khunt719

When I first got my band, I ate what I wanted when I wanted and how much I wanted. My mother lost like crazy with her band and I thought it would just magically work that way for me. Boy was I wrong. I gained and couldn't lose a pound to save my life. It wasn't until 6 months of getting fills and reading books about WLS that I finally came to grips with how serious this is. I hadn't had a soda since 9-20-09 and yesterday I had a bottled soda. It took me about 2 1/2 hours to drink half of it and I thought my stomach was going to explode so I won't ever do that again. What a mistake that was. The rules are there to help you lose the weight the easiest and fastest way possible. I have followed the rules for about 2 months now and have lost 15 lbs so I know they work. I sometimes ask myself...why did I go through 1 1/2 years of fighting the insurance to get approved if I'm not going to try at this, atleast 90% of the time. Food is my addiction and I just can't do 100% and stay sane. Good luck and listen to what the other bandsters tell you because they have some really good advice. :frown:

I've had 9 fills no unfills so I don't know what you are going through but best of luck with you and the swelling will go down and it should get easier to drink. Good luck.

Thanks so much for the info. I will do this for the 3 days since I have my fill Tueday and have to lose 1 1/2 lbs by then. I don't eat anything before my fill because I want to weigh the least amount I can so I'll do the protein shakes that day. Thanks again. Good luck losing.

I don't know why but the scale just isn't moving fast enough for me. I woke up this morning and weighed in at 227.5. I have to be 226 by Tuesday and that is where I was last time I went for my fill. I was so hungry last night I ate a hot dog and a can of pea's. I sometimes can eat alot and then other times not eat hardly at all, so what gives there? yesterday we went to get our award, I had 2 eggs before I left and work brought McDonalds right when I got there to leave to Denver. How was I going to eat McDonalds? So I was starving throughout the day. We took a break and they had drinks and snacks for us...none which I could have but I did grab a diet soda hoping the carbonation would fill up my stomach so I wouldn't be so hungry. Boy did it ever. It took me about 2 1/2 hours to drink half of it and my stomach felt like it had to burst. So now I know I can't have bottled soda. I occassionaly go to Sonic and get a diet cherry limeade which doesn't give me any trouble but I let it sit long enough for the fizz to leave. This morning coffee is my best friend...it tastes so good and is hot and really helps open me up so I can have my protein shake later on. I don't know what I am going to take for lunch today. Probably a little thing of vegetables since we have no protein in the house. I told Robert we had to go to Sam's tonight or this weekend since I am off to buy some fish for me to take. Fish goes down easy and it tastes so good. I get the salmon filet that is already seasoned and is so good. But I don't have any right now. I do however have some shrimp scampi but since I got stuck on shrimp earlier this month I don't know if I want to risk it again or just chew chew chew. I know that was my problem before. I didn't chew it like I should have I'm sure and it got stuck. My husband has been trying to complete this quickbooks certification course and it is draining on him. He feels like all he does is study and take tests...I can attest that he gets cranky when he has been at the computer all day. He did his bookkeeping clients in a couple of days so now he has the month to do this training. Boy being a CPA really takes a toll on you. I finally got my BE protein shakes and I bought the melon and peanut butter. The peanut butter is really good kinda thick though more like it has real peanut butter in it. I haven't been brave enough to try the melon so I'll send some to my mother's tomorrow and let her try it first and if she likes it and I don't then I'll give it to her and I'll buy some more chocolate and caffe latte. I haven't tried the cinnamon yet but I don't really go for cinnamon. After yesterday from sitting all day, the bus ride up there, sitting through speeches, sitting on the bus ride home, my back is killing me. It hurts right where the tailbone ends. If I move any it hurts. That is where I was getting injections about every 3-4 months and they seemed to help for a short while but it is just sitting that hurts it the worst. I took my little shoulder sling purse so there was no room for percocet so I worked it out and was just in pain for the day. Now just sitting here it hurts, thank goodness we have a big computer chair. We got 2 shirts yesterday, I got my polo a 4x and it just hangs on me like a night shirt. My friend Lisa says I still have the fat girl image stuck in my head. I could have easily went to a 3x or even a 2x but I like them to cover my body so no one can see how big I really am. The other shirt came in a woman's XL so I know that it will be about another 25 lbs before I can fit into it. I have this nice yellow blouse that has a see-through shirt to go over the tank top. It is a 2 piece and I wore it when I was down to 200 lbs so I know once I am able to fit into it, I will have reached thinner...not skinny, that is 175 lbs but thinner. I love that blouse and only wore it once. It is beautiful and I bought it from Kohl's...the "I can't shop until I lose weight store." They have good bargains and nice clothes but I have to get to 200 lbs before I go back there. It would only depress me more to go in and not be able to try anything on. So I guess I'll do the elliptical in a few minutes...I'll try to do 10 min today. The doctor wants me to do 20 min but try that at my weight in one session and it is hard but I can break it up to 10 min in the morning and 10 min at night. By the time I get home from work I don't really feel like doing it. I take the dogs for their walk and I am on and off my feet all day so I know I get my walking in that way. I should start walking on my break at work that would be a 15 min walk and then I wouldn't have to do the elliptical when I get home....that would work. So how is everyone out there? Are you losing weight? running into any challenges with the band like I have? Just need a pick-me-up? Let me know I'll try to help. Have a good day and good luck losing. This is the first time I am happy about being a loser. lol:thumbup:

