So here is my dilemma. I have decided not to tell any family members besides my husband and a few of my girlfriends that I am getting wls. So I need to have a story as to why I might not be able to do things for a little while.. and I also visit my sister once a week and help her take care of her kids, how can I avoid not picking up the baby... so as I realize that lying isn't the best. I do not have another choice. If I say I'm having surgery for another reason.. they will all want to come and visit me.. so I guess I'm asking for tips from anyone who is also going through this situation of having to keep things from people. Just an FYI, I'm not telling them because when I have talked about it in the past they all we very negative about it.. this is for me not them!

So here is my dilemma. I have decided not to tell any family members besides my husband and a few of my girlfriends that I am getting wls. So I need to have a story as to why I might not be able to do things for a little while.. and I also visit my sister once a week and help her take care of her kids, how can I avoid not picking up the baby... so as I realize that lying isn't the best. I do not have another choice. If I say I'm having surgery for another reason.. they will all want to come and visit me.. so I guess I'm asking for tips from anyone who is also going through this situation of having to keep things from people. Just an FYI, I'm not telling them because when I have talked about it in the past they all we very negative about it.. this is for me not them!

Tell them you got strep..lol That always keeps peeps away. Sorry you have to feel like you gotta lie about it. I had a few of mine that were negitivee and I told them it isnt their body, so no need to give me any negitive comments or I would have to 86 them out of my life...

Tell them you got strep..lol That always keeps peeps away. Sorry you have to feel like you gotta lie about it. I had a few of mine that were negitivee and I told them it isnt their body, so no need to give me any negitive comments or I would have to 86 them out of my life...

Maybe you could say that you will be out of town or involved with a major project for work or training classes for a few weeks? Goodluck!

Hernia repair, baby.

I'm conjuring up my story right now. I'm getting sleeved on feb. 22 and since I just had emergency gallbladder removal on the 31st, I'm saying I have a hernia.

It sucks to have to lie, but, some people do more damage when they know the truth.

Good luck, sweetie.

I told people a hernia too.

I would say that I threw my back out.

So here is my dilemma. I have decided not to tell any family members besides my husband and a few of my girlfriends that I am getting wls. So I need to have a story as to why I might not be able to do things for a little while.. and I also visit my sister once a week and help her take care of her kids, how can I avoid not picking up the baby... so as I realize that lying isn't the best. I do not have another choice. If I say I'm having surgery for another reason.. they will all want to come and visit me.. so I guess I'm asking for tips from anyone who is also going through this situation of having to keep things from people. Just an FYI, I'm not telling them because when I have talked about it in the past they all we very negative about it.. this is for me not them!

hahaha you sound like me. . . i didn't tell my family at all either, i called my mom and non chalantly told her that i was going on vacation for about 2 weeks and that i would call as soon as i could. . she understood. . .so after i got home from the hospital on day 4 after 1 1/2 weeks i called her and told her all about my "vacation" and what a great time we had. . . then she came to visit me on Thanksgiving and by this time i had lost way over 100 lbs that is when i told her. . . hell what could she say right???? it worked great for me as well. . . families can be such a pain in the gluteous maximus. . . .

Say you've had hernia or ulcer surgery. You'll have to start on your "white lie" now though. Saying you've got a problem of some sort. Going to see a doctor & you're having surgery...blah blah blah...you know the drill. Say you don't want or need any visitors at the hospital. You just want to rest & sleep. You'll see them at home.

Okay, here are my 2 cents, why would you tell your girlfriends and not tell your sister? You don't want them to visit be clear and say that you would prefer them to see you when you get home and that you appreciate their support. As for me my husband is the ONLY one who knows, because frankly he has to watch my kids while I was in the hospital and also in case something happened to me the man gets everything so I felt like he was entitled to know, last I felt like I should be able to trust this man after being together as long as we have and giving birth to our kids. Having said that I am 4 weeks out and long before surgery I made up my mind that it was nobody's business that I was having 85% of my stomach cut out. Sometimes people feel a need to tell others because they want to share their fears, they want support, and some people I am not saying all by any means really like the attention. Well I don't and so I didn't feel like I had to explain to people why and how and when etc. I am happy with my decision because I have no stress no family member at my neck all the time and it belongs to me. This is not like trying to hide you are pregnant or that you are getting a liver transplant at least not to me. When I look thinner and people ask I will simply say that I eat less, I don't pig out on sugars and fats and I am exercising simple as that. I hope you can find a solution I cannot tell you how to avoid picking up the kids unless you claim a mental breakdown which is an unnecessary lie. If I were you since you have told your girlfriends and your dad I would just go ahead and open up to the family. Your father might get worried enough about you that he tells your sister or someone else in the family, parents can go overboard with stuff like this. Then how will you explain to your sister why you left her out?

