LovinSoul

@VSGAnn214
Always love your posts but this one is great. So sensible and well-thought out, plus I appreciate your approach that addresses your personal idiosyncrasies and goals. I think we all should worry less about a "cookie-cutter" approach and, while listening to our professional guides, do what makes sense for our own body and weight loss. Good one!

still 220...sigh

@@MissRobin Yes, he's a shorty Irish jack Russell almost the same just built shorter.

I was wanting a Tummy Tuck and then I watched it AGAIN on YouTube. Horrifying man, just horrifying! I gotta stop doing that!

@VSGAnn214
Always love your posts but this one is great. So sensible and well-thought out, plus I appreciate your approach that addresses your personal idiosyncrasies and goals. I think we all should worry less about a "cookie-cutter" approach and, while listening to our professional guides, do what makes sense for our own body and weight loss. Good one!

@VSGAnn214
Always love your posts but this one is great. So sensible and well-thought out, plus I appreciate your approach that addresses your personal idiosyncrasies and goals. I think we all should worry less about a "cookie-cutter" approach and, while listening to our professional guides, do what makes sense for our own body and weight loss. Good one!

Me too! I may be older and very happily married but I can still appreciate the tingly feeling dancing with a young, handsome two-stepping cowboy....Yay for you. I agree you need to two step on back to that bar. LOL

@VSGAnn214
Always love your posts but this one is great. So sensible and well-thought out, plus I appreciate your approach that addresses your personal idiosyncrasies and goals. I think we all should worry less about a "cookie-cutter" approach and, while listening to our professional guides, do what makes sense for our own body and weight loss. Good one!

Just read this whole thread. Sorry guys...I'm female, but it was just so great to read. I don't presume to understand what the guys need to know or hear about "bedding hotties" but I know a few things, mostly obvious:
1. Physical attraction brought me to every man I ever slept with. Later the other stuff kept me there. For me physical attraction included a "reasonable" BMI. Muscle development/fitness was key, but not body builder type necessary.
2. Men hit on me when I was thinner and not when I was obese.
3. Sex was/is better thinner. My husband is happier with me thinner because of that and my majorly increased confidence, fitness and stamina. Of course...duh.
It's a no brainer....if you want "your" 10, be your best you. It's all about you thinking you're okay. Maybe for some guys it doesn't require "thinness" and a "10" face and bod, but just requiires reasonably fit health and great other personal qualities. But for the superficial 1st approach, it really IS about your look for the most part. That being said...the look includes body, but also includes a lot of body language: smile, laugh, confidence. And also not blurting stupidisms. LOL

Just read this whole thread. Sorry guys...I'm female, but it was just so great to read. I don't presume to understand what the guys need to know or hear about "bedding hotties" but I know a few things, mostly obvious:
1. Physical attraction brought me to every man I ever slept with. Later the other stuff kept me there. For me physical attraction included a "reasonable" BMI. Muscle development/fitness was key, but not body builder type necessary.
2. Men hit on me when I was thinner and not when I was obese.
3. Sex was/is better thinner. My husband is happier with me thinner because of that and my majorly increased confidence, fitness and stamina. Of course...duh.
It's a no brainer....if you want "your" 10, be your best you. It's all about you thinking you're okay. Maybe for some guys it doesn't require "thinness" and a "10" face and bod, but just requiires reasonably fit health and great other personal qualities. But for the superficial 1st approach, it really IS about your look for the most part. That being said...the look includes body, but also includes a lot of body language: smile, laugh, confidence. And also not blurting stupidisms. LOL

I'm so sorry. That's tough. But I'm glad you see that you are ultimately better off without him. Work on you, and when you are ready, the right one will come along. I don't know how old you are, but you seem very mature with a good head on your shoulders. Time will heal your broken heart. Concentrate on you.

You are very wise to realize this about him and break it off before marrying. I am going through a divorce after 25 yrs of marriage, and though our problems are quite different, I'm in a group with other women who have shared similar relationship problems as you describe. And if he's like this now, it will be even worse after marriage.
Though it may seem like it now, I think no relationship is ever in vain or wasted, b/c you (hopefully) learn something about yourself and others with each one. You have learned that this is abnormal behavior and that you are strong enough and smart enough to choose better. And at some point you will likely find someone who is supportive in ALL the ways you need him to be.
I think writing about it here and/or in a journal is a very good first step in freeing yourself. Realize and accept that you also need to grieve the loss, b/c it wasn't all bad. Take your time getting back into dating and work on taking care of yourself!

I have been with a man for a while and we were engaged to be married. Everything was going well but he has major insecurities and constantly thought I was being deceitful and always accused me of cheating. As of Thursday last week I we have been done. It is finished. he was so wonderful in so many ways but there was that one thing that ruined all the good stuff. I have never cheated on anyone and i am not deceitful in the least. I give everyone the respect that I would want to have given to me. i am loyal and true and I have never done anything to deserve this. I am sorry i am here talking about my bull but i thought it would be nice to hear from others that have been through this. It seems as though right when i needed him the most is when he would be c9ome very insecure and accusitory. i dont want to be with him anymore. I know this is for the best but it still does hurt. I put so much of myslef into this relationship and I just have to learn from it and move forward. Onward and upward. i have goals and big plans for my life and there is a piece of me that is just upset because i feel as though it was all in vain. I think I had just gotten to a point that i was over it anyway and that is why it seems easier. He was so supportive of so many things in my life and so wonderful and it scares the hell out of me that I wont find that with anyone else. I know i am just going in circles but I had to send my feelings about this into the universe and release them. thanks for taking the time to heart me out. Its not that i think he is a bad person, I just feel he is confused and scared to death of what love can do to him. Every relationship is a risk but we cant hold on to the past and be scared of our own shadows. We cant find love unless we try to love with trust and faith.

