hopeformyself

My story starts actually almost 6 years ago. I was found to have a very large Hole in my heart, called an (ASD). I had a few times almost dropped dead in my PE classes. after my very difficult Open heart Surgery and complications that followed my heart needed almost a year to recover before i could take it for a spin. In other words finally exercise. During which time I developed some pretty bad food and couch habits! when i had my surgery I was around 135-140lbs, my senior year.  lookin so cute. if i do say so myself..... anyway that was when my weight started spiralling out of control. By let me tell you, I DIETED to no avail i lost 5-10lbs regularly but they would creep back up. My husband who is SKINNY! I dont know good genetics or what but he eats like a hog. So i get down on myself, he eats and eats and gains nothing and if i look at food i gain a half pound. well from 135 as my start to now at not my hughest but what i weigh at this minuet i have to wonder, am i just destined to gain the 15lbs i have lost? Sit my big but back down on the couch cusions and watch some more Tudors or Rome? I say HELL NO! I have decided to get the Lab band. I highly Doubt that my insurance will cover it. even though,I am borderline diabetic, have Plantar Fasciitis, ankle pain, back pain and upper back and shoulder pain from my ENORMOUS breasts! Heart Disease runs in my family and so does stroke and heart attacks. High blood pressure. almost lost my dad twice to heart attack and once to stroke. he came through tho. thank god! So i see this as preventative before i ever have to worry about those things..... i want to get this under control.  Other reason for this is my 10 month old son. I want to play with him, I want to be with him the first day of school and i dont want to be the fat mommy. My mother was morbidly obese and i sadly was embarrassed of her in elementary school. I wish now i had not been but i was. I don't wish to embarrass him or myself.  I want to take him on hikes, and kayaking, horseback riding. but as it is i don't think it would be good on a horses back to hold me. I wish to walk up a hill and no be out of breath. I am scheduling my consultation with a surgeon today, and hope to hear i am a good candidate and then move on to financing. I cannot pay out of pocket all at once, maybe if i go to Mexico but we will have to see what he/she says. Please cross your fingers for me!