JAM72

I'm crying reading this thread because I've been so scared to do this (I've just begun the journey and am scheduling initial consults still) for all the same reasons.
The more I read and hear people's stories, it seems like there's a real chance this could work. Honestly I think that scares me even more! I've never *not* been heavy. My weight has defined me for so long, I can't really picture what life would be like if I actually succeeded. I don't really care about a goal weight but the prospect of being able to buy "normal" clothes, tie my shoes without passing out or ride a flippin' rollercoaster is kinda mind boggling.
I also wonder if being successful in other area of my life has actually made starting this journey even harder. As in, I've been able to accomplish so much, why can't I tackle the weight? I'm smart and I know how to lose weight, why can't I do this on my own? Like I'm not ready to admit that I need help. It sounds funny but I think my ego gets in my way.
What has finally spurred me into action is my knees. I have severe arthritis (which I knew for years but never went to the dr. because I figured why bother- I'm fat so it is what it is) When I finally did and he gave me a cortisone shot, it was a hallelujah moment. For a brief period of time I actually felt good! And that was the catalyst. I want to feel like that every day- to be able to walk without a limp. To actually feel like walking into the store instead of searching out drive-thrus. To lose this 200lb gorilla on my back for once and for all that makes me feel like crap and won't let me have any fun.
Sorry, didn't mean to make this all about me, but your post got to me and I agree with previous posters- you seem to have a great perspective. You have made a decision that will change your life in many ways. It would be weird not to be anxious and scared!
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Super inspiring! My surgery is scheduled for November 18, and I am counting down the days. I have also wondered about how to deal with what I call "trigger" foods - bread, Pasta, rice, sugar - and like your idea of not introducing them back into your diet post-surgery. Thank you for the inspiring and informative post!!

@@joy4you I am so happy for you as you are about to get out of the hellish place obesity is. It will be tough at times, but if you can truly give in to the fact that you have an addiction, and push to stick with healthy foods, you are going to be successful. The surgery will take away the cravings and get you started, then it is on you! Which means it's on us I would love to help in anyway possible, just keep pushing yourself in the first few months. Once you lose the initial milestone, and people start noticing the difference, it keeps getting easier. I believe in you!!!
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I went to go buy a new foam roller and asked the salesperson what the difference and need is between the longer and shorter one and which should I get. She said, and I quote "well you are pretty petite in size so the shorter should be just fine". I am 5'5 so she couldn't be talking about my height! I was so stoked I actually laughed out loud. Me!!! Petite!!! Finally.
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I Chose RNY because I was self pay. Thought I'm going all in! I do not regret it. My husband thought I was a little crazy, Only my children know that I've made this trip and had the surgery and returned. My daughter had a baby the 19th my surgery was the 22nd. My extended family assume I was spending time with the new baby. I know they would have tried to talk me out of it.

I would call my primary, internist or gastroenterologist first thing in the morning. Black stool usually indicates blood and should not be ignored. Also mention the six months' of swings between diarrhea and Constipation, which may indicate Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), not the worst thing.
I don't intend to scare you, but urge you to make the call with no further delay. Don't waste time online, as things you'll read may scare you unnecessarily.

roger star, My hubby also went to Mexico but we went to Jurarez. I'm happy that your trip went so well. We did hear great thinks about Tijuana. Our experience wasn't good. But it is what it is. Due to so many problems with his Lap Band and a failed Revision to the RNY they had to do the Sleeve, I had a RNY on July 2, 2013 and have had excellent results. His Sleeve was on June 3, 2016 and he is losing his weight pretty slow. But his mind hunger is getting him in trouble!! Good Luck on your results!!

When I was banded in January 2013, I expected to fail. It's why I was banded and not something more invasive. I figured it wouldn't work, I'd have it removed, and continue to eat myself into an early grave. I was terrified and went into this kicking and screaming. Well..it managed to tamp down the hunger enough for me to make good choices and watch the volume. I lost enough weight to become an active member of the human race instead of watching from the sidelines. I can move without pain, I can play with my grandson...and could not with my granddaughter. I fit everywhere and got my life back.
What you are going through is normal. Believe me...this will work for you as long as you work it.

