CashmereAndBones

hey guys,
so i'm feeling really bummed out right now. for the past 5 months i've been really excited to go through with the surgery. i'm now having second thoughts. i don't want to let everyone down that i've told i was getting it but i also don't want to be unhappy and depressed post-surgery. i feel like such a disappointment not only to myself but to my family and friends. they were all so happy and proud of me for doing it, but honestly i don't know if i'm ready right now. i'm only 24 and i do want to lose weight, i've already started eating healthy the past few weeks and lost 10 lbs on my own. i'm just not ready to give up all of these things like caffeine, nicotine, drinking and eating, sparkling Water, the 5% carb and fat rule (which basically everything has more than that in a serving), etc. i feel like maybe i should re start my 6 month weigh-in. on the other hand that's just how i'm feeling right now, everyone has their bad days and today is just one of mine. but i feel like if i don't go through with the surgery i'll always be overweight and that i'll regret not doing the surgery now. has anyone had such mixed emotions so close to surgery?

Yeah, it seems normal to me that you're second guessing this, as it is a major decision. What I will say is that I really haven't had to give up much of anything. I can't eat as much as I used to be able to, of course, but I don't stop myself from having something if I REALLY want it. If I want chocolate, I have a small piece. If I want pancakes, I have half of one, which ends up being more than enough....I could go on. No, I don't eat these things all day, every day, but I do let myself have them occasionally.
I do drink coffee everyday; I do better with the cold brew variety, as it's less acidic, and I use a non-sugary flavoring with stevia for sweetener, so I'm not adding a bunch of calories or carbs, but I DO get my caffeine fix daily. I wasn't able to have it for a while, while I was healing, but I'm now 7 months post-op and can enjoy my glass a day.
I also drink alcohol now. Do I do it a lot? No. But I do allow myself to drink occasionally. I don't keep liquor at the house, because I don't need it that often, but when I go out with friends, I may have a drink. I do vodka and Water, and I bring Mio to but in it, so I'm still getting a yummy drink, without adding calories and carbs.
I really wasn't a soda or sparkling water drinker before, so I don't miss that.
I'm 32, and I wish that I would have done the surgery when I was your age, instead of waiting.

I was wondering about the goal weight too, but assumed it was just numbers quickly filled out. I'm 5'2 my goal weight is 135 and that's kinda on the heavier side for my height. My Dr at the last visit said he would be happy to see me at 140. Either one is still smaller than I've been since a teenager and I've had kids as well. I'm just mostly focusing on becoming healthier and learning better habits

Good pick up, while BMI isn't the best indicator it would be about 17 which is technically underweight.

You're 6ft and your goal weight is 125lb? How did you arrive at that? Just curious. I'm still wondering if my goal weight is achievable. After four children, I'm not sure it's possible. I think I just like "how it looks" in print.

It's completely normal to second guess any major life changing thing you go through; marriage, weight loss surgery, cosmetic surgery, buying a first home, even kids. I know once you're pregnant and about to go into labor, there's nothing you can do. But I seriously questioned am I ready? And many other questions. Some of the things you are worrying about can still be enjoyed after surgery just not in huge quantities. I'm a vape person and no longer smoke cigs but every now and then. I drink a pot of coffee every day. Sometimes (mostly) it's Decaf. I will drink a diet coke here and there. I don't drink alcohol because I'm an alcoholic, but I have friends that do.

As stated, second thoughts are 100% normal. Also, what is going to happen after surgery, more than likely isn't going to be as hard or devastating as you think it is now. Now, that said, it's not super easy, it takes time, effort and a willingness to change, because all those things you are going to "miss" are the things you more than likely shouldn't be eating or... are addicted to. No judgement, just truths. I had issues shortly after surgery, my family would cook and it would smell amazing and I was sitting there with 1 oz of something pureed. It was pretty though emotionally. Then when they would make toast... ugh, so crappy.
BUT
That didn't last forever. I can eat a lot more things that I expected to be able to. I can drink beer without any issues. I avoid soda now anyway, but I've had some. Sparking Water is fine too. But these things you *REALLY* want to wait until you are 6+ months out before you start trying to work back into your diet.

