Sajijoma

This is actually what I hopefully will get mine covered with post weight loss. I have a pretty huge fat overhang as is, after having 7 kids, so if I lose weight, that skin isn't going back, it's going down further and at some point that baby could be rubbing the knees or lower(scary thought) but my insurance does have a surgery they will do to correct that because of the skin infection risks and "loss of quality of life" so I'm hoping to pay for my breast lift/augmentation and arm and thigh lifts at the same time. I wish they offered the same for a saggy bottom, but who knows! LOL I have noticed that most plastic surgeons I've been looking into do offer financing so as long as you've got decent credit it wouldn't be too hard to get one of those finance plans.

Oh gosh I hope I have that problem when it's my turn! LOL Is it miserable or is this just one of those side effects that has a pleasant outcome like it sounds? If it isn't a bad thing, I wouldn't mind having that extra help for sure. Of course I've got 7 built in reminders to eat(my kids) so I in theory can't forget to eat all day because I have to fix them meals. I could always send them to your house if you get too skinny!

Inquiring minds want to know... What's going on with the girl parts?!?I'm hoping mine get a "lift" with my TT, but if yours ended up under your chin, I may reconsider! ????

While I don't know exact costs, I can suggest calling around or doing a search on the internet for pricing. We had a plastic surgeon come to our support group meeting a few months ago, and he went over all aspects of each surgery, and their costs. Most were not (big surprise) covered by insurance. He also said there were payment plans available with most surgeons' offices. Not much info, I know, but perhaps a starting point? Good luck to you!
PS. If you're going somewhere else for your surgery, may I suggest it be an awesome place to have a mini-vacation prior to your surgery???! May as well have some fun in the process!

thank you Chrystee!
There are some days it really gets to me and then there are days that I say "hey! That was then and this is now. I can't wear it as an excuse my whole life!" I've got 7 beautiful kids and a husband and if I want to eat a whole box of brownies, (and I certainly could)...no one is here to stop me, but I don't because I know I shouldn't and I try....TRY real hard not to be a bad example for my kids. I don't want them to ever feel like I did. In a way, though, I got to redo my childhood through them and the second time around it has been absolutely amazing (except that I can't fit on the slide or the swings anymore. ) I'm hoping by the time our littlest is 3, I'll be fitting on that swing and racing him to see who can get the highest. That's my goal. Not a pant size or number in particular, but fitting on the swing.

I really like these ideas! I haven't really thought about the idea of rewards along the way, but I DEFINITELY like the sound of it.....I could see maybe starting a charm Bracelet or something and maybe getting a new charm for each milestone. Like maybe a shoe charm if I start running, a tennis charm if I take up tennis again, a bicycle for the first bike ride, or other things relative to the journey. That would be fun. I think when I finally reach my goal weight and after I've gotten rid of the excess skin, I think my big thing will be to have a real full body nude photo taken. I never take a full body pic even with clothes on, so I think that would be a cool thing to do.....maybe like one of those boudoire photos or something for the hubby....I keep telling him that his investment in this process will be like he gets a brand new wife.

Ok, me too. Let's say evil, wicked sexy. Lol

You nailed it with that post.
Summed up many of the things I'm experiencing as well.
Hoping to see if the medical issues melt away along with the fat.

thank you Chrystee!
There are some days it really gets to me and then there are days that I say "hey! That was then and this is now. I can't wear it as an excuse my whole life!" I've got 7 beautiful kids and a husband and if I want to eat a whole box of brownies, (and I certainly could)...no one is here to stop me, but I don't because I know I shouldn't and I try....TRY real hard not to be a bad example for my kids. I don't want them to ever feel like I did. In a way, though, I got to redo my childhood through them and the second time around it has been absolutely amazing (except that I can't fit on the slide or the swings anymore. ) I'm hoping by the time our littlest is 3, I'll be fitting on that swing and racing him to see who can get the highest. That's my goal. Not a pant size or number in particular, but fitting on the swing.

Tattoos every 50 pounds..

