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It's normal for people who were part of your unhealthy habits to not like the new changes in your life. That doesn't make you a bad person. It means you're in a different season of your life now, and honestly, they can get onboard and support you or they can move along. Does that seem harsh to some? Sure. But sometimes relationships that were unhealthy, unsupportive, or even toxic can and will fall by the wayside as you become a healthier, happier version of who you used to be. My entire life has been completely overhauled. I'm really active now. I eat extremely healthy. I workout 4-5x per week. I'm pursuing a career that I thought I would never get to do. I shop differently. I look at food differently. I cut out so so many bad habits and had to work really, really hard to retrain my brain to see food as fuel and not as an addiction or drug (yes, food was almost like a drug to me). Because of these changes, I have no tolerance for anything that can derail me and set me back on the path I was on before. Does that rub people the wrong way? Yep. Do I care? Nope. It's my life and I have to live it the best way I can for me.

lol Amber, I am a realist. I don't in any way feel 'unsupported' because they majority of us oldies get it. This was more food for thought for newbies to understand what things you contend w/ when you get to near goal. My hope is to open some minds now so that it doesn't become a big shock when it happens to them

Hi all- I am just beginning the process, contemplating being banded. I had looked into it, attended an info session, 3 years ago, but had Blue Cross of NJ at that time, and they required 6 months of a medically supervised weight loss program. I was inpatient, as well as engaged to a very unsupportive man so I didn't pursue it. Fast forward 3 years, I now have Amerihealth POS Plus, and am living with a wonderful man who will support my decision 100%. I called my insurance company and they were very vague as to what's involved for approval. I am attending an info session tomorrow with a different surgical group (the one 3 years ago seemed a bit like a factory to me - too big and too busy). I did already make an appt with the doc for a consultation in 2 weeks, and he's listed as a network provider on my insurance company website. Does anyone have any experience with Amerihealth? BTW my current BMI is 40 plus I am on medication for high blood pressure. Also, if I attend info session tomorrow, what kind of timeframe can I expect to actually having the surgery?

Hey Jamie, I am so sorry you are having it rough. We were banded on the same day. I have gone through some rough Patches, but if you have a support group...go to it. I don't go to a support group, but I do use this website. I visit it daily. BTW, you are not rambling on...this is real...you are experiencing some real life issues and this is HARD! Yesterday, I had my worst lap-band experience...no nothing got stuck...I did not PB. Simply, I went to a party and stuffed myself slowly...cheetos, potato chips, almonds, crackers with spinach dip, a hotdog with its bun, I kept getting up and doing this...I knew exactly what I was doing...I was behaving like pre-lap band...I gorged and grazed. I felt so uncomfortable, and while I was doing it, I kept asking myself WTF...but I couldn't stop...but today is a new day, I would like to beat myself up over it, but I know it is counter-productive. Also, it really sucks to have an unsupportive roomie... Keep on fighting...my goal is to be a success...you read on here about the struggles...and I want to be one of those who makes it to goal or pretty damn close... Good Luck

My Dad doesnt know yet and my Mom is totally unsupportive. She says you lost 80 lbs on Nutrisystem last year and put it all back on. What about this?? 10 years from now you say the band will probably fail by then per stats, are you going to have to get these fills for the rest of your life? My mom has to force herself to eat and weighs less than 100 lbs. My Dad got down to 136 lbs, he couldnt force himself to eat and we had to put him on a feeding tube. Both have prided themselves on being so thin and make really awful comments about fat people. If I say anything she says "cant I have an opinion?" I have a slow sister I told her tonight was discussing someone at the Center and making comments about their weight (who weighed less than I do). I told my mom and instead of recognizing that this is wrong, she launched into how upset she is my sister put on 15 lbs. My 5 7 sister is all of 130 lbs or so. My support system is nil. I have no one to lean on who understands. My mom says why not just do nutrisystem again? Last time my Dad almost died twice and I had to feed my sister and was dropping in at fast food places and at the rehab where I couldnt eat right and then I broke my shoulder. She says today, well you just admitted you put on the weight when things got stressfull, Im just not convinced this is needed. Someone who doesnt care about food or like it cant understand someone like me who loves to eat and long term facing tempations. Iv yo yo'ed so many times my skin is all stretched out and I already know I will never look good again, even if I lose the weight and keep it off. But I still need to lose the weight or its going to kill me. I wouldnt know what to do with a supportive family.