Okay, here are my 2 cents, why would you tell your girlfriends and not tell your sister? You don't want them to visit be clear and say that you would prefer them to see you when you get home and that you appreciate their support. As for me my husband is the ONLY one who knows, because frankly he has to watch my kids while I was in the hospital and also in case something happened to me the man gets everything so I felt like he was entitled to know, last I felt like I should be able to trust this man after being together as long as we have and giving birth to our kids. Having said that I am 4 weeks out and long before surgery I made up my mind that it was nobody's business that I was having 85% of my stomach cut out. Sometimes people feel a need to tell others because they want to share their fears, they want support, and some people I am not saying all by any means really like the attention. Well I don't and so I didn't feel like I had to explain to people why and how and when etc. I am happy with my decision because I have no stress no family member at my neck all the time and it belongs to me. This is not like trying to hide you are pregnant or that you are getting a liver transplant at least not to me. When I look thinner and people ask I will simply say that I eat less, I don't pig out on sugars and fats and I am exercising simple as that. I hope you can find a solution I cannot tell you how to avoid picking up the kids unless you claim a mental breakdown which is an unnecessary lie. If I were you since you have told your girlfriends and your dad I would just go ahead and open up to the family. Your father might get worried enough about you that he tells your sister or someone else in the family, parents can go overboard with stuff like this. Then how will you explain to your sister why you left her out?

She said she told her husband and girflfriends, not her dad, and she also explained that she has mentioned it to her family in the past and they were negative about it. I can understand her wanting to stay away from negativity. Who needs it?

Edited January 13, 201115 yr by Disney

You know what, I really have to say how impressed I am at everyone's support. Thanku all for taking time to reply to my post.. I really would love to tell my family. But the truth is, its not worth it trying to have to defend urself to an army.. I will no longer be judged for being obese but ill be judged for choosing to have wls.. which I'm sure most of u have seen this happen because a lot of people view as the easy way out(which we all know it isn't) and that " your just gonna gain the weight back" comment. These people try to set u up for failure. They don't like that you are taking control and doing something about it. People get used to us being big and they get threatened by the future skinny us..

Ok, you won't like this, but when you say, "i have no choice" it makes it true..and limits you. There is always a choice. This surgery could give you the way to change your relationship with this negative Army once and for all. They do whatever it is they do is because you 'let' them. Tell them how it is going to be (ie No GD judging anymore about anything!) and walk away (from the room, the phone, the conversation, whatever..) Don't let whatever they say in your ears. With your sister, you are helping her, so she really needs to be on your side.

That being said, for ease of surgery stress, wait till afterward, THEN tell them, come home from hospital and tell them you have stomach flu and threw out your back. That will buy you time to recover, then when you feel better you might as well tell them..

..it is a secret, it will come bubbling out at some point... Good Luck!

Sorry I have read at least 15 posts this morning. So yes she told her husband not her dad-okay. But the rest of what I shared still goes I find lying to be so exhausting so I opt to keep my mouth shut. The hernia thing does go around quite a bit if you don't have anyone in the medical field in your family that might work. Here is something you have to ask yourself which I had to ask myself, what if something goes wrong, what do you tell then. I had to think about that one, matter of fact I made sure my will and done and updated by the time I hit the table.

Have you thought about telling them after the surgery?

It will be too late for them to try and change your mind at that point.... and you'll be losing weight. How can they be negative then? (Knowing family... I'm sure there is a way... but..)

You know I had the same issue, and the more I thought about situations and the amount of "white lies" I would have to tell, I decided to just put it out there!! The amount of support I recieved far out weighed all my worries!

I was not going to say anything at work, but then one person knew than another, so I just hit head on and told everyone who asked exactly what I had done. That stopped the gossip right in its tracks. One of the cops came up to me and asked if I was losing weight, and I was like 'AH yeah, only 76 pounds now" and then went on to explain 50 before surgery and 26 since. He was shocked and and said well you are looking good! I think he was more embarrassed that he had not noticed the amount, but I forgive him, he is a man after all

I am 7 weeks post op and except for work I have had only one experience with someone asking me how I was losing weight, and since the two other people in the room already knew I just said I had WLS and he said good, and then went on to talk about what he was going to do about his slight weigh issue. I think how people react is simply in the confidence you present the information with.

I told my husband, kids and boss before the surgery. I didn't tell my parents because they are hypochondiacs (literally) and I would have to deal with them calling me every day thinking I was going to die. I thought I would tell them afterwards when they saw how little I ate or how much weight I lost, but every time I saw them, they didn't really notice so I just never told them. I can't tell my sisters because they will tell my parents. I told my brother and he begged me not to tell my parents because he lives close to them and he would have to hear every day how they were worried I was going to die. Most everyone else I know now knows.

I figure at some point if the opportunnity pressents itself, I will probably tell them, but I really don't feel bad at all for keeping the secret. It was for me only and has made my life so much better. The only person I would feel bad about not telling is someone who could benefit from the sleeve and I didn't share how well it works.