Explaining your weight loss

Alexandra · July 26, 2003

So far I haven't told too many people about my lapband plans, because each time I have it's a huge ordeal. As soon as I mention "surgery" and "weight loss" in the same sentence the reaction is immediately negative. I have to explain 1) why I've concluded I need surgical assistance, 2) what a bypass actually is, and 3) what the Band is and--more importantly--what it is NOT. By the time I'm done my listener has come around, but it's hardly worth the effort required so I stopped bringing it up at all.

But when I start losing weight, people are going to notice. When they ask how I'm doing it I don't want to say "surgery" because that will just start the whole q & a up again.

What do you say? Do you just shrug and say "diet and exercise" or go into the whole detail? Is there any quick way to describe the procedure?

FDATrialGuineaPig · July 27, 2003

I've always told the truth. Even if I had to explain.

Once you start really losing enough for people to notice (trust me--it always takes them awhile anyhow) you'll be so jazzed about your band you'll be chomping at the bit for people to ask you about it.

I think it took about -60 lbs for people to start going, "wow--you've lost weight!" But that was just me...

Robin

Alexandra · July 27, 2003

I'm not un-jazzed about the band, just reluctant to spend so much time talking about *me* in general. Who knows--maybe that will change with weight loss too!

Suzy Q · July 27, 2003

I too have been guarded about telling anyone. There are people who do not feel safe to me. I want positive support. So I have told people who I know will be good about it. Except for my Mother, I did tell her. LOL.

I think everyone will notice that I am dieting, so that will be good enough. This diet will end up working and that will be different.

Try to get your support where you can. Like here!

Susan

tangerine · July 28, 2003

Since I work as a bartender/restaurant manager, I'm in the public eye all of the time, with a lot of regular customers. Some I'm close to, some I know enough to know their names and what they drink but not much else. Lately *everyone* has been commenting on my weight loss, so I do explain the surgery to those I'm close to, but I say "eating less, exercising more" to the ones who I don't really want to take the time to explain to.

Wow, big run on sentences, but I think you get the idea. Like Robin said, I am totally jazzed about my band...but I also think that the whole world doesn't need to know. Eating less and exercising more is basically the truth, I've just had surgical help with the eating less part.

Alexis

wednesday · July 28, 2003

In the beginning I didn't tell anyone other then my family.

The reasons?

For one, I was embarrassed and humiliated that I had let myself go so far as to require surgery to get myself back. It was like admitting defeat...fat had beat me down!

For two, I wasn't strong enough in my convictions and my choice of the band to really "convince" people that what I was doing was right for me. It took a long time to convince my own husband. I just didn't have the energy to try to convince total strangers that what I was doing was right for me.

I told co-workers and anyone who asked that I was going in for a gallbladder removal because of all my yo-yo dieting. With the band we lose at a normal rate so this was totally feasible. I would tell people diet and exercise.

After about a year postop my hubby and were at the drug store and I saw an old friend that I hadn't seen in a long time. She did the usual oh you have lost so much weight, you look great, blah blah blah. When I got to the check out counter the cashier had overheard our conversation. She was pretty close to 100lbs overweight. She asked how I had lost the weight. I told her diet and exercise. Oh, she says. You could just see the light and hope go out in her eyes. My husband was really quiet when we got back in the car. When I asked him what was wrong he told me that I was really selfish. I was floored...I had no idea what he was talking about. He told me that by not telling people the truth of how I lost the weight, I was depriving someone who might be really interested in WLS from getting the necessary information that they needed.

So now 2 years out, I do tell more people, but not everyone. If it is someone asking who is really and truly interested in knowing I will tell them the truth. If it is some naturally thin person who really is just asking to make conversation, I tell them diet and exercise.

Alexandra · July 28, 2003

So now 2 years out, I do tell more people, but not everyone. If it is someone asking who is really and truly interested in knowing I will tell them the truth. If it is some naturally thin person who really is just asking to make conversation, I tell them diet and exercise.

That sounds about right. I totally understand about your first comment, though, about feeling like fat had beat you down. So far only one person I've told has had a reaction like I'm a loser taking the easy way out, and she has come around. (She hasn't known me very long so she didn't understand my lifelong battle.)

The negative reaction most people have is "oh my GOD! How can you risk bypass surgery--people DIE from that!" Then I have to take the next 20 minutes to calm them down, and start the education process from scratch. Your cashier might have had the same reaction if all you said was "surgery."

