FrankyG

Take the weight out of the equation: Your husband is in poor health, unable to do things he once enjoyed, you're now in a sexless marriage, and he's in denial about a serious health issue that he is doing nothing to remedy. Your husband is so deep in denial about his health, he's allowed it to make his world smaller and smaller, and at some point, he will withdraw from life so much that he abandons his family and his spouse. He's already begun this with the sex/intimacy - and it only gets worse from here on out. He needs to change; but he is the only one that can make that happen. I agree you both need marriage counseling, but he also might need the doctor flat out telling him that he is fooling himself right now, and without doing some DRASTIC changes regarding food/portion control and exercise, he will not only suffer and die early, but he will chase away the only people that truly love and care for him. If it was me in this position, I would tell him that I love him, that I am willing to do whatever it took to help him, but if he makes no effort himself, I see that he doesn't love me, or himself, or our relationship enough to do the hard work necessary. Saying he's working on it and actually working are two different things. He's shown you that he'd rather stay the weight he is and blame everything around him (weak wood? Breaking a CAR seat? OMFG no that's serious denial) than make any real effort. He's given up on having sex with his spouse - that is physical and emotional abandonment right there... what is your line in the sand? At what point do you tell him "I love you, but this is not what I thought our life would be like and I'm not willing to accept this any more." If he persists in this path after counseling and serious, blunt discussions on what you deserve in a marriage as well from your spouse don't wake him up, then he needs to walk the path he's chosen alone. I personally wouldn't be a party to the self destructive, fantasyland behavior he's participating in (and I am coming from a slightly similar background with a husband that had a serious health issue he was in denial about, that caused some marital issues, and came down to a serious "I love you, but we're looking at divorce if you don't make changes" discussion). I am so sorry you're going through this. I hope somehow he can see the light and make the changes necessary to get healthy and become a true partner in your marriage, but you have to also take care of yourself. EVERYONE deserves to be in a relationship with a loving, happy partner that cares about the state of their relationship enough to make changes when possible. Yours is not, and it will slowly poison everything around you unless he changes or you leave.

Your hormones are going to be crazy during your weight loss. Fat stores hormones, so as you lose fat, the hormones will get flushed back into your system and cause things like weird periods, mood swings (REALLY crazy ones - there are tons of thread on here about the mood swings!!), and increased fertility (so make sure to use birth control if sexually active). Many women that have had no cycles or irregular cycles for years see them start back up and become regular once they've had WLS. In your case, I would just monitor your cycle for a few months and see if things don't even out on their own. That is supposing that you're not pregnant - so take a test if you are late. I do hope your doctor told you BEFORE surgery that fertility will be all over the place and to take proper precautions - and pregnancy within 1 year of surgery is not good as you are going to be low on nutrients/vitamins in the beginning, and are still learning how to eat and allowing your body to adjust to the changes!

I eat Snacks. I eat 3 meals a day and 1-2 snacks in between. My snacks are things like a carbmaster yogurt (60 calories, 4 g carbs, 9 g protein), a string cheese stick and 3 grape tomatoes with a sprinkle of olive oil, a glass of Mootopia milk (or Fairlife if you're not in Texas), or some hummus and carrots, or a half cup of broccoli/cauliflower with a slice of lowfat cheese melted over. I stick with things that have either high Protein, high Fiber or both, and always try to keep the carbs down so when added to my daily carb totals the snacks don't pop me up over my max. I also count calories (will do so probably for the rest of my life) so I know when I can and can't have a snack. If you can't make smart choices on snacks or you don't want to count calories/carbs, then snacks might not be a good idea, but if you are keeping up with all of that, they do well to make sure you are fueling your body with healthy stuff and not going too long between meals so you forget to eat healthy during actual mealtimes.

Totally agree. I also love red pepper slices with things like chicken salad.