Oh god, I've got a list..... broccoli salad. It's basically blanched broccoli, cauliflower, in some mayo/cream sauce with a ranch seasoning mixed in. We used to sell this at the grocery store deli I worked at(schnucks if you are a midwesterner in the St. Louis area) I thought it was healthy so I'd buy that, but OMG the facts on that one I would have been better off and probably less hungry if I had eaten a whole rotisserie chicken! In that same vein is 7 layer salad. lettuce, mayo, peas, cheese, spinach, and some other stuff I can't even remember layered up like a big giant lasagna. I thought "hey it's salad it has to be good for me" but I easily put on 10lbs eating it. It's all the yummy fat and mayo and cheese that sink that one, but makes you want to eat it. Also melba toasts. I convinced myself that by putting ham and cheese on melba toasts that I wasn't eating that much, but would blow through literally a pound of meat n cheese combined before I was done, when if I had just made a regular 4oz meat and 1 slice of cheese sandwich I would have been full and done.
On the subject of what mom fed us that turned us the way we are....my mom has and always been mentally ill. She's schizophrenic and hears voices in her head that tell her to do things that she wouldn't normally do if she were in her right mind. She's a loving mom when she's well, but when she's off her meds it's a whole nothing creature. I've come to a place where I understand that now and have forgiven her, but the damage was and is still something I suffer from her illness. When I was 4yrs old the voices in her head told her I was going to be fat! HUGE! Just like my brothers. They were all well over 300lbs by freshman year in high school that I can remember. So she put me on a diet that the voices in her head gave her which consisted on 1/2c cottage cheese and one half of a cling peach from a can. That's all I was allowed to eat once a day. If I snuck food and got caught I was given a punishment of several days with no food at all while they ate infront of me big giant meals and taunted me with how delicious it is and how I couldn't have it. I went from being able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound and never hungry to a stark raving starving hungry person who gained weight at the snap of a fingers who went to my grandparents houses and first would hide from food and then shoveled food non stop. I went from being slighly under weight and taking up to a few days to eat a package of M&M's to severely overweight and ravenously ripping the package open and swallowing them all at once literally overnight. In essence, her illness started me on the road to a life long battle with weight and the inability to get the starvation mode turned off. Then when I was taken away by CPS from time to time when they bothered to follow up, the fostercare people would feel sorry for me and stuff me with yummy stuff I never had before like oreos and ice cream and potato chips and brownies and cakes for your birthday just for being alive(who knew about these things!) and it was the first time I had froot loops or Burger king or deep dish pizza! I fell in love with that stuff and as I got older and bounced between home and fostercare, those special treats became my comfort and it's amazing how our parents or even well meaning people can really screw us the hell up with food! I still want the comfort of stuffed crust pizza after a bad day and I still want a bowl of ice cream when I really need a hug instead. It's a process to break those associations for sure! I'm struggling now with the help of a good shrink to undo the damage, but cottage cheese to me always equals punishment. I've struggled with that my whole life and even though I bought some this week to try to develop a new association with it, I can't bring myself to open it. It's just sitting in the fridge taunting me! I know this is one I have to get past because I've read the post op diets and cottage cheese is a huge component in the soft food stage plans I've seen, but my body is already rebelling at the thought.

