My major fears:
1. My surgery being canceled or rescheduled. My surgery was supposed to be in May, but this pandemic forced my doctor to reschedule three times before finally having the surgery this past Friday (10/23).
2. That my doctor would do the wrong surgery on me. I wanted the gastric sleeve, but I was paranoid that due to some miscommunication, my doctor would perform a gastric bypass on me. Walking into the OR, my mind was raging with the thought of having the wrong surgery, even though all the papers I signed said gastric sleeve. As I fell asleep with the anesthesia, my last words were “gastric sleeve” ?
3. Giving up the food I love. I’m Dominican - I was raised eating heavily seasoned ethnic foods. The food of my culture is soooo good, but so unhealthy at the same time.
4. How I’ll look once I lose all the weight. I’m concerned that if I lose too much weight, I’ll look sick. Or that my body will look weird and have saggy skin ? I’m only 22, so I’m praying my skin will bounce back, but you never know. My mom had her gastric sleeve at 45 years old (4.5 years ago), and she only had saggy skin (barely) in one area. Hopefully I’ll be as lucky as her.
5. Concerns that I’ll gain the weight back as years pass. Over the last few years, it’s become apparent to me that I’m a stress eater. I’d eat if I was sad, upset, had a rough day, was bored - whatever reason you can find, I chose to eat because of it. My relationship with food was definitely unhealthy. I’m three days post-op: even though my cravings have pretty much vanished, it’s difficult to see my family eat all this good food. I’ve been dying to have a piece of chicken or a sandwich. (Bread and fried chicken were my biggest problems). Even soda, for example. I used to drink so much soda, and now I’ll never be able to drink it. It’s scary to think about.
6. Now that the surgery is done, I’m scared that any weird movement I make, will open up one of my incision sights. I have six total, but only one has stitches. It’s difficult to stand up or even sit up without help. That kind of movement makes me feel the stitches in my very soul - it’s a terrible feeling. Coughing, sneezing, burping: all make me feel the incisions. I lightly press a small pillow on my stomach if I feel like I’m going to cough or anything of the sort; it does help with the pain.
7. This is such a life altering surgery. I wonder sometimes if I was actually ready for it.