No food is going to stretch your sleeve unless you stuff yourself so full you explode. That's a stupid thing some docs/NUTs tell you to scare you into not eating bad foods because they think most people are not able comprehend how to eat properly without scare tactics. Sigh. Crackers are a bad food to eat in general. Any food that will turn to mush if you put it into a glass of Water is going to end up being a "slider" food, and crackers are all carbs. My doc told me not to eat them at all and if I had to have one, only after I was about 6 month out (triscuits that are whole wheat if I eat them at all are less bad, but still bad - no saltines or ritz) . The reason for the wait is to get your head straight on eating correctly - Proteins, veggies, complex carbs in moderation. Eating things like bread and crackers too early just get you hooked back on the crap foods you were eating before surgery. You have to use this time to throw out how you used to eat and learn how to eat healthy, whole foods. If you don't get it figured out before the honeymoon period is over with, you could regain weight after your metabolism adjusts (about 12-18 months after surgery).

Maybe, but it really depends on how long you smoked, how much you smoked, your continued exposure to second hand smoke... if they do the test looking for the metabolized chemicals of nicotine (cotinine) then you might still show it in your system up to a month after quitting. And nicotine replacement (gum/patches/vape) will cause you to test positive so you must be done with all of those at a minimum of a month out to be really sure you're not cancelled the day of surgery. Quit now. Smoking is horrible for you and you're having this surgery to improve your health and overall outcome for surgery too. It sucks quitting (I've been there, still miss it even a year out) but it is one of the absolutely best things you can do for yourself right now health-wise. Good luck!!

Your circumstances are different than most stalls; you're on medication (steroids) that cause weight gain and you're eating foods you should not be eating. Regularly consuming bread/tortillas and fruit has never been recommended, but especially if you're unable to move much with an injury. (and so sorry you're experiencing that! Sounds just awful and very frustrating!!) Carbs are not evil and should not be eliminated from any diet completely. You just need to use common sense and stop the empty/simple carbs - like fruit, sugar, Cereal, bread, etc... and make sure that carbs you do eat are complex (fiber-filled) ones (steel cut/old fashioned oatmeal, broccoli/cauliflower, etc). A stall of a month is normal in regular WLS sometimes. It isn't always that you're eating too much (but can be, so everyone should be monitoring their food intake). Your body can be losing fat while gaining muscle, and if you're not taking measurements and aware of how your clothes fit you, then you wouldn't know this otherwise because it would look like a stall on the scale (or a 1 pound up/1 pound down type of thing).

So sorry you've had some complications but hopefully it is all resolved for the better now! The mood swings and sadness and depressed feelings (and even rage, joy, irritability) can be chalked up to hormone swings because of the fat you're losing (fat is a very efficient hormone storage medium and as you lose fat, the hormones are flushed into your system to cause all sorts of mood changes). It is normal to feel down after having this procedure, especially the "what the @#! did I just do" type of depression and I imagine it's multiplied by having complications. Be kind to yourself and just know it does get better and once you start really improving weight and activity wise. Good luck to you!

I'm a year and 3 months out, and I eat around 1400 calories and around 50-100 carbs (I try to keep it around 75 tho). I have a high activity level however. Yoga 2X week, body weight routine 2X week, walk ~5 miles 5X week, and soon to be biking and swimming 5X week (all of this is in addition to regular errands/chores and I also do my own yardwork/gardening). The honeymoon period where the weight is "easy" to lose is around 12-18 months according to my doctor. But if you're watching your calories and keeping your activity level high and throwing in some curve balls periodically you can continue to lose weight like normal people do - 1-2 pounds a week (like having an occasional higher carb day if you're eating lower carbs or having a super low carb day every once in a while or having a day of high intensity exercise followed by a very low activity day to change things up). I've always been a slower loser, and the last 4 months I've lost around 5-7 pounds per month. My doc believes my high activity level is causing a slow down and told me to eat more (ha!), and I'm building muscle and losing fat so it doesn't show up on the scale as much as in my clothing sizes.

Fat stores hormones and it the same hormone mix that causes PMS. So you will experience bouts of extreme irritability, anger, weepy/sadness, all quite possibly in the same hour. Even more fun if it's a guy who has no idea what PMS feels like! Just warn close friends/family that you might be moody for the next couple of months as you lose weight and remind yourself when you start seeing red or feeling like bursting into tears - this is a hormonal reaction and to adjust how you react towards yourself and others. It's not them or you - it's a biological process your body is going through - so try not to let it get you down or take it out on others. Excuse yourself and go scream or cry in the bathroom if that helps, but keep calm and remember it's just your body breaking down fat and clearing out stuff it doesn't need any more!

unjury made me sick every time. I can't even stand the smell. It was the unflavored but it had a weird taste to me and like I said so nauseous and threw up every time. I had to try a few different types before finding something that worked for me, but I would absolutely not waste that much money on something to sample. My NUT gave me a few scoops of Unjury so I could try it - might try asking at your doc's office if anyone has a single serve or small sample pack for less (or free).

It is never "just one smoke" is it? I'm so very sorry you are going through all of this. I hope things work out both with your kids and with your health. BIG hugs, and stay strong!! (and I also liked your post in sympathy) I freaking loved smoking and was really depressed about having to quit for surgery, but I managed to do so about three months out. I've had some pretty awful things happen since, and felt drawn to smoke many times, but somehow resisted. I realized that I'm healthier now than I have ever been in my life, and despite still occasionally missing the whole smoking thing (I even loved the smell - so gross, but I think that is why the vape thing never appealed to me so that's a blessing anyway) I never want to go back... only forward, and having a cigarette would be a huge step backwards.

Thanks! You're right, can I ask what you were told your calories and carbs should be? Like I said, the NUT that was there and went through the surgery left and I'm not sure the new girl is 100% knowledgeable about all this. Sent from my SM-N920T using the BariatricPal App Here's the thing: my NUT didn't tell me to hit a certain number for my carbs. I had to figure out how my body reacted to them on my own. Some folks do great on super low carb and have no problems. Me, I like food, and I figured out how to read labels and also the difference between good carbs and bad carbs and started testing how much I could eat of (healthy) carbs and still lose weight and feel good (both eating things I liked and overall feelings). I know now that my "sweet spot" is around 50-75 carbs daily. So that is what I use as my guide. If I notice I've stalled out for a few weeks or am feeling bloated, I know it's because I let my carbs creep up and rein them back in. You will have to figure out how your body works with carbs and fat and such once you're cleared to eat all food - but in general, most people do better when they keep their carbs below 100 grams, so definitely start working on things from there and see how you do. I remember at about 3 months out, I was lucky to be hitting 700 calories a day and getting around 60-70 grams of Protein and no more than 50 carbs a day. I had no energy for the first 3-6 months and worried about ever getting real exercise in, but as I got the hang of eating healthy stuff, I also started feeling like moving more. And I have a neighborhood pool, so I started going to swim several times a week and by the end of summer, I was riding my bike round trip there and back (~1 mile) in addition to swimming for a few hours. So that kickstarted me getting active, and I slowly started upping my calories to support the increase in activity. Now at a year and almost 3 months, I'm hitting 80+ grams of protein and 1400-1600 calories a day. I try to keep my carbs around 50-75 grams daily (net carbs, which is the total carb number minus the amount of fiber) but I have had it pop up a few times to 100 grams like when I make a pot of Beans (complex carbs, but they'll still run that number up). Low carb is usually considered under 100 grams a day average, and I definitely try to make that my absolute cutoff. I make sure that the carbs are high Fiber (complex) so at least I know they're the good carbs. But I am also doing yoga twice a week, bodyweight routine twice a week (pushups/squats/dumbells) and ~5 miles walk/jog 5X a week in addition to regular activities like grocery shopping or yard work (and swimming/biking a whole bunch as soon as the pool opens!). I was told at my year appointment back in December that I was eating too few calories and needed to up it due to my activity level. I eat a whole lot of chicken salad since it is easy to make a big batch and eat on it for a few days (I put red grapes, green onions and curry spice in mine and it's fab). I use red pepper strips instead of bread or crackers - tastes super with the chicken salad and give me a nice crunch too. I also make lots of baked fish and chicken with aromatic spices and cook with real butter - I make a side of broccoli/cauliflower or sesame green beans to go with and it's a very nice meal. For Snacks, lots of yogurt (I like Kroger's Carbmaster line as they are only 60 calories and have 4 grams of carbs and lots of flavors), or cheese sticks or hummus and red peppers/carrots. When I do eat a sandwich (a few times a month), I use the Aldi Fit & Active whole wheat bread - 45 calories for two slices with 16 carbs, but with the 5 grams of fiber, that's only 11 net carbs for the two slices and it tastes just like soft wheat bread. I'm still losing weight and gaining muscle so I am definitely not done at this point, but even if I don't lose another pound, I'm thrilled with where I am now and anything more is just awesome.

Not an expert, but I'm 99% sure that an appeal will do nothing if your insurance specifically has excluded weight loss surgery. Even if an insurance company would cover weight loss surgery in general, it has to be selected to be covered by your company, as they would need to have that coverage for all their employees (and pay the premiums - and depending on how many employees your company has, it could be tens of thousands a year, which is why many companies refuse to include it in their health insurance coverage). You may need to start thinking about alternatives like having the surgery in Mexico or doing some intense saving for the next year or two to afford it here in the states.

This is your second post worrying about the fact that your weight loss has slowed down/stalled and you sound like you're panicking about things. If your doc told you to eat a certain way for X amount of time, and you bumped it up a few days and didn't hurt yourself or make yourself sick, you're fine as long as you're hitting the protein/water goals. Later down the road, you should focus on eating Protein first, then healthy veggies, and complex carbs in moderation (always making sure you drink your water/liquids). Once you're cleared for "all food" the only things to add to that first part is to make sure you watch your calories and keep the carbs moderate. It really is pretty simple. Did you read the "embrace the stall" post by Inner Surfer Girl? Stalls are normal and rapid weight loss is not going to happen all the time (and might not ever for some), and the entire process of losing weight will not be a fast or steady ride. You will stall frequently, sometimes it might be a week or 2 or 3 weeks before you see the scale move again. This is NORMAL. Your body will do what it needs to do as long as you are eat enough protein, watch your carbs, drink your Water and getting a decent amount (not too little, not too much) of calories each day. Stalls are healthy and vital. You would not be able to go without sleep for a month right? Think of a stall like your body taking a rest break and getting a good nap in. It needs to pause to rest, and then once it's ready, you'll start losing weight again. You can't force it to do things on a set schedule just because you're upset about the pause. Give your body (and yourself) a break and focus on eating healthy foods, getting your protein and water and exercising. And if you're not doing this already, take measurements of things like arms, chest, waist and hips. Sometimes the stalls are actually when your body is exchanging fat for muscle. A pound of fat is much bulkier than a pound of muscle, and you won't see the change on the scale, but your clothes will start to feel loser and the tape measure will show the progress - and this is just as important as seeing numbers dropping on the scale! I actually think it's even more important because building muscle and losing fat is a GREAT thing! But really, calm down, give yourself permission to stop focusing on the weight loss and just work on eating healthy and drinking and getting more active. The rest will take care of itself.

Are you tracking all of your food intake for fat, carbs, Protein and calories? Are you drinking your daily requirement for Water? What is your average daily food menu? Exercise is really important for general health and building muscle, but it is not going to help you lose much weight. Food intake - how much, what kind - is the way to lose pounds. We need more information to try to brainstorm ways you can work on the weight loss...

Doing food funerals is just reinforcing binging behavior and your poor relationship with food. It happens, but you should absolutely not think they are "normal" because they are just awful and depressing and pointless. You can have any of those things after about a year out (once you're through the healing and relearning to eat properly process). You could eventually have soda and bread and such, but you can't have those things regularly and you need to make sure they fit in your calorie allotment for the day and don't over do any of it. This is stuff you have only occasionally - like eating a small slice of cake at your birthday party. But there will be many times where you may even decide that you don't like that stuff that much any more if you are good about finding healthy foods you love to eat and don't hurt you or cause you to feel poorly. (I was recently trapped on a layover for hours with nothing but a damned vending machine full of crappy food - I had to eat, but the junk made me feel bloated and gross and I have no desire to eat that stuff if I have healthier options). And I do drink soda several times a week, but it is diet and I pour it over lots of ice and let the bubbles die down quite a bit, and up my Water intake to account for the dehydration that a soda can cause. You learn to make adjustments if you want this to work out for you in the long run. Your surgeon is being a bit extremist but it's likely he is doing this because he's seen too many people come through his doors expecting to be able to eat that crap like they always have and still lose all their weight. Some folks are just not realistic about what to do and expect the sleeve to do all the heavy lifting for them. This is not a diet. This is a total lifestyle change. And gorging on foods that you think you will miss? That is just sad and will make you obsess over them after the surgery. Stop giving CRAPPY food such power over your life. It's just junk. You can have it, but hopefully you won't really want it anymore (at least on a daily/week/monthly basis). The big deal with having this surgery, according to my doctor (who is a national bariatic training surgeon that taught other doctors how to perform things like the sleeve) is that anyone can lose weight for the first year or so even eating absolute crap - cake, Cookies, french fries and deep fried whatever due the forced portion control and reduction of daily caloric intake. But after about a year to 18 months, the body adjusts to what you're eating and if you are still eating crap, then expect to have the weight start coming back. And then those folks blame the sleeve for failing them - when they are actually the ones that failed. (eating high fat/carbs/sodium foods like snack and fast food that tend to have very little Protein, Vitamins and other important nutritional needs, which mean your body is literally starving for nutrients while being bloated with fat and carbs and salt. So you'll keep craving more food because the body is trying to get what it needs from the crap foods and you'll possibly gain back every pound in the process) He said the point of this surgery was to provide you with a restriction to get your food portions under control and also to reduce hunger cues so you're not binging on bad-for-you foods like cake or bread or Pasta. The hard work comes from breaking your dependence on unhealthy foods while you're in this honeymoon period and regain some control over your appetite and cravings, and teaching yourself how to eat healthy foods. High protein, low carb, moderate fat diet, with small portions is the way this ends up working for the rest of your life. Take a big step back and focus on eating a bit better and really work on your relationship with food. And definitely start trying real, healthy foods now as well. Mourning the loss of crappy stuff is the wrong way to be; focus on the amazing, awesome stuff you'll be able to do very soon and learning how to eat healthy whole foods and improving your health - be positive instead of negative and I just know you'll be much happier too. Good luck!!

Are you tracking every bit of food that goes in your mouth? Are you drinking your Water? Are you in a general good range for calories? If you're eating too many or too few calories, you'll stall. Are you eating high Protein, low carb? If you're not tracking your food, start back on it ASAP and don't just eyeball things; make sure you're weighing/measuring because portion sizes are one of the biggest issues in the beginning and can become a problem if you stop paying attention to them down the road. Are you measuring yourself? Because sometimes when the scale numbers don't move, you might be losing fat and gaining muscle - so you absolutely should be taking measurements each month. A pound of fat is way bulkier than a pound of muscle, and your body might just be "stalled" when in reality its working really hard at exchanging fat for muscle... Without more details however, we can't help you much.