Oh, how I understand after year after year of failed diets! Losing 40 pounds every year just to gain it back! Suffering from degenerative disk disease and realizing what I'm missing out on! My little grand children 2 born this year and I can barely walk! I'm 20 days out from my Bypass, still feeling sick! Went to Tijuana Mexico was treated wonderful! We have this each day will be better!

Here are my responses. They're valid for now -- and could change in the future.
0. What type of weight loss surgery have you had?
Gastric sleeve

1. How long have you been in maintenance mode?
3.5 months

2. What's your current height and weight?
5'5" and 144 pounds

3. How many calories do you eat daily (on average) to maintain your weight?
I recently found my sweet spot for now - 1,650 calories/day

4. What kind of focus do you put on Protein -- number of grams or anything else you want to say?
I eat 100-120 grams of Protein a day. I eat protein first at mealtimes. I get my protein from fowl, fish, meat, dairy, grains and legumes. I don't eat many nuts because they're so high-cal for just a little protein. I do drink a Protein shake most mornings for breakfast; otherwise all my protein comes from "regular" food.

5. What kind of focus do you put on carbs - number of grams or anything else you want to say?
I never went low-carb even during the weight loss phases. These days I eat 150-200 grams of carbs a day. I aim for 5 veggies / fruits a day and make that target about half the time (I need to focus on that more). I am eating more whole grains and very seldom eat processed or white flours. I have dessert about 2-3 times a week and only small amounts.

6. What other nutritional tips / tricks are working for you that help you maintain?
I plan each day's menus and track all my food and drink using My Fitness Pal, so I am very aware of what I really am eating; no guessing going on here. And I measure my food well, too; again, no guessing going on here.
EDIT: I also weigh every day, but keep my eye most focused on my weekly and monthly weights, which give me a clearer view of my weight trends.

7. Which foods, if any, do you avoid altogether?
So far, nothing's on the NEVER list. That could change. But I'm VERY leery of chips and crackers. Those crunchy things are dangerous to me!

8. What exercise regimen (exercise types and frequency) do you follow?
I do a lot more housecleaning and walking than I used to -- on treadmills, outdoors, in malls, etc. Right now (summertime) I go to the gym only once a week for weight lifting or a bodypump class. This fall I hope our travel schedule calms down a lot and makes a gym schedule easier to follow.

9. What role, if any, has counseling or therapy played in your WLS success?
I see a therapist once a month (started a couple months pre-op). He's been great for me in keeping me focused on what I need to pay attention to and become less impulsive.

10. What advice would you offer WLS patients to help them be successful?
Don't expect your new sleeve's restriction will change your life permanently. It's a great tool and gives you a great advantage in losing weight fast. But if you don't learn how to make better food and nutrition choices, eat differently (protein first, eat slower), stay well hydrated, choose to move your body a lot more, stop using food to numb your discomforts, stay positive and focused on your goals, etc., you won't be successful long-term. It's not hard to learn these new things. You just have to continue the commitment you made when you decided to have WLS. This is a miracle opportunity to change your lifestyle permanently and be healthy the rest of your life. Please don't waste this miracle.

@@Cervidae, my dear, I know of no surgery-compliant comfort food. Celery sticks won't coat the heart. What works for me is singing, loud singing. It provides release and freedom by way of action. It can be raucous or soft, Janis Joplin or Paul McCartney, if you get my drift. It's creativity on wheels. I suspect that the physical satisfaction comes from taking in extra oxygen, but who cares when singing just feels so freakin' good?
I hate that your day has been so miserable. It sounds as though being turned down by one potential client was the icing on the iceberg. All I can offer is a great, big, enveloping hug. It's yours.

Afternoon all.
I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives.
Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though."
Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment.
Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe.
I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!"
I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey.
I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed.
Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever.
Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all.
Cervidae

You are incredibly inspiring, but in addition to your transformative weight loss.....you are a very gifted writer. You need to write, Abby!!!
Tomorrow is my RNY and I will think of you and your success as I drive to the hospital in the morning.
Thank you for all you do here.
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Remember this journey is as much mental as it is physical. I would recommend seeing a therapist on a weekly or monthly basis to help your eyes see the improvements that the body is showing us.
Remember we have had years and years of society convincing us we are fat and ugly and unwanted.
We now have to teach ourselves we are a different person we used to be.
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I'm a sorta newbie...even I get tired of some of the repeat questions....the when can I have...and the stalls...but you vets have had such great info and ideas. I hope you don't disappear on us.
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Amazing how easily I forgot the challenge of liquidds only. It is a great opportunity to reflect on how I got here, and what I can do to get back on my path.
It was really hard for me to post on here that I got off my path, but I know it helps me with accountability. My husband and friends are great, but they always (always) remind me that I've lost 175 lbs, not seeming to understand that I have more that I want and need to lose.
I can both celebrat how far I've come yet be motivated to do more. I am motivated by the stories I read here, so thank you for reading part of mine.
edited to take away my words linking to store

