Dating 2 guys is getting complicated

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I posted not long ago that I am seeing 2 guys at the same time.

I thought by now I would be able to decide which one I like better. I like them both!

They are different as night and day, and there are things I like about both of them. I don't really care, as long as they don't find out.

It's so weird after being so heavy for so long, to have this happen now. good grief, I am 57 years old. I didn't date 2 guys at the same time even when I was a teenager.

It's a really small town, and it would be easy for one of them to see me out with the other one. I have to be really careful.The funny part is that they both love to cook. They are always inviting me over for dinner. Neither of them knows about my surgery. Believe me, this is not easy!

Oh well, I am going to have fun while it lasts. Who am I to argue when they invite me to a nice restaurant, right?:blushing:

[Bklyn Lady 0]

Hi Oregondaisey: You're not engaged to either of them so maybe if you told them that you're not "exclusive" with them you would feel less anxious. But hey, at 57 you've earned the right to do whatever you darn well please. Live it up GIRL!!!

[LAN2k 18]

How exciting Daisy really, I'm in a fairly large Long Island suburb and can't even find any guy who is not already taken at this stage of my life! Well anyway since the surgery I've ZERO libido.

[Itstime 0]

Oregon you've earned the right to have multiple guys! Live it up. I don't see as many guys worrying about this issue so you shouldn't either. If they like it and they want it "put a ring on it!" lol

[pnw218 14]

You go girl!! There is no law that states how many friends you can have! : )

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Thanks. I kind of feel like that too. Neither of them has asked if I am seeing someone else. They just assume I'm not.

So far, they have not asked me out of the same night, so that part has worked out fine. One has two kids that he sees every other weekend, and we are not yet at the point where we feel the need for me to be introduced to them and that's fine with me.

I really like spending time with both of them, and I would much rather see one of them if they ask, than sit home and do nothing. Watching tv gets old. I am going to keep this up until either I see it as a problem, or I decide I really don't like one of them.

It's hard not to feel guilty though.

[WingRider 1]

It amazes me that no one has disagreed with your actions. How would/will you feel if one or both of these guys were seeing someone else besides you? The two guys you are stringing along might be looking for something serious and you are wasting their time because one of them is going to get dumped eventually. I am sure this is adding some excitement to your life because you are getting attention and the chance you will get caught heightens it even further. It also doesn't paint a good picture how you will behave in the future after you pick one of these two guys.

I think you should come clean with them both, and let the chips fall where they fall.

Bill

[pnw218 14]

Sorry Bill, but I have to disagree. Maybe one or both of those guys is seeing other girls and that's why they haven't asked her for a committment?

Plus, I think being casual friends for a longer time before getting serious is a good thing. When I have been single, I have dated more than one guy at once. If they asked what my status was, then I told them.

There are other reasons to move forward carefully.... Tiger, Jesse James, John Edwards ... LOL

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Let me make it clear that I am not sleeping with either one of them. I would not do that.

I don't really see it as one of them will get dumped. I think it will come to a point where one or actually both of them will realize we are not right for each other.

[pumpkin07 32]

It really tickled me to read your post. But I know what you mean...dating is hard work. I remember when I met my husband and we went out a lot initially, well actually for a long time. It was hard work to have the right clothes ready, to not have time to watch all my TV shows, etc. I was having so much fun, but so tired. I just wished for breaks sometimes. I still miss my leisurely life with my simple schedule. Work til 3 - Oprah at 4 - taking a nap - going for an evening swim - maybe out to dinner with a friend - keeping a journal - and off to bed. Makes me yawn to think about it. No kids, no huge worries. Now I'm busy busy with kids and husband, cooking for other people. Craziness.

I think you called it though, since you are not sleeping with either one then to me it isn't at the level that it should be an issue. I wouldn't make it an issue until you see someone getting more serious. I think in a dating relationship when someone is feeling serious they should communicate that and ask to be exclusive. And then you may be faced with a choice. But you are not there yet.

Now if I were on the other end of the equation, yeah, that wouldn't feel great. But they could be dating or looking around too, or not looking for a serious committed relationship. So we shouldn't assume that they are looking for that.