I have Aetna POS for my insurance and it took 1 1/2 years from my first surgeon visit to getting my approval letter. I actually gave up but I just wanted to test the waters and see if I would get approved. The first time it went to the insurance I was denied, so I pursued it and went to the nut for 6 months and did all they asked. I had a really good one that worked with insurances and weight loss surgeons so she knew what was expected. After going to her for the 6 months and her filing all the paperwork, I had to do an appeal letter. It took about a month for me to get my approval letter and then 2 weeks until I had surgery. It was so worth it. Good Luck.

Your luck sucks...sorry to say it but it does. I had my last fill and had the doctor pull out all the saline because I wasn't feeling the restriction like I thought I should. I was supposed to be at 9 and he pulled out 7. When he went to put 8 back in, the needle broke or came apart and some of the saline went on my arm. So I don't know how much I really have but I haven't lost any weight this month and go for another fill this coming Tuesday. Sometimes he has a hard time finding the port and has me lift my head or the nurse holds my legs up but it seems like when he does finally find it there is no problem usually. You just have really bad luck and I wouldn't wish what you are going through on anyone. Good luck.

While I was doing my pre-surgery appts with my nut she had me go to decaf...well that wasn't working so I stayed on the caffeine and haven't turned back since. I have been banded for 9 months, I have 6-8 cups in the morning with my protein shake and then when I get to work for break I have another 20 oz, so coffee is my best friend. I don't sleep very much so at 3:00 in the morning it is something that I crave. Nothing bad has come of this so I don't feel like I have to stop drinking my regular mocha flavored coffee.

