vanishingvixen

Before/After One Year. One. HUNDRED. #. Wow… Size 24 I thought I’d have alot to say. Waxing poetic about the journey. But really? I’m just happy. Healthier than I was a year ago. More conscious of what I put into my body. Better at maximizing whatever physical activities I can…There is alot to be said for that. Size 14 Though I’ve plateaued for the moment – I know it will come off…eventually. I’m only a few # away from “Onederland” which was a MAJOR anniversary goal that I’m kinda disappointed that I didn’t make, but… OH WELL. My doc is happy, and said I’m right on track. 4-6 more months will be my 16-18 month range for trying to get all the extra weight off, though that lofty. I was told 2 years is far more realistic – because the less you have to lose, the slower it starts to come off. We shall SEE about that. None-the-less: My back has stopped hurting. My hips are happily swaying from side to side while thanking me. My knees are now chugging along like a well-oiled machine – INSTEAD instead of threatening to give out on me with every step. Feeling it! I feel like a new person (and according to most folks, LOOK like one too – though my mind still has a problem reconciling the dramatic loss). I can run & play with my daughter. I can fit comfortably into my chair on the bus, train, booth, etc. I can go into a store and NOT have to slink to the back with the PLUS sizes and buy right off the rack in the regular Misses or Jr. Section. *head nod* Yup. I can’t complain. And even if I could…I WOULDNT. I’ve come too far. And even with about 50# to go, I know it will come [off]. Slow & steady wins the race, right? So, on my surgery anniversary (as with my wedding anniversary at the end of this week) – I am re-committing myself to this journey. Re-committing myself to a more healthy way of living. And more importantly, re-committing myself to LOVING myself, whatever state my body is in…Saggy boobs. Arm Flaps. And All. Because despite some insecurities about my “new” form (mainly my disdain that my cleavage ain’t what it used to be)…I still look DAMN. GOOD. *cheers* to the next leg of this race. I’ll check in on the other side of 200! all the best!

Just a super-quick pictorial update. Still in TOTAL and UTTER disbelief at the progress. A little over 100# in under a year. I don't even recognize myself! I've been so emotional about the transformation lately that I haven't even been able to pull my thoughts together enough to write about all that's going on. I'm putting it on the top of my list tho for the next few days. Also interested in how some of my fellow 2010 September sleevers are doing with about a month to go before our sleeve-i-versary. Highest highs? Lowest lows? Biggest challenges? Dish!! (and incase y'all forgot - this is a before shot *sigh*) Looking forward to hear some great inspirational stories!! *cheers*

Thanks ALL for the kind words and encouragement. Much success and unbounding joy for each of you on the journey ahead. *group hug*