@@James Marusek @@laceemouse @@WLSResources/ClothingExch @@shedo82773 - thank you so much for your replies! Hearing from people who have gone through the surgery is SO helpful, and I really appreciate you taking the time to write a response. I know the surgery is a tool and I fully intend to follow the rules laid out by my surgeon. I also know I am going to have to closely monitor my food intake and weight forever and continue to work through my food issues with my counselor - all part of the deal. I'm just struggling to comprehend how this tool will affect the desperation and hopelessness I have felt about my weight situation, watching my weight creep up and up for years despite all the diets and exercise routines I've tried. And that's where your insights are really helpful to me. Thank you again!

This is also me. I'm 5 days post op for sleeve and I'm more confident bc I recognized that this is not a hail Mary. It's work and it will always be work. I've also told myself that once I hit goal, I'm not allowing myself to overly relax. If I do I'll come back to square 1 and I refuse. Lastly, I'm relying on my faith and know that all is and will be well. Don't be afraid. You'll get through this and accomplish your goals just as you've done in other areas. I also had to know that this time is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Some may say drastic and it is, but it's the best choice for me and my future. Sent from my SM-G935P using the BariatricPal App

Sounds like we are kindred anxious spirits. My strategy was to approach the entire process and each stage moving forward as "well, this is where I'm headed but I refuse to believe it is actually going to happen. I'm just aiming for this, and if it works, it works, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. No point in getting my hopes up". This may not work for some people but for me, it's the only approach that kept me sane. When my insurance approved, I was pleasantly surprised. When I got my date, I was ecstatic but hesitant to actually admit it was happening. When I went under for surgery I resolved to accept the possibility that I could wake up and the surgery wouldn't be done for some reason or another. During the healing phase as the pounds melted off I did my best but prepared to stop at any time and be stuck at 350 pounds, 300 pounds, 250 pounds, etc. Now I'm approaching my goal weight and here I am, still moving forward, still waiting to see if I somehow fall apart and fail and gain everything back. In the mean time, I enjoy my triumphs and successes and continue forward with my goals.

You are NOT ALONE!! I am 3 years out from my RNY, I had kicked around the idea years before I had my surgery. My best friend went thru stomach stapling 18 years before I did mine. She lost her weight but gained quite a bit back and has had a terrible time with her health. Of course, she didn't do all of her junk like take her Vitamins etc. At that time people were pretty much out there without any support. I'm so glad I didn't have it back then!! So when I started to check into my options I went to a surgeon out of EUGENE, OREGON who told me that he would only do the Lap Band. Well, my hubby had that done also and had tons of problems with it. But that is another story. Once again I was left out here to start and fail many many times with everything I had tried my whole adult life!! So fast forward I got a Surgeon 2 hours away who would do my RNY BTW the other Dr said he would only do the Lap Band because I have PSORIASIS. So for the answer, if I was worried that I will fail? That is a HUGE YES!!! I told myself what if I can't do this? Well hon, let me tell you from my perspective after my RNY there was no way I couldn't lose the weight!! Your body has this tool that works to help you out . Like was said above not having the hunger helps a whole lot. Now like I said I'm 3 years out I still have no physical hunger but the mind hunger is a BITCH!!! I fight this everyday!! We are given this amazing tool notice I say amazing tool! Yes, it is the big helper but we still have to work for it. We have to change so much and keep trying forever!! You are new out from your surgery but just know YOU have An AMAZING TOOL to help you out!! No worries by the time your hunger comes back or if you are lucky like me you won't get it back . You will be so excited to buy nice clothes have your health back and recapturing your lost body and soul. You will just be awesome and thrilled that you had WLS!! Good luck my friend!! KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!

What might happen if you were to think of surgery and losing weight as the logical route to what you want for yourself rather than as a test, where failure probably is one of two options? If you made those past attempts because you thought you had to lose weight, no wonder. We tend to start and stick with the things we want, not the things we tell ourselves we have to do. It's a matter of choice rather than some notion we impose on ourselves.
I don't see that "desperation" really is at play. Even if you weren't to lose weight, would your successes in school, career, marriage and family come crashing down? Be negated? I doubt it.
To answer your specific question, I didn't go through your emotions because I came to WLS in a different way. What I know as a human being is that you'll do best if you allow yourself to be human. Early results are a wonderful source of energy and eagerness to keep going. This doesn't mean that there may never be a challenge. Real life is still in the air. You'll give yourself the best chances if you keep working now on the underlying issues about weight and how they relate to other areas of your life. Surgery isn't neither weight-loss magic nor psychological magic. It's an aid, a partner, if you will. We're the ones who must put it to use.

I don't have anxiety and have never needed to see a counselor. I was normal weight in high school, gained some in college but lost it back, was normal weight when I got married and normal weight when I got pregnant the first time.
I too have graduated from college, I have been happily married for almost 29 years, birthed and raised 4 kids (homeschooled them as well!) Every other aspect of my life is pretty awesome.
I had 4 pregnancies in 6 years, gained a lot of weight, never lost it all back and continued to gain even after the last one was born.
I can tell you, for myself anyway, I am hungry all the time. I rarely drink soda or eat junk food, I don't eat when I am emotional, I don't binge.
It really doesn't take much, just a couple hundred extra calories a day, to pack on the pounds over the years.
Unlike most people here I haven't lost and gained back over and over again. The most I have ever lost is 40 pounds, and of course I gained it back and more.
I usually can't stay on a diet for more than a couple of weeks, I am TOO hungry.
I will eat a healthy dinner, and an hour later I am hungry, in the kitchen looking for something to eat!
For me, the sleeve is all about being able to feel satisfied with less food. I don't know why I can't do that without the surgery, but I can't. And the older I get the harder it gets. In 10 years I will be 300 pounds if I don't do this thing!
No one knows for sure what causes obesity. Eating too much and not moving enough, yes, but hormones? Maybe a combination of things??
Keep in mind that the average person who loses 50 pounds has a 2% chance of keeping it off for 5 years. The odds with surgery are MUCH better! And I need to lose twice that much.
It isn't just about looks either. Being 100 pounds overweight will take 10 years off my life.
You shouldn't feel like you are weak if you get surgery. Go on YouTube and watch videos (search VSG, WLS, etc) You will be amazed and inspired!

After my RNY gastric bypass surgery, I completely lost my hunger. It was not difficult for me to lose weight when hunger was not constantly, continually gnawing at my bones. It was a completely different experience from dieting. Sometimes I had to remind myself to eat. It doesn't mean that you don't have to follow the program requirements for fluids, Protein, meal volume and Vitamins but it really is a different experience.

@@karine76 than you for posting as I can really relate. For me, not only is food bingeing no longer an option, but after losing 180 pounds I find I am more sensitive to triggers because I used weight as protection. In fact, I have been stalled and think this is part of it, I think I need more non-weight boundaries.
Some of my feelings (for me, shame, anger and fear - others I seem to handle fine) are so overwhelming, not too mention the hormone dump which is normal from burning fat. I have had to really work to build other ways of coping - but mostly, I have had to increase my capacity to sit with really intense feelings of shame and fear.
I still have much work to do and weight to lose, but mindfulness practice, self-compassion rituals and shame resilience work have been my path to dealing with triggers, and boy I seem to have more and more as the weight goes.
Great job posting and asking for what you need. Identifying that you were triggered is good work and the first step. Perhaps make a list of all of the things you can do to take care of yourself for moments like this - that has helped me. You got some great suggestions above.
Keep reaching out - your are doing great work for yourself!

@@BobScott thank you for sharing your story. I've started the process and have my surgery date scheduled for 10/28. I know I will have to remind myself that the sleeve is a tool and that the "hunger" in my head will also need a fix.
For me the saying, "one is too many, 1000 never enough" comes to mind for trigger foods. I know I will have to abstain from some foods entirely.
Please keep sharing your positive thoughts, healthy tips, and overall amazing attitude here. You've inspired me!
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