dreamsawaken

Not really...we got a pizza and I pureed the toppings off two slices...the meat sauce and cheese..was really good.

I'd have to say you are setting youreself up to fail! yu need to eat what you are suposed to eat, not what you CAN eat. just because you can do something does not mean you should, that's what got most of us in trouble in the first place!

Mine have been formed, prob too formed...lol. Need to soften them up a bit. One thing is they stink. So do farts/gaseous releases, lol. My friend who is 2 yrs out warned me...didnt want to believe her, but peeeeuuuu, one i had yest was funnnnky. Lol

In _, no4t too much pain..surgery was 2.5hrz.

Amanda great to hear you are coming back from your little setback/complication. I don't think some SF pudding will kill you.
Giggles, thats cool we have the same date. i too think its so weird how all the diff nuts and drs start us out. I got liquids only for a day, after the GI xray to check for leaks (2nd check he did, 1st one in surgery). broth, tea, etc. weds i started pureed. Everyone else surprised too. Including a few friends that had had rny before. My program (st Agnes hospital bariatric and gi institute in balt,md) is a center of excellence... I think even over johns hopkins. My surgeon is the director of whole program...and program nurse had one in 1995 there, nut has 12 yrs exp... I was in great hands. i didnt have too bad of a fatty liver, so no pre op diet.....i was surprised he didnt even want a gi cleanse, enema prep, etc. worked out ok for me tho.
My biggest "complication" in surgery, was he found a rather "large, nasty" hiatal hernia, which he fixed. I had no idea i had it...thought the symptoms were just random GERD, etc. that was a good thing....i got a 2 fer.
Just feeling very blessed to have been able to have this, had the courage to choose this change, and be/live in an area with so many excellent options, as well as have the support i did/still have.... From friends, family, work.....my clients even. one came and visited me in hosp...and sent flowers. Blew me away!!!
Only problems i have are sleeping at night...not sleeping, but where /how. Im a side sleeper, so sleeping on my back in bed is wearing on me, hurts lower back...but cant do side yet. Hard to get in/out up/down too. So, sticking to.couch. and poop is all funky.....texture. Lol. But had three yesterday.
Surgeon wrote me out of work til 10/21...& not fighting it. Gonna use every minute "off" to build a strong foundation and routine for this new way of life. Works gonna have to fit in MY life now, not me fitting life into work demands. just so many new possibilities, good things ahead.... Besides smaller clothes, feeling better. nite all!!

I'm doing great today! It was my birthday and I 'cheated' a little and had some sf pudding. I bought cupcakes for everyone else, because a birthday isn't complete without cupcakes! I have walked a ton lately and it feels good.
I am kind of disappointed in the fact that we have been searching for saline solution for days now for my open wound. We found out at cvs that you have to have a script for it. Wish the nurse at the hospital would of told us that. I should have enough to get through tomorrow and hopefully the doctor will call me in some. It's kind of funny you need a script for it, even the gauze
that they use...

AMAZING! I had no idea RNY had a "secret society". I mean, I knew people had the surgery but since my surgery 7 weeks ago people are coming out of the wood works. What a plethora of support! I think to myself why on earth didn't I do this earlier in my life? Since I first walked into Pinnacle Health Weight Loss Center 8 months ago I have lost, to date 52 lbs (7 weeks post op). I am down 2 pant sizes and I can't get over the compliments. I was always the "you have such a pretty face" girl. If I heard that one more time I was ready to POP someone in the kisser. I have always been the over weight cousin, biggest in the family. Now, it's MY time to shine. I have taken he bull by the horns and as my boss always says, "Let's do this!! ". My outside will finally mirror my inside and I can't wait to see "ME." Ok, done with my soap box rant.
In addition to the staple food items, soft veggies, eggs, cottage cheese, chicken, fish, yogurt Protein shakes, did have half a taco (amazing) ect what else can I experiment with 7 weeks out. I have been very lucky, no vomiting but then again I have been abiding to my guidelines like the Bible. I welcome suggestions! thanks!