Nicotine is an odd one, it's not Nicotine that people get addicted to, it's the other junk the cigarettes that folks crave. I'm a cigar smoker. Cigars have more nicotine per cigar (on average) than an entire pack of cigarettes, yet, I've never, nor have I ever seen anyone, that was "jonesing" for a cigar and just "had to have one"... I never see cigar smokers out in the rain and snow getting their "nic fix". If nicotine was as addictive as folks want you to believe, then cigar smokers would be worse than cigarette smokers... but we aren't.

That said, I smoke cigars still, no issues.
I eat bread on occasion, I just opt for the high grain count versions and I avoid white flour when possible.
I drink beer on occasion, no issues.
I try to follow the 5 grams fat/added sugar thing, but I don't always, I LOVE cheese, which is high in fat... yet, no issues.

Don't worry about what might be now, because odds are, what you are worried about won't be what happens down the road. Just remember all the reasons you want the surgery. Weigh it out, it's your call. If you are happier and want to accept the negatives that come with being overweight, that's 100% up to you.

I agree with you, from this and previous posts, you're not ready.
You are focused on what you will give up, instead of what you will gain.
No one can make you want your health, weight loss, mobility, etc., more than you want a pastry. Hopefully you will get there one day.

I went towards gastric bypass about 5-6 years ago.. but didnt end up going through with it.. I finally had my procedure last Monday at age 44.. it is what it is.. but I'll say not much changed in my feeling about my weight between then and now.. it went down for a bit then came back up.. if you're ready go for it.. it's all up to you.. I had alot of people in my life pushing me towards putting this off till after the holidays but I just wasnt willing to wait. It's all up to you.

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

I don’t know if you are ready or not. I will just say that I had been wanting surgery for years but only did it 2 weeks ago (at age 52). I feel I missed out a lot on my life for not doing it sooner - but not anymore! It was the right decision for ME. You need to decide what’s right for YOU! But please make this about YOU and not your family and friends. You need to put YOU first! Good luck with whatever you decide!!

I think you are too indecisive. I have a son your age and I won't push him even though he is super morbidly obese. I think everyone goes through what is described as buyer remorse for a little bit after their first WLS and if you are questioning your motives as much as you are now and in past posts, you should wait a few years. You will (most likely) sabotage your own progress after the surgery and I'm basing that on my experience as a father. I tell my son, "You will know when you're ready to loose weight and get healthy because you will have an overwhelming sense of conviction". The old saying "You can lead a horse to Water but you can't make em drink" comes to mind. Go out and try to get healthy on your own one more time and if that doesn't work, (which it didn't for most of us on here) come on back. This community will still be here. As a parent, I wish my kids could learn from my mistakes but that's just not reality. All I can do is try to lead by example and that's the reason I'm going down this path now. Good luck with your decision.

I dont have a goal weight for myself. My goal is to be able to go to a theme park and ride all the roller coasters.. I haven't been able to do that since I was 18.. which.. doesnt feel like it was that long ago.. but it was.

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

I had considered sleeve 8 years ago. Took the program and decided to not to have the surgery.
I realized 2 truths between then and now:
I should have had surgery then, seeing the benefit of it now, except; I'm glad I didn't because mentally and maturity wise I was not ready for some of the changes as you have stated in the first post You need to really be committed to yourself. It's hard to change and let go. Don't do it until you come to terms with you and are ready.
Good luck!