This past Thursday was quite possibly the BEST day I’ve had as a Mommy. Ever. And that’s saying a lot. Mommy & Mini in Central Park It started simply enough: with Mini-me & trip to the Central Park Zoo. Lots of walking. Hills & such that I handled w/out a second thought or losing breath. That is something that you never really think about until after you realized that the reason you didnt think about it is because it didnt pose a problem as it did BEFORE! But of course one adventure wasn’t enough for Missy Poo. We walked and talked…skipped and played. She love, Love, LOVES Central Park…SO, b/c she had mentioned it on a prior trip, I packed a blanket & we copped a squat and had us a lil’ picnic. I felt so grateful that we were in that moment…and that I’m ABLE to spend this kind of time with her. Hell, I got misty a few times. Just seeing how happy she was. Some parents NEVER get to spend this kind of time w/their kids. So I’m thankful that God carved out this bit for me. Though the circumstances may not be ideal, and are spending all of this time in NYC to deal with a family health crisis…on top of my under-employment status…it still bears repeating that God’s timing is always impeccable. I was exactly where I was supposed to be doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. *headnod* Anyway…We walked some more and spotted what turned out to be the Victorian Gardens mini-carnival. I was hesitant b/c I knew that if she wanted to ride, that I’d have to ride with her – at least the first couple of times. And that sent me into a mini-panic /c I didn’t want to ruin my Sweetface’s first carnival experience. *sigh* So, we go to the first ride – some flying leap frog things. She looks at me and says “Come on Mommy!”. I look at the attendant…she gives me The Look & smile that says “Go ahead!”. So I look at her and ask: “Are you sure I can fit on this thing?!”She Makes is ALL worth it! falls out laughing: “Of course you can, Mami! Go!” I say a small prayer. Get on board. Buckle the belt w/out a hitch. Pull down the lapbar without a hitch. And I rideeeeeeeeeee. And after that…we head to the roller coaster (and I fit!)…we head to the flying swings (and I fit!)…we head to every ride in the park (and I fit!). I guess I should mention that at each new ride I asked “Are you sure I can fit on this thing?”. To which I got varied & sundried responses ranging from “uh, yeah. *duh* Why WOULDN’T you fit?” to “You’re kidding, right?” (As they hold open the gate and motion for me to enter). I actually cried a few times during some of my hysterical laughter that I shared with Gianna. Tears of joy. Tears of disbelief. Tears of relief. Tears of gratefulness. And yes…tears to wash away all of the $h!t I’ve been carrying around with me as I go through this transition. *exhale* It has finally hit me that this time last year – I would have never been able to dream of some of these “adventures” we are going on together. But now… its a reality, and it was the absolute most invigorating (dare I say accomplished) feeling in this whole wide world to be able to experience this particular “First…” with my daughter. It truly, truly was. And THAT, my friends (and frenemies *lol*) is exactly WHY. I. Did. This. To be able to enjoy this life, and living, and playing, and experiencing…with my child. To know that weight off my frame = years added to my life. To know that even though I might not have it all together, but I still have come a very long way – eventhough there is still much work to be done. It’s true that surgical intervention for weightloss isn’t for everyone…but it was the best decision I could have made. For ME. At THIS particular time in my life. It’s still a struggle, yes. I have my moments, yes. I even have my doubts that it worked, yes. There is a thin line between perception and reality often times, but for the first time since this journey began. I’m truly at peace. And dare I say a little giddy…about my new reality. One of the big bonuses (aside from being able to experience new things as a Mommy) is for me to do what I haven’t done in over 7 years: go to an amusement park without fear of fitting on any (every!)thing. I. cannot. WAIT… to hit Kings Dominion and every new ride I’ve missed. *giggety, giggety* IDK what even tickles me more though: the fact that I can get on my rides…or that I can get on HER rides [with her]. *adjusting my thinking cap* Ahhhh. Who am I kidding? It’s the latter… I’m sure! Life, is indeed…Good. No matter what. And Imma keep it movin’…

As promised - I'm checkin in! How is everyone? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings my Good People! I know it’s been a hella long minute since I’ve updated. My life has been nothin short of chaos for the past 3 months. That being said – I haven’t lost my focus – even though I lost my day job.I will say though – that this time has helped me really prioritize my life and what’s important…and my health (physical, mental, AND spiritual) is at the top of the heap. Feeling Accomplished after ZUMBA The time I spent in NYC motivated me to get out & move more, and that’s something I brought home with me. When I was there – some days Id walk 3 or 4 miles a day. I’d run & play in the park w/my daughter…I’d just get up and move as much as possible. I really attribute this last 15-20# I lost (in the past 2 mnths) to that. On top of that – I realized that moving got my juices flowin…so to speak. It made me WANT to move/do more…and when I do get up/out & move…I feel…vixen-ish! *lol* Seriously – I really thought my mojo was gone for good. But it is slowly resurfacing. It kicked into overdrive this week with the start of my Zumba obession – thanks to many friends, and a persistent neighbor (also a WLS gal) who wasn’t allowing me to keep making excuses. Zumba is the $h!t! *lol* As much as I lovessssss me some belly dancing, I think I’ve taken on a new luv-ah! (even though some of the core techniques are the same – which is probably why i love it so much!) I’ll be going once a week, and also taking a step-class on an alternate day. There is nothing sexier than sweating off the pounds by shakin my booty-meat for an hour straight *lol* Nothin says “Sexy” like a sweaty love-cave *lmao*. 60# to go! You know – I really thought that Miss Mojo was gone for good. I just hadn’t been feeling myself. More self conscious than I’ve EVER been in my LIFE. And it kinda saddened me. I was wondering if I would ever feel like that vivacious vixen ever again. But she is slowly-but- surely rearing her beautiful flame-haired self again. Now, I still have some concerns with saggy skin & what-not, but I’m actually very pleased w/how it’s coming off. I’m starting to have quite the svelte lil’ figure, if I might say so myself! Even my arm-flaps are fallin in to line. (Who says the shake weight doesn’t work?!) On another note: I’ve gotta say that this journey has been well-worth everything I’ve gone thru to get here. I’m at a VERY transitional time in my life altogether. This not having a 9-5 job has stressed me to no end.BUT, it has forced me to operate in my God-given gifts & talents. unique, artistic, handmade jewels...by MOI! My jewelry business is taking off to the sky, and my newest venture is off to a great running start. I’m always up for networking – so if you don’t know…NOW you know. Check them out! www.ggxjewels.com (unique, artistic, handmade jewelry) and www.present-this.com (virtual assistant services). Who woulda thunk I’d ever have to be FORCED into living my dream (and looking good doing it!?) Welp – that’s all that’s suitable for print right now… See y’all in ONEderland soon (29# to get there!)!!

