Maisey

I can totally relate to a lot of this. I was 48 when I had surgery 2 years ago and did not look my age. I have also lost over 200 pounds. Now I definitely look my age or older and I don't recognize myself sometimes. I did not have wrinkles before and now I do. That bugs me. But I just try to remind myself why I did this, and it was to get my life and health back. I do have energy now, so I'm lucky there. I probably have a more relaxed eating approach than a lot of people. I do not believe in good or bad foods. I have no forbidden foods. I pretty much eat what I want. Luckily, even before I did this, I preferred healthy foods like veggies and did not like things like fast food or fried food. I am proof you can be fat on healthy food. Too much of a good thing is still too much. I have "junk" like ice cream when I want it. Like, I am not a chocolate person except during PMS, and then it's like I NEED it and I have some. I just keep my portions of everything much more reasonable now.
I do track food just to make sure I get my Protein and keep my carbs reasonable but I'm not completely militant either. It certainly can be exhausting tracking everything, but I can't promise that I track every single taste. I just make sure to track all my meals and Snacks. For 2 years, this has worked for me. I have eaten this way the whole time. If something changes, I will adjust, but for now it's working. I just started maintenance so we will see how that goes.
I am lucky that I don't work at the moment. I am an RN, but when my son was born I stayed home with him (11.5 years ago! [emoji15]) and I've been planning to go back but something always happened to keep me home. I really do plan to get another job soon.
I know what you mean about work t extra hard as a fat person. I always felt like I wanted people to see that I wasn't lazy just because I was fat, because all fat people aren't lazy! It will be nice not having to worry about that when I go back. I became a nurse in 1997, and I was fat the whole time I worked, so that will be a first.
I do live in fear every day of gaining all my weight back, but I hope that if I keep eating like I'm eating I will be OK. That is all I can do.
When I look at all the loose skin, it can be discouraging sometimes. It's really bad on my arms and legs, but I know how hard I have worked to lose weight and even if I didn't have a weight problem, skin does tend to sag as you get older, and I am going to be 51 in 2 weeks. I would love to have it all removed, but it's just not in the budget right now since I paid out of pocket for my surgery. Maybe it will be when I get a job, but I refuse to be ashamed of my body. I'm proud that it carried me through being so morbidly obese for so long and it's still here carrying me. It has put up with a lot of stress and it has been strong for all of it. I'm definitely weaker than I was but I'm working on strength training now.
I know I'm rambling here but I just want to say you're not alone in your feelings.
You have accomplished so much. Just try to remember that!

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K, so i think about food all the time, both before, during, and still now after surgery.
But I “behaved” differently throughout those stages too. The focus before was to eat it, and as much as I could. Now the focus is everything else about it.
I don’t *think* i suffer any angst around this though, so that is a good thing. I am just fascinated about everything that has to do with food. Not sure if this is good for me or not, but i’ve long since learned to just go with it.
I may or not be a minority in this but i do really enjoy eating (or more accurately, tasting) lots of different things. I don’t see food as fuel like the many other successful weight-losers who employ this method. I prefer to enjoy eating what i do eat since I have so little real estate to work with.
Now, I can’t say if this will continue to work for me in the future…but it works for me now, so i’m just gonna go with it until it doesn’t…and will re-evaluate if/when it does (saves me alot of angst).
Now, i sort of digressed there for a little bit, but i actually wanted to respond to OP: while you have navigated the weight loss road (successfully!) for two years (congratulations!), i get the sense that you are still in either weight-loss mode or gearing-up-for-maintenance mode?
If the former, you’ve been at it for a while and it would seem only natural to be experiencing some sort of burn-out or fatigue. You’re tired, things didn’t turn out with what you half-expected. Despite this though, i applaud your attitude and recognition of your achievements.
If the latter, i’ve read enough on here that the transition from wl-mode to maintenance is not easy. Its not the diet changes that are as difficult as the mental mind bending that is required to not only change a lifestyle you’ve grown accustomed to, but also to the reflection you see in the mirror…and whether you like what you see. Alot of folks had some serious energy/strength depletion near the end (myself included…i too struggled to open those effing pickle jars).
Its cliché, but the only thing i can add to all the fab posts above is Patience (though I think you already know this). Do what you need to do to get through the day (talk, exercise, vent, busy-ness, therapy, sleep, medication, etc.)
It won’t always be this way, and even if it is, you may find a way to accept it regardless.
You’ve done fabulously, and even if you don’t sound so terribly thrilled about it (who says we have to be thrilled anyway?!), you are dealing just as fabulously.
❤️
P.S. sorry this was so long.

I read somewhere (but of course, don't remember where) that the participants were required to film at least one bathroom scene.
I also wish there were participants who did not have backgrounds with trauma. Can't we just have some run-of-the-mill people with weight issues.