But did this happen before you lost 102 lbs? hmmm....maybe. But I have lost enough weight lately that I see people treating me differently too. It is so weird how our society is towards fat people - it is hard to be taken seriously when you are very overweight. At least that is how I feel. Often ignored. I've been up and down with weight enough in my life to know the difference in how people treat me. I have sure had a lot more people wanting to talk to me lately in public, and the landscapers are starting to look my way at the gas pumps. Thats when you know you are losing weight when you go to the gas station and the trucks full of lawn guys are all starting to look. haha The first few times I was like, OMG, do I know that person? Why are they looking at me? Is my car on fire? heehee But then I remember no, just passing down to a decent weight and they are noticing a cute chic.

hahahahahha This weight loss surgery really is a blessing. Not that I want people looking, but it feels good to be in the mainstream of society again.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

The weight surgery is a true blessing. When I was heavy, I had profiles all over the online dating sites and was completely ignored. Even when I had lost most of my weight, my face still looked really fat in pictures. It wasn't until I lost that last 10 lbs that

both of these guys responded to my profile on one of those sites. It was within a few days of each other that they contacted me. I started writing to both of them, thinking one of them would just disappear, cause that is what always happened in the past. But then both of them wanted to meet me, and now here I am, with both of them still wanting to go out.

I don't feel close enough to either of them or feel like they feel that this is serious. That's why I want to wait and see how things develop.

It does feel really good since I was so fat for so long, but still had the desire for a man in my life. I felt rejected for so long and it hurt when I would send someone a message on one of the sites and would either hear nothing back or get a "thanks but no thanks response"

[citygal 0]

You are a grown woman who can "keep company" with anyone you choose. They aren't asking so it's obviously not an issue for them right now. If and when...then you can decide what you want to do. I've been single/dating a long time. Even at 300 pounds I've had everything from boyfriends....to casual dates...

Live it up honey...you deserve it.

[educationrulz 18]

It amazes me that no one has disagreed with your actions. How would/will you feel if one or both of these guys were seeing someone else besides you? The two guys you are stringing along might be looking for something serious and you are wasting their time because one of them is going to get dumped eventually. I am sure this is adding some excitement to your life because you are getting attention and the chance you will get caught heightens it even further. It also doesn't paint a good picture how you will behave in the future after you pick one of these two guys.

I think you should come clean with them both, and let the chips fall where they fall.

Bill

I think this is judgemental and harsh to say that she is "stringing" them along. Not only do men date several women ALL the time, without any harsh judgements placed upon them, but they are often sleeping with multiple women. Maybe that's a little judgemental and/or presumptuous (sp?) of me to say, but I have a HUGE problem with double standards.

OreganDaisy is taking her time to get to know these men and exploring her options - what's the crime in that? I'm sure when she gets to the point of making a decision about who she prefers to spend her time with, or when one of or both of her male friends wants to step things up a bit, she'll do what she needs to in terms of making a commitment or ending the relationship(s). Until then, OreganDaisy, keep livin "la vida loca!"...or at least as wild as it gets for ladies like us who think it's a big deal to be dating two men at one time. :drool5:

[ouroborous 519]

The irony is that I (a man) got into a lot of trouble for doing this same thing (dating two women, sleeping with neither) many years ago. Some women friends told me that I was being deceitful and "stringing them along" (even though the situation was almost identical, we'd never explicitly *said* we were exclusive, but they might have assumed it). A lady friend of mine completely chewed me out, saying that I was lying by omission and rationalizing it.

I don't know who's right, but the really funny thing was that this same woman, some years later, was doing the *exact same thing* (and sleeping with the guys, to boot) and when I (gently) called her on it, she got all defensive and told me it was no big deal.

My rule of thumb these days is that if I'm doing something I wouldn't want my romantic partner to know about, I probably shouldn't be doing it. Following that rule has kept me mostly on the straight and narrow.

Of course, I'm a lot less wild at 39 than I was at 25!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

thanks for your advice. I'll keep that in mind.

Right now, I am still seeing both of them until one of them shows me in some way or another that they want to become more serious. I have not gotten that feeling from either one of them.