I know I know that I have self-pity for not losing more weight. I can't stand the fact that I am tied to the scale. I weigh when I wake up and when I get home and before bed. If I am at the same weight when I get home from work as I was when I woke up I'll eat some protein but if I have gained any weight I'll just have a shake and then I get depressed. All I wanted was this last 2 lbs to come off before Tuesday because that is when I go for my fill. I don't want to have gained weight. What kind of message does that send to my doctor and I know I went overboard for the 4 days I had off. But is my body really punishing me for that. How can someone gain 10 lbs in 4 days? It doesn't make sense. I am losing sleep over this. Today I actually slept in and woke up at 5:30 so that was good for a change. I have this weekend off and hope to sleep in until at least 7:00. I have to take a xanax to help me sleep along with the other 3 prescription nighttime pills I already take. It is a cocktail that keeps me sane. I want to get off some of the pills I am on because most of them are for mood stabalizing and anti-depressants but how many does one person have to take before they feel like they can make it through the day without cutting themselves or the thought of suicide enters their head. That is what I have when I am not on my pills, I have cutter personality, I think about suicide all the time, I am a mean and hateful person and can't take a day with any stress in it. That is why I am on what I am on and now with the surgery and hopefully losing the weight will help my self-esteem enough that I can face people without the help of medication but I doubt it. I will probably be on something for the rest of my life. My grandmother gave me all her traits and she ended up having shock treatments done on her. Before the shock treatment she was delusional, hated the world, you just couldn't stand to be around her for very long because she was so negative and then after her treatment she was the best I had ever seen her. She and I were so close and I miss her so much. She is always on my mind and the good times we had when I was growing up and how we are so much alike. I just wish my husband could have met her because then he would understand where I get my personality and the things that I do came from her. When we first got together there was some stress because I was insecure and had been hurt so many times in the past. Robert was still close friends with his ex-wife and I couldn't see how 2 people that were involved could divorce and remain friends so everytime she would call I would get upset and cut myself. It made the world stand still and the pain go away. He didn't know how to handle it but since he saw how it hurt me he stopped talking to her. I didn't want her to know what was going on in our lives, it was none of her business and she always bragged about how good her life was and what she bought and how she did this and did that so well that he would tell me and I would feel like I was dirt compared to what she was, how could he go from that---a 5'2" 100 lbs beautiful woman to me...5'6" 200 lb not so pretty and then I gained another 70 lbs on top of it. What could he possibly see in me? All I have going for me is I have a great personality most of the time. I am caring, honest, protective, loving, I would give the shirt off my back if you needed one. I have a big heart to match my big body is what Robert says. He is silly. For our one year anniversary we decided it was time for me to get an engagement ring, well I told him I was a big girl and I needed a big ring, So he went out and bought me a 2.75 carat diamond ring, it is beautiful but sometimes I ask myself am I even worth it? He is a CPA so he has his tax and bookkeeping clients and works out of the house. He does all the housework and takes care of the 2 dogs. All I have to worry about is doing my laundry (which I am doing right now as we speak). He takes care of getting the groceries, making the dinners which has become even easier since I don't eat alot. We usually eat the chili he makes or hot wings from pizza hut. Right now I am on a hot dog kick where everynight I have one hot dog. It fills me up and it is protein so I don't mind eating it all the time. I go on kicks, I am sure you do too. Where all you want to eat is one thing and you can never get tired of it but after eating it for 2 weeks you are sick of it but it tasted so good while you were on the binge. That is what I do, my husband says I take everything to the extreme instead of eating a hot dog one night I eat them for 2 weeks, instead of making chili and eating it a couple of times, we make enough so I can take it for the week and I don't get tired of it. We had nothing yesterday for me to take for lunch so I took a can of artichoke hearts and ate them. They were low calorie and not too many carbs so it wasn't a waste and it filled me up enough to last until dinner. After reading on here I see where some doctors say no caffeine and others say it is fine, well coffee is my best friend in the morning, I usually have about 6-8 cups and then go to work and have another 20 oz's. It fills me up so I have a protein shake and then coffee in the morning and that is my breakfast. I figure as long as I have my protein I am doing good. By lunch I am hungry so the cup of food that I take I really enjoy. Sometimes depending on my mood I eat it real slow and take 20 min to eat it and then other times, I am so hungry I just want to get it down so it will fill my belly and I won't feel the hunger pains....is anyone else like that? I get so tired of people on here bitching because they have only lost 30 lbs in 2 months please people I would kill to lose that. It has taken me 9 months to lose this 15 lbs and I'm still fighting to lose. It is like a constant battle to try and keep the weight I have lost off and then to try and lose more, it just isn't happening. At work yesterday my team found out that we get to take the day off from working the front counter and go to Denver because we won "The Midas Award" which is a big deal for the company I work for. We usually see about 9,000 customers in a month and that is working with 9 employees on the team (most days there are 7-8 because of people taking vacation and days off) so last month with this transition we did with cable we saw 30,000 so we got this award and so we get to travel to Denver to meet with the head of the company and have lunch and get our picture taken. It should be fun, a day off from dealing with angry customers to having a leisure day to go meet new people and be recognized for what we achieved, what we did. It was 3 times the volume of people and our little lobby isn't met for that many people so most days they were out the door down the sidewalk waiting 30 minutes just to make a payment... I've been to the post office and had days like that. At our post office there is one lady who looks like she hasn't had a bath in a week, her hair is so oily it just hangs and she pulls it back with clips, but she takes forever with a customer and the sad thing is people in line have been there before and know she is the slowest person. She wants to sell you a PO Box, Stamps, Tape, Shipping Boxes...anything she can sell she tries. I know she is just doing her job but please lady there is a line out the door and sometimes you just have to go with it and get them through. I know we are supposed to sell at my job and I do get my sales every month and a nice commission but I get through the people. The average receipts for last month was 1,700 and I did 1.995 so I know I do my share of work. It is very nerve racking to have a line out the door and when people leave to take lunch or break you can just hear the customer's getting upset. It is so nice to take that 15 min and just relax and read. I have read just about every lap-band book out there and wish I would have read them before I had surgery but what I am learning now makes sense with how I feel and what I should be eating and how I should be losing weight...well we know the story behind losing the weight. I read the "Before and After" book but she had the gastric bypass but there are somethings she says that make sense even for lap band patients. The one thing she says that has stuck in my mind is nothing tastes as good as thin feels. I say that everytime I want to eat that big burger from Red Robins. Now I just eat it wrapped in lettuce but before I had restriction I would eat the whole thing. How could someone with the band eat the whole burgery and not get sick? That is how I was. I just ate whatever I wanted, now I look back on it and say how stupid I was for doing that. Well I am now off my soap box so hope you have enjoyed reading about a day in the life of Kelly. Have a good day and good luck with losing.

