You take it one day at a time. Forgiveness is not easy ... and I don't give it out often.
You have to decide if that person & situation actually deserve to be forgiven. Whether they will do this again, or something worse.
Keep in mind, you don't have to forgive them. But you have to find a way to forgive yourself for falling for their bull. We are human, and want to see the best in others. It hurts to know someone you trusted did something to betray that valuable item you gave them. You learn to be more cautious, and learn that even you make mistakes (even if you don't forgive them).
Good luck
You take it one day at a time. Forgiveness is not easy ... and I don't give it out often.
You have to decide if that person & situation actually deserve to be forgiven. Whether they will do this again, or something worse.
Keep in mind, you don't have to forgive them. But you have to find a way to forgive yourself for falling for their bull. We are human, and want to see the best in others. It hurts to know someone you trusted did something to betray that valuable item you gave them. You learn to be more cautious, and learn that even you make mistakes (even if you don't forgive them).
Good luck
According to the dr @ the support group I attend, the pouch doesn't stretched back out ... I was shocked to hear that. I can eat any type of food, even really sweet items.
You will have to stand strong to keep the weight off, mine has bounced. But now I am having to work it back off, I can blame many things ... but in the end it's my fault.
Just keep working to get the weight off, and make sure you take that extra step to keep it at a HEALTHY level.
20 was great, the 30's were decent. I didn't hit my 40th bday like I expected to (my Mom died from cancer a week prior to my "big 40th") .... but I still have to say that the 40s are better. You learn so much by now, you aren't making those stupid mistakes you did in your 20s or 30s.
I have become a stronger person, wiser as well. But now I know what I want from life, which before I thought I did but was too young to really know.
You take it one day at a time. Forgiveness is not easy ... and I don't give it out often.
You have to decide if that person & situation actually deserve to be forgiven. Whether they will do this again, or something worse.
Keep in mind, you don't have to forgive them. But you have to find a way to forgive yourself for falling for their bull. We are human, and want to see the best in others. It hurts to know someone you trusted did something to betray that valuable item you gave them. You learn to be more cautious, and learn that even you make mistakes (even if you don't forgive them).
Good luck
I'm set up with MFP, and I'm planning on using it to track food and exercise. Im still a month out from surgery, so it won't be that exciting for a while!
Anyhow, I'm wondering if folks would like to share screen names so we can grow our friend lists and support each other there as well.
My screen name is: threecrows
--Kay
You take it one day at a time. Forgiveness is not easy ... and I don't give it out often.
You have to decide if that person & situation actually deserve to be forgiven. Whether they will do this again, or something worse.
Keep in mind, you don't have to forgive them. But you have to find a way to forgive yourself for falling for their bull. We are human, and want to see the best in others. It hurts to know someone you trusted did something to betray that valuable item you gave them. You learn to be more cautious, and learn that even you make mistakes (even if you don't forgive them).
Good luck
You take it one day at a time. Forgiveness is not easy ... and I don't give it out often.
You have to decide if that person & situation actually deserve to be forgiven. Whether they will do this again, or something worse.
Keep in mind, you don't have to forgive them. But you have to find a way to forgive yourself for falling for their bull. We are human, and want to see the best in others. It hurts to know someone you trusted did something to betray that valuable item you gave them. You learn to be more cautious, and learn that even you make mistakes (even if you don't forgive them).
Good luck
You take it one day at a time. Forgiveness is not easy ... and I don't give it out often.
You have to decide if that person & situation actually deserve to be forgiven. Whether they will do this again, or something worse.
Keep in mind, you don't have to forgive them. But you have to find a way to forgive yourself for falling for their bull. We are human, and want to see the best in others. It hurts to know someone you trusted did something to betray that valuable item you gave them. You learn to be more cautious, and learn that even you make mistakes (even if you don't forgive them).
Good luck
You take it one day at a time. Forgiveness is not easy ... and I don't give it out often.
You have to decide if that person & situation actually deserve to be forgiven. Whether they will do this again, or something worse.
Keep in mind, you don't have to forgive them. But you have to find a way to forgive yourself for falling for their bull. We are human, and want to see the best in others. It hurts to know someone you trusted did something to betray that valuable item you gave them. You learn to be more cautious, and learn that even you make mistakes (even if you don't forgive them).