My update.. 4 full days post op (surgery 9/23): so far so good. Got out weds late afternoon, worst pain and "suffering" day, ready to hurt someone, sick of 3 & 4 am dracula visits, being stuck w/something all day/night, etc. got oral delaudid after 10 am. Drain removed day of discharge..felt weird. Slept from.7 pm to 7 am....still waking up every 3 hrs tho, lol. Sent home with tiny 1 mg delaudid, antinausea script, and prevacid script. Also had the atrixia (blood thinner) injections. No nausea or cramping in the pouch yet, just from gas. Right on pureed diet..from weds in hospital. oatmeal, refried Beans, yogurt, etc. fortified all with prot powder. Getting 36-48 oz liquids in for last 2 days. Popsicles rock!!! Hot tea goes down well too..."smooth move" tea to help as laxative. Did take Miralax this AM, and a stool softner....finally pooped!! Maybe tmi, but thats a big deal...lol. Got 68g Protein in today, walked around the block.... Lingering pain @ incision sites, esp if i twist the wrong way...and some gassy pains that go away with moving/walking, etc. still tired, but scheduling naps. drinking from pink sippy cup and using a baby spoon to eat. Best thing today was choc banana super pudding... SF choc pudding, 1/2 banana mashed, 2c skim milk, 1 envelope Unjury choc protein pwdr, blended, chilled. 8g prot per 4 oz. Yum. Thank you God this is going pretty well.so far!!!! no idea how much i lost yet, not looking til post op appt with surgeon on 10/7. HW 231.(feb 2013)...DoSW 222. GW 140

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.

Its 4:15 am and i am just about ready to head out to the hospital.

Day 2...catheter out, peed on my own. 2 laps around the floor. Cleared for liquids. Drank 20 oz already. feeling ok, but really tired.

Day 2...catheter out, peed on my own. 2 laps around the floor. Cleared for liquids. Drank 20 oz already. feeling ok, but really tired.

Day 2...catheter out, peed on my own. 2 laps around the floor. Cleared for liquids. Drank 20 oz already. feeling ok, but really tired.

Day 2...catheter out, peed on my own. 2 laps around the floor. Cleared for liquids. Drank 20 oz already. feeling ok, but really tired.

