njgal

Well, it's a start alright... the finish has yet to come. But I'll document my sleeve story here in the hopes that it'll help others.
Surgery to lose weight? Peh!! That's for weaklings... I would never mutilate my body.... why take the easy way out... in short, wls was a remote concept to me. Honestly, it just never was on my radar, that's all.
But like many here I struggled.. and it was a constant battle in the back of my head. I've been everywhere on the spectrum from "a real woman has curves, damn it" to " this is a social construct; it's todays world that makes me feel bad about who I am... I mean look at norms from 50-60 years ago" to "I don't have to be thin/normal/etc, I have brains to prove myself... I will never be one to rely on how I look to get ahead".... you name it, I've probably been there.
I'm going on 40... years of this... and dieting... and gaining... and dieting... and checking out the newest fad... and shopping based on what fits... not what I like.... years of focusing on the 'content' vs the 'packaging', coupled with a very low idea of self-worth rooted in childhood... well, for one reason or the other we all end up in the same spot.
Last summer my family and I were at the beach; There I am, sitting at the beach and I just can't stop judging people. Nevermind the fact that I lost 20 pounds and gained 19,5 back... So technically I have still lost weight compared to same time last year; I am just sitting here, in the shade and I can't stop myself from passing judgment on everybody... Bad posture, wrong choice of bathing suit... Omg!! What was she thinking?!?!? I would kill to have the body of most of the women who unknowingly are subject to my internal rantings but there you have it. And then I caught myself... sort of saw myself from a different perspective. Is this really who I want to be? This constantly bitter, unhappy person who blames everyone and everything but neglects to take responsibility? And it was there the first seeds of change had been sewn. Althought wls was still a long ways off from being even an idea.
I came to the US 20 years ago... It's not easy being the 'outsider', less so when you're a parent. At times it feels like everybody knows each other; even worse everybody likes each other... everybody but you. And this even though we all started being soccer moms and dads at the same time. Granted, sometimes you'll have your neighbors who know each other and naturally gravitate toward each other... or those parents whose kids are besties in school and who automatically click.
Some days a parent will say hi... good morning... how're ya doing? And those days are good days because for the next 60 minutes of a game you re-live that moment when you were part of the in-crowd. On other days your good morning will be ignored.. sometimes on purpose. And those days you put on a brave face for your kids because no kid likes their parents to be the outsider. Some days it gets so bad, so lonely, that I feel like exploding... i feel like asking "guys... what is it? Is it because i'm fat? Wear glasses? Have an accent? All of the above? I see these posts for parents with tips on how to deal with socially awkward teenagers... or how to boost their kids' confidence and I gulp them up looking for a glimpse on what it could be I'm doing wrong. It is a sad state of affairs when you're diving into teen advise columns but you're almost 40.
I have two amazing kids... and I know how easily effected kids are by how they view their parents. All parents are an embarassment to their kids in one way or another but what all of this led to, what I realized was that unless I accept myself, unless I am OK with myself and unless I respect and love myself I couldn't possibly expect others to show me the same. And this sense of personal responsibility was the second seed toward change. You see, as much as it seems from the above that I am doing this so that others will love me, I have come to realize that I am doing this for me... and only me.
Then, in January my husband's friend comes to visit.. and I don't recognize him... seriously, different human being. I felt like on candid camera where they do a switcheroo, you know? And he tells me about how he got sleeved... and he is patient with me and talks to me, explains, shows, guides me and before I know it I know that this is what I want. I just do, it makes sense, it all clicks, falls into place... damn in, I want it and I want it now!!!
I talk to 3 different surgeons even though I have to pay for consults... one can't even be bothered to look me in the eyes... he's Mr super busy and important... you know, like a factory assembly line, you're just a number, not a human being. The second is nice...patient, knowledgeable but his staff is not well organized. Then I went to see my friend's surgeon. Staff and surgeon... good call; I clicked and knew I had found my surgeon. Of course I did my research, I read reviews, reached out to people but first impressions are so important.
My insurance requires 6 months of documented visits. I was ready to have the surgery; I was excited; I didn't want to wait.. I even considered doing this out of pocket but thankfully cooler heads prevailed. I still think 6 months is too long but I'm halfway there.
I am hopeful to have a surgery date in september for my sleeve.
I still do my homework, I day-dream and I make lists, I fantasize about shopping sprees (which will be fun now, not torture... right guys?) but I'm not in laland in terms of expectation. I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the difficulties ahead. I'm going to therapy to prepare mentally.

I have an incredibly supportive husband who's been with me through thick (and will be with me through thin!!)

And with your support I know I can do this.

Updates will follow!