Oh god, I've got a list..... broccoli salad. It's basically blanched broccoli, cauliflower, in some mayo/cream sauce with a ranch seasoning mixed in. We used to sell this at the grocery store deli I worked at(schnucks if you are a midwesterner in the St. Louis area) I thought it was healthy so I'd buy that, but OMG the facts on that one I would have been better off and probably less hungry if I had eaten a whole rotisserie chicken! In that same vein is 7 layer salad. lettuce, mayo, peas, cheese, spinach, and some other stuff I can't even remember layered up like a big giant lasagna. I thought "hey it's salad it has to be good for me" but I easily put on 10lbs eating it. It's all the yummy fat and mayo and cheese that sink that one, but makes you want to eat it. Also melba toasts. I convinced myself that by putting ham and cheese on melba toasts that I wasn't eating that much, but would blow through literally a pound of meat n cheese combined before I was done, when if I had just made a regular 4oz meat and 1 slice of cheese sandwich I would have been full and done.
On the subject of what mom fed us that turned us the way we are....my mom has and always been mentally ill. She's schizophrenic and hears voices in her head that tell her to do things that she wouldn't normally do if she were in her right mind. She's a loving mom when she's well, but when she's off her meds it's a whole nothing creature. I've come to a place where I understand that now and have forgiven her, but the damage was and is still something I suffer from her illness. When I was 4yrs old the voices in her head told her I was going to be fat! HUGE! Just like my brothers. They were all well over 300lbs by freshman year in high school that I can remember. So she put me on a diet that the voices in her head gave her which consisted on 1/2c cottage cheese and one half of a cling peach from a can. That's all I was allowed to eat once a day. If I snuck food and got caught I was given a punishment of several days with no food at all while they ate infront of me big giant meals and taunted me with how delicious it is and how I couldn't have it. I went from being able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound and never hungry to a stark raving starving hungry person who gained weight at the snap of a fingers who went to my grandparents houses and first would hide from food and then shoveled food non stop. I went from being slighly under weight and taking up to a few days to eat a package of M&M's to severely overweight and ravenously ripping the package open and swallowing them all at once literally overnight. In essence, her illness started me on the road to a life long battle with weight and the inability to get the starvation mode turned off. Then when I was taken away by CPS from time to time when they bothered to follow up, the fostercare people would feel sorry for me and stuff me with yummy stuff I never had before like oreos and ice cream and potato chips and brownies and cakes for your birthday just for being alive(who knew about these things!) and it was the first time I had froot loops or Burger king or deep dish pizza! I fell in love with that stuff and as I got older and bounced between home and fostercare, those special treats became my comfort and it's amazing how our parents or even well meaning people can really screw us the hell up with food! I still want the comfort of stuffed crust pizza after a bad day and I still want a bowl of ice cream when I really need a hug instead. It's a process to break those associations for sure! I'm struggling now with the help of a good shrink to undo the damage, but cottage cheese to me always equals punishment. I've struggled with that my whole life and even though I bought some this week to try to develop a new association with it, I can't bring myself to open it. It's just sitting in the fridge taunting me! I know this is one I have to get past because I've read the post op diets and cottage cheese is a huge component in the soft food stage plans I've seen, but my body is already rebelling at the thought.

Oh god, I've got a list..... broccoli salad. It's basically blanched broccoli, cauliflower, in some mayo/cream sauce with a ranch seasoning mixed in. We used to sell this at the grocery store deli I worked at(schnucks if you are a midwesterner in the St. Louis area) I thought it was healthy so I'd buy that, but OMG the facts on that one I would have been better off and probably less hungry if I had eaten a whole rotisserie chicken! In that same vein is 7 layer salad. lettuce, mayo, peas, cheese, spinach, and some other stuff I can't even remember layered up like a big giant lasagna. I thought "hey it's salad it has to be good for me" but I easily put on 10lbs eating it. It's all the yummy fat and mayo and cheese that sink that one, but makes you want to eat it. Also melba toasts. I convinced myself that by putting ham and cheese on melba toasts that I wasn't eating that much, but would blow through literally a pound of meat n cheese combined before I was done, when if I had just made a regular 4oz meat and 1 slice of cheese sandwich I would have been full and done.
On the subject of what mom fed us that turned us the way we are....my mom has and always been mentally ill. She's schizophrenic and hears voices in her head that tell her to do things that she wouldn't normally do if she were in her right mind. She's a loving mom when she's well, but when she's off her meds it's a whole nothing creature. I've come to a place where I understand that now and have forgiven her, but the damage was and is still something I suffer from her illness. When I was 4yrs old the voices in her head told her I was going to be fat! HUGE! Just like my brothers. They were all well over 300lbs by freshman year in high school that I can remember. So she put me on a diet that the voices in her head gave her which consisted on 1/2c cottage cheese and one half of a cling peach from a can. That's all I was allowed to eat once a day. If I snuck food and got caught I was given a punishment of several days with no food at all while they ate infront of me big giant meals and taunted me with how delicious it is and how I couldn't have it. I went from being able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound and never hungry to a stark raving starving hungry person who gained weight at the snap of a fingers who went to my grandparents houses and first would hide from food and then shoveled food non stop. I went from being slighly under weight and taking up to a few days to eat a package of M&M's to severely overweight and ravenously ripping the package open and swallowing them all at once literally overnight. In essence, her illness started me on the road to a life long battle with weight and the inability to get the starvation mode turned off. Then when I was taken away by CPS from time to time when they bothered to follow up, the fostercare people would feel sorry for me and stuff me with yummy stuff I never had before like oreos and ice cream and potato chips and brownies and cakes for your birthday just for being alive(who knew about these things!) and it was the first time I had froot loops or Burger king or deep dish pizza! I fell in love with that stuff and as I got older and bounced between home and fostercare, those special treats became my comfort and it's amazing how our parents or even well meaning people can really screw us the hell up with food! I still want the comfort of stuffed crust pizza after a bad day and I still want a bowl of ice cream when I really need a hug instead. It's a process to break those associations for sure! I'm struggling now with the help of a good shrink to undo the damage, but cottage cheese to me always equals punishment. I've struggled with that my whole life and even though I bought some this week to try to develop a new association with it, I can't bring myself to open it. It's just sitting in the fridge taunting me! I know this is one I have to get past because I've read the post op diets and cottage cheese is a huge component in the soft food stage plans I've seen, but my body is already rebelling at the thought.