Good luck
I love this topic! I'm 3 months out and stalled right around Thanksgiving. I have lost 51 pounds to date, with 49 to go! I discovered I was grazing the work food buffet table was adding up to a lot of calories! Grazing is my enemy! Thanks to MFP, it made me face the truth. I think it is so important to be honest with yourself, accountable to yourself. A food and exercise tracker helps. I'm a big denial person, pretending the one bite of Brie I ate was fine. Oh, just a hand full of nuts, fine... And so on. That's what my weight fan has always been about, do I'm working on honesty and facing the music. My other issue, (at least food related), is accurately measuring portions. One cup looks like 1/2! At double the calories it makes a huge difference. My food tracker app is keeping me accountable and weight loss is back! Thanks for listening! I'm pretty passionate!
Immediately after they wheeled me out of recovery. I wandered the halls of the hospital. It felt better than sitting or laying down. When I got bak to our condo, I would walk the length of the unit - I started with 3 times back and forth and built up from there. I was walking 2 miles by the 4th day.
I will suggest getting into the best shape as you can prior to surgery - start a walking program if you're able. It will make recovery easier.
Sorry for late response, I had to drive 12 hrs away to go to my grandmas funeral ???? thank you for your advice, I definitely will be very honest... As I want to conquer this issue head on and for good.. You have definitely been through a lot and I wish you the best of luck with everything you discussed. Our families sound very familiar and I know the emotional pain and toll it's taken on me... Best of luck ????????
I don't forgive or forget, lol. I am tolerant of those who happen to still be around and who have wronged me, but for the most part I eliminate them from my life. The only person I am worried about forgiving is myself and frankly, to hell with anyone else.
They wheeled me into the room and I got up and left for a little while pretty much immediately. It didn't hurt, but I was pretty dizzy from the anesthesia. The biggest pain was walking that IV tower around. Frankly I was just really afraid of being stuck in that bed. I passed my surgeon's PA in the hallway and she was actually fairly pleased to see me up and about. After that I was instructed to walk every 2 hours. I was tired, but I did it. I was motivated by the promise that it would help the gas. That was not the case. No DVT though.
Salonboi,
Sorry for the late response. I have been down, I really hate medical issues but hey, they just show we are alive & kicking, right?
The emotional was intense. I lost my 1st grandson, it was a miscarrage. I will never get his body out of my head, because when my daughter miscarriaged, I saw such a tiny form that never had the chance to be with us. No birthdays, holidays, vacations; No hugs, kiss or watching him grow in to an amazing individual.
I had just had my surgery, and my life was falling apart. Loosing my grandson was just the beginning. My docs found out hat my weight was not the issue with many of my medical problems; they discovered that I have arthritis in my back in several locations plus bulging disk; my knees have growths on them that cause in tense pain, and the being of arthritis there as well (and in other places, hands, feet ... ); I had a stroke in 2004 (prior to my gastric bypass) and all though I have recovered, I am having issues from it. Memory issues, Migraines that remove me from life for several days, other neurological issues (which I would prefer not to go into, since I am still learning to deal with them). The medical problems continue, but I think you get the general idea from what I said ... docs said loosing the weight would help, only to find out that they were wrong. And the medical problems just kept coming ... and you deal with them one by one, learning to accept them and adapt to the way of life. This is not easy, and it takes time ... some days you think that you will never learn to handle them but in the end you do. Then you prepare to handle the next one. I definately keep my docs busy ... hey someone has to, right?
Then my granddaughter was born, I thought the world would change. Get better. I when my daughter went into labor it was at our home, I delivered her. It was on of the greatest experiences in my life. To be the first to hold that little angel. My daughter would not hold her, would not touch her ... I was shocked & knew that my granddaughter's would be hard for her as she grew. Because my daughter does not raise her, we do. She is 4 yrs old, and the light of my life. When I am having bad days, she gives me hugs & tells me how much she loves me. That alone brightens my day, no matter what I am going though. She tells my docs that "we will get though this" every time she sees them, a 4 yr old with that much compassion & love.