I hate to shop. Losing weight has not changed that. I put off buying anything new at all until I absolutely had to.
I found I could get away with using a belt (another thing I dislike) and pulling my pants up "Urkel Style." As long a my top was longer, it hid alot.
But I am past that point now. I had to buy some new pants/jeans and some pants for the summer. I chose to order from places which permitted in store returns. I had no idea what size I needed to order so I would order 2 or 3 different styles/sizes knowing I wasn't going to keep them all. That was usually enough to qualify for free shipping and then I could return in person. At this point, I won't order anything that is not on clearance.
I had to break down and order new bras. The "girls" have packed up and left, what remains has migrated south 😪. Again, I chose from clearance.
Fortunately, my mother still has her sewing machine. She was willing to take in most of my cheap (Roamans, Woman Within) knit tops. Perhaps, lizaonaplace, you could consider that. All she did was run new seams up the sides and cut of the extra if needed. Everything is still big in the shoulders, but at least the tops no longer look like dresses (In addition to being big myself, due to where I work, I wore clothes that were baggy.
I have a lot to get rid of. I don't live in a major shopping area so consignment or thrift is not an easy option. I'm also scared to---you know, the what if's. If I hadn't purged all my clothes that had become too small over time, I'd have something to wear now. Selling them online seems more work that it's worth. For now, I'm hanging on to them until I find someplace to donate. Ideally, I'd like to find some place that would provide the clothes to a plus-size woman who is truly in need.

Im think I’m gonna have to agree with @Tony B - NJ here.

I think this person is trolling you all. I commend all of you for wanting to help this person if they are legitimate because that is what we do on here. This one seems too defiant and unwilling to consider any recommendations which just smacks of trolling. I wish this person the best if they are legit and implore them to get help right away if they are legit. But saying that they will seek help but it will not make a difference seems a little fishy. If someone does not think therapy will make a difference they simply do not go. If someone wants help they do not reject every offer of help that is provided. This post does not ring true for me. We have legitimate people on here that deserve our support and help.

Update: I got my DEXA scan yesterday. I went down from 51.6% to 41.7%!!! I know I have a long way to go before I'm healthy, but I was excited. I lost about 12 lbs of lean mass, but also lost 50lbs of fat mass. This is since Jun 2021, so two months before my surgery when I'd already lost 40 lbs from my highest weight.
I'm trying to decide how long I want to wait until my next scan, but in reality it will likely be dictated more by my travel schedule.

56 y/o. RNY 12/14/20. Down 115 lbs.

The challenge, as silly as it may seem, for me is to remember that it's a FOREVER change in lifestyle and eating habits and exercise patterns.

I’m going to jump right in & focus on your inner child sugar & snack craving & ask if you saw or still see a therapist? If not it may be worth asking your medical team for a recommendation to a one who specialises in supporting bariatric patients, disordered eating, etc. The battle to overpower those cravings will only be won when you deal with that inner child. At the moment that child is winning. Are you eating because you are truely hungry (because your body needs the calories to function) or is it just your inner child wanting to be satisfied & comforted?
Honestly, I didn’t specifically crave sugar or salt - I was an equal opportunity treat eater: sweet & savoury. 😉 I got them out of my house. If I don’t buy those foods & don’t have them in my house, I can’t eat them. I know it can be hard when it’s in the work place but try to avoid the break area. Go outside to eat if possible. I also try to prep most of what I eat myself so I can control the ingredients & how it’s cooked. While I was losing I ate pretty simply & a lot on repeat. It wasn’t boring. I actually found it less pressure because I didn’t have to think about what I was going to cook or eat. I had one snack a day: cheese, yoghurt (tub or drink), chunk of cucumber or fruit. Once you have those meals & food Snacks in your app you can just select them each day. You don’t have to recreate them every time. So a little hard work to begin.
Go back to only eating three times a day & no snacks or only one a day. It won’t be easy. Snacks add the calories which will slow your weight loss a lot. If the child screams at you, sip Water, have a cup of herbal or green tea, eat a little chicken, ham, or other deli meat, have some yoghurt, or a little piece of cheese as your snack - note they are all Protein dominant. Watch the fruit because of the high sugar content (though natural) so be selective - berries are best. Try to avoid traditional style snacks even if they’re high protein, low fat or low sugar versions - they keep the snack habit & craving alive. Try to avoid artificial sweeteners for the same reason - they continue to feed your sugar craving. You can explore them when you’re maintaining.
You don’t have to jump in with both feet & go cold turkey. Even making one change to what & how you eat at a time helps. Drop something this week. In a week or two swap something else out. Little changes are easy to accept & are little wins.
Just some suggestions. Feel free to ignore them all. Congrats on your weight loss so far.