Well in the guys defense, they called it "game" in the men's room before the ladies showed up.
I've now had 3 years of dating at 300 pounds and several months at 220 something. The quality and quantity of the women who I have gone out with has increased dramatically.
So has the "friskyness" of the women I have dated. I have never had this much sex ever. I don't know if it is confidence, or looks, but same old me with 80 pounds less fat and the ladies seem to like it more.

Hell I'd just like a date with a nice 4-5 right now. lol

What I used to do all Night takes me all night to do!

OMG - I love this topic. And at the risk of pissing off my band-sisters...here's my two cents:
I think you need to qualify your 9s and 10s into younger and older. Here's why:
If you are looking to bed YOUNG 10's...I think you'd have a problem being massive. Young 10's say they want a man to treat them well, it is what's on the inside that matters, blah blah blah. And they mean it - in THEORY. But the majority will, in fact, sleep with the mediocre thin hottie over the awesome fatty.
HOWEVER...if you boys would increase your age range a bit....older women know what younger ones don't. Older ones really DO want the great guy, that knows the moves, and how to treat a woman. We do. Seriously. We are also way more sure of ourselves, what we like, and are far less mean and stupid. No offense younger girls...you'll agree with me when you're older.
So edub - figure in age of the hottie chic...and you've got a whole 'nother ball game.

I just have to be honest here...Even at my highest weight...I would not "BED" a heavy dude. Now, don't get me wrong...I don't like skin and bones either. My dream guy is fit and built...with lots of stamina! Lets face it...whether you are a man or a woman sex is just better when you are both fit! You are not limited in your positions or stamina.
All this talk about women go for personality and charm is B.S.!!! They are not being honest...Just like when women say "size doesn't matter"...WHATEVER! YES, IT DOES!!!
The truth is this for both men and women....LOOKS MATTER, SIZE MATTERS, because no matter which way you dice it...no one comes up to you and says "WOW, you have such a nice personality"...LOL...they approach you because of looks! Whether it be a smile, your eyes, an ass, your legs, your rack, your package, whatever the case...you best believe it wasn't your personality! Not to start with anyways. Someone may start to like your personality after awhile but, that is not what turns heads your way!

Just remember, it doesn't matter how thin you are if you're still a complete douchebag.

I wish I agreed with that. I've had some pretty bad pizza AND sex. :smile:

This question is for single men who have lost a great deal of weight. If you were thinner in your youth and used to get laid a lot, even better.
Plain and simple; does being thin have a large impact on your ability to bed hot chicks?
See, I have heard all the stuff about how you have to be confident and know how to talk to them and all that. Not only have I heard it, but I used to teach guys how to pick up women. What I found is that no matter how good your game, there is no way you are going to bed 10s unless you are thin.
Now in fairness, if you are thin and just a chode when it comes to chatting up girls you may benefit greatly from learning good game. But, I hold that you can have the best game in the world and will still be hard pressed to get the 9s and 10s if you are fat.
I know there have to be other guys for whom weight was the limiting factor.
Please share your success stories.
Oh and for all you women - Let me save you the trouble by saying "yes I'm a pig and I know it."

It's a good thing I didn't tell anyone about my surgery "in confidence." Because if I had and they'd blurted it out in public, violating my confidence because "telling the truth is never wrong," I'd have cut them a new asshole.
@@Sanstan ... your world may be a black or white one, but I can imagine hundreds of scenarios in which blurting out "the truth" is wrong, stupid, hurtful, destructive, revengeful, dangerous or illegal.

@VSGAnn214
Always love your posts but this one is great. So sensible and well-thought out, plus I appreciate your approach that addresses your personal idiosyncrasies and goals. I think we all should worry less about a "cookie-cutter" approach and, while listening to our professional guides, do what makes sense for our own body and weight loss. Good one!

@@MarceMonster ...
I'm one of those who didn't worry about low carb during my weight loss phases. Serindipitously, I wound up eating about the same number of grams of carbs and Proteins on an average daily basis.
I also am one of those who, after 4 months, starting increasing the number of calories I ate (on the advice of my bariatric PA) so as not to accustom my body to operating on low cals. I added calories by increasing my Protein and adding low-glycemic, high-Fiber carbs (colored veggies, lower-sugar fruits, whole grains).
I didn't lose as fast as you're losing, but I really didn't care so much about speed. On the other hand, I didn't have any big or long stalls, but lost steadily.
Although my daily intake varied, here are the daily averages I aimed for:
Month 1 - 500 cals, 60 gms Protein
Months 2-4 - 800 cals, 70-75 grams protein
Months 5-6 - 1,000 cals, 85 grams protein
Months 7-8 - 1,200 cals, 100 grams protein (I reached my weight goal (150 lbs) during Month 8)
Thereafter, I added 100 cals/day every few weeks, until I have found a "sweet spot" that works for me -- at 144 pounds and 1700-1750 cals/day (average).
I can't prove it, of course, but my theory is that eating more calories and more carbs while I was losing weight has helped me be able to eat more to maintain my weight at a pretty high calorie budget.
But I've only been at maintenance for 3.5 months. As I've said repeatedly, things may change. And if they do, I'll have to change how I'm eating.
This whole trip is very interesting. I've come to understand and accept that what works best for Person A is not necessarily what works best for Person B.

That's basically how she explained it. I was also told that I am attempting to "burn the candle at both ends" and there is no reason to have the severe calorie deficit and eat very low carb.