Oh gosh I hope I have that problem when it's my turn! LOL Is it miserable or is this just one of those side effects that has a pleasant outcome like it sounds? If it isn't a bad thing, I wouldn't mind having that extra help for sure. Of course I've got 7 built in reminders to eat(my kids) so I in theory can't forget to eat all day because I have to fix them meals. I could always send them to your house if you get too skinny!

Oh gosh I hope I have that problem when it's my turn! LOL Is it miserable or is this just one of those side effects that has a pleasant outcome like it sounds? If it isn't a bad thing, I wouldn't mind having that extra help for sure. Of course I've got 7 built in reminders to eat(my kids) so I in theory can't forget to eat all day because I have to fix them meals. I could always send them to your house if you get too skinny!

Hi! I'm fairly new too. I've been here less than a week. I think if you've made the decision to go to the seminar your foot is halfway through the doorway. I actually contemplated getting a gastric bypass when I was in my 20's, but I wasn't in the right place yet. I wasn't "there" I still thought I could do it all on my own and I didn't want to give up Mt Dew and a big ole honkin' steak. fast forward here I am 38, and I'm over 100lbs heavier than when I first contemplated it and backed out. My knees are bad, my back hurts all the time, and I'm losing my mobility. I can still stand and walk, but by the end of grocery shopping, I'm winded, and my feet, legs, and back are killing me. My kids don't get to enjoy having their mom active in their lives, because I'm always having to sit down and put an ice pack on the pain of the moment. I WISH I had had the courage then to do what I hope I have the courage to do now. Does that make sense? It's scary and all, but I wish my older kids could have the mom I'm trying to get for our 1yr old, an active, fit, healthy, energetic, fun loving person instead of the moaning, tired, always in pain me that I am and have been for the others. I don't know if that influences your decision at all, but I wish someone could have shown me my future if I didn't have it then so I would have gone forward and regained those years I've spent just miserable and unable to be happy in my own body.

Yeah, healthy and skinny I need.....sexy I've already got going on! LMAO

I understand what you mean. The moment I decided that this is the direction I'm going, all the sudden I feel fatter and hungrier and my body hurts more. But then I'm also excited and find myself wondering if I can really be a normal weight for once in my life. I've never been a normal weight(since I was 4 anyway) so the idea of being skinny is still such a foreign concept I don't know what to do with it. I look at my teen daughter and wonder "will I look like her?" "Is that even possible?!?" I cannot fathom it yet.