I ask myself that question all the time. I was banded 9-28-09 and I have lost 15 lbs. I must admit I am my biggest sabotager and I wasn't using the band as a tool, I was just expecting the weight to come off after I got and that didn't happen. I try to watch my exercise, my protein intake, my eating routine, my journaling...All of it isn't helping. I know it takes time but how much time???? I would think 9 months would be time enough. My mother had the band done in Mexico and lost 140 lbs in a year and a half without exercising. I can't even lose 20? My gosh what am I doing wrong? If you find the answer, let me know because this is very frustrating. My surgeon said to lose 1-3 lbs a month but there are people on here losing 10-15 lbs a month. I know we aren't supposed to compare but it is hard not to.

I feel like you do. I've only lost 15 lbs since Sept, pre-surgery I lost 30 lbs in 3 months. I know what I am doing wrong. I only exercise on the elliptical and walk, I don't push myself. I have days like you where I have this hole in my stomach and no matter what I eat it isn't enough to even satisfy me. I get down in the dumps all the time since I'm not losing any weight. It took 1 1/2 years from my first appt to getting my approval letter in the mail. You have come so far to just let this go. You have to stay on track and I am not a good example but if I were to tell you anything it would be to stay on track. You just didn't put the weight on overnight and it seems like a constant battle to eat healthy, eat your protein, exercise...do everything everyone tells you but that is the only way to get through this. You are stronger than you know and you just need some pick-me-ups to help you along this journey. But I think you are doing great...you just have days like I do.

I have a 10 cc band and was supposed to have 9cc's in it but I wasn't feeling the restriction so I had the doctor pull all the saline out and it only came to 7cc's. So he put it back in with another cc for a total of 8. Well the needle came off somehow and saline went all over my arm so I don't know how many cc's I have right now. I go for a fill this coming Tuesday so hopefully it will help. There are days where I am hungry after 3 hours of eating and some days not until 6 hours after eating so it just depends on the day and what I eat I guess. Maybe my "sweet spot" will come somewhere down the line. Good luck to you.

you sound like me...one good day of eating and then back to bad on the next and it's not that I am eating poorly just eating too much. It is like I can't get full or satisfied at least. It is like my stomach is an empty hole and nothing seems to go into it. Don't know why this is but it sucks. I just put weight on so easily that I don't want to weigh myself anymore but then again I want to keep track of my weight...a catch 22. Crab tomato soup sounds so good. I will try the website and see what they have to offer. Thanks, Kelly

I would love the challenge. A size 18 I would never have thought I could reach that. You sound alot like me when talking about the bread pudding, it is a soft food so it must be ok to eat it...right? I know, I know it just doesn't work that way. Thanks so much for the advice and letting me know how your life is going. If you have yahoo IM you can reach me at robertsgal68. Have a good one. Kelly

they do try harder to get at you. Some days it is like all the customers hate cable and come in to tell you that. Thanks for the answer and suggestions.