Greetings my Good People! I know it’s been a hella long minute since I’ve updated. My life has been nothin short of chaos for the past 3 months. That being said – I haven’t lost my focus – even though I lost my day job.I will say though – that this time has helped me really prioritize my life and what’s important…and my health (physical, mental, AND spiritual) is at the top of the heap. Feeling Accomplished after ZUMBA The time I spent in NYC motivated me to get out & move more, and that’s something I brought home with me. When I was there – some days Id walk 3 or 4 miles a day. I’d run & play in the park w/my daughter…I’d just get up and move as much as possible. I really attribute this last 15-20# I lost (in the past 2 mnths) to that. On top of that – I realized that moving got my juices flowin…so to speak. It made me WANT to move/do more…and when I do get up/out & move…I feel…vixen-ish! *lol* Seriously – I really thought my mojo was gone for good. But it is slowly resurfacing. It kicked into overdrive this week with the start of my Zumba obession – thanks to many friends, and a persistent neighbor (also a WLS gal) who wasn’t allowing me to keep making excuses. Zumba is the $h!t! *lol* As much as I lovessssss me some belly dancing, I think I’ve taken on a new luv-ah! (even though some of the core techniques are the same – which is probably why i love it so much!) I’ll be going once a week, and also taking a step-class on an alternate day. There is nothing sexier than sweating off the pounds by shakin my booty-meat for an hour straight *lol* Nothin says “Sexy” like a sweaty love-cave *lmao*. 60# to go! You know – I really thought that Miss Mojo was gone for good. I just hadn’t been feeling myself. More self conscious than I’ve EVER been in my LIFE. And it kinda saddened me. I was wondering if I would ever feel like that vivacious vixen ever again. But she is slowly-but- surely rearing her beautiful flame-haired self again. Now, I still have some concerns with saggy skin & what-not, but I’m actually very pleased w/how it’s coming off. I’m starting to have quite the svelte lil’ figure, if I might say so myself! Even my arm-flaps are fallin in to line. (Who says the shake weight doesn’t work?!) On another note: I’ve gotta say that this journey has been well-worth everything I’ve gone thru to get here. I’m at a VERY transitional time in my life altogether. This not having a 9-5 job has stressed me to no end.BUT, it has forced me to operate in my God-given gifts & talents. unique, artistic, handmade jewels...by MOI! My jewelry business is taking off to the sky, and my newest venture is off to a great running start. I’m always up for networking – so if you don’t know…NOW you know. Check them out! www.ggxjewels.com (unique, artistic, handmade jewelry) and www.present-this.com (virtual assistant services). Who woulda thunk I’d ever have to be FORCED into living my dream (and looking good doing it!?) Welp – that’s all that’s suitable for print right now… See y’all in ONEderland soon (29# to get there!)!!

Just a quickie – since I realize it’s been a minute. My life is STILL chaotic, but my weightloss is on track, thank GOD. I can’t believe that come March 21, it will be 6 months since my life changing surgery. I am 73# down, and have lost more than half of what I need to make it to *my* goal. (My PCP wants me down to 160# which is fine – but I know once I get to 175, in MY head, I will be a TOTAL rockstar) I still have my eating issues (like being a perpetual “snacker” – even with healthy stuff), but for the most part, I’m extremely proud of myself. I’ve been spending time between home and The Big Apple, and I must say that the change of scenery has been EXCELLENT for my spirit, in terms of getting up & out & active…thus keeping the pounds coming off. I will say – I STILL can’t “see” the difference in my weight in terms of what I see in the mirror. *shrug* But the pictures don’t lie, eh? 2 mnths pre-op & at my heaviest EVER: 310# Halfway there! (-70#) AFTER (well, “now”, at least) In any event – all is going well. Will update more in detail when time permits! BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY - HOW Y'ALL DOIN?!?!?!? Surgery Date: 9/21/10 Dr. D. Halmi - Potomac Hosp. - Woodbridge, VA http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com A