Have you been to a seminar yet? At our seminar, the surgeon went through each one and which one was best suited for which situation. The lap band or realize bands he said were good for about 60-70lbs but more than that it wasn't going to cut a significant amount of weight and did have issues with long term loss. Like people learned how to eat around it I guess. then he showed us the sleeve and said it's good for 100+lbs weightloss, but a lot of times again, people find ways around it's usefulness and end up with a weight gain and eventually if they have a significant weight to lose will have it switched over to a bypass. It also tends to come with GERD/acid reflux and it can be very painful to deal with that. The bypass he referred to as his "gold standard" in weightloss because it has shown to work long term, the weight loss experienced is quite dramatic and fast and for the most part, a person with bypass can expect to lose 70% for their excess weight in the first year and maintain that loss or improve over the next 5 yrs without slipping backwards. He also cover plication and some new battery operated thing that shocks the vagus nerves causing them to not send the message of being hungry. I forget what it was called, but it was neat. It's not really good for someone in my situation though, I think it was comparable to the lap band in weightloss.
I went into the seminar thinking sleeve seemed the way to go because I didn't want anyone fiddling with my intestines and dumping sounds REALLY painful, but by the time we left, I had really committed in my heart to the roux en y because I really don't want to do this again. I want to do 1 surgery and be good for life. I find out for certain what the surgeon thinks is our best plan of attack Fri. I'm pretty sure he's going to suggest the bypass though. At my weight and with my history, I'd be shocked if he didn't.

Oh gosh I hope I have that problem when it's my turn! LOL Is it miserable or is this just one of those side effects that has a pleasant outcome like it sounds? If it isn't a bad thing, I wouldn't mind having that extra help for sure. Of course I've got 7 built in reminders to eat(my kids) so I in theory can't forget to eat all day because I have to fix them meals. I could always send them to your house if you get too skinny!

Well the one thing I loved most is Slab Ribs. I would eat them things straight off the grill. One would assume that because it's off the grill uts probably less fat. Not at all their still packed with so many calories.

Oh god, I've got a list..... broccoli salad. It's basically blanched broccoli, cauliflower, in some mayo/cream sauce with a ranch seasoning mixed in. We used to sell this at the grocery store deli I worked at(schnucks if you are a midwesterner in the St. Louis area) I thought it was healthy so I'd buy that, but OMG the facts on that one I would have been better off and probably less hungry if I had eaten a whole rotisserie chicken! In that same vein is 7 layer salad. lettuce, mayo, peas, cheese, spinach, and some other stuff I can't even remember layered up like a big giant lasagna. I thought "hey it's salad it has to be good for me" but I easily put on 10lbs eating it. It's all the yummy fat and mayo and cheese that sink that one, but makes you want to eat it. Also melba toasts. I convinced myself that by putting ham and cheese on melba toasts that I wasn't eating that much, but would blow through literally a pound of meat n cheese combined before I was done, when if I had just made a regular 4oz meat and 1 slice of cheese sandwich I would have been full and done.
On the subject of what mom fed us that turned us the way we are....my mom has and always been mentally ill. She's schizophrenic and hears voices in her head that tell her to do things that she wouldn't normally do if she were in her right mind. She's a loving mom when she's well, but when she's off her meds it's a whole nothing creature. I've come to a place where I understand that now and have forgiven her, but the damage was and is still something I suffer from her illness. When I was 4yrs old the voices in her head told her I was going to be fat! HUGE! Just like my brothers. They were all well over 300lbs by freshman year in high school that I can remember. So she put me on a diet that the voices in her head gave her which consisted on 1/2c cottage cheese and one half of a cling peach from a can. That's all I was allowed to eat once a day. If I snuck food and got caught I was given a punishment of several days with no food at all while they ate infront of me big giant meals and taunted me with how delicious it is and how I couldn't have it. I went from being able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound and never hungry to a stark raving starving hungry person who gained weight at the snap of a fingers who went to my grandparents houses and first would hide from food and then shoveled food non stop. I went from being slighly under weight and taking up to a few days to eat a package of M&M's to severely overweight and ravenously ripping the package open and swallowing them all at once literally overnight. In essence, her illness started me on the road to a life long battle with weight and the inability to get the starvation mode turned off. Then when I was taken away by CPS from time to time when they bothered to follow up, the fostercare people would feel sorry for me and stuff me with yummy stuff I never had before like oreos and ice cream and potato chips and brownies and cakes for your birthday just for being alive(who knew about these things!) and it was the first time I had froot loops or Burger king or deep dish pizza! I fell in love with that stuff and as I got older and bounced between home and fostercare, those special treats became my comfort and it's amazing how our parents or even well meaning people can really screw us the hell up with food! I still want the comfort of stuffed crust pizza after a bad day and I still want a bowl of ice cream when I really need a hug instead. It's a process to break those associations for sure! I'm struggling now with the help of a good shrink to undo the damage, but cottage cheese to me always equals punishment. I've struggled with that my whole life and even though I bought some this week to try to develop a new association with it, I can't bring myself to open it. It's just sitting in the fridge taunting me! I know this is one I have to get past because I've read the post op diets and cottage cheese is a huge component in the soft food stage plans I've seen, but my body is already rebelling at the thought.