Hello everyone, I am 18 and am scheduled to have the gastric banding surgery in December of 2009. I am quite nervous because I have a very unsupportive family. My dad told me I was taking the "easy" way out by surgery. I have always been overweight since the day I was born. I think its time that I do something that will help me. I only have a few close friends who do not understand what I going through physically, emotionally, and mentally. If there is anyone around my age or just someone that has good advice I need it. I do not think this will go very well without supportive people in my life. I'd appreciate the help. ~Katie

So my surgery is scheduled for Thursday and wow am I a mixed bag of emotions...excited, scared, nervous, anxious...My pre-op diet was only 3 days but I LOVE food so it has been hard (to not be able to "chew"). I am starting out with what is a considered a "low BMI"...insurance would not pay for it so I am self pay (BMI-32.45...I am 5'5", fluxuate between 195-200lbs). I have dealt with supportive people and very unsupportive people but this is my choice and I am ready to make this change.

I was once the unsure husband. I thought my wife's surgery was extreme and I worried that there wasn't enough history for the procedure to be safe. She was patient with me, but told me she WAS having this surgery. She lost 107 lbs since having the surgery a little over a year ago. She says it was the best decision ever. Now for the poetic justice part: Now I am having sleeve surgery on July 25! Her success and numerous doctors begging me to take action brought me to evaluate my options and I am just about to take the same journey as my wife did. So I guess there is hope for even the unsure or unsupportive husband!

My doctor is completely unsupportive. She says both my BMI (42) and age (22) is too low for the surgery and that I am just not trying enough and it can be done without surgery. Whatever her reasonings, I want a more supportive doctor, because without the doctor's supprt I'm not getting banded anytime soon. Please tell me who your doctor was in the Kaiser network in Colorado?

I don't want to answer the wrong question, so forgive but are you looking for the perspectives of SUPPORTIVE bandsters who have UNSUPPORTIVE spouses? Or the perspective of UNSUPPORTIVE spouses who have banded SOs? Or something else? :help:

Hi Bigdog, Welcome! I'm sorry, I dont know what PE is, but as far as your dad being unsupportive, I'm sorry. He probably doesn't understand what you are going through, and how safe the band is. You can try to educate him, but if he doesn't come 'round, just remember, its your body and your life! I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make.

I want to comment on two points that Spartan made. First . . Based on my own reading and research, I do not believe that this is accurate, and a significant percentage of the bandsters who I know have either met and surpassed their goals or are well on their way to doing so. I'm willing to bet that, of people who actually work with their bands, more than 90% are able to get to their goals. As reliable as that . . unnamed study . . by an unspecified group in Europe . . that hasn't been published yet. . and where you didn't have the underlying data. . sounds, I'm calling BS on this. The reason the band works so well is that it makes it physically impossible (well, difficult) to overeat. I just do not believe that any significant percentage of the non-banded people were able to avoid overeating for the year + that would have been required for them to actually enjoy the full benefits of being banded. I am not trying to be inflamatory here, but when I see posts like this that seem to misstate statistics or make vague, unsupported references to unnamed studies, it makes me mad. It seems irresponsible and I don't like that it might discourage bandsters or prospective bandsters from believing that they can get to goal. I have my own statistics and 18-month long personal scientific study on life with the band. That's all the proof I need that this process absolutely works when you follow the rules more often than not. And, if I can do it, so can anyone else who is willing to put in the effort. Catherine

Well, for me it isn't noticing. I'm an event planner (among other things) and support about 160 people. I don't see most of these people more than once a year. Heck, I don't recognize most of them we see each other so infrequently! So they definitely wouldn't be the type to notice a change in my eating habits. I'm slowly telling friends about my decision, but I think I will refrain from coworkers unless asked directly. I'm coming around to the fact that this is a tool and just like using a crutch isn't shameful, getting this surgery isn't either. Unfortunately, I've had a few people with really unsupportive reactions. I'd rather not have to deal with that at work too!