I hate the word "pouch."
There, I've said it. I feel better now.
Yes, I know doctors use the word.
No, I don't have a better word.
I just don't like it.🤣

I don't believe I have ever truly dumped and I'm almost one year out. I may have had a mild episode based on symptoms, but what I ate really didn't fit the bill. That being said, I've had many episodes of eating too much/too fast/not chewing well enough. Many people confuse the two.
I don't want to have the experience in general. But when I eat out, I'm very, very careful to limit quantity and not try items for the very first time.

good to know! I am also having pain from sleeping on my side. I guess it is a better problem to have than the extra weight. I do feel my bony butt pain getting a little better though as you said.

Aah, yes. Commonly known as bony butt syndrome. I eventually had bony shoulders, elbows, wrists, hip, knees, ankles, … Any joint that you put pressure on. Used to wake every 90mins or so because of the shoulder, knee & ankle pain (I’m a side sleeper). Glad to say this does improve considerably - must develop some callouses on the non padded joints over time.

Last year around Christmas, I found my perfect Christmas sweater. It is a fair aisle St. Louis Cardinals Christmas sweater. I'm a very big fan. It was on clearance for 15 bucks and an Xl. I was a 5x at my biggest and 3x when I bought it. When I showed it to my husband he said he couldn't picture me being small enough to wear it. It is more like a large or medium than and xl. I told him you wait. I will wear this next year at Christmas. Well, I DID wear it this year and he thought I looked hot! [emoji16]
It's probably dumb to some people but being a big baseball fan I was always sad I couldn't get the cute women's clothes they sell for fans. This is probably my favorite NSV!!

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I can't stop touching my collar bones and my hips!!!!
Also, I made a Santa suit in 2003. I sewed it by hand. It's red sequin fabric with white fake fur trim. Think "Liberace goes to the North Pole". I wore it at my heaviest (293lb) and now I'm 192! I know it will be falling off, but I have worn it every year and I will "make it work" at Tim Gunn would say.
Happy Holidays Everyone!

The purpose of the psychological assessment is to find any undiagnosed mental illness, substance abuse or eating disorders that may make you unsuccessful or even endanger your health post surgery. The MMPI is a very reputable tool to help with that assessment. It’s unfortunate that your clinic doesn’t have a handful of doctors that they use but if they are requiring one that uses the MMPI it sounds like they are trying to make sure the assessment is not a waste of your time and money. My psychological assessment was a joke I did not do any written testing and the talking portion of the assessment lasted about five minutes. They did not even ask me anything about my eating habits or expectations from the surgery. Post surgery I learned that I have issues of emotional and boredom eating that I wish someone had picked up on Prior to surgery. I am slowly losing the weight but I worry if I don’t get to the root of those issues soon that I will be one of those who Regain. I would probably be frustrated about the three months too but in my opinion your team is looking out for you by making sure the doctor they use Does a thorough evaluation. If it were me I would ask them if they have a cancellation list or if you can call ever so often to see if they have any new openings.

New to the forum, here is readers digest of my story.
I am a 47 year old Caucasian male. I am on my third career. One kid to graduate HS this year, one to graduate in 2 years. Married 21 years. And I'm pretty good at lying to myself.
I always told myself I was really good at dealing with stress. Never recognized I was a stress eater the entire time. I spent 15 years in EMS right out of college, 3 as an EMT, 12 as a Paramedic in a high performing urban 911 system. Then I went into the labor union world for another 10 years, negotiating contracts and working in workplace disputes. Now I work in Medical Insurance as a teacher/trainer/adult education specialist, teaching others how to handle appeals and complaints.
I have some unique abilities that helped lead to me being 364 lbs (6 foot tall) in December 2020.
I remain fluent in the 7-11 diet. I can look at a hot dog on the roller and tell roughly how long it has been on it. I consumed up to 2 liters of soda per day for many years. My partners all used to smoke, but I watched my grandfather die of COPD from smoking as a kid and have never touched a tobacco product. So in essence, I replaced cheap ass convenience store food and soda for smoking during my EMS career. My metabolism changed around age 30 and I just couldn't keep the pounds off anymore. And, this is important... I DIDN'T CARE.
I was pretty burned out, crispy as a medic. I got a job offer to move into the labor union world, negotiating contracts and representing other EMTs and Paramedics around the country. I moved my family (wife and 2 young kids) to another state to work for a startup labor union. I took it. And I stopped exercising as I tried to conquer a new career field. What they don't tell you about labor work is that it is also high stress work. I cut soda out during those years but drank a lot of sweet tea and despite what my doctor, family, and friends would say.... I DIDN'T CARE about my size.
The union I worked for went through an old fashioned union labor coup. My life was threatened and people intentionally harmed me personally and professionally. At the same time, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. The union I worked for was absorbed by a big national union player. I signed on with the big national player because I needed the insurance for my wife. We weren't in a good place, survival mode. I spent the next few years traveling for the new labor union, in order to have the insurance to pay for my wife's cancer treatments.
When my wife was well enough (she still is chronically ill, years later) to travel, I moved our family back to our home state of Oregon. The labor union I worked for (who had approved my move) promptly laid me off. So back into survival mode, I became a statistic. Middle aged man, laid off, starting a 3rd career. I was hired by a Medical Insurance Company that paid very little, but jobs were scarce and it was what I had. I took a second job at a local grocery store and worked 60-70 hours per week for a few years. There's no such thing as dietary control when you are working that much and are that tired, and frankly....I DIDN'T CARE about my size.
Over a few years, my financial situation has improved and while we are not well off, I no longer work 2 jobs. My PCP asked me 3 years in a row to look into bariatric surgery. I finally looked into it, and this is important... I CHOSE TO TAKE THIS PATH. The choice is important. The surgery is just a step to get there.

