Elaine The Great!

I am truly very sorry for what your family is dealing with now. In 2013, my boyfriend committed suicide and 4 months later my dad died from prostate cancer. I was devasted and spiraled out of control and into a deep depression that only started to lift late last year. I did not seek grief counseling at the time but should have. What did help me was talking things through with a friend who had lost her son to cancer 10 years earlier. So I highly recommend you find a counselor or support group or both. Being able to talk through it will help.
Also, acknowledge your feelings right now, it is ok to feel them and accept them. It is also ok to still experience joy so don't feel bad or like you shouldn't when you find yourself laughing at a joke or enjoying a moment. I wish I could tell you that one day you will wake up and feel great. For a while you will just be going through the motions of life, and it is important to go through those motions and not complete retreat into the depression. You will never "get over" the loss of your son. However, you will be able to go on and live a good life still. Gradually as time passes, the overwhelming grief will dissipate and you'll be able to remember your son fondly of all the good times while still being sad that he is no longer here.
Most importantly take care of yourself right now. That means get the counseling and support you need, nourish your body instead of trying to comfort yourself in junk food, take time for yourself, etc. Honor your son by continuing to live and your granddaughter is going to need you, but most of all do it for yourself because you deserve to live a good life.

@@Crochet Queen - I'm the same way...sit down next to me and you get my life story, and if you're lucky, you get the short version. I haven't posted it on social media, but anyone who asks about my weight loss gets the truth. I can't be bothered with trying to keep up with what to tell to whom. My filters don't work like that.
I live my life out loud and I refuse to be ashamed of the choices that I make for myself. Mr. Wonderful wasn't totally on board, but he is now. My family, friends, and co-workers are excited for me and we are all looking forward to what the future holds. If there are haters out there, they know better than to throw that shade at me!

I can't imagine how you feel but I am so very sorry for your loss. Counseling will not unbreak your heart but it will teach you how to cope with such a terrible loss.
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@@Crochet Queen - I'm the same way...sit down next to me and you get my life story, and if you're lucky, you get the short version. I haven't posted it on social media, but anyone who asks about my weight loss gets the truth. I can't be bothered with trying to keep up with what to tell to whom. My filters don't work like that.
I live my life out loud and I refuse to be ashamed of the choices that I make for myself. Mr. Wonderful wasn't totally on board, but he is now. My family, friends, and co-workers are excited for me and we are all looking forward to what the future holds. If there are haters out there, they know better than to throw that shade at me!

I am so sorry for your loss.
You really, really should be in grief counseling as well. Losing a loved one like that is devastating and there is no reason you should not go get professional help just like your granddaughter. Avoiding your grief and emotions and not knowing how to deal with them is going to make everything in your life harder - and eating crap foods is one of the signs that you really need help dealing with this.
Please seek help and take care of yourself.

I haven't posted in a long time because i have been going through a very hard time lately. My son was murdered in January and just typing that out is unreal to me even now. My whole life has been changed and i don't really know how to cope with it. I never thought I would ever deal with something like this. This stuff only happens on TV or to other people in big cities - certainly not in our little town. But it has happened and it has happened to me and i am trying to keep myself together and work and do the day to day things that need to be done but i have no feelings inside. No happiness. No joy. No desire. Only sadness - i cry all the time when no one is looking. I had to get sleeping pills from the doctor last week because i hadn't slept in three months and he said he thought i just needed to get some sleep and recharge. But what if i never have any feeling back other than the sadness? oh and anger i do feel anger from time to time. My granddaughter is having to go to a therapist to deal with her loss issues and she talks about her daddy all the time and it just kills me inside to hear her say that she doesn't have a daddy anymore or that her daddy is dead now or if my daddy was alive...she is only 6 and if it is this hard on me i can only imagine how hard it is for her.
At first i wasn't eating anything at all and now my eating is out of control in a way - i have started eating more junk foods. I had to have shoulder surgery and am almost done with my recovery so i have started to workout a little but my life is shambles. And to top it off the people who killed me son are out on bond. So ...I am a mess...