Ok so I come home last night after eating good all day and I weigh 4 more lbs than what I weighed the day before. It is like I can't get back to 226 to save my life. I don't know what I am doing wrong but the way I ate yesterday I should have been down a lb or so. I am drinking my water, walking, eating my protein. I just don't know. Before having surgery I lost 30 lbs before we went on vacation in Sept and it only took me 3 months to do that but now that I have had surgery it is taking alot longer to lose weight. What have I done to myself? I know I need to get to the gym and swim but working this OT is taking it's toll on me. I've been up since 3:00 and the internet was down for 2 1/2 hours of that so now that I can get on, I've had alot of time to think. I'm reading "Ultimate lap-band success" by Dr. Duc Vuong. He has alot of good information about behavior and I fall into the category of not getting my act together. I fall off the wagon it seems like every other day, I can't just stay on eating small amounts. Do I need a fill? I think so but I have to wait until Tuesday to get one. I don't know if that is going to make a change but I went 6 hours between lunch and dinner yesterday but Sunday I was hungry after 3 hours so I don't know what is going on with my band. It is very frustrating. I don't have to go in and do OT today...go figure since I have been up since 3, would have come in handy today of all days. So maybe tonight I can get to the gym and do some exercising for about an hour. I mean I worked so hard to get approved by my insurance. It took 1 1/2 years from my first appt with the surgeon to my approval letter in the mail. I had to exercise, journal, keep track of my thoughts and feelings, no drinking 30 minutes before and 1 hour after my meals, learn to chew chew chew. There was alot of things that lead up to this point and it isn't coming together like I thought. It is very disappointing that my mother has lost 22 lbs in her first month I haven't lost that much since having surgery. I didn't weigh myself this morning and don't think I will for a few days at least until Sunday and then I will see where I am at. Work was good yesterday, I got my score card for the month of May and I met my goals for sales and did above the average on receipts so it was good. Alot of co-workers didn't get good scores so they were upset but they only have themselves to blame on that one. I guess I only have myself to blame for me not losing the weight. I just need to get it together and it seems like it was just last week that I was saying the same thing and still haven't gotten it together. Just another story of my life. Husband is still supporting me and keeping me feeling like I really amount to something in his life and he would die if something happened to me. He doesn't like to see me upset about what is going on with my weight but he says he loves me for who I am and I am beautiful the way I look. And that is why I love him. He has been here when I gained the 70 lbs and he will still be here when I lose it and more. I just love him so much, he is my life. And of course the dogs. My daughter is in WY with her boyfriend whom I don't like but have to live with the fact that she is 22 and can do what she wants but we are here if she needs to come back home or can't make it there. She has a weight problem and her boyfriend seems to love her for who she is and doesn't mind her being fat. It bothers me more since diabetes runs in our family and I don't want her health or body to suffer because she is carrying around an extra 100 lbs. So now that I have told you how grand my life is...this is my story for the day. Hope you have a good one.

I got up early to come into work to get some more OT, I figure as long as they are offering it I'll take it. Yesterday was a very relaxing day, I did about 250 drops for my 8 hours and then some receipts to add equip to accounts. So it wasn't bad. We have a new security guard so who knows how he will be. It is nice to have the regular security guards around because they know they have to be inside the lobby to help out if a customer becomes unruly. I found a station on Sirius that is 70's and 80's music and I really enjoy it because I was getting tired of the 2000's and above. They just play the same music over and over. I bought my lottery tickets so wish me luck. It is like 7.5 mil and that would come in handy. I ate ok last night, had a big fat hot dog with relish and ketchup on it and it was yummy since I hadn't had one in forever. It was the perfect size. Then I had some strawberries with whipped cream on them and that was a nice change. I still have lost any weight and only have 1 week to lose at least a few lbs before going for my next fill. So I think I'll do protein for breakfast, chili for lunch and a hot dog for dinner. Skip the strawberries and nuts. Maybe that will inspire my body to lose some weight. It has been too hot to walk the dogs after work and I leave to early to walk them before hand so I haven't been getting my usual exercise. By the time I get home I am so tired from getting up early I rarely have the energy to work out and I know that is my downfall and I really need to do that. I wore my smaller jeans today and they put pressure on my stomach so hopefully that will keep me from over-eating today. I brought my chili and there wasn't much left but it was enough to almost fill my 1.7 cup container so maybe I will eat half and save the other half for tomorrow depending on how hungry I am by lunch. Work has been a killer with people in a bad mood and that really stresses you out and makes me want to go back to my ways before surgery of eating to deal with my problems or bad days. I just have to keep things in perspective on what I can and can't eat. I'll take a little break from doing receipts and go get a coffee from 7-11. they have pretty good coffee and I've only had 4 cups so far this morning usually my limit is 6 and I am ready for the day. I've been wearing my glasses instead of my contacts because my eyes get very dry from looking at the computer screen all day. So that means I haven't been able to wear any make-up since I can't get close enough to the mirror to put it on. It is a shame because I have about $500 in make up and don't get to use it. I went crazy one month and bought about $300 of Mac makeup and my husband thinks I have a problem with impulsive shopping so I had the doctor put me on Adderral for it and it is supposed to curb your appetite at the same time so I hope that is helping, it must be since I only eat 2 times a day. I ordered some BE protein in new flavors since they have been out of the ones I like so I'm excited to try them. Well that is my day for now. I'll let you know if anything exciting happens.

