njlimmer

I don't think my parents (mom, actually) meant any harm, either. But she put me on my first diet in 2nd grade. I remember it. I remember having a different snack than every other kid in my class.
I remember the Fiber pills, then some other program I went on. I think I wanted it, too, honestly. Like I wanted to be like the other kids. My mom made a lot of my clothing. I didn't feel like I was the biggest of all my friends but I was. So it's weird. My mom never made me feel fat or inferior. So somehow she juggled things well, in a way. It wasn't until we had school-assigned clothing and I couldn't fit into the biggest size (while the other 2 "fat" girls in my class could) that I realized I was THE BIGGEST ONE.
I still am, lots of times. My husband doesn't even know I weigh more than him. He doesn't get it.

I am down 37 pounds overall. 23 since surgery. I am feeling pretty good. Feeling like I have gotten a groove going. I still forget to drink like I should when I am out and about, but I have been setting timers if I know I will be out for a while. it’s a process.

Im down about 40 lbs in total and about 25 since surgery... feeling great but still learning how to eat differently!

I’m down 36LBS from surgery weight but 51 down from highest weight! I STILL have some muscle soreness and definitely some mental anxieties.

How are are all the March surgeries doing? We’re about two months out how is everyone feeling and how much have you lost so far? Any regrets? I’ve lost 50 lbs so far and I’m feeling good!

Down 35 from surgery (3/3) and 81 from October! Doing really well!! I feel so much better and my joints aren't hurting as much. Recently, I find myself wondering if I'm eating TOO much so I need to remind myself to be mindful of my eating. The only downside I've experienced... LOL... I used to use the bathroom as my hiding place. I could sit there for a long time and just read and enjoy the peace. Now my leg falls asleep too soon! LOLOLOLOLOL Hope everyone is doing well!

Thanks for the link! Luckily, my hubby may not understand teenage girls, but he does know when to listen to the mama or else! I will share that with him for sure. I absolutely believe it can cause weight gain. I mean - don't most of us to some extent try to do the exact opposite of what our parents want especially when we're teenagers!
I love therapy too. It's why my oldest has survived this long. There were years there when I was sure only one of us was gonna make it!
Good luck, and BTW - I think figuring out the root cause of an issue is a point so many people miss so you are already ahead of the game.

Wow... this hit me in the feels today. I've been overweight since I was 10 when my parents divorced, and we moved in my grandmother. The only thing that was ever said about food was about leaving any behind. I - like many on here - was a card-carrying member of the "Clean Plate Club." It is still hard for me. I have to consciously think about it to leave food behind. That being said, what struck me about this post deals with how I parent my own girls.
Parenting is hard, and kids should come with instruction manuals. I NEVER wanted to give my kids a food complex. I've never made them clean their plate. When they're done, they're done. Both of my girls are on ADHD meds, so they don't like to eat during the day, but they're hungry at night. Usually, they come back for a second dinner sometime before bed. Neither one had a weight concern until last year. My oldest became a cave dweller during the lockdown, and it wasn't until she went back to school in January that she walked further than from her bedroom to the kitchen. I tried to get her to go out for a walk -anything - but she's 14 going on 25 and knows everything. All that to say, she gained about 50lbs in less than a year. It's not healthy for her, and she's not happy with it. I can tell that she's now self-conscious about it. Like many of us, it snuck up on her. It's all good when you're wearing PJs every day, but when you try to wear real clothes and they don't fit, it's a shocker. She brought it to me first. I told her I was concerned because it wasn't healthy to gain that much, that fast. She said - you think I'm fat! (Remember she's a teenager.) I told her I absolutely didn't think she was fat, BUT it's not healthy and she's not happy. She's really lost her stamina and endurance. My husband, who is 6'7" so 300 lbs for him is way different than 300lbs for me, was an athlete and is of the mindset that we tell her she needs to lose weight - and no... I stopped that cold - but he has that athlete mentality that if a coach said he was bad at free-throws, he would have practiced them until he was better. <eyeroll> I told him that she's not an athlete and she's a girl so telling she's overweight is NOT the route we're going. If we tell her she's fat then this will be her mental talk - Well, I'm fat so I better just go along with what my friend wants because I'm fat and no one will like me. Well, I don't want to have sex, but I better because he's showing an interest, and I'm fat so this is my only chance for love. Well, he's abusive, but I'm fat so I don't have any other options. - He looked at me like I was nuts, but I told him this is how many girls think. I'm trying to talk to her about it without being a nag or a dictator. When she's asked for help, I've made some suggestions like slowing down when she eats, taking smaller bites, cutting back on some of the sweets. I told her that I would help with things that I'm learning through this process, but that she has to WANT the help. It's hard because I can see that right now she's going down the path to end up where I've spent the last 3 decades, but I'm also trying to not make her worth about her weight. I could become the crazy food police, but that's not how I want our relationship to become. Weight can be lost, but if I make her not even want to be around me or her family, then I've completely lost her in other ways.
I'm sorry your family made you feel like that, but I hope you don't "cut off your nose to spite your face" as my GiGi would have said. If you're to a point where you need it, this surgery is for YOU. In the end, if your health deteriorates or you don't get to enjoy things, you are going to pay that price. If they gloat or whatever, they'll gloat. I can't relate exactly because I didn't get that growing up so I don't mean to sound flippant and if you don't already have a therapist, I'd recommend you try one. My mom married someone just to get away from her mother and her nagging. I moved out at 15 and she spent 8 yrs in an abusive marriage because she didn't want to be "wrong" and have my grandmother "tell her so." Don't let them and their pettiness drive your decisions any longer. You do you.

