my son. It was really hard to do.

In the long run, I think this decision can be a gift to both you and your son. It is taking short term risk to reduce long term health risks.

Best of luck, chica. Keep us posted.

[thinoneday 445]

hi there, personally i think you would be more selfish NOT getting the surgery. . in the end you wouldn't be able to play with your kid or anything like you want now. . . "no son, mommy doesn't feel well" who would be selfish then? Who would be losing out on true bonding time? definately not the kid. . . so you make the decision and good luck on that . . .

[Pinkbetty 2]

Thank you everyone! I cannot BELIEVE how much weight you have lost! Am working on that will, btw. Wow, I can't wait! Dang passport card is taking too long! You have no idea what your encouragement means to me. My size 2 friends think I'm insane and too lazy to get a trainer.

[Rootman 1,101]

NO, be there for your kids future.

Fat does NOT equal healthy.

[Shea 13]

Hello. I'm also a single mother. I have a five year old and 12 year old. I'm 30 years old. I'm also a college graduate and yet I'm still single but overweight. What's important for me is to enjoy life to the fullest. We take vacations every year, some twice a year and I can't enjoy them. Last year at Disney World was awful because I didnt have the energy to walk the parks, nor did I fit in on the rides very well. This year I wanted to do a Disney Cruise but said "UM NO" I wont feel comfortable in a bathing suit and I want to enjoy myself. Something had to give. I'm saving the cruise for next year once I get my surgery and lose some weight. I'm also in my sisters wedding next May which I want to look good for. What's selfish about wanting to be healthier for your son. You are young just like me and we need to be there with our children enjoying life with them. This is their golden years, the years that they will remember when they get older and you dont want those memories to be mom always tired, and mom not being able to play with him.

I'm still a few months from surgery for having to do the six month diet first but I'm half way through it. My insurance is paying for my surgery, well 80% of it. And despite the negativity from my family and friends I feel that this will help me live a healthier, more energetic, and worth while life. And of course I will feel more confident when I do meet that right person. I want to feel sexy in all my clothes and believe him when and if "he" tells me I'm beautiful. Right now I have to love myself before someone else can, and although I love who I am I dont love what I look like. We as mothers always feel selfish when we want to do for ourselves because we spend a lot of time taking care of others, but as one mommy to another, GIRL IT"S TIME TO BE THE BEST MOM YOU CAN BE ON THE INSIDE AND OUT!, AND TREAT YOURSELF FOR BEING A WOMAN, LADY, AND SOON SASSY SINGLE MOMMY!!!

[Pinkbetty 2]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO agree! I don't even feel like doing anything fun or going anywhere or enjoying life. Thank you! We're gonna be hot mama's soon!!!! It's so weird to think we'll be THIN. It's quite awe inspiring. My friends think I'm insane. I'm not telling my parents until they say-------- dang! What happened to YOU? I so feel you.

[FishingNurse 1,211]

I also think you are doing the right thing. You and your child will be so much happier!!! Good for you huh! I am excited for your bright future!

[Pinkbetty 2]

Thanks Nurselisa! Congrats on your presurgery weight loss! Off to onederland for you!