Stay strong but probably best to come clean to your team. If it has to be postponed best to do it now rather than day before. So many things are connected with a surgery like this it would be unfair to you and them.
But first things first... focus on Nov 11 for the time being. Whatever it may be you’ll still need some healing time.. physical, emotional, both... so don’t just ignore this and focus on the bylass alone. Give each procedure its due. And good luck of course!

I agree... I now have nooooo clue what I like to wear or look like. First it was that nothing fit right, NOW the struggle is things are too big... Ohhh boy lol... Nut I have no regrets

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

I used to use FatSecret, but I found that myfitnesspal has more in their food and exercise databases. It can be a pain to get started with for sure (it took me about a month to really get comfortable with it), but I really think mfp works well. I really like the mfp phone app for adding frequent foods, and I like the website for adding new recipes. I know this probably isn't what you're looking for, but give it a couple of weeks.

I wish that I had known that my taste buds would change. I threw out tons of Protein, Soups, broth, etc, because I just couldn't stand them after surgery. Don't get me wrong, I read this in multiple posts, but didn't think that it would apply to me.
My advice...Don't buy too much of anything before surgery, because you might just despise it afterward.

My friend says he was surprised by how angry he felt.

Next week marks my 2 years surgiversary, and I am happy to report that I have kept the weight off! In these two years I have become a black belt in taekwondo, run many, many miles (you can see my running shorts tan line in the bikini photo!), bought bikinis for the first time, and had the confidence to change careers. I also moved recently to a new state. Nobody here knows me as anything but "thin." I have people remark that I don't have to worry about my weight and that is comes "easy" for me. They have no idea! And I am not going to tell them, because this is me now and I am loving my new life! Getting gastric sleeve surgery is the best gift I ever gave myself.

Every time I sit down I cross my legs. Because. I. Can.

True! I started with 250 and was an 18

My fear of gaining is controlled by exercise. Better than many other things but is maladaptive. G

So 3 weeks ago, I threw my back out. I don't even have a fun story. I pulled my chair in to a table and my back said "nah, I'm going to stay here." Cue agonizing pain. The worst part was that I was on a 3rd story rooftop bar with my friend, 9 hours from home. I learned the bar didn't have a service elevator, so I had to take a few shots to get downstairs. I could barely stand up, I needed something to dull the pain! The 9 hour drive home wasn't much better either. Fun times!
ANYWAYS.
I've been going to the gym 2-3 times a week like clockwork. I'll do Zumba, yoga and/or step class usually. I have now been unable to go for the past 3 weeks. Once upon a time, I would have been thrilled for an excuse not to go. Now though? I'm getting antsy. I want to go get my heart rate up. I want to go relax while doing yoga.
Relax? Exercise? What madness is this?
I never thought I'd be that person that MISSES working out. Hell, I still barely am. But it became part of my routine and I am getting stir crazy being unable to unwind in a nice childs pose.

Seriously though, who am I?

I was too afraid of dying to getting sick to really test my sleeve early on. I live alone far away from friends and family so I had surgery alone and recovered alone.
I am pretty happy that I was so afraid, because by the time I introduced other foods. I had so much success with my weight loss, I wasn't willing to risk it for food.
Just because you can tolerate foods, doesn't mean you should try them. You really need to get handle on your cravings because by the time you are 6 months you will be able to eat larger amounts of the foods you shouldn't be eating.
At the 2 year mark I could easily eat 3-4000 calories a day if all I did was sit in the house and munch all day. Large pizza, family size bag of chips, unlimited Cookies. All of that. In a day if all I did was eating. Nothing is going to stop you from eating bad foods but you.

Ditto. I had read a book about, oh, 11 years ago that talked about how wonderful organic whole foods were. MSG was the devil, etc.
So I went to the grocery store and didn't know where to start. I was afraid of everything, and when I left the store I had 3 small bags of food and had spent $50 (which was a lot in those days). I get home, and there is nothing to eat! All those single ingredients, and I didn't know how to make a meal of them. Went to McDonalds for dinner.
Surgery has truly given me a reset. Since I'm not starving, I can take my time and think about what is a good thing to eat, look up a recipe, try things out. Before, I just needed to fill my belly as quickly as possible, the hunger overrode any other thought processes.

Curiosity? I tested my limits as well after I was converted to MGB. Knowing I could eat this or that was liberating. That doesn't mean that I do all the time.
I'm not in the mood to live in fear of certain foods. I remember times when I did and it was horrible. I know though that many users on this board have a different view on this issue. In the end everyone has to do what works for the individual.

@jess9395 I had a bite of a cupcake from my wifes birthday. No issues. Had a 5cent candy as well. No issue. Ate a bite of Pasta salad at a wedding. No issue.
I'm testing my boundries a little because I feel 100% normal..and all I read on these forums is that I'm the abnormal one...