I got up at 4:15 to come into work at 5:30 so I could get some OT. I am supposed to have drops today and that is fine. Drops are where you sit in the office and process the checks that have been dropped off at King Sooper's and outside in the payment only box. It is a nice break from dealing face to face with customers and it usually takes about 4-5 hours, some people take the full 8 hours to do them but I like to get them done and come back up front to work the customers. I went and bought a new blue tooth yesterday and car charger for my cell phone. My cell phone was going dead after about 40 min of talk time which was killing me since I talk all the way to work and all the way home to family. I have to tell them about my day and then it pisses me off when it goes dead and I'm in the middle of a story. I hope the blue tooth works like it should but yesterday after I charged it while I was talking it was making this crackling sound so I don't know if that is just where I was talking that caused it but if it continues I'll take it back and buy the more expensive one. This one was $80 so it wasn't a cheap one. I'm watching dance your ass off and I have never seen it before and it is great. People are crazy on it. Eating was ok yesterday, went to PF Changs and it was good but I was hungry about 3 hours later so I had some cheese from the Whole Food's sample trays. That lasted me another couple of hours and then I had 2 pieces of pizza and 6 wings which were wonderful. So I can't take anymore days off because I eat like a pig. It was like I could have eaten anything last night, just like before I had surgery. Some days a cup of food fills me up for 6 hours and sometimes I can eat a bunch of food and am hungry in a couple of hours, It doesn't make sense. My mother is about 5 or 6 weeks out from having the sleeve done in Mexico and she is down 22 lbs so it is working for her. Just wish I could get over this hump and continue losing my weight. well this is my story for today. Have a good one.

a year and a half from denial to appeal to approved to surgery. I have Aetna

I used to love to eat out but since having surgery there just isn't the fun in it like there was. The waiter brings this heaping plate of yummy food and I can only eat a few bits and then I'm full. My husband loves the leftovers so that is a plus.

Well I woke up at 12:00 and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to do my cafe on facebook and make some coffee. After 4 cups and about an hour on the computer I went upstairs to try and sleep but that wasn't happening. I just laid there and my mind starts to think. I wonder why this surgery isn't working like I thought it should? was it all the sabotaging I did in the early stages? do I need to exercise more? What is it? I just have to lose this 10 lbs by next Tuesday and I'll be fine but it is getting it off that is the problem. So for breakfast I am having a slim jim, for lunch about a cup of chili that I made last night, and for dinner who knows. I guess we could go out for dinner since we haven't for a few days. I just hate going out because it is like you order and this heaping plate of food comes to the table and you can only eat a little bit and then you take the rest home. I don't eat leftovers unless they are from PF Changs so my husband ends up eating them. He doesn't mind all the food leftover but I get tired of going out and only eating a small portion but do I really hate it worse than being fat? I honestly hate being fat. The way my belly hangs and jiggles when I move, the way my thighs rub together, the way my boobs sag...there are so many things about my body that I would change. I already plan on getting a tummy tuck after the majority of my weight comes off but that will be in 2 years if I don't get it together and really try at this weight loss program. My slim jim is spicy but good and I guess it will do for being breakfast. At least it will keep me from craving something that isn't as good for me. I'll get some protein from it and I'll have a shake on my first break that should tie me over until I go to lunch. It is going to be a long day at work because my day started so early. I hope I don't get rude with the customers but after yesterday I think I can get through anything. We had so many yellers in here it was nuts. Everyone had an attitude and I hate when they think they are better than me just because they come and pay their cable bill. Pay it on time and pay the full balance if you are going to act that way with me. Please, I am college educated and making more money now than when I was in law enforcement and I don't have the danger that came with that job. Well this in my story for today. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