@@Crochet Queen - I'm the same way...sit down next to me and you get my life story, and if you're lucky, you get the short version. I haven't posted it on social media, but anyone who asks about my weight loss gets the truth. I can't be bothered with trying to keep up with what to tell to whom. My filters don't work like that.
I live my life out loud and I refuse to be ashamed of the choices that I make for myself. Mr. Wonderful wasn't totally on board, but he is now. My family, friends, and co-workers are excited for me and we are all looking forward to what the future holds. If there are haters out there, they know better than to throw that shade at me!

@@Crochet Queen - I'm the same way...sit down next to me and you get my life story, and if you're lucky, you get the short version. I haven't posted it on social media, but anyone who asks about my weight loss gets the truth. I can't be bothered with trying to keep up with what to tell to whom. My filters don't work like that.
I live my life out loud and I refuse to be ashamed of the choices that I make for myself. Mr. Wonderful wasn't totally on board, but he is now. My family, friends, and co-workers are excited for me and we are all looking forward to what the future holds. If there are haters out there, they know better than to throw that shade at me!

What she said.
Also...the OP's remark about 'spreading the word' is not such a good idea. If one is not ready to hear how to 'fix' themselves, they will not appreciate you trying to tell them.
In my experience, men are mostly clueless or they know better than to say anything. Women however, notice everything. No way could I get away with losing nearly 150 lbs without the questions. I responded based on who it was, and how comfortable I felt. I've had a couple of obese people in my office who finally came to me privately and I gave them the truth as I know it's what they deserved. Others got varying versions of my story. And that's the point...I never lied..I just divulged information accordingly.

Why don't people share? I guess everyone has their reasons. I think some are embarrassed that they could not defeat the battle on their own. I have also had that feeling myself. But I realized that is nothing to be embarrassed about! I am proud of myself for doing something about this as I have many medical conditions I didn't have 2 years ago as a result of my weight gain. I am going to have a healthy life.
I am the type of person that is a pretty open book so for me I will tell anyone that stays still for 5 minutes, I am not a private person. Not that I share absolutely everything about my life to everyone. I still believe the main reason is embarrassment. It is within our human nature to try to not have the feeling of embarrassment which is why I think people keep certain information to themselves. Just my opinion :-)

Why don't people share? I guess everyone has their reasons. I think some are embarrassed that they could not defeat the battle on their own. I have also had that feeling myself. But I realized that is nothing to be embarrassed about! I am proud of myself for doing something about this as I have many medical conditions I didn't have 2 years ago as a result of my weight gain. I am going to have a healthy life.
I am the type of person that is a pretty open book so for me I will tell anyone that stays still for 5 minutes, I am not a private person. Not that I share absolutely everything about my life to everyone. I still believe the main reason is embarrassment. It is within our human nature to try to not have the feeling of embarrassment which is why I think people keep certain information to themselves. Just my opinion :-)

I am fortunate because I seem to have very supportive family and friends. I also happen to not be working right now.
I haven't gone public on social media but I have been pretty open with my family and friends. I try not to bring up the subject but if asked I am pretty open. I did decide early out not to share numbers with anyone (not even my family). I have not done so except in a medical context, on here (since it is anonymous), and in a couple of instances where I thought being open about the numbers would benefit someone else.
There is a difference to me between lying and privacy. We are not obligated to tell everyone everything about our personal business. And, we are allowed to change our minds (like you did with first sharing with family and then deciding to keep things private).
It is up to you how you tell your story. I hope you find peace with whatever you decide.

When I embarked on my wls journey, I truly expected to become an evangelist who would spread the word to my obese friends.
I recall people in my support group urging secrecy, but I argued on behalf of "sharing the good news".
I did tell a few close family members and all were supportive, but my 93 year old mother got problematic almost immediately. She was full of misinformation based on 50 year old hearsay. She also kept talking about it to people I'd never dream of sharing with.
Within a few weeks we decided to go dark and not tell anyone. I spoke to my mother (rather sternly) and told her to not tell anyone about it. My wife called the people my mother spoke too and asked them to honor my privacy.
That was 7 months ago and so far so good. The problem is that I lost a lot of weight pretty quickly (95 lbs in 7 months). We are very social with hundreds of friends, most of whom are overweight, and all want to know "how I did it".
I have honed a story that's close to the truth (minus the surgery part), but I'm sick of lying to so many of my friends.
If I had it to do over again, I would have been open from the start, but my wife disagrees. She's been 100% supportive and thus I respect her wishes, but I'm so sick of the lying!

you are so fabulous, I almost can't even take it LOL I fucking love you already.