Just a quickie – since I realize it’s been a minute. My life is STILL chaotic, but my weightloss is on track, thank GOD. I can’t believe that come March 21, it will be 6 months since my life changing surgery. I am 73# down, and have lost more than half of what I need to make it to *my* goal. (My PCP wants me down to 160# which is fine – but I know once I get to 175, in MY head, I will be a TOTAL rockstar) I still have my eating issues (like being a perpetual “snacker” – even with healthy stuff), but for the most part, I’m extremely proud of myself. I’ve been spending time between home and The Big Apple, and I must say that the change of scenery has been EXCELLENT for my spirit, in terms of getting up & out & active…thus keeping the pounds coming off. I will say – I STILL can’t “see” the difference in my weight in terms of what I see in the mirror. *shrug* But the pictures don’t lie, eh? 2 mnths pre-op & at my heaviest EVER: 310# Halfway there! (-70#) AFTER (well, “now”, at least) In any event – all is going well. Will update more in detail when time permits!

UPDATE: Just got back from the ER (at the advice of the nurse at my surgeon's office) and the issue IS a hernia that has developed - most likely due to a combination of the nature of the laporoscopic procedure and all of the vomitting I was doing initially. At this point, it's not obstructed, but i've been told to keep a close watch on it... Pain management is my only recourse at the moment, unfortunately. But I'm glad that it wasn't anything more serious...

Howdy folks - I'm looking for some input. For the past month, I've been having a few very uncomfortable post-op issues. I think I may have developed a hernia. When I sneeze, or cough (or even sometimes just sit), I notice tenderness/pain in my abdominal area behind my navel. I've done some research, and have learned that hernia's are an issue some folks deal w/afterwards. (possibly from the belly-button incision, and that being where part of the stomach was pulled out from - but I'm wondering if it could be from all the vomitting I did the first 2 months). I recently got laid off, I don't have any health insurance at the moment. Pain level fluctuates between 7-10 daily/consistantly... but other than that, no issues. Wondering if maybe its urgent enough to go to ER? Curious to know if anyone else has experience anything similar. Any input would be greatly appreciated!!

Hello Band-land!! It's been FOREVER since I've checked in. I didn't wanna get outsted by the forum power's that be since I decided to go with the vertical sleeve. BUT, I did promise to touch bases, since i met some amazing people during my stay here. The short update: I had surgery on 9/21 and am down about 65#. I'm feeling great, and looking pretty great too! I've gone from a sz 22/24, to a 16/18...and my knees, hips & back are thanking me! To keep it light, I'll post one of my recent updates from my VSG forum, along with the link to my full weightloss journey blog (http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com). I hope everyone is doing well!! also, if you wish to stay in touch - you can email me here: geenahb2@yahoo.com The below post is from 1/7/10 - and I've lost 6# more since then ------------------------------------------------------------------- I know, I know. It’s been toooo long since I’ve updated. We’ll just blame it on life. The last couple of months of 2010 were a dooozy. I was so glad to kick that year in the arse on the way out the door into 2011. *sheesh* Praying for a much smoother ride this year – though all things considered: at least I got my health on track. about 3 mnths post-op. down 55# Sooo, where were we? Oh yeah. Arm flaps n’such. (read about it here)I’m over it. Sorta-kinda. I figure, why worry? Besides, I got a shake weight for Christmas. Might seem like a gimmick, but it’s doing something. I feel it! I won’t even talk about the rapidly depleting “fun-bags”. I’m greatful I still have significant cuppage – even if it is on the count of them being so longgggg. By the time I scoop the slinky’s up into one of my FAB new over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders from Lane Bryant, I still have an ample bosom. *cheeze* I have also noticed that my build-a-booty exercises are working better than I expected. That, and a nice proper fitting pair of slacks makes me look Beyonce-bootylicious (even if HERS is fake). Speaking of slacks – I’m in a size 18 now. CANUFRIGGENBELIEVEIT?? At my biggest (in August) I was a sz 22/24. I’m now about 60# down (give or take, depending on the day), and its still somehow lost on me. Yeah, I get that its gonna take awhile for my old brain to catch up to my new body, but I feel like in some weird parallel universe at times. I mean – is “this” really…ME? The last time I saw 250# was over 10 years ago. And now, I’m only 51# away from my first super big goal of getting UNDER 200#. I’m on my way to ONE-derland, baybee!!! Though, I guess me hitting 50# was worth some fanfare – I just kinda…forgot. *shrug* People ask me a lot how I feel. Well, most days, I feel pretty good. I’m pretty much back to “normal”. With the exception of raw veggies/salads (and I’m craving a ceasar salad something fierce). The nausea/vomitting has subsided. And my knees and back/hips are thanking me. I’m more active in terms of walking when I can, takig the steps when I can, dancing when I can, and doing my lil mini-workouts in the bedroom. Really, its been going pretty well. I’m rather proud of myself, even if what I’m doing is minimal at the moment. the new 'do HOWEVER, due to the drastic change in nutrition/lack of protein in the first couple months…my hair started falling out. BIG time. In CLUMPS. My big beautiful fro is no more. *sadface* At first, I went with rockin drawstring pontails for a minute, but I just didn’t feel like…ME. So, on Christmas, I cut my hair off. I figured I rather have short, vibrant, healthy hair.. then longer/bigger patchy hair. So I’m going to keep it short for the next 9 months or so until I can get my protein & everything where it should be. Maintain my fiery crown of red (with the help of Clairol textures-n-tones “Flaming Desire”), however short, and rock on… I will say one last thing – the weightloss surgery was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Rough start aside, it gets easier every day. I’m making much better food choices, which means I still get to enjoy the things I love on occasion (cupcake, anyone? Well, in my case 1/2 a cupcake *lol*). I’m even rather fond of green veggies. Who woulda thunk it!? I do still feel guilty when folks give accolades of “keep up the good work” b/c I don’t feel like I’m doing much to earn that. But, if deciding to actually “do” something about my weight & health (surgery or no)…well I guess that counts for something! Thanks to all who have continued to support, encourage, and drool. Think I’m lookin hawt now? Just *weight* until the summer almost halfway there! Surgery Date: 9/21/10 Dr. D. Halmi - Potomac Hosp. - Woodbridge, VA http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com A