She does see her mother, but it hurts her every time. Her mother & mother's boyfriend just don't understand she is 4, not 14 or older. They expect her to act that age ... they simply do not know how to handle or deal with a young child. When she comes back from seeing them, all we can do is hug her & tell her how special she is, as well as how much we love her. She comes back really depressed but the following day she is back to being the special little girl she is.
Then my grandmother died ... it was a shock. But at the same time she was pretty old. She was bed ridden for a few months. My aunts didn't notifiy us until she had passed. They spent the couple hours, knowing she was passing, but yet failed to notify my Mom (their sister) or me (their niece). Instead of being able to say goodbye to her, I walked in to a dead body ... I was devistated, my Mom was torn apart. She could hardly stand, she was in tears for days ... it was really hard for her.
Then less than a week after her mother died, her father (who we stopped to check on) cussed up one side and down the other. Simply because we had an opinion that was different from his. He treated my Mom like something less than pond scum, my Dad told him he was a stupid fool & defended both my Mom & me. As he was degrading me, in front of a few of my aunts & uncles (some who agreed with what we said but would not stand up to him), I turn and walked out of the house; my last words to that man was "GoodBye GrandDad." I have not spoken to him since. He has made no attempt to apologize for his actions, even though he knows he was wrong.
A few months later, my uncle was shot & killed. They have come to the conclusion that it was an accident, according to the Alaskan police. I was back with my mother at this point, I thought it was gonna kill her ... and in a away it did.
You see, I was back with my parents because my mother found out she had Stage 4 cancer. Chemo only keeps you around for a little while, but hers went from her bile duct to her liver ... they didn't even know she had cancer. I was back to take care of her, and be there when she passed. The chemo tore her apart, she was sick and could barely move. Then the chemo treatment they had her on simply stopped working. (this was about a week after she learned about her brother) They put her on weekly chemo ... which really didn't do much better. My Mom was given 4 months, she lived 5. On her brother's memorial she went into a coma, she wanted to die in her home & not in some hospital attached to all kinds of machines. She wanted to the comfort of being where she had good memories & with family. My brothers didn't make it in time to see her while she was conscious. But they came and were with her in the end, it took almost a week before she passed. The hardest thing I ever did, in my entire life, was to tell her it was ok. That we were all there with her & she could leave the pain; to go to a better place. To look after my grandson until I was able to join them. It was an agreement, a promise, I made thinking I would never have to do ... but I was the one who did.
My brothers & father fell apart, I did my best to care for them. I created the video for her memorial, going though pics she had of her life ; another agreement I made with my Mom. I spent hours creating it & editing it, watching it over & over until I knew it was what she wanted. (I have not been able to watch it since, it tears out my heart with in a few minutes) I did my best to ensure that her memorial was prepared, food was there, drinks were there ... that people knew when & where it was. Then I made sure my father & brothers made it through that event, because it tore them apart. None of them have been able to watch the video of our Mom, with in minutes they are in tears and it has to be shut down. (it's been 2yrs & they still cannot watch it ... they have tried but it's hard to watch a video of your Mom's life when you simply want her back)
My Mom died 6 days before I turned 40, a birthday her & I were gonna go out to Celebrate. Then can Thanksgiving, and Christmas ... still being strong for my brothers & dad, I made sure that we had a good holiday season. One of my brothers had to return home before Christmas, but even today we talk & that pain is still there (for all of us). I got my brother & father through Christmas. We were at my younger brothers home, tons of snow. And my granddaughter brightened out Christmas, without (she was 2yrs at the time) I don't think we would have made it though with out some smiles. She was so excited, and that excitement was contagious ... just think of a young child during Christmas, and you will understand.
