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renebeau

LAP-BAND Patients
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Blog Entries posted by renebeau

  1. renebeau

    Cruisin'

    By renebeau,

    Well, we leave Monday out of Galveston on Carnival Ecstasy (do they really have to name the ship "Ecstasy?) for a 5 day cruise to Cozumel and Progreso. I am getting excited, although I am the kind of person who doesn't really get giddy until the day of the trip! I am going to eat with abandon, since this will truly be my last time to do so. Midnight chocolate buffet...here I come!
     
    Surgery is scheduled for the 31st. at 7:30 a.m. At least I'll be the first one, so Dr. St. Dreamy will be awake and fresh. I guess I am not feeling stressed yet because the trip must come first. One thing at a time.:001_tongue:
     
    I don't know if I will have time to post before surgery day. I will try to get online right after, though, to let others know how it went. And I am sure I will have questions and need reassurance, too!
     
    Happy holidays to all. See you on the losers' bench!!!
  2. renebeau
    Looks like I'll be starting my new life in the new year!
     
    Just got back from the surgeon consult. Wow, Dr. St. Laurent is a cutie! I really like how pragmatic he is. No drama, no shame...no dire warnings...
     
    One of his helpers in his office said something I have been wanting to hear. "In a few months, it will be like you never had surgery." That's what I want. I want to just eat small amounts like skinny people do naturally. I can't wait!
     
    He thinks I can lose all of my excess weight, since my BMI is pretty low (34). No presurgery diet. He will use a 38 French bougie since he thinks my stomach will be shorter than someone who is more obese. For very high BMI, he uses a 36, since the length of the stomach will be more. That way the VOLUME of my stomach will be correct. (I get it!)
     
    We are taking a cruise for Xmas, seeing kids and grandbaby early the next week, then surgery. This way, I will not have to miss much work.
     
    A new year, a new me! :ohmy:
  3. renebeau
    As I watched my perpetually skinny husband and his daughter and her husband (probably 300 lbs each) tuck away huge amounts of food over the weekend, I started to think, maybe I should just try to eat healthier, be more active. Today I wolfed down a roast beef sandwich and curly fries like no tomorrow. I cannot do it on my own. If I do not have surgery, I will never be any thinner. Truthfully, I could continue on as I have and stay around 200 lbs. I could eat whatever I want, as much as I want. I could.
     
    But I don't want to be a fat, old lady. I want energy for other things. I want to wear nice clothes again.
     
    And I don't want to lose weight and then gain it all back.
     
    So the sleeve will give me restriction. That's what I need. Just reduce the quantity of what I eat. I expect to eat carefully for the first 6 months. Lean protein first, veggies/fruit, then carbs. I imagine I will have lost most of the weight I have to lose by then. Then I will be able to allow myself more treats. But I hope to eat like all of the other skinny people eat. Small amounts of normal food, which includes some sweets and "bad" food (fast food) now and again (once I am through losing weight).
     
    Being around super over-eaters all weekend almost lulled me into thinking I don't need this surgery. After all, neither of them thinks their weight is a problem, why should I? It sure helped to get on this site this morning to get recommitted. I AM recommitted.
     
    VSG - here I come!
  4. renebeau

    Why so few posters?

    By renebeau,

    I have been alternating between this site and OH's VSG message board. I noticed that there are few posts from sleevers in general, compared to the other surgeries. Why is that?
     
    I know the sleeve is newer, and fewer people have had it. But I also think (hope) that sleevers have the fewest complications/problems, thus do not post looking for help as much. Also, perhaps sleevers don't need the constant support that bandsters do, for example, because there are fewer adjustments/changes with the sleeve.
     
    At least, that is what I am hoping.
     
    And if you are sleeved and just lurking...please post! We soon-to-be-sleevers have enquiring minds and want to know!
     
    My surgeon consult is Monday morning. Man, am I excited!!!!!!:ohmy:
  5. renebeau

    I am normal.

    By renebeau,

    I went back to see the LPC that my dr. uses for his bariatric patients yesterday. She thinks I should go with the sleeve. I am feeking more positive after talking with her. I think the sleeve is the right surgery for me.
     
    My GFs are in support of me doing the surgery. My husband... not so much. I have not told him I want the sleeve - he still thinks I want the band. I am worried about him not wanting me to do it, since it is drastic and permanent. Also, with a 33 BMI, I will be self pay. We can afford it, but I know my DH would rather not spend the money (cheapskate).
     
    The therapist, Deborah, taled to me about my inertia. I had been feeling so shameful about my "laziness" and feeling like it was a permanent character flaw, like it was all that I am. She told me she did not see me as lazy. And she's right. When it is something I want to do, I am NOT lazy. I have 2 master's degrees and am accomplished at my job. How could I do those things if I was "lazy"?
     
