Gone4Now

Thank you! One thing holding me back is that she and my brother are really my only family. I have tons of cousins and aunts and uncles, but I never talk to them. (Every now and then my aunt will get drunk and email me!) But, I've been so scared to let go because they're all I have of the tree. I have my new tree, with my daughter and DH. I see his family and get so jealous because they are wonderful people! I have always wanted that in my life, but I think I'm getting to the age where I realize I just won't. I can't work that magic on my mom and make her a good person. I found this article which kinda helps me feel like it's 'OK' to dump her. (Yeah, guilt was big growing up!) When You Should Breakup With Your Mother By Robert Pagliarini | Jun 2, 2009 | There are only two types of people in this world, and the sooner you discover this, the happier, more fulfilled, and successful you’ll become — even if it means dumping your best friend, neighbor, or yes, even your mother. The first type I call Energizers. These are people that lift you up, give you energy, make you want to be a better person, inspire you, make you feel good about yourself and your life, encourage you to take risks, and motivate you to achieve your goals and dreams. The second type I call Leeches. These are people who suck the energy from you, that make you feel bad about yourself and your life, complain, are negative, gossip, talk you into doing nothing, and bring you down. Anyone and everyone from your father and brother to your neighbor and boss to the checkout person at your grocery store can be classified into one or the other camp. The more time you are around downers, the more miserable you’ll become. But how can you tell who’s an Energizer and who’s a Leech? Here’s what you need to do: Step 1. Make a list of all of your friends, colleagues, associates, family members, and people with whom you regularly come into contact. Step 2. Now put an “E” for Energizer or an “L” for Leech next to each (one friend uses happy faces and sad faces while another uses up arrows and down arrows instead of Es and Ls). For 95 percent of your list it will be quite easy to identify those who give energy and those that take. The other 5 percent might be more challenging — sometimes they might make you feel good and other times they might not. How should you classify them? Close your eyes and picture them. What’s your gut telling you? Energizer or Leech? Now that you’ve categorized everyone in your life as either uplifting or draining, it’s time to pluck the leeches from your life. Think of these people as having a nasty and contagious disease. Your goal is to avoid these people at all costs, but what if you can’t? What if you work with these people? Since you can’t avoid them completely, do whatever you can to spend as little time with them as possible. When do they lunch? Choose a different time. Don’t volunteer for projects in which they are involved. Is there an annoying parent at your kid’s school that does nothing but complain when you run into them? Drop your kids off earlier or later. Get creative. Come up with a list of automatic responses you can tell them for why you don’t have time to talk to them. Here are a few examples: I have a call in five minutes. I’ve got to get back to a client. I’d love to talk but I have to read this report. I have a meeting I have to get to. I wish we could talk, but I can’t right now, so feel free to shoot me an email. You can’t eliminate all the Leeches in your life, but you can decrease the time you spend with them and the damage they do. But what if your spouse, adult child, father, sister, grandma, girlfriend, cousin, neighbor, priest, best friend, or mother is a Leech? Eliminate them from your life! If they are bringing you down, sucking the life from you, and making you feel like crap, dump them. Sound extreme? It’s not. Life is too short to be around people that suck. You might be forced to work with Leeches, but your other 8 hours are yours. You can choose who to spend those precious hours with. Don’t feel guilty or obligated to talk to or friend anyone who doesn’t encourage you. Demand more from the people you let in your life. Your challenge is to spend at least one hour this week with an Energizer and to dump one Leech from your life. Cut the cord. So, who are you going to dump?

I have posted before what a horrible witch my mother is...but she's still my mom. I have been chanting that in my head for a long time. She's still my mom...she's still my mom... But, now I'm getting more and more disgusted with myself for allowing her to have so much control over my emotions. I want to break up with her, but I don't know how. Her latest ploy was to not talk to me for 2 weeks after I got a chihuahua. She doesn't like them, so she didn't answer my emails, calls or anything. So, I stopped communicating with her, and she called me because she needed money for my step-father's birthday dinner. I have a van in my name that she pays for. I imagine I'd just have her mail me the check each month. I carry the insurance, and I pay for her cell phone. I was thinking in the letter outlying what the cost would be to her, detailing the car payments, insurance costs, and cell phone bill for her. In addition to that, she'd also have to start paying for the tires we bought her a few months ago, and the money I loaned her for her house. I don't think she can actually DO those payments, since she skips payments every now and then - the pool man MUST get paid, she says - but if she could just do something and mail it by the ___ of every month, I'd be happy. Has anyone ever severed ties with their parent, and how do you do it? I was thinking of a letter, or a phone call...I dunno. I just know my life would be less stressful with her gone, not to mention more financially sound.