12# from my birthday goal of 235 See that? The scale says 247#. *giggety* That is only TWELVE# away from the goal that I had set for myself before I ever even had the surgery: to be down to 235# by my birthday (which would be a total weightloss thus far of 75#). My birthday is in 3 weeks – February 1, to be exact (TAKE NOTES, ppl!)…and my goal…is… a very POSSIBLE reality!! ((Another note-worthy occurance: this week, I was able to sit with my LEGS CROSSED for the FIRST TIME. You know, all lady-like and such. WOOOTTTTTTTTT!!!! )) A very dear friend of mine *shout out to Tracey the Stinger* is kickin @$$ & taking names on her own weightloss journey (sans medical intervention, and PURE, hardcore working out/healthier eating habits). She writes weekly fitness notes, and has been such an inspiration to so many people. Self included. She says that putting it all out there helps her to remain accountable to herself and keep her on the path. So… I think in 2011, I will be a little more vocal about my goals, eating habits, fitness details. I know that I have folks around me who will chin-check me QUICK if I start to fall off b/c they DO want to see me succeed…so I think that will only help me to keep my focus, yanno? This next 12# shouldn’t be too hard. Over the past week, I’ve dropped about 5# – and that was after stalling for about 2 wks. I just have to remember to PAY ATTENTION to what I’m putting into my mouth and not going back to the bad habit of grazing. Healthy food or no – I need to a have a more regimented eating schedule. I’ve also upped my water intake which also helps when I’m feeling bitish… (Special K protein water packets are GREAT) I’m doing pretty well on the exercise tip. (Although, it’s also time to ramp that up). I’ve been stalling on the step-class with my neighbor, but she told me that they are about to start Zumba – so I’m so THERE when that starts. On a daily basis though, I do a few minutes with my shake-weight (to try and get these arm flaps under control) and some of my booty-building workouts via exercise tv. I’m motivated now more than ever – because I truly see that going the extra mile achieves results. Spring is just around the corner, and I FULLY plan to be in ONEderland by then. If I’m at a sz 18 now, I can already see myself slipping into a sz 14 come May. That is my WORD. Speaking of my birthday…knowing that my new “personal” year is upon me, it’s time to map out my vision for this upcoming year. Not just in terms of my health, but in terms of my overall attitude and mental/emotional/spiritual wellness… in terms of my jewelry biz (which has WAY fallen off in the wake of some hard-hitting life/family circumstances)…and my professional career. 2010 was a doozy – so if I made it thru that unscathed…I can make it thru anything. I’m more motivated than ever. I’m lookin pretty good, and feelin pretty good – but there is more work to be done. Much more work. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it was built…steadily, day by day. I just want to again thank all the folks in my corner rooting for me. It has made all the difference in the world knowing that there are genuinely people who want to see me succeed in this new life that I’m carving out for myself. I have nothing but love for you all! (and I’m EVEN learning to love this journey as much as I’m loving the RESULTS) P.S. The Baltimore BEATDOWN is coming. It’s all RAVENS, baby. PITTiful-BURG: the dirty birds are comin for ‘dat @$$!!!