H- lol. I am wordy too. And i do get it...i even get having that job that blows me away i even have now, but i still feel like i dont give "enuf", or dont deserve it. I am capable of it, and more....its all the stuff that goes along with addiction (low.self esteem, no drive, depression, etc) that keeps me stuck...the same freedom i love....cause i hate discipline/regiment for the most part..haha, is the thing that self defeats me. one thing about addiction/recovery...i dont sugar coat it, and don't focus on the substance, behavior, etc its really a feelings thing. I remember picking up marianne Williamson's "a course in weightloss" got a chapter in, busted out crying cause i FELT it just like like felt the stuff about the drugs. Wanted no part of it, threw the book across the room....prob went and ate something. I get the whole overwhelming thoughts of "i cant do this anymore, i wont be able to have that, etc".... I had the same thoughts when i knew i had to get clean 15 yrs ago. I used/drank right up to when the cab pulled in to take me to airprt, saved $10 so i could grab a cocktail in the airport....like what we call "letting go with claw marks" in meetings. I will be honest and tell you its been no different this time really. I didnt have a 2 wk preop diet... No "restrictions" up until 8 pm tonight. (surgery is tomorrow, omg).... How do i know addiction is alive and well??? Same thoughts...."oh i better have 12 ho hos, or get donuts from here one last time or go out to eat here..." Its crazy!!! Wanted to eat stuff i hadnt eaten in months or years....only cause I felt i was losing it/option... Not cause i wanted it. Had to reel myself back in, even said "no" to a "last supper" @ fave restaurant. Its not easy, i know. In early recovery i remember beobg at Outback, seeing some tabletop ad for designer margarita or something, and it was assoc with australia trip or whatever. I literally had to get up, leave table, i cried... despairing i would never get to drinking a margarita in Australia. How INSANE is that???? Lmao...like it was a regular thing i was gonna sacrifice....but it was the option, the freedom.. I get it. I still get pissed off that i never got to try an appletini, cosmo, or some of the flavored vodkas they have now. But i look at quality of life now,.vs then...."play the tape" of what even one of those things would lead to... And it passes. One is too many, a 1000 never enough.
The beauty if it is this: we only have to make it one day at a time, "just for today, i will not overeat/ stick to my plan/ etc". They told me in early recovery that if i had a thought to use/drink, that i should just tell myself okay you can but do it tomorrow. ( since procrastination is one of my weaknesses, I thought that seems reasonable) .... and so far it has worked because, if I tell myself that everyday, it will always be tomorrow and I won't pick up whatever it is i thought i needed in the moment.
The thing about getting it over to a higher power is kind of a balance too. once I understood some of the steps, especially the first 3... I got it, or begin to understand. for me and I always do at some point I was powerless, but I had gotten so good at managing the unmanageability, or so I thought. it was when the un manageability started killing me on the inside, to the point of almost total self loathing and pretty much just waiting to die, that's when I realized I needed to do whatever it took if I wanted to really live. but then I am still a train wreck after I take the drugs or cigarettes or food or booze away.... and that is when i had to bring a higher power in there to help me get it together. that can always be a combination of God, a support network, therapist or whatever works. I think in the beginning of my recovery I used all of that. but that does not mean that you are giving up yourself or your life totally to any of those people or HP. we all have to play a part in any kind of recovery process, or change. I have always been kind of a perfectionist and somewhat of a have to have it my way kind of person... that really doesn't work in recovery, lol. one of the biggest lessons I've had to learn is acceptance willingness an open mindedness. and without those I know I would not have been cleaning this long. there are some things I know I can't change, can't do, can't control... its figuring what you can control and change for yourself that is the key and the other things are what we need to let go of, to God or just let go. I have heard it said that if you let go and let God, he (or she) will move mountains, do miracles, but we need to be willing to show up and bring a shovel. we are responsible for our actions, our decisions and our solutions.. no one can do it for us but, we don't have to do it alone. and we don't have to figure it out all at once. we just need to follow through on our commitment to make a life change, one day at a time. if I started thinking about what I can't do anymore, cant eat, wondering about how much its going to suck I can't have a slice of pizza at a sales meeting two months from now ... I probably would call the hospital and cancelled the surgery right now because I'd be really flipping out... I just know that, just like I made a commitment to myself to not live a crazy life style ruled by drinking and drugs 15 years ago.... I made a commitment to myself this April to not live a life ruled by food, or being fat, facing serious health problems, being told by yet another guy how pretty I am and how beautiful I am on the inside "BUT", etc etc... and I am NOT going to look back. yes I know it's going to be hard, I'm going to have to make sacrifices, I am going to lose some freedom...... but I look at where I was 15 years ago, thinking the same thing about losing the freedom, being ruled by meetings with crappy coffee (lol) and sponsors and other stuff that goes on with staying sober and clean, didn't think I would have any fun...... and I look at life now, how much growth I have gone through, the faith and strength I have as a result of all of that... and I am actually freer now then before, have way more options now than I ever did. and looking at my friends that have done this, I can see the evidence that this will be worth it... and no I need to take the leap of faith that this is just another chapter in living a life beyond my wildest dreams. sometimes you just have to sacrifice what we are used to as options and freedom now, for greater freedom and lost dreams awakened later.
True freedom isn't free.

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.

Alrighty...I'm sitting in pre op...ready to go!

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.