The only thing I could tell you is what you already know. Stop buying the bad stuff and recommit to staying on track for your surgery. You don't have that much longer to wait, and eating total crap now is just going to make things that much harder on you. If you don't put the crap food in your cart then it doesn't go home with you. And you should be avoiding fast food junk like it is poison (because it kinda is). You have to get your head in the game and stop doing bad things just because you can. You will eventually need to adjust your thinking to find other ways to deal with stress after surgery, so why not start now? Instead of turning to crappy food for comfort, try going for a walk, play a game, read a book, call a friend for a nice chat, have a big glass of ice Water, take a bubble bath, paint your nails... anything but using food to medicate whatever problem crops up in your day to day life that makes you want to turn to junk food to make it all feel better. Really, really try to stick to your preop diet. It is absolutely necessary to do this, as the main reason is to make sure your liver is shrunk enough to not be harmed during surgery. It lies across your stomach, and they will need to lift it and hold it out of the way while they work on your stomach. If you don't stop eating crap, they could get in there and discover your liver is too fatty/large to safely perform the surgery and you'll have to recover from the incisions and gas inflation (NOT fun) and start all over (I think even with the insurance too)... that is if your surgeon even allows you to do so. And heaven forbid they proceed if they think your liver is borderline okay and it is damaged while they're moving things around in there. That is serious and life threatening and you do NOT want even a small chance of that happening. I say this because this is scary stuff, and you can use this fear to commit to trying harder and to stick to your diet. Definitely helped me anyway! You can do this. You just have to find the strength and motivation to get your head on straight and power through the next month to make it to your surgery. Get fired up and excited about the wonderful new life you're going to have after - you don't need to eat crummy stuff to feel better - you are going to get control back over your relationship with food and be so much happier and healthier very, very soon!

I was on lifting restrictions (no more than a gallon of milk ~2-5 pounds) for the first two weeks. You may be just fine, but you are taking a risk of something happening. Call your doctor's office and ask about any weight limits ASAP. It isn't just about pain or lack thereof, it's about pulling your stitches out or otherwise stressing your body in ways it should not be stressed so soon after surgery.

I am like 99% sure your dietitian is wrong. My surgeon said leaks will happen rarely and if they do, it will be in the following weeks after having the surgery. He made no mention of it being something to worry over for the rest of your life. And the idea that you could actually stuff enough food into your stomach to cause a leak let alone stretch the stomach (another one I see frequently on here) is pretty much impossible unless you like forcing food to the point of feeling like you're going to explode. You'd feel horrible way before you got to the bursting point, and you'd be vomiting up quite a bit of food so yeah, not likely to happen. Seriously, this is so small a likelihood, I'd actually discuss what the dietitian is telling you with your surgeon ASAP so they can reassure you, and also correct the dietitian from spreading this kind of false information.

The issue with straws is you might be prone to suck air as you get down to the bottom of the glass. Be aware of that - Don't try to suck up every last drop, and you're fine. Been drinking from a straw from like the second week as it helps me to sip better. Doc was fine with it.

I've done it a few times. It works well for me. I know to use it when I get too carby and have to reduce my carb addiction/cravings.

My doc told me to eat more due to my exercise levels. Sounds like you might want to add in a few hundred extra good quality calories to see if that breaks your weight loss stall. I'm still losing at over a year out, just lots slower and lots of stalling. Average is about 1.5 lb a week/2 weeks. I'm super with that as I'm now working on building muscle and losing fat, so the numbers on the scale are not necessarily reflecting what is going on with my body. I am eating WAY more calories than you (my average is at 1500 calories/day) and I weigh less than you too, so for my situation, eating more helped out quite a bit. Slow but steady improvement is my goal anyway.

I'd just tell people you have to have abdominal surgery to correct an issue. If they press you, tell them that you're not comfortable discussing the details and change the subject: Coworker: So what is the surgery for? You: Oh, it's just fixing a long standing issue. So how is your daughter doing in school? If they insist on redirecting the convo back, then tell them you're not comfortable discussing the details and excuse yourself. You don't owe anyone more information just because they asked. They are in the wrong if they ignore your boundary. Don't feel bad about (politely) shutting them down: Coworker: Talking all about daughter... But no really, what is the issue you're getting fixed? You: Coworker, I know you mean well, but I really don't feel comfortable talking about my medical issues at work. Thank you for understanding.