Wow. I didn't think this would happen. Here I am...2 days before surgery...printing out my flight boarding pass to Vegas...and I am crying hysterically. Maybe it is the lack of delicious foods that I have deprived myself of for...what 30 hours? Maybe it is nerves regarding the surgery and travel. Maybe it is the fact that I am self pay and if something goes wrong I could owe tens of thousands of dollars to a hospital. Maybe it is the fact that I have never met my suregeon. Maybe it is the fact that I let myself get this big...maybe it is the fact that I know that after the surgery I may not lose a bunch of weight...maybe it is the fact that I will not be able to turn to the things (food) that make me "happy" when I am sad.

Part of me wants to call it off right now...cancel the flights, the hotel and the surgery. But I know that a week from now I would be getting ready to go to work or go hang out with friends and I would be bawling because I felt fat...and my jeans would be digging into my stomach...and I would have to find a sweater to put on...even though it is 90 degrees out.

It seems that I am going to be miserable no matter what I do. Would I rather be miserable about the way I look and enjoy food (but be unhealthy) or be miserable for lack of my food freedom but be smaller?

I know the right answer...and it requires work and sacrifice...but wow am I scared and emotional. I need to know that others can do this...have done this...will do this...

I so want to delete this right now...but I know there is a reason I wrote it.

I am sorry to be such a debbie downer ya'll. But man these feelings just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Feel free to reprimand, encourage, criticize, or comment.

hang in there!! I wish I was on my way to get surgery... I am still in the planning stages. And of course it is emotional... take a few deep breaths and put it in perspective. It is only food. Think of all the great things you will be able to do if you had less body to haul around! I just keep thinking of riding roller coasters and wearing high heels And running around the park with my son, and being able to go down the slide at the park... No food tastes that good.

I wish you the very best and you are not alone.

-JoJo

SarahMarie,

if you are certain this is what you want to do, then do it. If it is not, then don't...alas no easy answer. I think it is ok to be emotional, but don't wallow, follow your instincts and do what is right for you.

Food is most of our addiction(s) and now we get to face the challenge of re-building ourselves,not many people get that kind of chance. As you go post op (should you decide to have your banding done) know that you are not alone and there are many ways to make your food taste good while learning new healthy habits.

I wish you well and please let us know your decision!:blushing:

It seems that I am going to be miserable no matter what I do. Would I rather be miserable about the way I look and enjoy food (but be unhealthy) or be miserable for lack of my food freedom but be smaller?

I too have wrestled with these exact same thoughts. But then I get ahold of myself and I know that this is the right thing to do. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it's definitely the best. You just need to talk to yourself about it. Weigh out the options. Do it for yourself and not because of anyone else.

Good Luck to you. Hang in there. The reward is so close and will be worth the wait.:blushing:

It seems that I am going to be miserable no matter what I do. Would I rather be miserable about the way I look and enjoy food (but be unhealthy) or be miserable for lack of my food freedom but be smaller?

I get what you're saying and I've been there. I took a lot of time getting myself in the right mindset (over a year) and now I'm ready. I think it's ok to put it off if you need to, but it's also normal to have these doubts.

Look, I enjoy food and I don't think there's anything morally wrong with liking food no matter what this society tries to tell us (especially women). What my problem is is that I like too much food quantity wise and the lapband will help me with that. You better believe, once I'm healed and restricted and have a mental handle on what I'm doing, that I'm going to go to my favorite high end restaurants with my husband. But now I'll just be sharing a small portion of his plate rather than having an app/dinner/dessert all my own.

I'm ready to like things *other* than food too. I asked myself- hey, what if I had the opportunity to move to a different country that didn't have any of my "usuals"- the food I thought I would die without-- would I pass up an opportunity just because I couldn't eat my usual comfort food? And the answer is hell no! So I'm trying to think of "bandland" as a new country, with different food than I'm used to eating, but with so many new opportunities that I don't have where I live now in fatland. Yes, it's cheesy, but it really has helped me deal with this same struggle you've described.

You will not be limited as much on foods as you think. Just junk food and high carbs. The hardest time is the first 3 weeks and it gets better.

So what that you can't pig out all of the time. Don't you hate yourself after you do it anyway? Learn to like fine foods and not gross unhealthy foods. I think you will find that you miss food less than you think you will once you are banded. I am just not as hungry anymore.

I am sure drug addicts and alcoholics get stressed before going into rehab. We are food addicts and the fear of not having our food fix can be great. Break your addiction!!!

Lots of great advice here! Remember, being banded isn't a sentence - it's more like a second lease on life! Most people, in time, find that they can eventually eat most foods - just less of them. However, you still have to make a conscious effort to make good choices...

Good luck on your journey!

Brad

Hi, Sarah Marie! I was stressed before my surgery too -- I even cried about it and thought about backing out. I am so glad that I didn't (and I was self-pay too. . also didn't meet my dr. until I flew out for the surgery).

The thing that helped me the most is that I wrote out a pro/con list of why I was doing the surgery and what I was afraid of. Once I put it down on paper, my choice was so incredibly clear -- and when I had moments of doubt, I'd turn back to my list. I even brought it to the hospital with me on surgery day.

Here is a link to a post I wrote out for a bandster friend who was having some doubts. There is a link to my pro/con list on that page, in case you want to check it out. I hope you find this helpful.

Wishing you all the best,

Catherine

SarahMarie - what you are feeling is not uncommon. I girl in our support group spoke of actually crying in the supermarket because she was going to miss being able to eat what she enjoyed. She spoke of her attachment to certain foods often and how those foods are triggers that she avoids in order to keep on her path.