We took my father back to his home, and stayed with him until after Jan 2 ... their 41st anniversary. That event was harder than the holidays. But instead of closing up, we finally got him talking about Mom. That was simply amazing, the stories he would tell, and the smiles that would be on his face. He was finally able to get over the anger, and disappointment, over the feeling that he failed her. (oh I am rambing ... I am sorry)
With all this going on, my daughter decided to get married to a complete nut case. Then she got pregnant, and it was not her husbands child ... I was so floored that I did not even know what to say or how to handle it. So, I began automacially doing what needed to be done. Getting her to appoints, keeping her insane husband from hurting her again, making sure my grandchild was cared for, as well as my daughter. Eventually, my heart did what was needed for that grandchild ... to include deliver him in the freaking hospital! (Yep, I was the 1st to hold him as well)
Then it became a repeat from what they did with my granddaughter, except they are favoring him. Nothing he does is wrong, everything she does is wrong. She can do nothing right, she is 4 yrs old ... her mother, her mother's boyfriend, the boyfriends parents ... each of them treat her as she is less important than her brother. But her brother things she is the best thing on the planet, he hugs her all the time, copies what she does ... he loves his sister more than you can imagine, you can see it when they are together. We only get to see him a few days here & there, but the second he sees his sister he explodes with excitement, he yells and runs to her usually causing the hug to turn into a tackle. But she giggles & hugs him back.
I have attempted talking to a pschy a few times, but they are behind because they were not here when I had my surgery & what I went though with it. I fought hard to lose my weight, to recover ... there were times I over did it & could not move for a day or two. I learned the hard way what happens if you over eat, or eat something that didn't agree with you. I was given solid foods after my surgery, my doc was not he best ... but he could preach to you like it was the end of the world. On my weight home I had a tiny bit of food, my husband had to stop because I got violently ill. Sweating, shaking, and then pain in my stomach. Then the vomiting, I could not breathe when the food and stomache fluids were coming up; then the dry heaving ... my husband hand to support me to get back into the vehicle. I was giving no pain meds, even though my stomache had been cut open. I was not told exactly how to care for the area, my husband did a lot of research and learned that way ... we have done a ton of research, to make sure I recovered well.
I walked around the blocks where I lived, the pain was horrid. My husband and son supported me for days until I was able to do this by myself, support was needed every now and then but I fought to recover because I wanted to be at a healthy weight. This was prior to the deaths & other issues in my life.
I tried several pschy docs to see if they could help me. But they ignored that part of my life, like it never happened. They ignored the pain & suffering I went though with the deaths in my family. Instead they wanted to focus on "the now" ... which did not help me come to terms with everything I had been though. "The now" does nothing, when you have to learn to deal & accept what happened in the past, whether it is recent or further back ... that part is important. They failed to help me because they were no there from the start. I wish so much they had been, because just maybe I would have had that little extra help dealing with what I have had to. I wish they would have had that as part of getting the gastric bypass, but they didn't.
I gained weight back on, which is entirely my fault. There is not excuse for it, because I fought to loose all that weight. I worked hard to make sure I lost it. I lost it more than the doc expected but was at a healthy weight. Then life stepped in and decided to give me many things to learn to handle, to go throw, to learn to handle ... Yes, I had the support of my husband but my children were trying to deal with the looses they went throw. But in the end, I gained some weight back because I was letting my emotions effect how I ate & what I choose to eat. I made those mistakes, and I would have LOVED to have a pschy there to help me go though the healing process, because they can explain more than you think, they can give you that info that keeps you for straying from the path of healthiness. We all stray sometimes, but when you hit that rock bottom you know that sometimes that one thing could have helped.
Now, I am fighting to get the weight back off. I use "MyFitnessPal" to assist in the recording of what I eat, as well the activities I do to help burn off those horrid calories & fat! I have started going to a local support group, when helped in a way. When you have to look at others who are just starting this process, as well as a few that are vets on this mattter, and then tell them how you did succeed but then hit rock bottom. To look at them, knowing & hearing the shock, but also the support. I was so embarrassed, but the pride I felt after it was all said ... that gave me a little boost get work harder.
Now, I will admit that I did not go into the detail that I have give you. I am not ready for the pity when they hear of the deaths we have dealt with. I gave a few medical issues, but stated there were more. My husband was sitting beside me the entire time, holding me hand when I started to withdrawl, giving me the extra strength to finish saying what I needed to. (but there are times even this is hard on him, 20+ yrs in the military have giving him a few medical problems that he has to work on as well ... needing my support to help get through his issues)
I am still learning to accept many of the things that happened in my life. I conquer one issues at a time, sometimes I do avoid things I need to accept (my grandsons & Mom's death ... those are the hardest for me to accept). It is one day at a time, one issue at a time ... no matter what life throws at me, I deal with it. I know that I will be even stronger when this is throw, with each issue gives me the strength to keep moving, giving me the strength to be there for others in my family when they need me. To raise 2 grandchildren, without the anger I use to feel. To make sure that those 2 children will know they are loved, even though their mother only shows it when she wants the extra attention. To love my daughter even though I do not agree with her actions. To help my husband when he needs that extra support. To be there for the rest of my family when they need that support. Knowing they are there for me when they can be, well at least some of them (not every family is perfect ... LOL what family is?)