Oh gosh I hope I have that problem when it's my turn! LOL Is it miserable or is this just one of those side effects that has a pleasant outcome like it sounds? If it isn't a bad thing, I wouldn't mind having that extra help for sure. Of course I've got 7 built in reminders to eat(my kids) so I in theory can't forget to eat all day because I have to fix them meals. I could always send them to your house if you get too skinny!

Oh god, I've got a list..... broccoli salad. It's basically blanched broccoli, cauliflower, in some mayo/cream sauce with a ranch seasoning mixed in. We used to sell this at the grocery store deli I worked at(schnucks if you are a midwesterner in the St. Louis area) I thought it was healthy so I'd buy that, but OMG the facts on that one I would have been better off and probably less hungry if I had eaten a whole rotisserie chicken! In that same vein is 7 layer salad. lettuce, mayo, peas, cheese, spinach, and some other stuff I can't even remember layered up like a big giant lasagna. I thought "hey it's salad it has to be good for me" but I easily put on 10lbs eating it. It's all the yummy fat and mayo and cheese that sink that one, but makes you want to eat it. Also melba toasts. I convinced myself that by putting ham and cheese on melba toasts that I wasn't eating that much, but would blow through literally a pound of meat n cheese combined before I was done, when if I had just made a regular 4oz meat and 1 slice of cheese sandwich I would have been full and done.
On the subject of what mom fed us that turned us the way we are....my mom has and always been mentally ill. She's schizophrenic and hears voices in her head that tell her to do things that she wouldn't normally do if she were in her right mind. She's a loving mom when she's well, but when she's off her meds it's a whole nothing creature. I've come to a place where I understand that now and have forgiven her, but the damage was and is still something I suffer from her illness. When I was 4yrs old the voices in her head told her I was going to be fat! HUGE! Just like my brothers. They were all well over 300lbs by freshman year in high school that I can remember. So she put me on a diet that the voices in her head gave her which consisted on 1/2c cottage cheese and one half of a cling peach from a can. That's all I was allowed to eat once a day. If I snuck food and got caught I was given a punishment of several days with no food at all while they ate infront of me big giant meals and taunted me with how delicious it is and how I couldn't have it. I went from being able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound and never hungry to a stark raving starving hungry person who gained weight at the snap of a fingers who went to my grandparents houses and first would hide from food and then shoveled food non stop. I went from being slighly under weight and taking up to a few days to eat a package of M&M's to severely overweight and ravenously ripping the package open and swallowing them all at once literally overnight. In essence, her illness started me on the road to a life long battle with weight and the inability to get the starvation mode turned off. Then when I was taken away by CPS from time to time when they bothered to follow up, the fostercare people would feel sorry for me and stuff me with yummy stuff I never had before like oreos and ice cream and potato chips and brownies and cakes for your birthday just for being alive(who knew about these things!) and it was the first time I had froot loops or Burger king or deep dish pizza! I fell in love with that stuff and as I got older and bounced between home and fostercare, those special treats became my comfort and it's amazing how our parents or even well meaning people can really screw us the hell up with food! I still want the comfort of stuffed crust pizza after a bad day and I still want a bowl of ice cream when I really need a hug instead. It's a process to break those associations for sure! I'm struggling now with the help of a good shrink to undo the damage, but cottage cheese to me always equals punishment. I've struggled with that my whole life and even though I bought some this week to try to develop a new association with it, I can't bring myself to open it. It's just sitting in the fridge taunting me! I know this is one I have to get past because I've read the post op diets and cottage cheese is a huge component in the soft food stage plans I've seen, but my body is already rebelling at the thought.