I had my bypass on 3/3/21. I went into my consult asking for the sleeve but based on my doctor's recommendation and my own research, I went with bypass. It's a misconception that the bypass is more invasive. From the patient side, the recovery is the same as both surgeries are done laparoscopically. It is a more complex surgery for the doctor and it takes about an hour longer, but other than that there's not much difference on the patient side. My doc said that the sleeve is a good surgery, but if it were a race, the bypass would win every time. I was also diabetic, and there's a higher chance of being cured of diabetes with the bypass than the sleeve. My endocrinologist said they're not really sure HOW it works, but it does! My endo told me to stop taking my diabetes medicine once I had surgery because many people never need it again. I go to him next week so I hope that's how it works for me! In the months leading up to my decision, I read a lot of posts about people switching from sleeve to bypass because of GERD. I would get it occasionally before surgery and didn't want to take the chance of it happening afterward. My insurance also told me that it was a one-time coverage so I wanted to make the best choice for myself.
As for prep work before surgery, I agree with @lizonaplane I spent the time having extra appointments with the nutritionist, working with my therapist, and generally lurking around here soaking up knowledge for other folks' experiences so that when these things - like stalls, Hair loss, loose skin - have occurred, I'm mentally ready for them. I also changed a lot of my eating habits. I really think those changes have made my post-op months so much easier.

I had my bypass on 3/3/21. I went into my consult asking for the sleeve but based on my doctor's recommendation and my own research, I went with bypass. It's a misconception that the bypass is more invasive. From the patient side, the recovery is the same as both surgeries are done laparoscopically. It is a more complex surgery for the doctor and it takes about an hour longer, but other than that there's not much difference on the patient side. My doc said that the sleeve is a good surgery, but if it were a race, the bypass would win every time. I was also diabetic, and there's a higher chance of being cured of diabetes with the bypass than the sleeve. My endocrinologist said they're not really sure HOW it works, but it does! My endo told me to stop taking my diabetes medicine once I had surgery because many people never need it again. I go to him next week so I hope that's how it works for me! In the months leading up to my decision, I read a lot of posts about people switching from sleeve to bypass because of GERD. I would get it occasionally before surgery and didn't want to take the chance of it happening afterward. My insurance also told me that it was a one-time coverage so I wanted to make the best choice for myself.
As for prep work before surgery, I agree with @lizonaplane I spent the time having extra appointments with the nutritionist, working with my therapist, and generally lurking around here soaking up knowledge for other folks' experiences so that when these things - like stalls, Hair loss, loose skin - have occurred, I'm mentally ready for them. I also changed a lot of my eating habits. I really think those changes have made my post-op months so much easier.