well the 4 days off really got me...I gained 10 lbs. How could anyone gain 10 lbs in 4 days? I know I ate like a pig but was it my body taking in all the calories it could since it has been deprived of them for so long? What could it be? I waited yesterday and ate like I should and lost 5 lbs so I'm sure it was mostly water weight but I've never had that much water in me. I'm drinking like I should, ordered more protein powder from BE. They were out of my favorite chocolate so I'll try some new flavors. I just wanted to die when I saw the scale. That means I still have 6 lbs to lose by the 15th. How am I going to do this? I came in early to work, actually at 5:45 instead of 9:30 to catch up on paperwork. I'm trying to get all the OT I can before vacation in Aug. I still want to get to 200 lbs by Aug 29th. Now I have 5 more lbs on top of the 26 lbs I had to lose. I just have to get it together (that is the story of my life) Coming into work is not always a bad thing, I am here by myself and I can watch my favorite show-snapped-on tv and work at the same time. Life couldn't be any better...getting paid and not having to deal with customers what a relief that is. There were some off the wall people yesterday and that makes for a long day. They take their cable very seriously. I got my bangs trimmed, always go to Toni and Guy, and they didn't trim the sides like I am used to so I have to keep sweeping the hair out of my face. I bought 2 books on the lap band procedure and how to deal with it after surgery so I am starting to read those and I will keep you updated. So for now life is good just need to lose the 6 lbs by the 15th.

I had 4 days off from work for the holiday and loved every bit of them. I was bad though. It was my mother's birthday and I bought her a cake and I ate it for 3 days. I ate some good foods and some bad foods. I didn't go to the gym like I wanted to and I go for my fill on the 15th so I have to kick it in gear and at least lose 5 lbs before I go into the doctors. I hate disappointing myself and him but the cake was so worth it. Moist, soft, creamy...so full of goodness, calories and carbs. So I bought a big bottle of Arrowhead water and plan on drinking it throughout the day. My stomach didn't bother me all 4 days so I know I didn't over eat. I just ate the wrong foods. I wasn't brave enough to weigh myself this morning but I came in to do OT so I was in a hurry getting ready for the day. I'll plan on going to the gym tonight, I want to start swimming again. My mother says it is very good exercise and my body doesn't hurt after I swim and pre-surgery that is how I lost my weight is by swimming so that is what I'm going back to doing. Not lifting weights or doing cardio, just swimming. Life is good for right now. My husband did enjoy having me home for the 4 days, he is lost without me or atleast that is what he says. We have such a great time together. I can't imagine spending my life with someone else. God help me if anything ever happened to him. So this is how my day is going so far and how my weekend went. The goal for today is to eat good and exercise.

I don't know what is wrong with me but sometimes I just don't want to acknowledge that I have the band and want to eat what I want and how much I want. Well yesterday was the day. I had some jalepeno rings with half a salad for lunch. 4 ribs, a bowl of soup for dinner. About 5 hours later there was a taco bell commercial and I craved a spicy bean burrito. So we went to taco bell and I got 2 of them thinking I would eat one and put the other one in the fridge for tomorrow. Boy was I wrong. I ate both of them. I hadn't had taco bell since before I had surgery and they tasted so good. I didn't know I could hold that much. Some days it is like I can eat 1/2 cup and be full and then other days I can eat like a pig and no one would ever suspect I had weight loss surgery. If I had to do it again, I would have had the gastric bypass where you lose a lot of weight right away and then just maintain. Where when you have the band it is like a diet that you are being put on and the weight slowly creeps off. I don't want to minimize the surgery by any means but I thought the weight would come off alot easier than it is. My mother had surgery and she lost 140 lbs in the first year and a half. It was like the weight just fell off her. I'm here struggling to get even a lb off. I only go on a binge every once in a while about once every 2 weeks. And then I watch what I eat and exercise as much as I can after that day. Sometimes I do weights and 15 min on the elliptical and sometimes it is a challenge for me to do 8 min on the elliptical. I never know what my body will allow me to do. I take a prescription diet pill that gives me energy and I thought that would help and it does help curb my appetite but it is at night after it has warn off is when I have the biggest problems. I don't have any strategies on how to control this. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. My life is just floating along. My husband and I have a vacation to Vegas scheduled for Aug 29th and I want to lose 26 lbs by then so I know I need to try hard to do this. I know it won't be easy but hopefully it will happen. I have a ton of clothes for vacation and if I can't fit in them I will be very depressed. I'm in a 22-24 now and my clothes are a size 18. I know I can do this because my jean size has gone down to a 20 and fit comfortably. Just wish me luck and I hope everyone out there meets their goal as well.

