Arabesque

Today is the two year anniversary of my surgery. 🎉 I’ve made lots of changes around what I eat & when I eat & am way more aware of why I eat. Still not a regular exerciser but have much more general energy than I did before. So glad I woke up that morning & said enough & made the appointment with my doctor. I’m grateful I had a supportive GP, an excellent surgeon & a caring medical team that manages my post surgical follow ups. I’m also thankful of the  support & encouragement I’ve had from family & friends along the way. I love my life. 

Oh, we’re going back into lockdown as of 6pm tonight. Three days to begin but if there are any more cases it will be 30 days. It’s supposed to be the UK extra virulent strain. Sigh. It was announced about 4 hours ago giving everyone about 9 hours to prepare. Of course everyone’s gone crazy at the supermarkets even though grocery shopping is considered essential & you can go any time as long as you social distance & wear a mask. I didn’t even know until a friend rang. It hadn’t been announced when I read the online news this morning. I bet there will be others who will be caught unawares too. 

Sometimes my restriction really annoys me. At dinner with friends last night. Ate two green beans, one bite of steak & when I ate the second bite my restriction kicked in. Pain, tightness, grrrrrr. I mean really!?!? I deliberately put my cutlery down & sit back & wait between each bite. Took 15 mins, & a lot of chest thumping to ease the tightness, before I could have another bite. It wasn’t the steak - I eat it often. It was just my contrary tummy. Thank goodness the hosts know of my surgery & she’s had it too but I still felt embarrassed because the meal was delicious but I struggled to eat anything. Sigh! 

Today is the one year anniversary of my surgery. Woo hoo! 91kg & a BMI of 35.1 down to 51kg & a BMI of 19.7. I’ve been maintaining my weight for about two months now after dropping 9kg more than I was intending as I sorted out my maintenance plan. But I’m not complaining. 

i was fortunate before my weight loss & did not have the serious health issues of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, sleep apnoea, etc. usually associated with obesity but I’m sure they were in my future.

Now I dash around & about, go up & down stairs, play with my young nieces & nephews & live my life without breathing heavily or tiring quickly. 

My hair is growing back. My BMs are 95% regular. My face doesn’t look as gaunt & lined as it did. I could do without the boney butt, ribs, knee, ankle & wrist pain but it’s small price. And I’ve decided my loose skin is like a badge of honour for my weight loss. 

I’m very much looking forward to the next part of my journey. 

Happy anniversary to me - well almost. Friday marks the one yr anniversary of asking my GP if she thought I’d be a candidate for WLS.  

What an exciting, sometimes frustrating but ultimately rewarding journey. I’ve lost 40kg or about 40% of my body weight & am below my goal weight. Some days I  just can’t believe where I am now from where I was 12 months ago. I never imagined this reality. 

I am grateful for the encouragement I received from family & friends. I am grateful I have a supportive GP. They helped smooth the rough patches & kept me on track. I’m also grateful for this site. The information & support has been so helpful & eased many worries. 

I’m still sorting out maintenance (what works one week doesn’t the next) but I’m up for the challenge. 

So went to my surgeon today for one month follow-up. Last time I was there he wanted me to put on 4kgs but oops I’ve lost another 2kgs. Told him it was intended, was trying to maintain, upped my food intake, was stable for almost 3 weeks but last weekend broke it.

Mum turned 80. Drinks at neighbours, a couple of crackers & dip, home late, no dinner. Out all morning, followed by celebratory family lunch, home late, no dinner. Whole dietary routine out the window. Did have a protein bar & tuna frittata muffin in between but didn’t eat much at all those two days.

What dumbfounded me was he was ok with it. I told him I didn’t want to put on his 4kg because of the weight gain many experience in the 12+months in maintenance. He agreed with me. What the??? Invasion of the body snatchers??? Totally opposite position from last month. 

He was also ok with my stopping my multivitamins. Agreed with my thinking that is better to feel ok & eat then be nauseated & not eat. He’ll just monitor my bloods to ensure no problems which is what they do anyway.

Not complaining. 

Some days I’m still coming to terms with how I look now. You know when you’re walking past a shop window and realise the skinny woman reflected in the window is actually you. 

Was trying on shoes the other day and actually looked to see who was the woman with the slim legs I could see in the mirror. Then I realised they were my legs. Dumbfounded! I used to say I had good legs from the ankle down but now they look pretty darn good from mid thigh down (too much loose skin above that point 😜). 

Haven’t got my head around dress sizes yet either. How can I be a size 6 (Aust) or need XS?  Does this come in a smaller size is a question I often ask now. I remember when I bought a pair of size 12 pants while I was still losing & thought they were so small. 

It’s a bit of a head spin. 

Went to see the Star Wars movie yesterday. (Glad I waited as no one else was in the cinema for the midday session - yes!) Hadn’t been to the cinema for a few months and OMG I suffered the most terrible butt pain.  So uncomfortable. Started after 30 mins. Was in the premium cinema so grabbed a cushion to sit on but it didn’t help. Ended up sitting sideways in the chair, stretched out on an ottoman. Soooo super glad no one else was there. Sometimes I do miss my old butt fat cushioning... but not really. 

It’s my eight month surgery anniversary. Whoo hoo!