I had my bypass on 3/3/21. I went into my consult asking for the sleeve but based on my doctor's recommendation and my own research, I went with bypass. It's a misconception that the bypass is more invasive. From the patient side, the recovery is the same as both surgeries are done laparoscopically. It is a more complex surgery for the doctor and it takes about an hour longer, but other than that there's not much difference on the patient side. My doc said that the sleeve is a good surgery, but if it were a race, the bypass would win every time. I was also diabetic, and there's a higher chance of being cured of diabetes with the bypass than the sleeve. My endocrinologist said they're not really sure HOW it works, but it does! My endo told me to stop taking my diabetes medicine once I had surgery because many people never need it again. I go to him next week so I hope that's how it works for me! In the months leading up to my decision, I read a lot of posts about people switching from sleeve to bypass because of GERD. I would get it occasionally before surgery and didn't want to take the chance of it happening afterward. My insurance also told me that it was a one-time coverage so I wanted to make the best choice for myself.
As for prep work before surgery, I agree with @lizonaplane I spent the time having extra appointments with the nutritionist, working with my therapist, and generally lurking around here soaking up knowledge for other folks' experiences so that when these things - like stalls, Hair loss, loose skin - have occurred, I'm mentally ready for them. I also changed a lot of my eating habits. I really think those changes have made my post-op months so much easier.

Thanks for the link! Luckily, my hubby may not understand teenage girls, but he does know when to listen to the mama or else! I will share that with him for sure. I absolutely believe it can cause weight gain. I mean - don't most of us to some extent try to do the exact opposite of what our parents want especially when we're teenagers!
I love therapy too. It's why my oldest has survived this long. There were years there when I was sure only one of us was gonna make it!
Good luck, and BTW - I think figuring out the root cause of an issue is a point so many people miss so you are already ahead of the game.

Obviously I'm just speaking from my own experience here, but I'm very glad you stopped that. I know in my case, any comments on my body, then or now, just gave/gives me shame and resentment toward my parents. I love that you are letting her come to you. I never had a chance to go to my parents because they always got to me first, so I don't know how that would've made me feel. But I do think there is a lot of power in empowering her to make decisions about her body, instead of sending the message that it's out of her hands.
As I've been grappling with this over the last couple of years, I've seen that there have been recent studies on parents encouraging dieting in kids and teens, and the fact that this not only can cause 'traditional eating disorders' but obesity as well. This was affirming to read because it made me feel like I wasn't alone. I don't know if your husband would find this compelling, but here's a link: https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/wellness/story/parents-encouraging-teens-diet-higher-risk-obesity-adult-53537394
I also appreciate the therapy comment. I do work with a therapist. I love therapy. Everyone should do therapy! Lol.

Wow... this hit me in the feels today. I've been overweight since I was 10 when my parents divorced, and we moved in my grandmother. The only thing that was ever said about food was about leaving any behind. I - like many on here - was a card-carrying member of the "Clean Plate Club." It is still hard for me. I have to consciously think about it to leave food behind. That being said, what struck me about this post deals with how I parent my own girls.
Parenting is hard, and kids should come with instruction manuals. I NEVER wanted to give my kids a food complex. I've never made them clean their plate. When they're done, they're done. Both of my girls are on ADHD meds, so they don't like to eat during the day, but they're hungry at night. Usually, they come back for a second dinner sometime before bed. Neither one had a weight concern until last year. My oldest became a cave dweller during the lockdown, and it wasn't until she went back to school in January that she walked further than from her bedroom to the kitchen. I tried to get her to go out for a walk -anything - but she's 14 going on 25 and knows everything. All that to say, she gained about 50lbs in less than a year. It's not healthy for her, and she's not happy with it. I can tell that she's now self-conscious about it. Like many of us, it snuck up on her. It's all good when you're wearing PJs every day, but when you try to wear real clothes and they don't fit, it's a shocker. She brought it to me first. I told her I was concerned because it wasn't healthy to gain that much, that fast. She said - you think I'm fat! (Remember she's a teenager.) I told her I absolutely didn't think she was fat, BUT it's not healthy and she's not happy. She's really lost her stamina and endurance. My husband, who is 6'7" so 300 lbs for him is way different than 300lbs for me, was an athlete and is of the mindset that we tell her she needs to lose weight - and no... I stopped that cold - but he has that athlete mentality that if a coach said he was bad at free-throws, he would have practiced them until he was better. <eyeroll> I told him that she's not an athlete and she's a girl so telling she's overweight is NOT the route we're going. If we tell her she's fat then this will be her mental talk - Well, I'm fat so I better just go along with what my friend wants because I'm fat and no one will like me. Well, I don't want to have sex, but I better because he's showing an interest, and I'm fat so this is my only chance for love. Well, he's abusive, but I'm fat so I don't have any other options. - He looked at me like I was nuts, but I told him this is how many girls think. I'm trying to talk to her about it without being a nag or a dictator. When she's asked for help, I've made some suggestions like slowing down when she eats, taking smaller bites, cutting back on some of the sweets. I told her that I would help with things that I'm learning through this process, but that she has to WANT the help. It's hard because I can see that right now she's going down the path to end up where I've spent the last 3 decades, but I'm also trying to not make her worth about her weight. I could become the crazy food police, but that's not how I want our relationship to become. Weight can be lost, but if I make her not even want to be around me or her family, then I've completely lost her in other ways.
I'm sorry your family made you feel like that, but I hope you don't "cut off your nose to spite your face" as my GiGi would have said. If you're to a point where you need it, this surgery is for YOU. In the end, if your health deteriorates or you don't get to enjoy things, you are going to pay that price. If they gloat or whatever, they'll gloat. I can't relate exactly because I didn't get that growing up so I don't mean to sound flippant and if you don't already have a therapist, I'd recommend you try one. My mom married someone just to get away from her mother and her nagging. I moved out at 15 and she spent 8 yrs in an abusive marriage because she didn't want to be "wrong" and have my grandmother "tell her so." Don't let them and their pettiness drive your decisions any longer. You do you.