Hey folks-- I finally will have a surgery date by the end of the week for sometime in April. Here is my honest to God, unbias opinion of the Doctors and Specialists I have seen. First up, Bariatric Surgeon #1.... Dr. Moran. http://www.alasurgery.com/ The Short: $250 "administrative fee." Unsupportive Staff. Reputable and experienced Surgeon. Bad Bed side manner. Very much to the point. The Long: His office staff was rude, unhelpful, and unsupportive to my needs. They gave me a hassle about faxing my documentating to another doctor when I decided to change. I was denied by insurance because my BMI was > 50. They knew this on the first visit/consultation. Dr. Moran told me all he would have to do is call the insurance company and the denial would be overturned. After I plunked down the cash, the copays, etc, I was told by his office staff that Dr. Moran was far too busy to call me or my insurance company. They referred me to a financing company to pay for my surgery, even though I am fully 100% insured. They offered no assistance in the way of the appeals. Pharrah (office manager), Iris(receptionist), and Ann(bariatric coordinator) are the office staff that I had the displeasure of dealing with. I had to call their office constantly to receive updates on my case. It seemed as if without me calling and asking constantly, nothing got done. Dr. Moran himself was alright, though a bit cold and curt. The office staff motivated me to move to a new Doctor and never look back. Tammi Moore-- Psychiatrist: She is a wonderful woman and knows all about the bariatric surgeries. I really enjoyed working with her and talking with her. I am considering seeing her again after my surgery. Dr. Earnhardt - Cardiologist: This man was probably my favorite of all the specialists I have seen. So kind, attentive, and informative. Loved this visit. Ashley Miles - Nutritionist at Rex Wellness SHe was a total sweetheart as well. It was a joy to see her. Highly recommended. Baratric Surgeon #2.... Dr. Enochs. http://www.surgerync.com/ Angelica at Dr. Enochs is my angel. She was VERY helpful over the phone far before I paid them a single dime. She is the bariatric coordinator over there. She talked me through my issues and got me in to see Dr. Enochs as soon as possible. Luckily, in between visits, I lost the weight I needed for the BMI factor, so that will no longer be an issue. Dr. Enochs himself is a sweetheart and took the time to answer all of my questions. However, there is a $500 administrative fee here. BUT, since I had already paid Dr. Moran $250 and was so frustrated by the process, Dr. Enochs only charged me $250. Yay! It was somewhat of a lengthy wait once I got to the office (30 minutes after my scheduled appointment) and his office in Cary is a bit of a haul from my home in NorthWest Raleigh, but I think it was well worth it. Dr. Enochs also has a FANTASTIC support staff who saw me and spent time with me. I met with 5 employees while there, all guiding me through their area of expertise. Highly recommended. Please PM or reply with any questions at all.

I might email my friend an informative link. We've been friends since 3rd grade when I was a stick & she was chubby. Both of our weights have gone up and down over the years, and now we're both overweight again, and have been for a while. I'm going to keep doing my research (mostly on the "head hunger" issue) and not bring it up to her again unless I have to. Like I said, she's not UNsupportive, just worried, I think.