It hasn’t been easy but then it could have been much, much more challenging. I’ve had stalls that lasted weeks & weeks. I’ve mysteriously developed some health issues (fingers crossed they don’t become serious) which I didn’t have before. I’ve forgotten what a regular bowel motion is, vomit bile & saliva about once a week (damn morning vitamin) & some days I gurgle like a blocked drain! My energy levels aren’t great & I often feel tired but I’m sooooo glad I made the decision to have the surgery. 

I feel way better about myself. I look way better than I did. 😜 My feet don’t ache. My hiccups and reflux are not as severe as they used to be (no more sore muscles after a hiccup attack). I don’t breathe heavily walking up a couple of flights of stairs. I’m the smallest in my family not the biggest (though I’m still the shortest - tee hee). 

There have been unexpected learnings & realisations that resonated. Like realising I am a small person but I ate like I was a large framed 6ft 2. Like realising my nieces & nephews didn’t see me as their fat aunt but just saw me as their Sissy; their favourite & bestest aunt who loved them to pieces. Like I can sip one drink for hours, not eat the cheeses, dips, charcuterie or fries & still have lots of fun when out with my friends. 

I ate bread (& a little sorbet). First since before my surgery 8months ago. It was at one of my favourite of all time restaurants in Melbourne. Freshly made, still steaming when opened & served with their own butter & nori salt. Just couldn’t resist. Didn’t eat the whole piece just two bites. Soooo good & no side effects. 

No effects from the sorbet either but it was a scrape of a teaspoon. 

I still have issues when eating out. Get very tight & can’t eat much - less than what I would at home. Thought I was going to throw up at one restaurant. Just loud gagging in the bathroom but that was embarrassing enough. I think it’s tension - worrying if I’ll find something on the menu to eat, if it will upset me, ...

I’m still losing weight which is a bit of a concern. I’m trying to eat more but struggle to eat larger servings and I feel like I’m grazing all day. 

I survived the Christmas overindulgence. Woo hoo. My sisters-in-law & I share the cooking duties & make our favourite things. This year we pledged not to over cater so we wouldn’t have lots of leftovers. 

Looked around the lunch table and saw the plates over full of beef, ham, vegetables, salads & potato bake. My plate was like an after pxt: a tiny piece of ham & roast beef (5cm square), a broccolini stalk & a slice of cucumber. 

Thankfully we had a couple of hours break until dessert for which I had contributed most options. This was my challenge. First time I’ve eaten anything sweet for 8 months. I was expecting massive abdominal discomfort, maybe dumping. I took a thin slice of my steamed marmalade pudding, a dash egg custard, a spoon of jelly and a small piece of my cheesecake with cream & mixed berries. (I refused to make pavlova this year.) I ate a teaspoon of each & gave the rest to my mother. Everyone had seconds & some of my  grown-up nephews had thirds (they’re 6’4” & 6’6” & very slim - so unfair). 

Most importantly I survived. No side effects except a little gurgling &  I was very windy after - lol! Didn’t feel like I was really missing out. Though I would have loved one of my sister-in-law’s rum balls - she more than quadruples the rum. 

Haven’t stepped on the scales but I’m not expecting to see any real change. 

Today I said I’m an XS or size 8 (Aust) at a clothing store. I never thought I’d say those words and say them with confidence. And when I commented a dress was too big on me I was told it was the smallest size. As was the belt I wanted. 
 

I tried on a slim fitting singlet dress yesterday & was shocked to realise the lumpy bits on the dress were my hip bones. I have an hour glass shape so I always had hips but never ones that stuck out on the front of my body! 

I’ve been a size 10 before - for about 5 minutes. While I am now confident about saying I’m an 8, clothes shopping is all still a bit freaky for me. It’s not that I’m focussed on the size on the label. I’m well aware the cut/line of the clothes and the designer’s style will dictate what size I need or if it will suit my body shape. The size is the starting point & it’s starting at an 8/XS/38 which is a big mind set change. It’s thinking a pair of pants will be too small & discovering they are almost too big. 

While I’m still coming to terms with my actual new body shape and size, I’m very happy to be in this new reality. 
 

This morning I had an abdominal ultra sound because apparently my cholesterol keeps rising.

I don’t get it. My cholesterol was always fine & now when I eat less of everything & have lost weight it starts to go up.

My intake of fats & oils has decreased (not that I was a big fried food person before anyway) & not just because I eat way less. Always cut the fat of meats, still don’t eat bacon, use spray olive oil instead of regular oil. Even the tub of butter in my fridge has been there since before May. Lol.

I just don’t get it? Is it because I don’t eat anywhere near the amount of vegetables I ate before? It surely can’t be because I eat a piece of cheese every day which I didn’t before? Are all my hormones screwed up? 
Sigh! 

Well yesterday I went bra shopping. Again. I could put pleats in the cups of the new ones I’d bought just three months ago so it was back to the department store. Foolishly I wore a dress so spent an hour in the fitting room wearing only my knickers as two fitters (yes it took two of them) ran back & forth with different bras to try. Those full length mirrors & fluorescent lights are super unflattering on the loose skin. Yikes! 
Of course I’m between cup sizes & deflated at the top so only two of the most expensive brands around would fit me. At least a couple I bought were on sale.  Sigh. 
So I’ve gone from a 18F to a 14F to now a 10FF/G.  At least I’m in two hook bras again and not the clumsy three & four hook ones. They are soooo much prettier (all lacy & fine mesh - ooh la la). 
I really need to buy new knickers too - those old size 16 boy legs are like loose legged shorts now - but I’m just not sure what size. Plus after buying the new bras I can’t afford to buy knickers yet lol!