To get throw this you have to be honest about everything. You have to accept what ever life throws at you. Have that outside person, who is trained to help, might just give you that extra boost when you need it ... so you do not fall into what I went threw. To keep that healthy weight, without having to work harder to loose it for the 2nd time. Without feeling like you failed, that you were gonna end up killing yourself because of the unhealthy weight. Chancing heart attacks, diabetes, stroke (which I had one in 2004) ... or whatever event might occur when you are at an unhealthy weight.
I want to see my children & grandchildren get married, I want to see them succeed in life. But most of all, I want to be here for whatever large or small event happens in my family. And even though I am finding away to deal with everything life has thrown my way. But if you have they chance to have someone qualified to assist you, jump on that, use that as a tool to help you when you start feel the pressure is too much for you or your family. Be honest with them, tell them if you have had a bad day or a good day (hopefully good days), let them know your support outside of them, let them know why you want to proceed with this surgery ... because if you cannot be honest with a person who is outside your support group, a person who is not there to judge you, then how can you expect to be honest with those close to you? That outside person will be there to help you when your support group is dealing with their own life issues. That outside person is there to HELP, not hinder.
One really question to consider: If you cannot to be honest with the pschy, how can you be honest with yourself when you hit one of those "bad times?"
I wish you the best in this event in your life. You will have to make so many discussions in during this time, work hard to become healthy, and be who you are (even during the harsh times).
I found a new app (for me) on the App Store called Bariatric trimer. It reminds you when to eat and drink and help you set timers so you don't drink and eat too close to each other. So far I find it helpful because I've always had issues wanting to drink with my meals. I also don't feel hungry at times. Just a FYI if anyone is interested.
According to the dr @ the support group I attend, the pouch doesn't stretched back out ... I was shocked to hear that. I can eat any type of food, even really sweet items.
You will have to stand strong to keep the weight off, mine has bounced. But now I am having to work it back off, I can blame many things ... but in the end it's my fault.
Just keep working to get the weight off, and make sure you take that extra step to keep it at a HEALTHY level.
I had a bit of a snicker at this too because it reminded me of me... I was so grateful to have the surgery over and so delerious from all the emotions, pain meds, and just confusion at the hospital. My husband has a lovely video of me smearing chapstick around and around and around on my lips over and over in slow motion whild saying "mmmmm" that he is threatening to blackmail me with! haha! Congratulations on your surgery and best of luck on your weight loss journey!
I'm hoping that my new lifestyle will rub off on him.. He's not as overweight as I am. So I think he'll follow suit, considering I'm the cook typically lol
KylieD87,
I have only been told it's different for everyone. I wish there was a way to say it feels like this ... but how I perceive when I am full won't be how you feel it. I know that sounds messed up, but it's the truth.
I hope you figure it out with out getting sick, because that is the worst ... I mess up ever once and a while and over do it. I spend all day & night feeling horrid ... sweating, in excruciating pain, light headed (even passed out), shakey, and the worse is the vomiting. One lady told me I could feel cold liquid as it "dumps" from my pouch, in all my years I have never felt it.
Good luck.
KylieD87,
I have only been told it's different for everyone. I wish there was a way to say it feels like this ... but how I perceive when I am full won't be how you feel it. I know that sounds messed up, but it's the truth.
I hope you figure it out with out getting sick, because that is the worst ... I mess up ever once and a while and over do it. I spend all day & night feeling horrid ... sweating, in excruciating pain, light headed (even passed out), shakey, and the worse is the vomiting. One lady told me I could feel cold liquid as it "dumps" from my pouch, in all my years I have never felt it.
Good luck.
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