I’ve really been thinking about this recently. I love my parents and I think they did they best job they knew how to, and in many ways they gave my siblings and I an amazing upbringing. But there was always an undercurrent of weight shaming from my dad toward my sister and I. He has always brought up how we need to lose weight, and how concerned he is for our health. I’ve always been a bit resentful because growing up there was kind of a free for all on food- many nights we were left to figure out meals for ourselves. There was always plenty of food, but I didn’t know how to cook so I would eat graham crackers and saltines with a can of coke. But still there were endless comments about our weight. I frequently rebelled- I didn’t care about losing weight, I cut my hair short because my dad had forbidden us to get haircuts because girls should have long hair, I made sure to get a B so I wasn’t a valedictorian, etc.

I lost weight years ago and got to a healthy weight. My parents were thrilled, but I couldn’t maintain it and the weight piled back on. My dad was vocal in his disappointment. I’ve been moderately successful in other areas of my life- I have a masters degree and a good career, a husband and two children, a house, etc, but I know my weight has always been the forefront of his mind.

Both of my parents have moderate dementia now- they know who I am but the cognitive decline is apparent. I visit weekly to meet with their caregivers and fill pill cases. My dad has routinely made negative comments about my weight, and then when I started losing weight it was always “keep it up, don’t stop!” It bothered me that he could forget so much and still remember everything related to my weight.

The other week we stopped wearing masks because we were all fully vaccinated. My dad commented my face looked different, and that it looked good now. I joked with him that you’re not supposed to say that, you’re supposed to say that I looked good then and I look good now. He looked shocked and said “you didn’t look good then!” I know part of it is because the dementia is causing him to just say whatever he is thinking, but it still kind of hurt. I know I look better now, but I kind of wish he thought I still had value and looked good when I was 130 lbs heavier.

I’ve had to come to terms with knowing that losing weight has to be for me, now. I need to stop having a pleasing my parents/rebelling against my parents mindset. It isn’t “giving in” to be a healthy weight (or to have long hair for that matter) it’s me living my life as an adult.