Thankies!! I really still can't believe it. My mind hasn't wrapped itself around the fact that this weightloss....IS HAPPENEING. *smh* I have my good days (self confidence) and bad days (lack there-of)...but when I look at the comparison shots, I get all giddy. I would have NEVER been able to do this on my own, so I'm just thankful that I was able to get the surgical halp necessary to make a life-long change... I'm rather nuts - so i appreciate the writing love. you can check out my full blog here: http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com

Yep still here. Mi vida loca is the only reason for not posting - just doen'st seem to be enough hours in the day. Work, family, buisiness...has been wearin a sister downnnnnnn

I know, I know. It’s been toooo long since I’ve updated. We’ll just blame it on life. The last couple of months of 2010 were a dooozy. I was so glad to kick that year in the arse on the way out the door into 2011. *sheesh* Praying for a much smoother ride this year – though all things considered: at least I got my health on track. shake weight for Christmas. Might seem like a gimmick, but it’s doing something. I feel it! I won’t even talk about the rapidly depleting “fun-bags”. I’m greatful I still have significant cuppage – even if it is on the count of them being so longgggg. By the time I scoop the slinky’s up into one of my FAB new over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders from Lane Bryant, I still have an ample bosom. *cheeze* I have also noticed that my build-a-booty exercises are working better than I expected. That, and a nice proper fitting pair of slacks makes me look Beyonce-bootylicious (even if HERS is fake). Speaking of slacks – I’m in a size 18 now. CANUFRIGGENBELIEVEIT?? At my biggest (in August) I was a sz 22/24. I’m now about 60# down (give or take, depending on the day), and its still somehow lost on me. Yeah, I get that its gonna take awhile for my old brain to catch up to my new body, but I feel like in some weird parallel universe at times. I mean – is “this” really…ME? The last time I saw 250# was over 10 years ago. And now, I’m only 51# away from my first super big goal of getting UNDER 200#. I’m on my way to ONE-derland, baybee!!! Though, I guess me hitting 50# was worth some fanfare – I just kinda…forgot. *shrug* People ask me a lot how I feel. Well, most days, I feel pretty good. I’m pretty much back to “normal”. With the exception of raw veggies/salads (and I’m craving a ceasar salad something fierce). The nausea/vomitting has subsided. And my knees and back/hips are thanking me. I’m more active in terms of walking when I can, takig the steps when I can, dancing when I can, and doing my lil mini-workouts in the bedroom. Really, its been going pretty well. I’m rather proud of myself, even if what I’m doing is minimal at the moment. Protein in the first couple months…my hair started falling out. BIG time. In CLUMPS. My big beautiful fro is no more. *sadface* At first, I went with rockin drawstring pontails for a minute, but I just didn’t feel like…ME. So, on Christmas, I cut my hair off. I figured I rather have short, vibrant, healthy hair.. then longer/bigger patchy hair. So I’m going to keep it short for the next 9 months or so until I can get my protein & everything where it should be. Maintain my fiery crown of red (with the help of Clairol textures-n-tones “Flaming Desire”), however short, and rock on… I will say one last thing – the weightloss surgery was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Rough start aside, it gets easier every day. I’m making much better food choices, which means I still get to enjoy the things I love on occasion (cupcake, anyone? Well, in my case 1/2 a cupcake *lol*). I’m even rather fond of green veggies. Who woulda thunk it!? I do still feel guilty when folks give accolades of “keep up the good work” b/c I don’t feel like I’m doing much to earn that. But, if deciding to actually “do” something about my weight & health (surgery or no)…well I guess that counts for something! Thanks to all who have continued to support, encourage, and drool. Think I’m lookin hawt now? Just *weight* until the summer almost halfway there!