    I have been internalizing my husband's values - you have to work hard, if it's too easy it's not worth it, don't pay for something you can do yourself, etc. I had to fight to get a maid, because he thinks we should do all of the stuff she does (I HATE cleaning). And by looking for my self worth from my husband, I felt like a failure, since I am not doing the things he thinks are valuable. Wow. What a revelation that was!
     
    I have to start doing things for me. I can say that we will pay someone to landscape the yard, or paint the living room, or wash my car. He might not agree, but that doesn't mean that I can't still do those things. We don't have to agree on everything (again, what a revelation!).
     
    And now the power in the relationship is changing. I inherited $ from my mom (died Feb. 09) which allows me to have more freedom. I am almost to the point of thinking that he can't say no to me anymore!
     
    So I will take care of myself. I will have the surgery. YAY for ME!!!
  6. renebeau
    I saw my PCP yesterday for my itchy ears (allergies) and told him I was considering WLS. He said he was on board, since it would help me with my HBP, high cholesterol and diabetes (type 1). He asked me who I was planning to use as my surgeon. Turns out, Dr. St. Laurent (my doc) was who he was going to recommend! He also agreed that the sleeve is the way to go. I feel very reassured that he was in support of my decision.
     
    Things are looking more and more positive! Now if I can just get in to see Dr. St. Laurent!
  7. renebeau
    Here I am at work, not working. Again. I can't focus on anything but getting VSG. I am reading all of the threads, looking at the pictures, thinking about the surgery...NOT doing my work. I was never very good at using my time wisely. There are lots of things I COULD do here, but nothing very pressing. So I just sit, perusing the website, feeling guilty.
     
    Why am I such a procrastinator? Why do I keep putting things off? If I would just take one small task and follow it through, I know I would feel better and want to do more. I think I put off things that I am not sure of all of the steps - when I hit a small roadblock, I stop, "well, I guess I'll do that later."
     
    And I let the negativity push me further down. My "all or nothing" view causes me to throw in the towel for the day if I start off bad.
     
    Am I using the surgery focus to keep me from having to work? The therapist said I am feeling "HOPE". Is that why I am so drawn to the website and spend all day thinking about it? I will get all of my work done eventually. I always do. I just wish I could be more proactive...
  8. renebeau
    Hi sleevers!
     
    I have been researching lap band for several months now, and am now considering the sleeve. I am a low BMI (currently 33) and have type 1 diabetes, hypertension, & high cholesterol.
     
    I have seen several bandsters make the switch on lapbandtalk. I would love to hear from any of you that were going to get or actually had the band, then went with the sleeve.
     
     
    It is permanent (obviously) so I want to make the most well-informed decision I can.
     
    Thanks for your input.:ohmy:
  9. renebeau

    sleeve? maybe?

    By renebeau,

    LBT is great for information, which is good and bad! Just when I thougt I had committed to doing LB, I ran across the sleeve info, and now I am thinking it might be a better option. I like that there is little maintenance (no fills) and no device left inside me.
     
    I will meet w/my surgeon to talk about it, and spend some more time on the VSG website. I am afraid of the complcations associated with Lap Band, like erosions, slippage, etc. It seems that LB is falling out of favor in Europe and Australia, where they have been doing it longer.
     
    I will also see whether my ins will cover LB. If not, and I will have to self pay, then I might go with the sleeve.
     
    It is such a major decision. I am open to other's thoughts/opinions...:smile2:
  10. renebeau

    psych eval

    By renebeau,

    I had my eval with a therapist last night. She confirmed that I was a good candidate for WLS and LB. It was great talking to her. I had forgotten how good it feels to open yourself up like that. I used to do indiv and group therapy, years ago (just after college). I have been a school counselor for 10 years and ran an alcohol treatment study as a therapist for a time - you would think I would know how important talk therapy is!
     
    While talking to her, I articulated some of the feelings I have been having. She suggested journaling, and I thought, "Aha! I can blog on lapbandtalk!"
     
    I have come to the conclusion that I am a spoiled brat.:ohmy: I never really experienced much hardship in my life. I have never been really poor, never did without anything growing up. I hated cleaning my room or any other "manual labor" and would get "stomach aches" when required to do something I didn't want to do. (Ugh. This sounds so terrible! But I have to be honest if I am going to get past it.) I have suffered bouts of depression and had low self confidence for a long time. My confidence has improved, but I think there is still part of me that feels "unworthy".
     
    The therapist named my view as "self-indulgent". Totally. I do not want to feel discomfort of any kind. I want to have what I want, when I want it. I don't want limits. I feel like I "deserve" to have whatever I want, including food.:mad:
     
    What am I rewarding myself for? I am quick to take medicine for any discomfort, headache, allergies, etc.
     
    The therapist talked about the feelings I am suppressing with this self-indulgent behavior. If I didn't distract myself with food, what else would be bothering me? It is so hard to identify!
     