The mental part of this journey is extremely difficult for many of us with emotional attachments to food. I will tell you that the progress you make after your banded (albeit slower that GBP), will help to give you time to get your head in order. I encourage you to get support anyway you feel comfortable, whether that is a family member, exercise buddy, support group meetings, a professional consult, online...whatever works for you. Somebody or a group of people that you feel open to talking about your issues with food and steps people are taking to get through them.

Let's face it, food plays an important part in many social functions and daily lives. Coming to terms with how to eat healthy and for the long haul can be agonizing, but do-able. Focus on the long term results you want and how to make that happen. I wish you all the best!

Wow, did this hit home! My surgery is tomorrow. I was actually thinking earlier that maybe I should cancel it. I was thinking about all the foods I'll be giving up & maybe staying the way I am isn't so bad. But then the other voice said but I won't stay the way I am, I get bigger every year. And I was diagnosed with diabetes 2 months ago. Even more than buying the smaller clothes & looking better, I will be healthier & that's worth much more than I'm giving up. Hang in there, if I can do it, you can too!

it is perfectly normal to feel nervous and scared. change is like that and your right, it would be really easy to cancel everything and continue the same way. but if you continue with your plan, i guarantee you that you will love your new you. you will feel much much better and you will not regret a thing. :thumbup:

My surgery is Monday and I have been experiencing similar emotions. For me it's just nerves, I know i can not keep gaining weight every year, and being miserable every weekend and then eating more because i'm so sad about myself. This is such a good option, and i will go through with it. I want to be healthier and get out and do things again. I can't wait!!

But it is nerve-racking, i'll be thinking of you!!

Best wishes!

Any of us that have been banded fully understand your emotions right now. We have all been through it. But think, at any point in your life that you have been life changing decisions, you felt the same way, I'm sure. This is a big deal and not a decision you came to easily. But this is temporary and shall to pass. Look forward to the positive changes that are coming..

1. Being able to eat without feeling guilty. Even things that aren't good for you, because you can really only eat a few bites and be satisfied.

2. Walking into any store and buying clothes! Shrinking out of Lane Bryant and Catharines, moving to Old Navy, Aero, etc.

3. Being able to hold your head up because you are proud of yourself for losing the weight.

4. Being comfortable in your own skin and your clothes.

5. Not having your weight restrict your activities.

6. Not being embarassed by your size because you cant fit into a restuarant booth or airplane seat, etc.

Good luck with surgery!! You'll do great and not regret it for a moment!

Wow, you all wonderful and encouraging things to say...and I know you mean it because you have been there.

Well...here I am in the hotel room in Las Vegas. I had my last pre-op appt and nutrition class and I am ready.

My Dr. told me that after the first few days...if I can get it down I can have yogurt, skim milk, Protein shakes (of course), cottage cheese and applesauce. This definitley calmss my fears about being on Clear liquids for 1 to 2 weeks. Honestly...that would be torture.

I am jumping in to the deep end and I am ready to swim. I ready to gain my confidence back and my body too!

One question I ask....is what about the device failure? I know that slippages and erosions and port flippings rarely happen...but if they do....and I am a self pay patient...how does that work? Anyone have any experience with that?

I am not planning for a failure by any means...but I do feel better when my bases are covered and I know all the possibilities.

During this process....I have kind of forgotten what I will be GETTING. I am focus on what I have to change, how sick I could get, how much my life will change...but I am forgetting that I will be thin! I am 242 right now (8 pounds lost on my own) and cannot imagine weighing 200 again....175 again....150????? WOWZERS.

I am excited folks. I will post again after surgery as soon as I am feeling up to it :thumbup::thumbup:

Wow, you all wonderful and encouraging things to say...and I know you mean it because you have been there.

Well...here I am in the hotel room in Las Vegas. I had my last pre-op appt and nutrition class and I am ready.

My Dr. told me that after the first few days...if I can get it down I can have yogurt, skim milk, Protein shakes (of course), cottage cheese and applesauce. This definitley calmss my fears about being on clear liquids for 1 to 2 weeks. Honestly...that would be torture.

I am jumping in to the deep end and I am ready to swim. I ready to gain my confidence back and my body too!

One question I ask....is what about the device failure? I know that slippages and erosions and port flippings rarely happen...but if they do....and I am a self pay patient...how does that work? Anyone have any experience with that?

I am not planning for a failure by any means...but I do feel better when my bases are covered and I know all the possibilities.

During this process....I have kind of forgotten what I will be GETTING. I am focus on what I have to change, how sick I could get, how much my life will change...but I am forgetting that I will be thin! I am 242 right now (8 pounds lost on my own) and cannot imagine weighing 200 again....175 again....150????? WOWZERS.

I am excited folks. I will post again after surgery as soon as I am feeling up to it :thumbup::thumbup:

Glad your feeling better and good luck tomorrow! I also am being banded tomorrow and am ready! I also can go right to mushies after surgery so I am VERY happy. I know some friends that had to do 4 weeks of liquids!! Eek!! Please don't think about band failures.. its rare. You will do great and will be at 150 in no time!!

I know how you feel. I felt like I was a crackhead getting sent to rehab! I even felt a bit depressed and pissed for a couple of weeks after my surgery. Now, I feel great and it gets better as time goes on because I can see the weight loss now! Don't worry, you will do great! It's hard to do something so nice for yourself sometimes! =)