Wow. I didn't think this would happen. Here I am...2 days before surgery...printing out my flight boarding pass to Vegas...and I am crying hysterically. Maybe it is the lack of delicious foods that I have deprived myself of for...what 30 hours? Maybe it is nerves regarding the surgery and travel. Maybe it is the fact that I am self pay and if something goes wrong I could owe tens of thousands of dollars to a hospital. Maybe it is the fact that I have never met my suregeon. Maybe it is the fact that I let myself get this big...maybe it is the fact that I know that after the surgery I may not lose a bunch of weight...maybe it is the fact that I will not be able to turn to the things (food) that make me "happy" when I am sad.

Part of me wants to call it off right now...cancel the flights, the hotel and the surgery. But I know that a week from now I would be getting ready to go to work or go hang out with friends and I would be bawling because I felt fat...and my jeans would be digging into my stomach...and I would have to find a sweater to put on...even though it is 90 degrees out.

It seems that I am going to be miserable no matter what I do. Would I rather be miserable about the way I look and enjoy food (but be unhealthy) or be miserable for lack of my food freedom but be smaller?

I know the right answer...and it requires work and sacrifice...but wow am I scared and emotional. I need to know that others can do this...have done this...will do this...

I so want to delete this right now...but I know there is a reason I wrote it.

I am sorry to be such a debbie downer ya'll. But man these feelings just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Feel free to reprimand, encourage, criticize, or comment.

In my line of work I see a lot of abusive relationships. Mostly women being physically abused by their lover. That is how I am looking at this banding thing.

1. I am in a relationship with something that I love that makes be feel horrible about myself, makes me hate myself for the way I look, and something that makes me so dependent that I think I can't live without it.

2. If I was in a person to person relationship with someone that made me feel like that I would need to leave, or die. Case in point, I love food, and it abuses me, or I abuse myself with it.

3. In bad relationships the one being hurt always feels like it will be better this time, this time I can control him/her, this time it won't happen again. Will I abuse food again if I decide not to get banded....yup probably. Will I continue in this pattern for the rest of my life....yup probably.

On September 13th I am divorcing food, I am deciding the the relationship we are in is not working for me. Am I going to have a break up phase...yup probably....am I gonna recover and learn to love ME again....yup FOR SURE!

My surgery is in 12 days and as much as I want this for myself, I am just as nervous, too! All your fears are justified and are completely normal. Looking back, in say 6 months - we will all be in a different world, living a different, much healthier and slimmer life. I send prayers for safe travel, procedure and recovery. We can do this. :smile:

I love the abusive relationship analogy! You go girl.

I did it! I am banded! I have a pain build (like a cathedar attached to my belly to help with the pain. I am also on painkillers.

I get up and waslk every 3-4 hours. This is not too bad.

:smile:

I did it! I am banded! I have a pain build (like a cathedar attached to my belly to help with the pain. I am also on painkillers.

I get up and waslk every 3-4 hours. This is not too bad.

:bored:

Woohoo!!!! Congrats Sarah!!! I am soo happy your doing good. I also had my surgery yesterday and other then feeling sore I feel great. I am up and walking a lot.. my surgeon told me that it will also help the soreness of my tummy feel better. I to had a pump put in my belly for pain meds but had to pull that out last night due to it leaking. I was nervous about taking it out and thought I would for sure be in worse pain without it but so far so good :smile:

Awesome Mandyrae!

I am sorry they had to take out the pain pump. Mine is still in, however I am still taking my full dose of painkillers :smile:

Yay!

Congratulations, SarahMarie and MandyRae!!! Good Luck to you!