Hi, my name is Katie and I'm a marketing professional who really hates Oprah's weight loss journey. It's like she's lost and gained the same 80 pounds over and over. That's like several inner skinny people (weight watcher's ad). The fact that I've done the same only makes me hate her more. Actually, I like Oprah. I just despise diet advertising of any kind. Nothing like making me feel worthless and hopeful all in the same 30 second spot.
Hi, my name is Katie and I finally reached my breaking point. I've finally accepted that my obesity is hurting my quality of life. I've finally given myself permission to do something about it. (Besides crazy diets that never work). In fact, it was Oprah's recent Advertisment on WW that inspired me. After watching her rejoice over her recent weight loss with WW while still eating bread, I thought to myself, "daaaammmn, if Oprah can't keep it off with all her millions and access to the best personal chefs and physical trainers, a hometown girl like me is doooomed."
So here I am, 1 week from my consultation, drinking a gin and tonic, ordering Chinese take out and righteously shaking my fist at the diet industry. One week, Oprah! One week and I will show you and the diet industry that I love myself enough to make the most radical life changing decision of my life!!!!!!!
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Thanks for the replies.
It's just been a weird week I guess lol! I'm doing a lot better today in regards to not feeling like I'm starved. I made it.
It's been a learning experience going from the band to the sleeve for sure.
I've not hear of the whey shots I might look into that. I really don't know know if I can drink another shake. Unless I switch back the Syntrax nectar. I still have the Twisted cherry and grape. Those are more like Fruit drinks than shakes but still give me 20g of Protein for 100 cals. Just none of the Vitamins and minerals of a Meal Replacement.
I feel great about the surgery too and am so glad I did it. I've done better with the sleeve in the first 2 months than I did with the band in 6 years.
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I think the hunger feeling is pretty normal with everyone. It could be head hunger but I felt starved also at times early on. I don't know why. It sounds like you have the perfect routine going so just keep at it. Its early on for you so don't stress. This works. I am over 2 years post op now. I eat whatever I feel like eating. Its weird because I think that I am eating too much for a while and then I get on the scale, after not weighing for over a month, and I am down a few more pounds. Its really incredible. What I have noticed is that I don't have any favorite food anymore. Nothing really appeals to me and I miss that. You have to realize that you can't give in to the starving sensation because if you overeat it really hurts until it digests. You probably will do this at least once but you won't do it again. Measure everything until you can eyeball the correct portion size. You will get used to it. Good luck.

Yesterday I had the fine pleasure of having my three month follow up, an appointment with my PCP, and blood work to check my levels. I had the follow up first. It seems that most of that appointment was centered around how I feel about my progress. Before I get into how I feel let me share with you what my progress has been. I am very close to being 70lbs down three months out from surgery. I had no complications. I mostly stick to the plan that was given to me by the dietitian. I drink Water pretty regularly and take my Vitamins everyday. I work out for at least an hour four to five times a week most weeks. According to my team I am losing weight at a rate that is faster than most patients they see in their office.
How do I feel about it? Well I am not entirely sure. I know that I am not upset about losing weight. At the same time I know that I am still obese. When I was heavier I could do all the same things I am doing now. Perhaps I can do them somewhat better now, but it is not as if I was immobile and now I can walk. When I was heavier I still had to walk the dog and walk to get all my errands done. Having said that, climbing stairs is less of a pain for which I am thankful. The nurse said, your blood pressure is prefect, but my blood pressure was fine before I had surgery. When the nurse said that my blood pressure is better than his I replied with, " with black don't crack!" Haha. That is why I am losing fast because I'm black! (Calm down love, I am joking, My race has nothing to do with my progress) Do you feel happier? I have a natural melancholic personality, so no. I am just not at the place yet in which I feel accomplished about what has happened. so far or shall I say fully accomplished. It will come along it just is not today. I can live with that as long as I do not waste the gift I have been given. They asked me if I wanted to speak on my "success". I have not gotten to the point in which I feel successful. I am not a year out yet let's see if I am success in a year, two years, three years time-- twenty. What do I have to share with anyone? Do what you been told by the team? Ha! I made a deal with them if I am 100lbs down by June 15 that I would speak at the support group.
My PCP on the other hand was support and not as per her usual. You need to work out more. Oh, I do? Then she showed me exercises that she thinks I should do. Now people I have no intention of doing them. I believe that what I am doing is fine. Yes, I will need to change things over time, but for the most part think I am okay. She also told me to stop drinking soda, but I do not drink soda and I did not drink soda even before surgery. Sidenote, I love how people assume that obese people just like to eat and drink everything without preference. There were all kinds of things I did not eat before I had surgery. Like soda, brownies, cotton candy, saltwater taffy, coffee, tea, meat, shellfish, and so on. But let me get back to the point. My PCP is not great at listening, so I try to take things in stride. My thought was I know I exercise more than you old lady. Tell me to my face again I need to work out more, but I did not say those things.
I know I am going to make it. One day my obesity will be my past. And the fact that black don't crack will help me as well. Ha! had to bring it back one more time.

