OK as most of you know I was unbanded due to erosion on Dec 6 - almost a month ago. In that month I have lost and then gained back some of the 10 lbs post banding. This is frustrating more so now than before I was ever banded.

I have more knowledge now about food and the nuances of calorie counting, portion control, exercise, water intake, etc and it is driving me crazy. I know all the bad things I should stay away from. Do I listen to my knowledgable counterpart? NO! I rebel. I feel like a teenager and rebelling against my mom. Then I feel guilty if I don't eat the right foods and then I feel like a failure all over again.

I know I know one day at a time. How easy it is to say but so hard to do. AT some point you just need to let go of the yesterdays and deal with the todays. AGain easier said than done.

I don't know what I am gonna do. I have ordered the Nutrisystem foods and just waiting for them to be delivered. Hopefully they will come this week. I am trying my best to eat healthier. I have apples, pears, carrots, oatmeal, eggs, and lean meats in the house for me to eat. I also have NON cream based soups. I have NO desserts in the house. I told John to NOT bring any in period. I can't have them in the house or I will eat them.

I did have one PBV (post band victory). I went to OUTBACK and had a chicken breast - bandster portion, steamed broccoli, and a salad. I had three bites of a cheese cake with chocolate sause. The Victory here is I only had three bites of the cake. I could have eaten it ALL. John had the rest.

I am struggling and there are days when I just wanna lie down and cry and scream and throw a fit and say WHY ME. But I don't. What good would it do?

SO I focus on making my jewelry and getting the biz up and running. At least it is keeping my hands busy while I work. I don't have something shoved in my mouth every few minutes.

Christina called me on the phone last night and suggested "Biggest Loser" to me. I have the application already filled out just have to do the video then I am submitting.

Thanks for listening

Awwww Penni, I'm sorry you are having those problems. I sometimes find chewing gum will keep me from being hungry. It already sounds like you are keeping busy and I know that helps. I hope when you get the meals it will help even more. I know it must be very difficult for you right now. Are you still working with your personal trainer? Are you still working out/walking?

I'm here if you just want someone to talk to. I know what you are feeling, I've lost weight a ton of times only to gain it right back. So, please don't hesitate to call me if you want to just talk.

I really think you can beat this weight thing, you just have to find the program that works for you. I have found that one program doesn't work for everyone!

Hang in there, vent to us when you are feeling down or just need a friend.

Hugs!

Oh, Penni. I think we ALL know how you're feeling...it's this sort of feeling that led us to get the band in the first place.

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I am sending strong sympathy vibes.

I'm sorry for what you're going through too. And I hope it's ok for me to post this but I just looked at your webpage and OMG your jewelry is BREATHTAKING! You're truly gifted. I'll be contacting you later this month with some orders.

Penni, I am sorry you are going through this. It is wonderful you are making your jewelry to keep yourself busy. Even me banded now I have to fight with food demons... we all do banded or not. But I think you will be a ble to pull this, your a strong person... and That Nutrisystem looks like a good plan. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Chin up girl!

It would be so cool to turn on the TV & see you on The Biggest Loser. Do it! I think it is a great idea! I know you're going to win this battle! I'm rooting for you! (((((HUGS))))) Maybe you do need to throw one good tantrum! Kick, scream, cry, get mad! Sometimes it helps. I know I usually feel better. No sense in holding it in.

Good Luck to you Penni - I think that having gone through all of this - that you will be more than resolved to control this.

I am soo sorry for all of your troubles. I really will pray for you and I wish you much luck and hope in the months ahead as you heal and your body adjusts to not having the band.

Let us know how you are doing. Take care - nancy

Penni you will overcome this! You have been thru a lot and you will get on track!

When is the Biggest Loser on?

Penni...huggs girlie for everything that you are dealing with right now. I hope you get to be on Biggest Loser...that would be so exciting. Sending good vibes your way! Stay strong!

Penni,

I can't imagine the emotions you are feeling right now. We've all had the bad diet-hating emotions before, but I'm sure for you right now it's even worse.

I hope you feel better soon!

Penni, I am so sorry that you are struggling, and I wish you the best of luck.

Maybe after you submit your application for "The Biggest Loser" Your fellow bandsters could start a "Choose Penni" e-mail campaign to NBC???

Penni, I'm sorry you are sturggling..I feel you...it is not easy. I know this first hand. But you can do this. Call me, Call Lisa, Call Christina..call anyone when you feel the urger to eat the crap food. Journal your food. Do not give in to the demons..you can not let them win. Remember keep saying over and over in your head NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS! This is my motto..and it's working

Penni, these are all my insane thoughts. Like Alex, there's nothing I can say here. If you were closer, I'd kick your ass, but then you'd have to kick mine right back.

Just remember there are those of us who are still banded, yet we still struggle with the lack of weight loss. I know I would be struggling with the weight gain if I were in your position. I wish I could say that if my band were removed I'd have learned enough NOT to make bad choices, but I don't always practice making the best choices with the band, so I do feel for you.

Penni.....I have had a few conversations with you and I only know a smidgents of your life...but based on what I do know YOUR ONE TUFF COOKIE!! Sooo kick them demons in the ding ding girl~~ You can do it!!! It is fustrating as all get out ~ but you learned soooo much with your band. Put that knowledge to good use....and you proved you can do it by only having a few bites of the cheesecake...rather than the whole thing....Scream, kick vent.....do what cha need to do...But dont beat yourself up for the hard times......

You can do this!! You are important enough!!!

Penni I'm so sorry this is so hard for you!!! I know it would be for me especially without my band. I can't even imagine what your going through... all I can say is you are such a strong person to have gone through all of this with your band. You are a fighter and you can win!!! We are always here to cheer you on!!!! Love you girl!!! ((((HUGS)))