Welp, it’s been a rough journey for me thus far. Good choices, bad choices, highs, lows, triumphs, set backs…you name it, I experience it. This whole thing is A LOT more emotional though, than I could have ever anticipated. I cry a lot. I beat myself up a lot. I feel unworthy of the “you’re doing a good job – keep it up!” “proud of you!”, and other similar accolades. I’m losing weight by default at this point. Not so much due to me making all the right health/eating choices, but sometimes as a result of my body contiuing to stage a revolt, and not being able to keep anything down. I must again stress: this is the HARDEST $h!t I’ve ever done. Even more so than bringing a life into this world. Its far more complicated…with habits & mindsets that need to be changed that have been with me for over 25 years. A relationship [w/food] that has to be transformed totally in order for this to work…but also a lot of forgiveness. Why? Because I have to not only forgive myself for allowing my food addiction to get me to the point of morbid obesity, but I have to forgive myself after I’ve made a bad food choice, and pick up…and begin again. It’s a learning process, you know? A growing process that will take a lot longer than the short 6 wk span it’s been since surgery. I was doing great during the pre-op period, but it got increasingly harder post-op. I’ve been chin-checked by friends & folks regarding some of my more public not-so-good food choices, and I appreciate that. Accountabilty will play a huge roll in the success of my long-term health. After all, its not just about dropping the pounds, its about transforming myself from the inside-out (or outside-in, however you choose to look at it). Right now – it’s all about choices. I HAVE to make better choices on a very regular & CONSISTANT basis. Not only to work the surgical tool the way it was created to be worked and acheive success…but so that on SOME occassions, I can (and will) indulge in some of the things that I enjoy. That’s what it comes down to in the end: living a normal HEALTHY life. I’m sure ill always have to err on the side of watching every little thing I eat…but NOT to the point that I can’t “enjoy” food again…I wouldn’t have agreed to such procedure otherwise. Both my surgeon & nutritionist are in agreement: There is [enjoyable food] life after surgery. *well praise the Lord & pass the peas* All that being said – I’m still amazed at the huge difference 40# has made in my appearance. Am I loving what I see? Sometimes yes…sometimes no. In fact, I’m FAR more self-concious now. I atteneded 2 parties this past weekend and got a lot of positive reactions – but it was all kinda weird to me. It may pass at some point (let’s hope) but right now I’m just trying to get used to this rapidly changing new skin that I’m in. So, that’s where I’m at right now. This [food] addiction of mine has no choice to die HARD. My life/health depend on it…

…between me and my “former” life. This week, I am 6 weeks post-op, and down a total of 40# (including what I lost during the pre-op liquid diet). I guess you can say I’m STOKED about it…but it hasn’t been without some tears. *lol* Things are still touch & go with my food. A true love/HATE relationship at this point. Most days I vomit at least once – but generally not the gut-wrenching “Why hast thou forsaken me?!”. More like just a little spit up/mega indigestion/sludge-type of deal. I PROMISE, I’m trying to eat the right things (ie: chick/turkey breast, yogurt, Soup, Beans, veggies) but my body doesn’t always cooperate. And THAT is the thing that pisses me off. Admittedly, due to the frequency of vomiting, I find myself damn-near ravenous, and have gone to extreme lengths to try to eat ANYthing I think will stay down (ie: “sliders” – chips/crackers/sherbert & such) And whadda you know – THAT crap gives me no problem. But I’m starting to wonder what the real problem is. Maybe my inner fatgirl really is having a hard time giving up the ghost… Some days I look in the mirror and become frustrated…because for the most part I DON’T see the loss except in my fun-bags and my face and my feet. Other folks definitely notice it. My clothes even notice it… but I can’t say that I “notice” it. I will say that my knees have stopped hurting, as well as my back, and even my bum-foot. All good things. And…I know it’s a process. I’ve also been told that even once at goal, I may STILL look in the mirror and “see” the morbidly obese me. But it’d be nice to look in the mirror and TRULY see what others see, yanno? Other than that, I guess I can’t complain. 40# is nothing to sneeze at. Though for some reason, I feel like I should have lost more by now. But when I look at it – it’s coming off nicely. I started @ 310. surgery weight was 298…and I’ve lost about 25# since surgery. So yeah – I’m happy with that. I think I’m just scared that once I’m able to eat food the way I’m supposed to (w/no restrictions – I’m still on mushies/no raw veggies or seeded fruits…healthily and within reason, of course) that I’m going to be stalled out – for GOOD. Yet another reason why I’m glad I’ll be cleared for real exercise next week: I cant wait to get my belly dancing again. Walking is great, but I want to do something more substantial. Plus, I gotta get to working on these arms, and doing my bootay-building/shaping exercises to get ready for the spring/summer All that to say – it’s been an amazing journey thus far. I’m still in disbelief most days – but this weightloss thang here…is inevitable. so let’s GET IT!

FURSTRATION....Yes. REGRETS....NOPE! It's hit or miss on some days. Take the good with the bad... I'm happy w/the decision I made. As in life (and my marriage) some days i wake up saying "WTH?!?!?", but at the end of the day...I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have Aena insurance, and i started the process in March 2010, with a surgery date of Sept 2010. My two years went back to 2008. Ironically, I was pregnant and a new mom during the 2 years, so it was easy for me to get a complete weight history (and some pretty cruel obesity-related doctor's notes too *sigh*) I think they consider the 2 year history from the date the pre-approval process was implemented...

