Nancy E.

I get it a lot --- I was a relative lightweight (BMI 36) with sleep apnea and reflux. I actually had a lady at church yesterday how great I was looking and she asked me what I did. I usually tell people about the surgery when they ask and I did this time. She said "Oh, there was no way you needed that surgery!" How funny complimenting how I look great and then telling me I didn't do it the right way. Oh, and by the way, the apnea and reflux are gone -- not that anybody seems to ask about the health benefits.
I always reply with my standard answer "Thank you, but my doctor and insurance company agreed it was the best way for me to get to a healthy weight."
I think as a culture it is just so common to be overweight that few people know what a healthy weight looks like anymore. Just the other day someone told me that I didn't need to lose any more. As of this morning, I'm 9 pounds off of a BMI of 25 which is considered the top range of "normal". I could still lose another 25-30 and be considered a healthy weight. I'm thrilled with where I am now and I'm still losing at a pretty fast clip, so I'm just gonna see where I end up.

@ Maybe it's all in my head but I so get what you're saying. When I walk into the clinic or a group meeting I feel like people look at me like, what are you doing here? I'm still pre-op and I'm at the bottom of the qualifying BMI with two co-morbidities. But this level of qualification exists for a reason! They even make me feel guilty sometimes. So without the high blood pressure and arthritis in my knees and ankles I wouldn't qualify for surgery. But if I could have done this on my own I would have done it already! But do I want to explain this to every person I meet? Heck no. So like many others here, other than my husband and maybe one friend who will help in my first days home, I'm telling no-one.



I love some of the suggested responses to the awful, "you don't look that big" statement. Stupid stuff really does just fall out of some people's mouths.

I like this topic because I can relate to it A LOT. I get a lot of responses from friends similar. "You don't look that big", "you can lose the weight without surgery", "take diet pills", blah blah blah.....
Believe me, I've tried pills, shakes, powders, fancy meals, and expensive gym memberships. The results were only temporary and I packed more pounds on than I lost. I wish I had my insurance long ago and would have done this surgery about 10 years ago. There were a lot of contributing factors to gaining weight, and lack of self-esteem was a major one. It only got worse as I packed pounds on. I put on over 100 lbs after leaving military service. Anyone who is a veteran knows the weight limitations the military puts on you and how physically fit you have to be, so gaining the weight was a major change to my physical and mental well-being (and not for the better, I assure you).
I'm looking forward to my gastric sleeve surgery in November. I have 3 adult children, and currently 5 grandchildren who are still very young. I'm hoping and praying that the surgery will be a success and I can successfully lose weight so I can live a longer and healthier life and hopefully see my grandchildren grow up and have babies of their own.

This is one reason I'm not telling people about my surgery. At the initial information class at the bariatric clinic, another person told me "You're not that big" I told her I was much heavier than I looked. For me, I just want to avoid the negative vibes. People have their own reasons for saying the things they do. Maybe they think they are giving me a complement when they say I don't look big enough for surgery. I don't care what their reason is, I don't want to hear it. This is my life and I am responsible for my health. This is the way I am going to get healthy and stay healthy for the rest of my life.

I really relate to this thread, as I've decided to keep quiet about my surgery. I know I would be in for all kinds of berating, as I have a BMI of 30, carry my weight well, and have low blood pressure with normal chemistries. My weight crept up to this level within the past two years, as I could no longer handle the very extreme measures I'd taken since I was a teen to stay thin. For most of my adult life, I looked like the picture of beauty and health. I even spent a few years as a behavioral health educator and program manager in charge of a high-risk obesity treatment program. I was 5'8" 127, ate healthy and exercised regularly. Meanwhile, under that veneer was an ugly, carefully hidden eating disorder, that was consuming my life and feelings of self worth. As years wore on I could no longer hide and "control" my problem.
I'm having counseling as part of my health and healing journey, but it is because of this surgery that I truly have hope that I can look forward to a future where I am no longer food's bit*h! I'm also imagining the energy I'll have for a life outside of work, instead of dragging myself home at the end of each work day, and week, and then sequestering myself inside until it's time to start over again the following Monday.
We still have a ways to go when it comes to understanding all that goes into human health, and even further when it comes to people's acceptance and understanding. So for now, I'm keeping quiet, and appreciate all of you on here who break off little pieces of your life experiences to feed others with your wisdom, support and honesty.

Man oh man am I tired of hearing "you aren't that big" i am a tall female about 5'10 and a half and i am 290. I don't look it to others and at my docs office all the ladies would ask me how did I even qualify. My response would be: "the same way you did, I may not look it but I feel it, and i am it, some of us carry our weight really well but we still aren't healthy"....

"Oh, I'm not? How big am I?"
Just kidding. Nobody ever told me that. But then again I only told five people. A few more later but selectively.

I think when people say this, they are saying it because we (as in Americans) have all gotten so fat that fat is the new normal and you look "okay". And I thought I was okay for a long time. I never lacked dates. I had a social life. I got married. I mean, a person who has friends and a life can't be fat enough to need surgery. Only "those people" who are 400 lbs or bedridden are big enough for surgery. But the fact is I let myself creep up over 300 lbs. I had diabetes and high blood pressure. And I didn't like how I looked or felt. All my size 24 pants were too tight. Your reasons are your reasons and you do not need to justify them to anyone. When you have a BMI of over 40 you are big enough to need surgery. When you have tried and tried and can't lose the weight or keep it off, you need surgery. When you fall off the ledge and become diabetic or have PCOS and can't get pregnant, or are on all the medications for your various ailments and maladies, you need the surgery.