Warning -- I imagine this topic is triggering to a lot of people. It would be triggering to me outside of this community. But I want to create a space for people to talk about how their weights and bodies were treated when they were young and the impact that still has on them. I apologize if this already exists somewhere -- tried to do a search beforehand. Anyway.
One of the primary brain things I am working through leading up to weight loss surgery is my relationships with my parents and their relationships with my body when I was young. My parents were pretty restrictive with food. There were certain designated "no dessert days" and when I was a little older, "no carb" days. There was a lock on the pantry, not in a way like I never got enough to eat, but it sent a message. We always had a lot of diet-oriented foods at home. During the summer, my brother and I would each spend a week with my grandparents, where we could eat pretty much whatever we wanted. When we got home, my dad liked to weigh us, and laugh about how much we gained.
Both of my parents were always on a diet. There was a period of time before I was born that my dad was obese, and a period of time when I was in elementary/middle school when my mom was obese, but other than that, they've always been a 'healthy' weight. But -- always on a diet. Never thin enough. When I hit 10 or 11, my mom started wanting me to diet with her. When I was that age, I was not overweight, and did not become overweight until I was about 15 or 16. On my most generous of days, I think that she probably just was looking for a way to bond with me as I was getting older. That was the trauma of her generation, I guess; women bonded by talking about their bodies and dieting.
I started going to Weight Watchers with her when I was 12 years old. A doctor had to sign off, and despite my 'normal' BMI, he did, and I will never, ever forgive him or understand why he did that. I guess the early 2000s were another time. Between the ages of 11-14 I did eDiets, Weight Watchers, the Zone diet, the Master Cleanse, normal calorie counting -- etc. Not for health; all because my mom told me that if I lost 5 pounds, or maybe 10, or maybe 15, I "could be a model." Or because, as she told me one day, "No one wants to be that fat girl in high school who can't get a date to the prom."
On top of that, both of my parents, but particularly my dad, were always talking about other people's bodies. They were obsessed. They talked disdainfully about other relatives, especially my dad's sister, who were "yo-yo" dieters, whose weights kept going up and down. I helped out at my dad's small business one summer and went to lunch with him and two of his friends when I was maybe 13 years old, and they took turns guessing how much a table of women with obesity weighed, combined. My dad made it clear, over the course of many years, that he hated fat people, and I have no doubt this is still true -- he just doesn't say those things in front of me anymore, because I've become what he hates.
There are probably a dozen reasons why I gained so much weight in my late teens and through my 20s, but the connection I feel between eating whatever I want and freedom from my parents is intertwined in a way that is painfully clear. It is all about control, and watching what I eat still feels like they are controlling me. Eating whatever I want, until I got so overweight that it was taking a real toll on me, was how I felt in control of my own life. Now I feel like I have control over almost every area except food.
All of this is working together to form a really big anti-motivator for surgery for me, which is that the idea of making my parents happy (and grandma -- don't even get me started there) in the process of losing weight is absolutely repulsive to me. I am desperately looking forward to a smaller body so that I can so things that everyone else talks about here -- fit in an airplane seat, have more stamina, have an easier time exercising, reducing risk of weight-related health problems, finding clothes that fit that actually reflect who I am, etc. But I feel sick whenever I think about turning up at home in a couple of months, looking noticeably smaller, and them saying something about it. I feel like I'm not going to be able to handle it. I don't want them to say a gd thing about it. And I don't want to get into unpacking years of hurt with them. I'm already thinking of ways I can minimize my weight loss when I'm home; baggy clothes, etc. It is such a mind mangle to want the result of surgery so bad and simultaneously be dreading them.
I don't want them to ever think I did this because of them. I don't want them to ever feel that they won.
If you have stuff related to this you want to get off your chest, I hope you feel welcome to share those things here.

Hi... up bright and early, today is the day. Heading to the hospital in 30 minutes. What are your Protein Drink suggestions for this first week?

I use MFP. I briefly tried Baritastic, but I like all the features on MFP better. Plus, it syncs with my watch and my smart scale.

I had the liquid pre-op diet for two weeks too. I just reminded myself that I can do anything for 14 days. It's not forever, and before you know it, it'll be post-op and you'll be figuring out how your new tool works. You can do it! Any habits you can change now will be a HUGE help to you both during pre and post op. It will help to take the shock off your system later and will help with getting rid of bad habits.

How can I put this…… Bob Ross is doing a nice winter scene of an empty snow covered field with a happy little stump poking out of the snow…. Fast forward a few episodes and he’s painting the same field in the spring…. The stump is the same stump as before, but without snow covering most of it he needs a lot more paint…. NSV!!

SOOOO much of it is habit. They're giving us goodies for teacher appreciation week, and for a second each time, I'm like - I'll take one of these, and one of these... Luckily, my brain kicks in before I actually grab anything, but it is SOOO much habit.

SOOOO much of it is habit. They're giving us goodies for teacher appreciation week, and for a second each time, I'm like - I'll take one of these, and one of these... Luckily, my brain kicks in before I actually grab anything, but it is SOOO much habit.

For pizza, I make garlic parmesan chaffles and then top with sauce and cheese. Yummy!!

SOOOO much of it is habit. They're giving us goodies for teacher appreciation week, and for a second each time, I'm like - I'll take one of these, and one of these... Luckily, my brain kicks in before I actually grab anything, but it is SOOO much habit.

I really appreciated everyone’s input on the sleeve vs bypass question I posted. I did follow my surgeons advice and chose the bypass, I feel it was the best option for me!