I really needed this encouragement today. It's been a frustrating road for me thus far (4 wks post-op), but I know that it will pay off. Thank you.

" I'm starting to worry that I am surgically created bulimic " - Those are my EXACT sentiments. I have an update since I'm now a month post-op. STandby... Thanks all for the input!

I'll make this quick & to the point. I have bee HORRIBLE. the best of intentions...but having such a difficult time keeping food down. All of the things my nutritionist suggested (eggs, ground turkey, chili, tuna salad)...ALL of it comes right back up. I was able to get some herbed potatoes and collard greens down ONCE last week, but that was hit or miss. In my Quest for FOOD (vs only being able to down Protein shakes), I tried a slice of SPAM *hangs head in shame* with NO adverse reactions...so ate another (after my earlier attempt of chili w/lean ground beef went the way of the toilet...QUICKLY). Am I the only person having a problem with the mushy food phase and getting in their protein?? Advise?? HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Let me preface this post by saying that I KNOW what I signed up for. I know that this is going to be a journey of good days & not so good days. That being said...Im not sure waht is going on with my body. Saturday, i went to a wedding (would have been 10 days post)...and by the time the reception started, I was STARVING. I was feeling sick before heading to the wedding, so I didn't eat my Soup as planned. I actually knoshed on 2 super soft cheeze cubes and one small piece of seedless watermelon - and a small bit of chicken breast with no problem at all. I washed it down with a bottle of apple juice - to my surprise & delight. NO adverse affects. Yesterday, I had some mushed red&Beans & rice from popeyes (about 3-4 teaspoons), again...no adverse affects. On both days, those "meals" left me satisfied & happy So today - I figured, Let me try some runny mashed potatoes. EPIC FAIL. Sick as a dog. And on top of that, I know that there is NO WAY I'm getting down all my liquids & Proteins. I can barely stomach any of the Protein that I was drinking pre-op, and even with my Vitamin supplements, I'm dragging. I have to take a 2-3 hour nap every day...ZERO ENERGY...even after my dose of B-12. I'm down almost 35# (including the pre-op diet)...but im wondering how soon I'll get back to feeling a little more "normal". The nausea, lethargy, inability to really take in any kinda of meal is wearing me down. Especially after having been on a 2wk pre-op liquid diet...then the 2 wk post-op liquids...*ugh* I go for my 1st follow-up tomorrow, and will discuss all of this with my surgeon...but... somebody...gimme some encouragement...PLEASE!!!

At almost 2wks out, there are some significant changes that I?ve noticed. 30# seems like such a small number in the grand scheme of things, but just like I thought ? it was probably the last 30-40# that did me in. I have notcied that the knee pain I had been feeling in a major way (ie: felt like they would blow @ any moment, w/every step) has drastically diminished & is on it?s way being gone for good. The back pain I had ? gone. And the fact that I?ve lost weight in my feet is kinda weird, but I?ll take it. One of the biggest things ? for those that know about my foot issue preceeding the major foot surgery I had back in ?07, complete with screws-fa-lyfe *pfft* ? I haven?t worn a pair of high heels in about 5 years. And this week, I was able to find a pair of killer platform stillettos that fit comfortably to a ?T?. THAT is epic for me. A friend of mine even noticed that my ©ankles are gone! *woot* I guess all that is to say?it?s amazing the difference a few pounds makes. Even looking in the mirror, it?s just like looking at a new person already. The only downfall?is I seem to be losing the little bit-o-bootay that I had. So I gotta get to lunging and whatever else to help me shape-up these cupcakes of mine. The dinosaur tail (a.k.a. The Rodeo Handle ) is starting to go too?and I couldn?t be happier!! The boobs are holding steady for now, but that?s the least of my worries. Right now, I gotta refocus as I head home to reality. It?s been nice being pampered at my parents house, but I have a lil midget that is missing her MeMe something fiece (and a MeMe that is missing her midget something fierce, too). I?m actually a little anxious about going home for some reason?but I?ll get over it. I?m sure the hubby could use a break. The good thing is that my awesome surgeon is granting me another month off of work (paid). He signed my disability paper work not releasing me back to work until 10/25. *giggety* I feel ok ? but I?ll follow the doctors orders on this one? I?ll post again after my follow up on Tuesday. Can?t wait to see what The Official scale says!

Dr. Halmi will take good care of you. As will Renato, and the other BP gang. They made it as good an experience as possible. It will be a rough week, but not the most unbearable thing ever. Pain was minimal, and the results have been optimal. I'm here if you have any more specific questions... you can msg me/email me...