OK as most of you know I was unbanded due to erosion on Dec 6 - almost a month ago. In that month I have lost and then gained back some of the 10 lbs post banding. This is frustrating more so now than before I was ever banded.

I have more knowledge now about food and the nuances of calorie counting, portion control, exercise, water intake, etc and it is driving me crazy. I know all the bad things I should stay away from. Do I listen to my knowledgable counterpart? NO! I rebel. I feel like a teenager and rebelling against my mom. Then I feel guilty if I don't eat the right foods and then I feel like a failure all over again.

I know I know one day at a time. How easy it is to say but so hard to do. AT some point you just need to let go of the yesterdays and deal with the todays. AGain easier said than done.

I don't know what I am gonna do. I have ordered the Nutrisystem foods and just waiting for them to be delivered. Hopefully they will come this week. I am trying my best to eat healthier. I have apples, pears, carrots, oatmeal, eggs, and lean meats in the house for me to eat. I also have NON cream based soups. I have NO desserts in the house. I told John to NOT bring any in period. I can't have them in the house or I will eat them.

I did have one PBV (post band victory). I went to OUTBACK and had a chicken breast - bandster portion, steamed broccoli, and a salad. I had three bites of a cheese cake with chocolate sause. The Victory here is I only had three bites of the cake. I could have eaten it ALL. John had the rest.

I am struggling and there are days when I just wanna lie down and cry and scream and throw a fit and say WHY ME. But I don't. What good would it do?

SO I focus on making my jewelry and getting the biz up and running. At least it is keeping my hands busy while I work. I don't have something shoved in my mouth every few minutes.

Christina called me on the phone last night and suggested "Biggest Loser" to me. I have the application already filled out just have to do the video then I am submitting.

Thanks for listening

Penni - have a little tantrum. Kick a pillow, scream rant and rave. Just get it out of your system a little.

You are entitled after what you have been through.

I don't think "it is better to have been banded and lost than never to have been banded at all" is going to make you feel better - so try a little rave.

You know we will all be here to cheer you on. And, if YOU are going on the Biggest Loser, I know I will be watching!

Good Luck.

I know you can do it. Great job with the Cake, BTW.

hugs!

Penni,

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.........I hate when I am having the feelings you are having right now, we all know how devastating it is. The only thing other than the band that helped me was going to Overeaters Anonymous. It seems if I am reading self-help books regarding food addiction it seems to stay with me during the day. When my mom had another stroke I could no longer continue my support group but when i can, i will rejoin. It helps to have others to talk to about it.

Take care,

Darla

PS are you planning on getting rebanded?

Darla: I can't even think about rebanding for 6 months. If I do have another surgery it will be to get rebanded. But at this point I just can't handle the thought of another surgery.

I am struggling every day to keep away from the demons. I am averaging about 1400 to 2000 calories a day. I know that is way too much. I started on Nutrisystem and that will help me regulate the intake. THank goodness. I have you guys for support and JOhn is a sweetie.

I have my jewelry business to keep me busy during the day and to keep my hands busy. SO that is a plus. I am taking it one day at a time. So that is all I can do for now.

Keep me in your prayers.

Thanks guys!!

I agree with you Penni, one day at a time is easier said than done. I can't take it one day, I have to take it one meal, each hour on the hour. If I think about the day in whole it drives me nuts.

You are in my prayers.

BTW, I did nutrasystem in 1992 (right b/4 my 10 year class reunion) and did very good on it you will too.

PENNI, my sweet friend. I feel everything for you right now. Your one of the smartest people I know & still I understand the f**ked up struggle your going through.

Here is my suggestion:

you know what your going through is morning right?

Your morning your loss wether you know it or not.

The key is to stop thinking of what to do & just do.

Remember-stop thinking about it- stop thinking about it.

Set up a time frame- lets say give yourself the next 48 hours to finish morning & than instead of taking time & figuring out what to do thats good for you- just do it!

Just start- don't mention that your going to start to John or anyone. Just start. You will instinctivley do what is right.

Do not go out to any dinners w/John. You two are able to spend plenty of time together without having to do meals with one another. He'll support you - I know he will. Its great that he doesn't bring home Desserts now. I too can not have them in the house. I mean crap last week I ate a tub of frosting- holy crap:0(

So listen up. Yes your struggle is going to be harder than others - for sure. BUT YOU CAN DO IT! Really YOU CAN DO IT. Just start. Just Start. Just Start.

Again no need to talk about it w/anyone - Just start. If you fall off- Start again that very second. I am here for you in everyway possible. My door is open if you need a change of venue also. Think about it - OK? You could come spend several weeks w/me if you'd like too. THis will work Girlie - I have all the confidence in the world in you!!! I also believe you will make the BEST contestant ever on the Biggest Loser!!

Now Start..Don't think just start. Go walk around the block right now- don't tell anyone just go. Forget about the park just open the front door & walk around the block & have yourself a good cry if need be. Better yet feel the impowerment surging through your bones while you walk. Don't even change your shoes right now - just get up from the computer & go for a walk once around the block. Just once around, don't go further- You'll do that tomorrow:0) I love you!

You are an extremely brave woman Penni with all you have been through. I have no doubt with your resolve you are going to beat this weight thing band or no band. Your step-by-step journey has been amazing and heart-breaking for you I'm sure, but you sound so determined and you are completely aware of what is right and wrong. I think you will do fine, and maybe at some further date you can get re-banded. You go girl.

Honestly now, the reason we were all banded is because we couldnt "do it" on our own. So, I give you all my love and support with lots of deep prayers along with it all!

Have you thought about diet pills for a temporary fix?

You know, just a half every other day... something like that may work for you. (there's paula pushing drugs again)

penni- i know exactly how you feel about knowing what to do and actually doing it. i havent had restriction in FOREVER and i struggle daily to do what i know i should. i dont have any magic words of widsom but i do have compassion and understanding of how hard this is. we all do.

i really like what i'll succeed said about DO NOT THINK ABOUT IT, JUST DO IT. sometimes i feel like all i do is think about food. i am always thinking about my next meal.

I am really sorry for what you are going through. I cant begin to imagine. I can only reiterate what has been said.

We got this band because after years of trying we couldnt do it ourselves. The band basically controls how much we eat. I think daily if it wasnt for the band I know I would go back to eating how I was. I pray everyday that my band will stay in forever. Dont feel bad that you are eating more now, of course you are going to...you dont have that "stop". One day at a time and one meal at a time. We are here for you.

I'm really sorry to hear that you had to have your band taken off. Can you please tell me how you found out about the erison? and what were the side effects that you had? I had my band for 2 1/2 years now and I'm having probelms, I started having acid reflux real bad, no restriction what so ever now. I called the dr Wednesday and talked to the nurse she said that I already to my maxium feel. I'm really worried that something could be wrong. :help: :cry

Sandy GO GET AN ENDOSCOPY PRONTO!!!! Not saying there is anything wrong but better safe than sorry. I did not have any symptoms or signs of erosion. But one of the things that can happen is a loss of restriction. SO go get an endo done. Do not let the doctor convince you to have an upper GI cause this will NOT show erosion. Only an Endo will be conclusive enough.

Keep us posted.

please,what is the difference between an Upper GI and an endoscopy?????I havent had either so.....what's the difference?