    I know I fear feeling sad. I lost my mom Feb 09 and my dog Aug 09. I went up on my Lexapro for a time, but I still cried a lot. Some days, I cried pretty much all day. It was horrible. I am so afraid that feeling sad will push me into that dark pit of depression. I still take Lexapro, and it helps, but I know how it feels to be so low...and I don't want to be there.:frown:
     
    Then there is the depressioon that being fat brings. I hate feeling the inertia that keeps me on the couch. I am an artist - but I don't feel like doing anything. I have bajillions of beads, art supplies, etc...but I don't seem able to do anything with them. Why? I have no desire/energy to cook. It used to be a passion. Now, frozen something is a relief - nothing to worry about. I worry that I will end up like my mom: sitting ALL DAY in fron to the TV, doing NOTHING, including bathing, eating, dressing, or anything that requires effort. I get those feelings periodically. Scary.
     
    So how do I start? How can I make myself do things? I don't WANT to push myself. I hate discomfort. I told the alcoholics in group that cravings (for alcohol) are like a wave, and they will crest and then pass. Somehow, I can't talke my own advice. I don't want to feel "hunger".
     
    Also, I worry about there being "enough" of anything for me, esp. food. Is 1 bottle of wine enough to bring to a party? Is an 8 oz steak enough? Are three yams enough? I buy way too much food. I feels like there is never enough.
     
    I envy our cat. She gets all the food/petting and sleep she wants. When she wants more, she just asks. I could sleep all day. I have vivid dreams that sometimes are better than life.:wub:
     
    Wow. I do ramble on. But it feels good to get it out there.
     
    These are all thoughts/feelings I discovered or articulated last night. I think I need some more therapy. :smile2:
  11. renebeau

    still pre-surgery...

    By renebeau,

    My dr.'s office says my paperwork looks good to be submitted to my insurance company. Now I have the "enviable" task of meeting the weight requirement. I need to gain about 15 lbs to meet the insurance requirements. I will wear weights of some kind, but in the meanwhile, I am "saying goodbye" to all of my fast food friends and snacking. I have been at the same weight for several years. I think my body wants to keep me there. It is hard to gain weight (amazing!) now. I am on new thyroid meds which may have something to do with it. My guess is, I will hit this weight again and plateau here when I start losing.
     
    I feel ready. All of this gorging is kind of making me sick of eating. I suppose that will help while I endure Bandster Hell!
     
    I look around me and I wonder - what is going to happen to all of the fat people (like me) around me? Obesity truly is an epidemic. Is there some biochemistry issue that is keeping all of us fat? One would think our bodies would resist being overweight - evolutionally. I know we are made to store fat for energy reserves, but this much? Maybe someday a scientist will figure it out. Until then, I'm with the band!
  12. renebeau
    I've not been banded yet - I'm still exploring whether my insurance will cover it. I keep going back and forth...could I just eat like I have the band and lose weight? Of course, I know that if I could do it by myself, I already would have! :crying: Truthfully, it is my fear of giving up my food that makes me shy away from the commitment of the band.
    I have to admit, I am terrified to give up all of the food I love so much. I love to cook, and food gives me so much pleasure. How will it be to go to my fav Mexican food restaurant and not eat a whole basket of chips? Will I be able to? How will I cook meals for my husband and me - He eats so little anyway, and if I can only eat 1/2 cup of food, I think I will have to relearn to cook! And I am a total carboholic. I live for bread! What will it be like to have only a small bite (or worse - none at all!) of crusty french bread? And rice? How about sushi? Champagne? (sigh):thumbup: It is like saying goodbye to a friend...
  13. renebeau

    Should I or shouldn't I?

    By renebeau,

    Well, my husband thinks I am "throwing money" at my problem by getting the band. I want to be free from my compulsion to over eat. As a type 1 diabetic, my endo is all for the band. It will bring down my A1c, my weight, my lipids, my blood pressure. Of course, hubby thinks I should "just eat less and exercise more". Why is it that thin people think fat people don't know what to do to lose weight!
     
    I only need to lose about 70 lbs. I have been successful losing weight in the past, but it always comes back and then some. The thing is, I can afford to self pay. I want to do it. How do I convince my skinny husband?:thumbup:
  14. renebeau

    newbie

    By renebeau,

    I am a type one diabetic since age 30 (16 years); my BMI is 32. I attended a seminar with Dr. Matthew St. Laurent last Monday, and I am trying to decide if surgery is right for me. I am wondering if I'll be able to give up all of the food I love...bread especially. It is hard to imagine feeling satiated after a few bites of food. Also, being insulin dependent, how will I manage a clear liquid diet? I am afraid my blood sugar will drop and I won't be able to ingest enough carbs to get it back to normal fast enough. Anyone else have these issues?:huh2:

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