As a recovering addict/alcoholic, with over 15 years clean... I can say its very simple, not easy at all, but simple: when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, the pain is greater than even the tiniest pleasure or comfort you get from food(or whatever it is we use to 'feel better')... you have the shame, guilt that adds another 100lbs onto your spirit... You want to go to bed and not wake up tomorrow....you have that moment you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself, dont like what you see....but know deep down where that shred of hope and belief in yourself...that somehow the person on the inside who you believe in, you once were, you dreamed of becoming is still in there, and is crying out for one more chance at change, wants out of the self made prison.... THATS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE READY, and you will be willing to do whatever it takes to change. Whether its food, cigarettes, drugs, overspending, booze, sex, co dependency.... Addiction is addiction....period. Sure, drinking oneself to death or smoking crack, doing pills etc is more obvious, more harmful...way lower bottoms to hit. But, I have found that focusing on the substance, or the "what" we are addicted to is irrelevant... Its addiction. We are powerless over the ADDICTION , & it makes life unmanageable. Addiction is not limited to drugs, cigs, food, booze, etc.... We can always trade one for another, and unless we grasp what addiction or having an addictive personality is about, that will make life unmanageable too. Its emotional, spiritual, physical.and mental.
For me, the 12 steps in the "A" programs work (oa, na, aa, etc).. The principles in the steps WORK. Never been to OA...not always thrilled with my own fellowship... My experience with those (incl me long ago) that have said this isnt for me usually werent entirely ready or thought they could do it on their own, or control it. But the same steps and principles, support, meetings, etc I have learned from and practiced for the last 15 yrs that have successfully kept me from using/relapsing....and gave me another shot at life... Are working for me in this journey too.... Rehab was a tool to start me off on the right track 15=yrs ago. It was up to me to continue to do what i needed to do to stay on that path, change, grow, heal...let go of past crap, live differently, make new habits etc.. Change people, places, things....even now. This surgery is a tool for me to get on the right track...because I know and accept I cant do it on my own...like you said food is everywhere, we need it to live...and its easier to.cheat or "relapse" on a cupcake.(or 10) than it is on a drink or drug. Not as much to lose.... Or is there???? Why OA is kinda unrealistic, imho. However, support groups, or a 12 step group that doesnt focus on specific substance, etc are essential, for me. Self sufficiency is a lie. We need each other, people who "get" it...the real it ... Addiction is a feelings disease. I can empathize with someone who shared about pretending to order food for a couple people in the drivethru, when in reality it was all for them... I never did that, but I can look at the behavior, the shame, guilt, feeling of degradation and despair it caused, and relate 100%..
I never thought I was a food addict, but the reality is that I am.. I like and want whatever makes me feel good, takes me out of whatever reality I dont wanna deal with, or need to numb. I usually eat well, yet if over emotional, stressed, etc...i tend to say "f" it, and eat whatever. I wont trade my clean time/sobriety for anything....but you can be sure Id break an eating plan or goal for a box of HoHos or pizza/wings in a second.... Until I realized that was keeping me trapped in a cycle of failure.....just like i was using. I ended up losing myself again, in a fetal position, crying every day... Once again looking in the mirror, saying WTF are you doing ??? You got clean, did all this work on your self with the steps, therapy, go to meetings drinking crappy coffee...have changed your life, in so many ways... To stay stuck again...to hide the beautiful person you are behind all this fat?? Settle again for just enough to get by, not being all you want to be?? (Thats my key...hiding behind the weight, more afraid of success than failure... Something inside still not feeling worthy...)
And that was my "bottom" that led to this... So approaching it just like i did the drugs/booze and getting "clean". A lot of recovering people get this surgery...i have at least 6 friends in my network, and met another 5 or 6 at the NA world convention .."randomly" a few wks ago....and its not random. I got my approval on 8/29 while at that convention.... My HP (God for me) put people in my path all weekend that had had WLS, and where it came up in conversation....out of 18000 peeps there... My friend i was there with doesnt get it, questions my decision...and it was affecting me a bit....but BAM, there were peeps who got "it", lived it, were in the process who I just met that built me back up... So, there is something to giving it over to some power greater than ourselves, regardless of who or what that is.
Sorry....long. Addiction is just something i understand all too well... Luckily, I also am continuing to learn what recovery, change, growth, etc is even better. thats my two cents....or ten cents, lol.