It was time for me to grow up. I'm 47 years old, Life is damn hard and I need to start taking care of myself... I already have several other medical conditions associated with middle age. I frankly still don't care what I look like physically, but I can see the road ahead and don't want to go down that path (obesity gets worse, diabetes, HTN, Stroke, High Cholesterol, Heart Disease).

I did this to myself by not being disciplined. So to make this lifestyle change, I need to be as disciplined as possible. I was ready. I CHOSE. IT IS TIME TO GROW UP.

December 2020 - 6' tall - 364lbs
RNY Surgery December 2021 - 316lbs
I am 4 days post surgery writing this today.
And I worked my ass off to change my relationship to food.

That's my story... For what it is worth. I finally decided to grow up.

Wow, you are being really hard on yourself! Don't forget that a year sober is a big deal. It looks like you had to put weight loss on the back burner to focus on your sobriety, and that does not make you a failure. You are taking active steps to getting back on track, and that's great. If you don't give up, there's always hope.

I am three months out and I enjoy small "treats" occasionally. I will eat a tiny (about 1.5 oz) piece of cake on a holiday, but not a huge piece and not every day. My birthday was on Thanksgiving this year so we celebrated it the day before. I had about 1.5 oz of chocolate mousse cake on the celebration day, and then the next day was Thanksgiving so I had about 1.5 oz of a different cake (my mom keeps the local French bakery in business between her cake orders and croissants and baguette - she is not obese, just overweight). The next night we had a ton of leftovers plus a cake someone had brought and I decided two nights of dessert in a week was enough. I didn't want to start eating dessert again every day.
I also will eat a cracker or some cream of wheat if my stomach is upset, which happens a lot. AND... I drink diet soda! My surgeon said after 4 weeks we could have carbonation, so I drink it again. But very slowly, not like 6 cans a day like before!
I eat at restaurants most of the time because I travel for work. I try to make the best choices I can, but I know it's not perfect. Still, I'm not going to quit my job that I love; I'm just going to learn to make the best choices I can. I'm not aiming for perfect.

Pre-surgery, I am down 3-4 sizes on bottoms (size 26-28 from size 32). I'm wearing big baggy tops for now. I've stitched up the size seams of all of my underpants and bras and swimwear so I won't have to buy new during the immediate transitional period. Surgery is just a week away, so I will have to buy more soon and also take a trip to Goodwill to buy pants and tops. I think can get by with my winter sweaters and coats.
Best NSV of all, I went out to lunch last weekend and sat in a booth, with room to spare between my belly and the table. That hasn't happened in years.

@LaoDaBeirut, what you said 100% echoes my experience. I had to let go of everything I knew and did. I had to listen and implement the ideas I was given. It was hard. I swore I would never track, but I tried it. Now, I see that it has been what I needed to do...and I suspect always will.

@LaoDaBeirut, what you said 100% echoes my experience. I had to let go of everything I knew and did. I had to listen and implement the ideas I was given. It was hard. I swore I would never track, but I tried it. Now, I see that it has been what I needed to do...and I suspect always will.

@LaoDaBeirut, what you said 100% echoes my experience. I had to let go of everything I knew and did. I had to listen and implement the ideas I was given. It was hard. I swore I would never track, but I tried it. Now, I see that it has been what I needed to do...and I suspect always will.

I don’t see how people can expect to be successful early on without tracking Protein and Water. As most of the folks that have had successful weight loss have noted if you meet the 64 oz Fluid guidelines and 60-80 oz of protein daily the tool works. If one was not willing to do that I am not sure why surgery was considered a good option for the OP. The surgery team needs accurate data in order to help you so there has to be some sort of tracking to measure what one is eating. Protocols were developed for a reason. The bullshit is expecting results with little adherence to the recommended protocol.