So now that you know more about me and my family, I would like to introduce you to my husband. Well really he is my common-law husband. There was an ad on Craigslist for someone to go watch Harry Potter with this man. I thought he was absolutely the cutest most handsome man. I had just lost 50 lbs and was feeling good about myself and hey this was supposed to be just friends only so I wrote back that I would like to go. I knew nothing about Harry but I would have said anything to go out with this man. We met at a local store so he wouldn't know where I lived. The moment he got out of his suv, I was like this is going to be a one dater. He was so good looking and I thought I wasn't going to be good enough for him so I'm sure he would just be nice and take me to the movie and then drop me off and that would it, I would never hear from him again. We went to the movie and all I could do was hold his arm and think about how big his muscles were...yummy. After the movie, we went back to my car and we talked until 2 a.m. and then he asked when he could see me again. We went out the next night to dinner and to his place for a little bit. Then he asked when he could see me again. I was like this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He was wonderful. I don't know if I was blown away because he paid for everything and I was used to paying for everything on a date. Or because he was giving me attention without wanting sex or because he was just happy being with me. But we set another date for 2 days later. All went well and I stayed the night. 10 days after our first date I moved in. It was just fate that we met. He had gone out with a girl the week before we went out and she never called him so I think God was just watching over me and got us together. We have been together since 8-2-07 and have been never apart since then. We do everything together. He has been through me having pulminary embolisms in both lungs, to me gaining 70 lbs. He has never said anything bad about how big I got. I've lost 44 lbs and he mentioned one time that I had gotten kind of big for a while but that was it. He is my supporter. He didn't want me to go through this surgery because my mother almost died because of the band slipping and he would be so devastated if anything like that happened to me. He saw me go through the process of writing down everything I ate, keeping track of my exercise, my monthly nutrition appts and fighting with the insurance company to get the surgery. I finally got my letter and had him open it while I was driving home. I was screaming in the phone when he read that I had been approved for the surgery. From that day it is all a blur, it went so fast. It was 3 weeks before I had surgery. We went to Vegas for a week and I ate what I wanted and then I came back and started my 10 day ritual of eating the pre-surgery diet He stayed with me the whole day I had surgery and I went home that afternoon and he took care of me not to do too much. He cleans house, does dishes, washes windows...you name it he does it. I stayed with him while he went through all his studying and testing for his CPA license. When he got it, it was such a great day because now he was a CPA and could start his own business. He is the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life.

I believe because of my weight and the imbalance of chemicals in my brain the doctor's diagnosed me as being bi-polar. They have me on every kind of mood stabalizer and anti-depressant out there. I think I have tried everything. I'm hoping my self-esteem goes up as my weight goes down. I've tried suicide 3 times, failed at those attempts which I am glad about now. My grandmother who I was very close to was bi-polar and I seemed to have gotten all her traits. She passed away 5 years ago and I miss her still to this day. I was there when she took her last breath, holding her hand. I'll never forget that day. What kind of memories are in my head? it seems like all the bad ones, but when I remember my grandmother they are nothing but good ones. My mother is my confidant in all this because she had the band before I did. She went to Mexico and had it done, it slipped and she almost died. The surgeon had to perform emergency surgery and she got better. While she got better she gained 50 lbs in a year. So she decided to go back to Mexico and get the sleeve done. She has lost 22 lbs the first month since being back and is doing great. She is diabetic and fights her sugar levels everyday. She never knows how her body is going to react to what foods. I have a brother that I rarely talk to and he lives in AZ. I have a father that is very close to me and lives about 45 minutes away in another town and we see each other once every 2-3 months. He is a compulsive gambler and is happy with how is life is. He doesn't date, has a few friends, and works for the state prison. He is almost ready to retire. I have 2 dogs, a pekingnese name Kiko, she is a rescue dog and is 10 years old so she is getting up there. I have a chihuahua Gabby that is 1 1/2 years old. Gab is my husbands favorite and Kiko is my favorite. I had Kiko before I met my husband and we have been through alot together. Well that is a start and I'll fill you in more tomorrow. Stay tuned.