I would definitely not get the surgery now if you are feeling this way. To be honest, I had no idea how restricting the surgery would be. I thought I was going to have no cravings or hunger. Therefore, I was so excited and ready. I am 25 years old. I got the surgery on 08/17/2018. Let me just tell you, I am still dealing with food depression. I have no way to comfort myself now. I used to do it with food and alcohol after a long week of work. Now I cannot do that. Therefore, this tells myself I was not mentally prepared for the surgery. It’s too late now. I am stuck with the exhaustion and depression and boring life. I am stuck with this fear of food and fear or of gaining weight back. Still have an unhealthy relationship with food, but now it’s not eating. Ugh just terrible. I was a binge eater, though. Good luck. It is your choice. I am happy I got it because I am losing weight and feeling more confident. I hated being super fat. I felt disgusting after the fact I ate. So yes I am happy I did this, but it sucks at the same time. I think surgery is harder than actually dieting because you have no choice on how much to eat and you can’t have your cheat day because it all just hurts the little sleeve. I am just ranting now Bc I’m tired. Best of luck!!!

I absolutely agree with everything the others have said. I will say that I am 8 weeks post-op at age 22 and I'm doing amazing. But then again I was ready. I most definitely felt the need to mourn a few things like the ability to just pig out. Or gulp Water when thirsty. Or any number of weird food habits I had before. But it's a good thing to break them. I've discovered a multitude of positive things that I didn't expect. The actual serving amount of many foods doesn't look ridiculously small to me. I now have the energy and genuine drive to exercise so I take full advantage. I'm completely satisfied with my 5 cajun shrimp. I've discovered new favorite foods (boiled cajun shrimp is to die for) and gotten to play around with cooking for one and having leftovers.

And just because I had surgery doesn't mean I have to give up absolutely everything forever that is on my avoid list. Because both my surgeon and my dietician want me to be able to enjoy what I eat, just far less and modified. My point is this, I knew before I had the surgery that this was a life change for the better. And sometimes the things you need don't feel good. Like a shot in the ass, sometimes it's what you need. And although I could have spent another decade trying and failing to lose on my own. Because I'd been trying since I was 12 (quick weight loss, Curves, Weight Watchers, the list goes on) and done nothing but continue to gain. But again I felt that I was ready. And so far, it's been the best thing I've done in my life. My advice would be to talk to your surgical team and maybe make a therapy appointment if you don't already see someone. You may not be ready and that's okay. Ultimately this isn't something you can take back so I would make doubly sure that you are ready.

hey guys,
so i'm feeling really bummed out right now. for the past 5 months i've been really excited to go through with the surgery. i'm now having second thoughts. i don't want to let everyone down that i've told i was getting it but i also don't want to be unhappy and depressed post-surgery. i feel like such a disappointment not only to myself but to my family and friends. they were all so happy and proud of me for doing it, but honestly i don't know if i'm ready right now. i'm only 24 and i do want to lose weight, i've already started eating healthy the past few weeks and lost 10 lbs on my own. i'm just not ready to give up all of these things like caffeine, nicotine, drinking and eating, sparkling Water, the 5% carb and fat rule (which basically everything has more than that in a serving), etc. i feel like maybe i should re start my 6 month weigh-in. on the other hand that's just how i'm feeling right now, everyone has their bad days and today is just one of mine. but i feel like if i don't go through with the surgery i'll always be overweight and that i'll regret not doing the surgery now. has anyone had such mixed emotions so close to surgery?

Ugh you are so right, I don't think right now is the right time and if I restart the 6 months it'll be right around mid-end of May and I'll still have ~4 months before I move to LA.

Many people have nervous feelings about surgery and life after, however the length of your mixed emotions should be a clue to you. When you are really ready you will know.