I am the same way.. can eat anything.
But, it's a great thing because we get to learn how to exist from the very beginning.

I’d also like to add that sometimes the physical takes a while to catch up to the mental. I had a “relaxing” mentally some months prior to surgery but that didn’t change my physical approach to food at all. I continued to eat as before and didn’t lose a single pound prior to surgery. Call it a long goodbye or just a balancing act between the two (mental/physical) but up to the day prior to surgery I can’t really consider my habits to have changed. My understanding of the process as well as how I’m eating certainly did and I think that’s helping me now. (I’m 5 weeks out).
Oh, therapy is great, I’m all for it if you have the right therapist.

1 mo/25 lb out and someone I hadn’t seen in a while did a double take and couldn’t help commenting. People are usually not that much of a blabber mouth with me at work but this gentleman just couldn’t otherwise. He doesn’t know about the surgery.

800-1000 depends on the day. I have a minimum of 64 gr of Protein to uphold. I usually get in about 80-100.
I’m a month post-op.

I started at 305lbs and my first comment came after losing 73lbs, 4.5 months postop.

Mashed avocado if you’re allowed. Twinge of lemon juice in it. It was actually pretty good.

I started this journey to WLS in May of this year. I've mostly been low carb since 2000, with periods of utter recidivism. Prior to starting in May, I was on the straight Whataburger chicken Strips dinner with Cream Gravy diet. (Um, not recommended...just sayin') I was a total mess and had basically checked out and was in WTD status (WTD=waiting to die). I developed a staff infection in my foot and amazingly it saved my life. I realized I still had fight left in me. I didn't actually want to die yet. But I also knew I could no longer live in this body with its present incarnation. I was in raging pain all the dayum time 24/7, slept very little, hardly moved out of my recliner, and was very isolated. Poor Mr. Fluffy was at his wits end!
So when I started this pre-surgery weight loss game, I was deadly serious that things would change. I was going to be very strict and focused. I WAS going to start feeling better, lose weight, or die trying. So yes, I have changed dramatically. I am pretending I'm post WLS with the exception of the quantities. Because I was losing too much weight, my surgeon made me up my calories to 1500cals/day, so I end up eating a crap ton of healthy food to make that number every day. Much more than I would normally eat--6 times a day! But every meal is planned, tracked and logged prior to putting it in my mouth. My food is very KISS right now. NO sugar of any kind. No diet or soft drinks. No caffeine. 3 square low carb meals + 3 Snacks eaten on a schedule. No drinking with meals or for 45 minutes after a meal. Eating Protein first at every meal. I'm in it to win it now and am fully vested. I've come down from my 287lb weight (regained up from 218lbs over the last 5 years) to 233.4lbs this morning (up 2lbs from WurstFest this weekend).
I want to try to adopt as many behaviors as I can now. I want to be prepared and done with carb withdrawals, sugar withdrawals, and caffeine withdrawals now--pre-surgery. Cuz getting over surgery is going to be hard enough without going through the Keto flu that you have when you first enter ketosis.
If I could recommend only one thing for you--it would be to start from here forward with doing Atkins. It's like a gateway, easy to follow roadmap into a ketogenic or even a low carb lifestyle. Will there be slips along the way? Of course! Nobody's perfect! Will you cheat? Maybe. But doing it now will make things soooo much easier. Slips will have lesser consequences now. But the low carb can help you gain control over your food issues.
((hugs)) and sorry you are struggling right now!!!

Are any/all of you on acid reflux medication? A lot of veterans swear that this hunger is actually acid reflux and you need meds/ different meds/ increase in meds.
Restriction happens with dense Protein, if it is always eaten first and no more than 4oz at a time, then vegetables, then whatever else is allowed.
Soup, yogurt, tuna are all soft or semi-liquid and will not feel restricted. I feel restriction with chicken thigh meat and grilled salmon - that is the only thing I have consumed so far that is fairly dense. I feel no restriction with refried Beans or Soups or tuna - unless I were to eat an actual tuna steak maybe.

I’d also like to add that sometimes the physical takes a while to catch up to the mental. I had a “relaxing” mentally some months prior to surgery but that didn’t change my physical approach to food at all. I continued to eat as before and didn’t lose a single pound prior to surgery. Call it a long goodbye or just a balancing act between the two (mental/physical) but up to the day prior to surgery I can’t really consider my habits to have changed. My understanding of the process as well as how I’m eating certainly did and I think that’s helping me now. (I’m 5 weeks out).
Oh, therapy is great, I’m all for it if you have the right therapist.