I can't say this is my 'surgery story' as I have not had my surgery yet, however this is my story. Whenever someone told me they were having weight loss surgery done, I felt compelled to talk them out of it. I felt it was my duty to do so. See, my father died after having a gastric bypass in 1982. He was only 31. He had broken his arm after a fall at work, and he was told he needed to lose weight to prevent another accident. Given the devastating impact his death had on our lives, I felt I had a righteous mandate to preach the dangers of weight loss surgery. DOOM. DISASTER. DEATH. Yeah, needless to say I was judgmental and unsupportive to people I knew who sought this treatment. As an interesting turn of events, my mother--the woman who lost her husband in 1982, underwent a gastric sleeve a few years ago. The night before her surgery I let her have it. Blamed this on her trying to impress her boyfriend. Gave her a guilt trip--heck, I gave her the guilt all-inclusive grand tour. But, oh, how I was wrong! The first time my children saw her after the surgery (a few months later), they did not recognize their own grandmother. I hardly did. Her sleep apnea (her snoring was the stuff of legend) is practically gone. She more active in her 60s than she ever was when we were growing up. Now that my cholesterol, apnea, higher blood pressure and my weight are worsening, I have done more research, seen friends have remarkable success with this option and have decided this is an option for me. And when I read some of the stories on this forum of family not being supportive, I wince. That was me. Now I'm looking at the world with new eyes. I'm seeing how food regulates our lives, the worst of it is everywhere. Just this weekend it really hit home how long we have to sit through too many commercials for coke, popcorn and M & Ms at the movies. I'm seeing that obesity IS a disease, and I need a better weapon to fight it. My surgery is in early December. I'm ready to get started. Here's to optimism, strength and tenacity to all!

I have only told a few select people because of that. I'm scheduled for surgery May 28 and I know when I return to work the end of Aug (I teach) people will notice, but I have decided I will respond with, " I have spent the summer working on making a healthier me." And leave it there. My mother was VERY unsupportive when I told her what I was going to do, so much so I got tired of hearing her negativity the next time she said something about it, which was in March I told her to just stop because there was no guarantee it would happen because I have to go through testing first. I will not tell her about my surgery, she will see me in July, but by then I Will have had the surgery and hopefully be adapted to my new way of eating.

As many of you already know I have a best friend that is completely unsupportive of lap band surgeries. I had been researching the surgery for several years before I finally started the process about a year ago. I told her that I was contemplating having the surgery and her response was that "I was being IRRESPONSIBLE and I needed to be thinking of my family!' I was furious with her response not only because my main purpose in having the surgery was for my family but because she knew how much i had struggled with loosing weight. I have had several back surgeries so exercising, except aquatic therapy, is almost impossible. We worked together for several years and so she knows my eating habits and in fact she usually ate more than me, never worked out but she can maintain a healthy weight. I actually think though that it has to do with her own insecurities, We went to high school together and I was much thinner, but actually the same size as her, but I was the one who usually received the most male attention. Since gaining weight she has had all the male attention. We are both happily married, but I do believe she likes the attention. I had not talked to her since January, when this conversation took place, my reasoning because I thought she needed to apologize. She has been mad at me for contemplating having lap band. Anyhow, she messaged me last Thursday, the day after surgery, because she found out about my daughter being in the hospital with a concussion. I told her I just had surgery, but I told her it was to have a hernia fixed. Since then we have been messaging back and forth and everything was going okay, kind of back to normal, until she askes if "I am still thinking about having that ridiculous surgery?" I didn't answer her and she says "Are you sure that isn't why you had surgery" Again, I didn't respond to her question. So then she says, "we need to get together sometime and go out to eat, and then we will find out the truth!" I honestly don't know how to deal with her anymore. Do I tell her the truth and listen to the backlash or just leave her alone and go on with my life? I'm not sure if a true friend would treat me this way!

I can see this from both sides, but what would be the problem with waiting until you return from Mexico to tell the PCP about the surgery and providing them with the surgeon's reports? Then, if they're not supportive, you can start looking for a new doctor. If the thought of the stress you might suffer from dealing with negative, unsupportive comments from the doc is bothering you, why put yourself through that? Now, the issue of not telling AT ALL after surgery...that seems really risky, but I can see OreganDaisy's point about that also. I hate that some of us even have to be put in that position because of these BS insurance companies.