That was only part of the conversation that we had. I am fully aware of the nutritional values of everything that I consumek, and I assure you that my surgeon is not lacking in education or knowledge.
In reference to the watermelon martini, my recipe involves muddled fresh watermelon and cucumber, vodka, a little Water and some Splenda, shaken with crushed ice.

This has been the hardest for me too! I'm not 25, but let's face it, drinks and dinner are most people's "thing". That's what we do in rural America anyway. I haven't told everyone I know that I had WLS so I feel isolated not being able to do either. Now that I'm moving into the phase where I can at least eat, I'm hopeful I can start to socialize again.
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I agree with you. My husband and I love going out with friends and having drinks...but now I am 2 weeks post op and he is worried we will lose our fun times together. I look at it as if life is on pause and when we push play again I will just be a modified version of myself. One that is able to get a small plate at buffets and drunk off 2 wines instead of 2 bottles I have always been so jealous of women who would get full after a moderate plate or a girl who could eat a yogurt for lunch lol.
I try to picture classic women of Hollywood and how they eat and sip and remember that "hey that's attractive and I wasn't when I could out drink guys" haha that seems to help me! Let me know how you start to feel because I am in the same boat!
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I was told to wait 6 weeks before drinking. At the 6 week mark I went out to a bar with friends and had my first drink... And nothing bad happened. I go out pretty regularly and have a couple glasses of wine, I've never seen a weight gain (usually a loss, actually), I don't get sloppy drunk, I don't feel the urge to slip back in to my former lifestyle.. Life moves on lol. I'm definitely a party girl but going out once a month won't derail my success.
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For me so far, the hardest part of this journey is not being able to drink. I did a 2 week pre op diet where alcohol was not allowed and am 3 weeks out now. So it's been almost 2 months since I last drank. I never considered myself a big drinker but could always handle a lot ( probably due to my weight). I'm 25 and have a lot of friends who still go to bars on weekends. I am starting to feel I'm losing touch with my social life because I'm not able to do those things yet. How long did everyone wait before trying a drink? Did you get sick?
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I am choosing to go to Dr Ariel L Ortiz. At the Obesity Control Center. I went to several us surgeons my bmi is 40.0 i have no current preexisting conditions other than my knees are trashed! I tried to play the insurance games but after a year they still said no. To pay an American surgeon lowest cost was 15000 most costly 23000. I am a nurse i have worked in just about every department and i have seen my share of butchers get into the obesity surgery game because cash! I decided to research fiund mexico on accident. The surgeon i choose has a bariatric specialty and accreditation! Important to me! The facility only does this type of surgery! That means its a mill that has this finely tuned! Like a well oiled machine! The cost was affordable grsnted more expensive then some other places but hopefully i get better services! I know another nurse who has been to mexico 2 times w her friends for surgery w be lightweight she swear by them! Their price is 4500. I will tell you if you know you want this dont mess w insurances!

Heading to Tijuana on 4/20 for revision surgery. I am going it alone...just curious if anyone else might be headed that way!