Hey guys,
I've been away for a while now but I'm back! Hope everyone is doing well. I've come to terms with everything I have to change in my life in order to succeed in this life changing process. I've been inspired by all of you on here and many Youtubers as well. My biggest concern is my past eating disorder. Before I had BED (Binge Eating Disorder) I went through a really rough time battling anorexia in which I had to go to a treatment center for all women in North Carolina. I'm so excited for VSG but at the same time I'm so so so nervous that I'm going to fall back into my habits I had when I was battling anorexia. The liquid fast, small almost nothing amounts of food for a good few months during each different stage, just hearing about this is making me excited for weight loss but in an almost sinister way. My brain is telling me that not eating is going to make me skinny, that the liquid fast is going to be the start of me only eating like max 500 calories a day but my goal is like 200. I already feel my body getting ready to go into starvation mode which I'm pretty sure happens post-op because of the small caloric intake which is why post-op patients lose so much weight in the beginning and you need Protein and supplements. I'm just scared that I'm not going to want to stop eating so little. VSG is an amazing tool and I'm so excited to be apart of the community and grateful that I am able to get this procedure done and I am all well aware of what to avoid and switch up so I can be prosperous but again I'm reiterating what I mentioned earlier I'm getting these mental feelings of "you can never be too skinny" "don't eat" "skip dinner, stay thinner" etc. I'm hoping to get some positive feedback and not hate ): it's been quite a struggle in my life between anorexia and BED. If anyone out there has advice or may know someone or themselves that has gone through this please shed some light for me! I know I need help and plan to seek counseling pre and post VSG. But I also wanted to express this on here because you all are also my support system. Thank you!
ps: I don't have email notifications turned on so if you reply I will be checking this thread back every 2-3 hours or so, but I will respond to each and every one of you! Again thank you (:

You're absolutely right. Right now I am not ready for the procedure. But the good thing is I still have 4 months to keep doing research and asking questions and watching Youtube videos and hearing other peoples experiences to get my mind, body and soul ready for this journey! I am going to see a dietitian July 31st (not through the VSG doctor, I see their nutritionist mid August). As of now I'm not emotionally there but I think that's why we have to go through the 6 month process to make sure this life changing surgery is the right fit for us! Thank you for your feedback and if you have any other advice I'd love to hear you out! Best.

Hello! Thank you for a follow up. I do realize it is a life long commitment which is why I want to absorb everything I can before making a decision. Like I said I still have four months before I'm even allowed to set a date (if I choose to do so). I understand it's not fool proof and the questions I ask might be concerning but these are just things I want to know because I like to see how people at all different stages of post-op are doing and what they have and haven't incorporated back into their lives. Everyone does their journey differently so I'm trying to see all different prospectives and outcomes. I'm not asking these because I'm planning on getting the surgery and immediately going back to simple Syrup lattes, fast food chains, pastries, etc. but I'm asking because I want to know if people dabble in them and what their outcomes have been. One person said they had snacked on some sweets and it was on a vacation and they hadn't lost as much that week as others but it's good to know I'm not going to have to be a robot after surgery with absolutely no leeway on anything. I've also had not only BED but anorexia at one point when I was at my skinniest and I was afraid that going on suck restrictions for the rest of my life might bring back those tendencies. But I see there are mixed reviews, some people stick hard core to the post-op lifestyle and others are a little more free with it. Thank you again for another insightful post AshAsh1 (: I hope you are doing well! If you have any other advice, have you gone on vacation and wanted something and took a few bites of like a cake? Have you experienced FOMO? How did you deal with all of this? And anything else you'd like to add would be great! All the best.

This post made me feel so much better, we're all human, we do human things like eat things we're not supposed to and slip past that fine line of good and bad! But it goes to show that you can still lead a "normal" life with little to no repercussions as long as its not a constant reoccurring thing! Thank you so much Matt!

This post made me feel so much better, we're all human, we do human things like eat things we're not supposed to and slip past that fine line of good and bad! But it goes to show that you can still lead a "normal" life with little to no repercussions as long as its not a constant reoccurring thing! Thank you so much Matt!

PS: Just finished reading your article. You are gorgeous and I love those floral leggings! Keep on smiling (:

This post made me feel so much better, we're all human, we do human things like eat things we're not supposed to and slip past that fine line of good and bad! But it goes to show that you can still lead a "normal" life with little to no repercussions as long as its not a constant reoccurring thing! Thank you so much Matt!