Hmmm, I have one friend who is remarkable unsupportive. I honestly wish I had never told her about it in the first place. I did not tell too many people, my mom, grandma, husband, and 4 very close friends. With the exception of this one riend everyone has been super about it. I think the unsuportive friend has her own issues and me being 100 pounds overwieght makes it easier for her to feel good about the 50 or so pounds she claims she needs to lose. I dont accept negativity and I look at it as her problem rather than mine. It sucks that I dont want to talk to her too much about it because it iss an exciting journey that Iwant to share with those I am close to. I have not told anyone else in my family because I know they would not understand and I dont feel like explaining and reexpailning and justifying etc over and over again.

I think fear makes those closest to us seem unsupportive. I encouraged my family to ask as many questions of me as they could until their mind was at ease. If you feel like it is interfering with your progress just distance yourself for a while. As far as your husband goes only you can reasure him as time goes on. That is just his own fear and insecurity talking.

Hi don't give up. If you follow all steps you will be fine. Don't let the unsupportive people kick you off surgery or scare u. Put in your mind you can do this and you WILL DO THIS!! I will all the best and good luck.

The doctor did say that when you lose weight that fast that you lose muscle tissue, so that when you gain it back, you gain back all fat...being 14 and with unsupportive parents she probably wasn't taught much about exercise or nutrition. I never understood how a person can gain weight back after a bypass.

Hi, VSG friends!! I know this question has been asked a million times but every one of us has different circumstances! So, here I go, and I apologize for this being kinda long to begin with! My name is Dana and I've been married 12 years to my wonderful hubby! We have 2 gorgeous girls (ages 9 & 6) who I homeschool! We've been trying to have one more baby over the last 5 years, but have been unsuccesful. I have PCOS and have been on fertility meds off and on and every time I take the meds, I gain 10 lbs. So, I started out 5 years ago weighing about 225 lbs and I now weigh 288 lbs. We've decided to leave the fertility drugs alone forever, choosing VSG instead and if we have another baby when I get healthy, we'll be overjoyed.....if I don't get pg, we'll count our blessings and move on! I had a friend ask me the other day if we were still trying to get pg. I paused before I answered her because I just didn't want to tell her about WLS!! So, I told her we weren't trying anymore, but I was going to see a dietician in January (not a lie, I am to meet my pre-op requirements!) and see if I can get some help losing weight. Ok, I don't mind telling people I'm having WLS AFTER I've already had it. It's the before part! My hubby is chairman of our church's deacon body and although our church is loving and supportive, I will be the FIRST person to have VSG or gastric bypass in our whole church, not to mention as a person who holds several leadership positions. I'm not at all sure of what reaction I'm going to get. I KNOW a few people would try to talk me out of it and tell me I just need to pray for more self-control....just a few, but I'd really rather avoid any negativity altogether! Do you agree?? If you were me, would you wait until after to tell? The other issue I have is when to tell our parents. With my in-laws, I'm not worried about them being unsupportive necessarily. They won't be thrilled, but I don't think they'd discourage me. It's more that my MIL worries and when she worries she gets horrible migraines! With my parents, it's a bit stickier. I don't have a good relationship with my parents right now. My mom tried to committ suicide for the second time a year ago and it was then that I finally realized that we've had a co-dependent relationship my whole life. I started setting healthy boundaries, my parents didn't like it, so we only see them on holidays/birthdays now. Their choice, not mine, but I decided a year ago that I would be healthy mentally and this year decided that my body needed to reflect the new health on my insides!! Anyway, what would you do? I was thinking about calling and telling both sets of parents the night before my surgery. I think they'd all be upset if we told them after the fact!! I'm having my sleep study done on January 5th, my diet consult and psych eval on January 12th, then we submit everything to my insurance company and I should have a surgery date in February! I'm so excited and feel so blessed that I have a hubby that is so incredibly supportive. I can't hardly wait to start my new life!!! Thank you to those of you who made it through all that!!