I got a lot of comments like that pre-op too. My response was always "You don't understand. I am well over 100 lbs overweight, according to my doctor, and my weight is adversely affecting my health. I'm not doing it to be skinny. I'm doing it to get healthy. End of discussion."
Now, when people ask how much weight I've lost and I tell them that I've lost 135 lbs, they always say "OMG! I would've never thought you had that much weight to lose!" Obviously I DID have that much to lose.....

I once mentioned RNY at work. I am 5' 2" and weighed 247 at the time. My boss said "You're not big enough for that and they will never do it on you. I listened to everyone saying that and was afraid of RNY really, So I chose the band. I lost 45 lbs in 5 years before removing it due to complications. I should have stuck with my first thought of RNY b/c I now at 220 lbs, I still have the same medical problems and according to my Dr., I still need to have the surgery to combat HBP and diabetes.

@@Miss Mac. OMG! I went to my surgeon's office to drop off some of my test results that her office assistant stated had not been received. When she saw me she loudly exclaimed " omg, why are you doing this, you are not even big." I smiled politely and told her I wanted to look more like her......she is about my height and about 100pound less than I am. She had no response. As for dealing with comments from others, don't have that issue as I told zero people. I refuse to have idiotic conversations about my journey. All my energy needs to be used to focus and get me through this not very easy process. People are beginning to notice my loss and ask if I'm losing weight. I say yes and keep it moving.

You guys have reminded me that when I had gallbladder surgery 4 weeks post-VSG-op, the attending anesthetist said the same thing when he was hooking me up to the surgical drugs. "Gee, I didn't know they did weight loss surgery on people your size." I said, "Well, I was fatter when I started this process."
People just blather, and stupid stuff comes out of their mouths.

Good for you! She's a EKG Tech...not a doctor...damn at least my friend is a nurse practitioner. That tech had no right to give an opinion she wasn't asked.

Surprisingly, I got that comment from the technician who did my pre-op ekg at the hospital. I told her "That's interesting. Maybe you should call the director of the bariatric clinic (same doctor who was my surgeon and who teaches bariatric and robotic surgery at the same hospital) and tell him you disagree with his diagnosis." That shut her up!

I've told only my hubby and two friends who I knew would be supportive.
I don't ever have to have these conversations. Or conversations that are even more annoying. Ever.

I just thought of another one I could use: My insurance company believes that my health status is a concern and a liability. I agree with them. They are willing to pay for surgical intervention. Again, I agree with them as other methods have proven unsuccessful....ha! That one might be for co-workers, tho.....if/when it comes up...

I'm in the same boat. I am 250lbs but according to most, I don't look it. I hypothetically mentioned to a good friend that if I ever got as big as my mom I would get weightloss surgery...and she flipped out. Saying "you're not that big." Although I'm flattered she thinks I'm beautiful it annoyed me to my core that she wouldn't respect my decision.
Fast forward to October when I finally made the decision I only told my older sister...who coincidentally also wants the VSG.
As of right now, I've decided to keep it a secret until after the surgery and there are positive results with no complications. As of right now surgery is April 2015...so I will "come out" about my surgery October 2015.

I'm not telling work for sure and I'm only telling the friends that I know typically have a deep direct spiritual connect that I want to know and that I want prayers and energy from sent while I'm on the table!!

I am having the same problem. It feels nice to hear my family and friends say that they think I am beautiful the way I am but at the end of the day I am not healthy the way that I am and at the end of the day I want to have a family and kids and spend the next 60+ years with my fiancé. I am also struggling with what to say to people but I guess I will let me surgery and new healthy lifestyle speak for itself as I am having my surgery this Tuesday the 14th.

I'm blessed to have my weight equally distributed on my body. No place jumps at you out more than the other...It's a legit blob over here....
But at the end of the day I'm still 38, with hypertension, borderline high cholesterol, and borderline diabetic.
My mother has all full blown disease processes of all my borderlines, plus a pacemaker for afib.
My father has all the diseases except he's not obese, just unhealthy and and an amputee due to complications of his diabetes.
And people close to me know this (I recently told a close old friend)...The writing is on the wall...I'm on a one weigh ticket to destruction if I continue down this path (pun intended).
And the response I get from are :you ain't even big enough for the gastric bypass!!
My response in the moment and I've decided I'm keeping it: I've always dreamed of living to 100 and I won't get there like this. Not even close...
What do you guys say when people say you are not big enough or are undeserving of weight loss surgery in some other way?

My surgery is November 6th. These before and afters are so inspiring!

Muscle milk is a shake u can get it on Vitamin shops website... And liquid they make almost like a juice like protien waarta has shots of these

Hi Nancy, congrats on your official surgery date! The 2 weeks pre-op diet it extremely important to do. Don't look at it in the means of what can I do to do good, but more that you HAVE to do it. No question. Other than that lots of praying, meditating or whatever you do to calm yourself. Maybe even a little staying in your room a lot too. Haha Hang out here, there's plenty of support.

Thanks for the tips! Every tip helps. I'm so ready.

Ohhh! Your going to do great!
Tips: drink liquid protien not shakes in the beginning... Also you don't need to eat for the first 6-to year as long as you get Protein in that's what my doc always told me also I started shakes 1 month out Nd muscle milk pro series worked the best, the least calories, most protein and least sugars its 40 grams but I can only drink pre made the powder is gross