PJTP - Morning everyone! :thumbup: It's hot here today and I had the a/c on this morning on the way to work. Summer's here! I can't FB this, cuz DH has a friend who reads up on my page and then will call DH about EVERYTHING I post. And, DH is a bit more private than I am and would rather his friends at work not know this. So...what we did last night that I was OMG'ing about was sign papers to have a house built. We gave our earnest money and are waiting approval. It's a huge house and we'd have to wait a couple years for the pool that we want. Our own house hasn't sold yet, so we're trying to get a contingency loan or a 2nd loan (ha!)....so I'm nervous about it. I really don't think we'll get approved....it's kind of like saying, "Here I am - reject me, please! I love the pain!" We did have a buyer for our house and a contract on another, but the buyer's lending fell through and our time expired on the contract for our house. The house we really wanted got another buyer the same day our contract was up - go figure, since it had been on the market for SIX months before this. This house crap is making me stressed, which makes me pb on EVERYTHING. I've been sipping the same slimfast for an hour and I'm not 1/2 way through it yet. I've been on a liquid diet...yesterday I opted for wine for dinner. Much more tasty than the slimfast, but not very good for breakfast on a Monday. Friday, now...that's a different story.

Checking in to say hi all! And, there was something else...what was it? Oh, yeah! I remember: - - - - I'm winnning.

We saw Star Trek over the weekend - and I have a major celeb crush on Spock now. I know...I'm off the beaten path, I think. I loved that movie! I will see it again in the theaters, which is something I rarely do. re: Land of the Lost - we were flipping channels this weekend and caught the old tv show. I really hadn't remembered how cheesy it was! We could only get through about 2 minutes of it before switching it. It was so cool when I was a kid!! What happened??? :smile:

Therein lies the concept of choice. I think choices should be available to, and made by, the mother.

What in the world are you guys doing up so early? or is it late? I can understand late...but geesh! And, Good morning!

If there hadn't been c-sections, my child would have died. So, nature be damned, I chose the c-section. I had one, because my daughter was breech. They offered to turn her, but then after realizing the cord was positioned around her neck and turning would cause it to strangle her, they took that option off the table. I had a c-section, and it was GREAT. I was up and running within 3 days. I recovered very quickly, and very well. (Better from that than my lapband, actually.) You know the argument that "natural" is the best way is really a weird thing to say anyway on this site. We all have had WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY, so how's this so different? Choice is a great thing, and if the choice is offered I say go with what you think is right.

I managed to drag my behind to the gym. I really was dragging and DD is the only reason I went. I got there, and just didn't feel like doing more than 20 minutes on the elliptical. I did set it for random and a higher level, so it wasn't very easy but it was short. :tt2: I got on the treadmill at first, which is in front of the gym and people can see what you punch in for your weight and I just couldn't do it. I got so self conscience, so I moved to the back wall on the elliptical. :smile2: I don't know why, but I was just feeling so exposed. I am working my head up to going tonight, too.

:frown: Amen!

Is it Friday yet?

We've been packing all day, and I'm beat. I took a break earlier and rode the bike around w/the dogs. It just felt nice to get away from the hussle at home for a little bit. (Bicycle, unfortunately...not the kind discussed earlier.) :tt2: As for DD, I really don't care about the money as much as I do the time. He has 2 daughters from his first wife and now he's married again with another baby daughter. The older 2 are in their 20's and the very oldest will call DD and text her constantly. She also will send me emails every now and then. She's really a sweetie. His first wife raised them right, and did a great job. Her sister and I have been talking about sending DD to FL in October for her Grandmother's 90-something birthday. I think that's awesome and I will definitely set that up. So, at least not everyone in the family is a deadbeat. Okay, break's over....back to packing.

Roast me on the bbq, because I am the weiner.

PJTP/Rant. I'm so pissed at DD's dad. He's never sent her anything for her birthday, or Christmas - or anything EVER. It's her birthday month and I've sent an email saying, "hey...where's child support?" Last check was January. As usual he hasn't received his check yet, so can't send anything...so I asked what he's getting DD for her birthday this year, and does he need suggestions? iTunes cards...any kind of gift certs...etc. No response. Of course. What an A$$. I did have VA taking it out of his pay, but he'd quit his jobs once they found him. He begged me 2 years ago to drop the case with the state, and said he'd pay when he could. So, I did...and I have gotten more in the last 2 years than I have since she was born. But still....GGGRRRRRR. I don't need too much, but hell, a $20.00 would do me good right now. Just throw me a bone, dude...it's her 12th BIRTHDAY! It's gonna cost me more and more as she gets older. How can he not care? Not even a card. How do men do that? I know women walk away too, but how does anyone do it? How can he know she exists and NOT GIVE A CRAP? /rant sorry ya'll...I just had to get it out.

