Reputation from JenniferPenelope

JenniferPenelope got a reaction from heatherjudson in Small Appliances and Kitchen Gadgets January 24, 2018

Thanks for your recommendations! I've got a crock pot, scale and measuring instruments and I added a three tiered food steamer to my wedding registry.
My surgery is in five days and I can't wait to be able to cook again!
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JenniferPenelope reacted to danaymacklin in Alcohol January 25, 2017

I'm well aware the size of my stomach! As a mother not even going to bother answering this! A simple answer SPECIFICALLY to the question would have been appreciated NOT the sarcasm.
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JenniferPenelope reacted to Cervidae in Enormous Weight Loss: Just the Tip of the Iceberg. September 7, 2016

Afternoon all.
I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives.
Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though."
Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment.
Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe.
I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!"
I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey.
I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed.
Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever.
Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all.
Cervidae

JenniferPenelope got a reaction from tholbert08 in June surgery June 25, 2016

My rny is on June 6th and I started my Optifast Protein Shake pre-op diet today. Adding some sugar free Peanut Butter Syrup helped get it down... I think I will try a variation on a hazelnut latté next.

JenniferPenelope got a reaction from anewme2015 in Looking for others in Canada June 23, 2016

I'm in Ottawa and having my surgery on June 6th. So close to being done Optifast!
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JenniferPenelope reacted to Lemm61 in June Surgery June 14, 2016

Feeling good so far. I'll be 2 weeks post op on Wed. I'm waiting to get on the scale at my post op visit this Thursday but I can tell I'm losing!

JenniferPenelope got a reaction from cb11 in June Surgery June 13, 2016

Today is my one week surgiversary. I have lost over 9 pounds in the last week and more than 27 pounds since the beginning of my pre-op diet!

JenniferPenelope got a reaction from Lemm61 in June Surgery June 7, 2016

I'm home from my surgery after one night in the hospital. Some nausea and vomiting from swallowing crushed pills but I'm doing better than expected.