Oh god, I've got a list..... broccoli salad. It's basically blanched broccoli, cauliflower, in some mayo/cream sauce with a ranch seasoning mixed in. We used to sell this at the grocery store deli I worked at(schnucks if you are a midwesterner in the St. Louis area) I thought it was healthy so I'd buy that, but OMG the facts on that one I would have been better off and probably less hungry if I had eaten a whole rotisserie chicken! In that same vein is 7 layer salad. lettuce, mayo, peas, cheese, spinach, and some other stuff I can't even remember layered up like a big giant lasagna. I thought "hey it's salad it has to be good for me" but I easily put on 10lbs eating it. It's all the yummy fat and mayo and cheese that sink that one, but makes you want to eat it. Also melba toasts. I convinced myself that by putting ham and cheese on melba toasts that I wasn't eating that much, but would blow through literally a pound of meat n cheese combined before I was done, when if I had just made a regular 4oz meat and 1 slice of cheese sandwich I would have been full and done.
On the subject of what mom fed us that turned us the way we are....my mom has and always been mentally ill. She's schizophrenic and hears voices in her head that tell her to do things that she wouldn't normally do if she were in her right mind. She's a loving mom when she's well, but when she's off her meds it's a whole nothing creature. I've come to a place where I understand that now and have forgiven her, but the damage was and is still something I suffer from her illness. When I was 4yrs old the voices in her head told her I was going to be fat! HUGE! Just like my brothers. They were all well over 300lbs by freshman year in high school that I can remember. So she put me on a diet that the voices in her head gave her which consisted on 1/2c cottage cheese and one half of a cling peach from a can. That's all I was allowed to eat once a day. If I snuck food and got caught I was given a punishment of several days with no food at all while they ate infront of me big giant meals and taunted me with how delicious it is and how I couldn't have it. I went from being able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound and never hungry to a stark raving starving hungry person who gained weight at the snap of a fingers who went to my grandparents houses and first would hide from food and then shoveled food non stop. I went from being slighly under weight and taking up to a few days to eat a package of M&M's to severely overweight and ravenously ripping the package open and swallowing them all at once literally overnight. In essence, her illness started me on the road to a life long battle with weight and the inability to get the starvation mode turned off. Then when I was taken away by CPS from time to time when they bothered to follow up, the fostercare people would feel sorry for me and stuff me with yummy stuff I never had before like oreos and ice cream and potato chips and brownies and cakes for your birthday just for being alive(who knew about these things!) and it was the first time I had froot loops or Burger king or deep dish pizza! I fell in love with that stuff and as I got older and bounced between home and fostercare, those special treats became my comfort and it's amazing how our parents or even well meaning people can really screw us the hell up with food! I still want the comfort of stuffed crust pizza after a bad day and I still want a bowl of ice cream when I really need a hug instead. It's a process to break those associations for sure! I'm struggling now with the help of a good shrink to undo the damage, but cottage cheese to me always equals punishment. I've struggled with that my whole life and even though I bought some this week to try to develop a new association with it, I can't bring myself to open it. It's just sitting in the fridge taunting me! I know this is one I have to get past because I've read the post op diets and cottage cheese is a huge component in the soft food stage plans I've seen, but my body is already rebelling at the thought.