Maybe we should carry little information brochures to hand out when we're asked and don't have a half-hour to explain.

tangerine · July 28, 2003

Originally posted by wednesday
So now 2 years out, I do tell more people, but not everyone. If it is someone asking who is really and truly interested in knowing I will tell them the truth. If it is some naturally thin person who really is just asking to make conversation, I tell them diet and exercise.

This is exactly what I was trying to say with my tired run on sentences. lol I can't keep the truth from someone I think needs to hear about the band, *if* my weight loss is brought up.

:Bunny

tangerine · July 28, 2003

Originally posted by Alexandra
Maybe we should carry little information brochures to hand out when we're asked and don't have a half-hour to explain.

You know, I have seriously thought about doing this! I did finally start carrying around a picture of a banded stomach after I used my purse for the 85th time to show someone placement of the band.

lmtorb · July 29, 2003

I agree with Wednesday that it almost seems dishonest to tell another heavy person "diet and exercise" rather than explain what I REALLY did. It just makes them feel more hopeless that someone ELSE could do it with diet and exercise, but they keep failing doing that. So...I do what some others have said....Tell the ones who really might benefit from hearing about the Band about my surgery and tell the others I've just cut WAAAAY back on portion size as well as eat slower, chew more, etc. Saves time with some while I am able to perhaps help others by going into the honest details!

August 8, 2003

Hi Alexandra,

First of all, congratulations on your upcoming banding. I know how excited you are!

I chose to tell EVERYONE about my surgery, but that's just the type of person I am. And all of my family and friends have been very supportive (without exception!). When an acquaintance (or even a stranger who overhears how much I have lost) asks me how I've done it, I always start by saying, "I had a NEW type of weight loss surgery which doesn't involve cutting or stapling of the stomach." That usually gets their attention and I find they are more curious than negative. IF they ask for more information, I gladly give it to them, but if not, I leave it at that. It's worked for me so far. And if someone thinks less of me for having surgery to lose weight, that's THEIR problem, not MINE!

Best of luck to you!

___________________

Barb B. in Missouri

11/20/02

Dr. de la Torre

322/221/<200

Alexandra · August 11, 2003

Originally posted by bburkemper
When an acquaintance (or even a stranger who overhears how much I have lost) asks me how I've done it, I always start by saying, "I had a NEW type of weight loss surgery which doesn't involve cutting or stapling of the stomach."

Barb, this is exactly what I needed! Perfect, thank you!! I was just talking last night with a friend and telling about my surgery date, and even though I thought she understood what banding was she said "now, this is the same operation Al Roker had?" Oh boy, I thought, here we go again...

But you sum it up beautifully. And I also will venture to say that your positive reactions from people are probably 50% at least due to the fact that you're so positive about the surgery in the first place. What a great way to be!

Only 9 more days for me...

August 11, 2003

Thanks for the kind words, Alexandra. I'm sure you're going to be just as positive (even more so than you are now as a pre-bandster) once the weight starts falling off. I'm anxious to see you post your progress -- I know you'll be a great success. I think that, even if I hadn't been so positive before I was banded, seeing the results would've pushed me over the edge. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY BAND! It is the answer I've been searching for my entire life.

Best of luck to you in just 9 days!

____________________

Barb B. in Missouri

11/20/02

Dr. de la Torre

322/221/<200

sprtsmom · August 11, 2003

I know exactly how you feel, but I feel that way for a slightly different reason. I don't want to have to explain to my family about the band at this time (I am 5 weeks post op) because they'll all just think it's another one of my "crazy diet" ideas. And to tell you the truth I wouldn't blame them. They've all seen me go up and down my whole life.

So I've decided to wait until I've lost a substantial amount of weight...and in the meantime I'll just tell them I'm on a diet AGAIN. I do agree with Wednesday's husband though. If someone overweight asked me I'd want to share and I'd feel obligated to do so.

So here's hoping that my first fill next Monday will be the next step in my road to sucess.

Lori

bbrecruiter2000 · August 12, 2003

Alex,

I tell everyone who asks me that I have a Lapband and even people who dont. I dont mind taking the time to explain to anyone what it is. At my gym, I was surprised that most of the people who work there actually know what it is and still encourage me the way they would an unbanded person who is taking the time to work out.

Unfortunately, my mother, brother and sisters have not taken the time to research the band and think that I am supposed to be dropping pounds as fast as the RNY. Everytime I talk to my mom she says, is that all you have lost so far? This comes from lack of understanding, so I forgive her, but the call is sometimes dissapointing. The only person I have to please is myself and I am happy with my progress. Today is special. I have dropped 30 lb in the last 7 weeks and I am getting a fill tomorrow. My minigoal is 75 lbs lost by Christmas!!!

6/23/03

334/304/175