Okay, let me say first of all - you're not alone. We all wanted to eat and party before getting banded. It's because we are/were all fat and that's how we got that way. Have you ever blown a diet because it's a birthday...you have to have cake on a birthday or, it's Christmas...It's Thanksgiving....It's Halloween....it's my co-workers 3rd kid....it's _______? Here's the thing. You're going to have surgery that will not fix that mental craving for food. And, making matters worse once you're banded you'll still be able to eat slider foods (ice creams, chips - all the good "party" foods now.) What will you accomplish if you cave into that now? What is your goal, and how are you going to get there? I know the temptation of wanting one last fling with food. But, it's really not the last fling. You'll have them again and again unless you really try to start focusing on easing your mental craving for foods. As far as the surgery goes, and what diet your doctor has you on...my personal advice is always to go with what your doctor tells you. Unless you did a meenie-miney-mo, you chose this doctor because of his/her abilities and experience. I'd hope that meant he/she knows what they're talking about.

LOL...DH likes to tell the guys that "the old lady" won't let him have one, but truth is he can't get one until I can get one, too!

I've always been aware of the fat lady waddle and have always tried to keep my arms even and walk normal, but it never helped. My friend was walking behind me one day a few years ago and said, "Your butt is so cute! It goes up, down, up, down - cheek to cheek." Gee...thanks. That's my big ole bubble cheeks in motion. Oh, so sad! I haven't had to deal with older dogs yet. (Had dogs forever, but mom always dealt with the older age stuff.) Now I'm the mom and I know it'll KILL me when my two get to be seniors. Good luck, and let us know what you find out.

YES! (To the tune of a 1980's Jane Fonda video) And a 1, 2, 3 and go: Pack Squat Lift Squat and down. Pack Squat Lift Squat and down Repeat. 50 times.

My challenge is getting through a move from one house into a new house w/out gaining. :cool2: I fell off the wagon the last week of April and now I'm trying to get back on it. Rains came and I just didn't go out of the house, I didn't do anything. We cleaned up the yard on Saturday, and today I AM GOING TO THE GYM. I am. I am. I am. I am. Goal for May (a realistic one for right now) is to go to the gym at least 4 times a week for at least 30 minutes. I know that's small, but I just need to keep moving and release stress for May. Once we're settled into the new house, I'll be doing more. (It has a pool, so I'll be swimming!!! I love swimming!)

Yeah, me, too. I did do yard work this weekend, but since the house is for sale we kinda had to. I've been boxing some stuff up, but not enough to break a sweat. I haven't been to the gym or ridden bikes with the dogs since last week. I feel rotten. Debbie, that's awesome! What a great idea to bring your own stuff! Was it hard to get through? or did you have just as much fun as you would have before? Woo-Hoo!!!! My goal size is a 12/14! I think I'd still have a ways to go then, but I'd "feel" normal. My start was a 24 and now I'm in an 18. Size 10 is like Dream Land! :cool2:

Ack! Fanny I'm so sorry! That's what we're waiting for now, too. Closing is May 14th - hopefully - so we're just crossing our fingers that their funding doesn't fall through, too. Good luck finding someone new - and honest!

I fell off the wagon. I have felt blah all week. We had some raining and flooding this week (not in our house, but around town) and I just felt like doing nothing. Sun came out a little bit last 2 days so I did take the dogs out, but I didn't go to the gym. I haven't done anything, and it shows on the scale. We're going out of town this weekend, so there goes the gym until Monday. I MUST do something at home, but I'm just not into it and really, I just don't wanna. I know I have to in order to get to my goal, but how do you motivate yourself to get moving when most of you just wants to crawl under the covers and sleep?

I am not gay, but am a big gay rights supporter. I've had so many friends who have been blasted for being gay and I hate it! So what? It doesn't effect me if two people who love each other want to spend their life together in a committed relationship. As for Ms. Dumbo - I don't care what her opinion is, either. If she's not for it, then that's her choice and I don't understand why she's been blasted for not believing what she "should" believe. I don't believe that's right. And, marriage is just a word. If the religious right want to claim it as coming from God, then so be it. Call it whatever you want - just don't take the choice and FREE WILL away from others. Don't mix government and religion. Why is gay marriage even remotely a legal issue?

....In the cover of the snowy white background, I take the trophy!!!

Okay, bought Slim Shot this weekend. They smell and taste like playdough! I took my first one this morning, and I couldn't eat my lunch. I had yogurt instead. I was kinda hungry, but I'd brought leftover meat from the festival yesterday and it just didn't look appealing to me at all. And I am a MEAT eater. I love it. So, I had my yogurt, then later I had some Water and coffee and I'm fine. So, I'm not sure if that was the slim shots or if I just didn't feel like eating today. (ha ha ha....yeah, RIGHT.) I'll keep you updated as I go through the box. They're not the cheapest things in the world to take 2 like they suggest, so I'll probably start taking them at dinner, since it's the evenings that the munchies start for me. Thanks! :thumbup: