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desertmom

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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Blog Entries posted by desertmom

  1. desertmom

    Happy!

    By desertmom,

    Our house guests are leaving in the morning,jippeeeee!
     
    It is super difficult for me to eat out at present.I have to eat sooo slow when I do proteins like chicken breast or beef fillet everyone is finished long before I've had 2oz of meat.
     
    Also,I got fed up tonite and ordered a chicken wrap,its cut in 5,and I ate one.Of course, its 23:30 and I rally feel like eating....bu I wont.
     
    So,I have 2 eating out appointments over the weekend and one movie (biggest challenge ever not to try caramel popcorn... Hehe).Thank goodness going out will be with a future sleever and a RNY 2 years out friend...we can share,eat little and not feel strange about it.
     
    Ok,nou for some more water.It is really hot now,over 100 most days and I am not getting all the water I need.will step that and the protein shakes up from tomorrow.
  2. desertmom

    Mini Holiday

    By desertmom,

    well,tomorrow will be my first stay in a hotel since the sleeve so we will see how I handle the eating thing.I am taking stuff like beef jerky and string cheese for snacks and a protein drink,new one that comes in sachets from WIN.25g protein in 120 calories,very low in fat and carbs.
     
    I am so hopeful that I will have a big loss again soon.
     
    This coming week I will start doing some weight training and I am considering getting a personal trainer for a few months...I am goingto start reformer pilates next sunday as well.
     
    Ok,here goes self discipline over the next few days.thank goodness sweet stuff makes me feel sick at the moment.
  3. desertmom

    Lessons!

    By desertmom,

    First,Takingmylifebacc,of course we will lose.We just need to be patient.
     
    Tonight the topic came up again.Move,when,where,university,school,US/UK? And without realizing what I was doing it I told everyone it was time for bed.When the kids were in bed (and the grown ups in the villa too) I decided that I felt like something nice.I had heard that people will have some peanut butter,a tablespoon full I thought.But alas,me being me that wasnt enough.
     
    I actually got some fat free or sugarfree cool whip and scooped the frozen cool whip like ice cream in a bowl,topped it with the spoon of peanut butter, climbed into a hot bath and slowly finished it all.AND THEN I FELT AS SICK AS A DOG!In fact I still do.
     
    This sleeve is the most amazing thing.I will either learn or I will feel terrible...and it is great!Of course I will learn,I am not unteachable or stupid...mind you a week or 2 back I posted something similar I think...ok,so I hope I will learn!LOL
     
    Emotional eating is a terrible thing.It has ruined my life for many years.Now that I cannot eat I often feel like I am so bored and I am searching for something.I will have to start exercising a lot more to help counter these feelings.
     
    But,the sleeve rocks.Now that all this emotional stuff will be there all the time while decisions are made and with the move (difficult thing to do,very difficult this has been our home for 10 years,we love this crazy place) I will not be able to make myself fatter just sick if I dont listen...lol.but i will learn!
  4. desertmom

    Annoying!

    By desertmom,

    Since being back on the blood pressure meds I dropped 5 pounds....jippeee,and the bounced back one pound.I've also been having an uncomfortable pain in my kidney area and tonight when I got on the scale at 23:00,yes I know I shouldnt do that at all ever, I am up another 1,5 pounds.Did the keto stick and my goodness,I am in deeeeeep purple ketosis for the first time ever in my life.
     
    A few things might be causing this.It is now up in the 100 degrees (and over) every day and very humid.I have been struggling a bit with the water intake but not too bad.So I might be dehydrated a little.However I dont look or feel it.
     
    Then it might be that I am high on proteins.I have found these nifty little chicken breasts (frozen with a lemon and herb sauce) and that has been my main food for the past 2 days.2 of them weighs 80 grams and I have 22g of protein and I have had 6 of them yesterday and today.Breakfast,lunch and supper.Add to that about 5g protein for milk in my tea and a little in the veggies (2 tiny pieces of broccoli and half of a very small yellow squash that comes from SA and is low cal and low carb) Say it was a total of 75g for the day.The carbs was about 50 as I had a teaspoonof hummus,milk and veggies and a SF popcicle as well.
     
    If the pain persist tomorrow I will phone the BP dr.
     
    However,I have realized that I will have to start exercising pronto.As in today.To be sure that I do the right things and to not drive myself crazy all the time second guessing weather I am doing the right things,am I eating to much (I know with my head this is not possible) but my emosions tells me differently.
     
    How I hate the way the scale freaks me out.the only way I know to control this is to back to dieting the way I know well.I didnt want to obsess with food tracking,low carbing but I will have to.I also believe I should now start making hay while the sun still shines and lose as fast as I possibly can,and believe me,I have put in no effort what so ever until today.It was just lovely for it to just happen but I cannot take this out of control feeling any longer.
     
    1.I will start by just doing walk away the pounds or some dvd here at home.I will play squash twice a week.
    Next week I will start going to the gym.
     
    The thing is for the first time ever I am so self concious when at the gym.I just am not motivated to expose myself to all the thin people...lol.(and we have a ladies only gym at the club as well)
     
    So,this is me for today.Crazy,obessed over weight gain that is not real and petrified because I might fail.
     
    Tomorrow will be the positive,new me....lol
     
    I have read some of my friends blogs and it is all so upbeat and positive and it seems that I am the only one with this crazy roller coaster emotions...or I am just an external prosessor that talks about it.And maybe I have to start fake it until I make it and not express myself the way I do.Maybe I will pretend that everything is just perfect and maybe it will become just that.
     
    xxo
     
  5. desertmom

    The Weighing Game

    By desertmom,

    The truthis I know I should not weigh every day.And if I had listened to myself then I would not have weighed again today after yesterday's great loss.
     
    Well,up a pound this morning and I am sure it will be down again some time later.
     
    Lesson,weigh in once a week only.....sure I will do this...lol
     
    Second thing.I struggle with having no addictions left so tonight I decided to eat some crisps.Measured 30 grams,1 spoon of hummus and settled down to eat it.Well,of course I ate to fast but after 15g I was stuffed and called my daughter to save me by taking it away...and now I am sitting here with a super stuffed feeling that I didnt know was possible and cannot understand how it happened with so little.
    Ok,dont know if I will learn a lesson in this but I will think twice about eating this again.
  6. desertmom

    Weight Issues..lol

    By desertmom,

    my weight is still stuck.I have played 2 super hard games of squash this week and,nothing!Before this surgery I would have dropped a couple of pounds at least.
     
    My house mate (teeny tiny little thing with about 7kg's to lose) is losing weight faster than me at the moment.Scary really!
  7. desertmom

    Just Another Day

    By desertmom,

    how great is it to say it was just another day!Nothing eventful or upsetting happened.I stuck to my food plan,played a tough game of squash (got whipped today) cooked my kids dinner and enjoyed their company.
     
    Now I just hope the scale will start moving again.Stuck at 116.5kg's.
     
    Oh well,tomorrow maybe!
  8. desertmom

    Food

    By desertmom,

    this is for my own info.When I want to do the stupid again...lol
     
    Refined carbs and sugar makes you feel sick stupid!!!!!! Hehehe.
     
    We are celebrating all kinds of things,birthday,the move,the qell....we are just having loads of visitors and last night the lady brought brownies.
     
    So tonight I decided that a little bite of a brownie and a few crisps will not kill me....but I forgot how sick I feel when I eat stuff like this.I can not understand or explain the sick feeling bur I feel so aweful.Just sick.
     
    so,now I have to get through this and hope I have learnt my lesson.
  9. desertmom

    Exercise

    By desertmom,

    Today we went back to playing squash.I actually whipped the ladies I played with and couldnt walk the rest of the day..lol
     
    The stomach feels a little better.Still sensitive but not aching like yesterday...I know it is getting better.Am eating quite carefully at the moment.
     
  10. desertmom

    Expat Life

    By desertmom,

    So we are having our first international visitors and have been going out to lunch and dinner every day since Monday.They leave on sunday again.I havent found it too difficult once I made the choice to just survive this week.I still have the pain in my abdomen and back all the time and I have some acid issues and this crazy throat that just feels so hairy/fluffy and is driving me crazy.I had zero energy all week and I look like a ghost with these dark circles around my eyes....that is until tonight.
     
    We had a big BBQ cook out here at our house tonight.There were crisps,biltong (dried meat) and hummus and mutabal.I had a few crisps and few tiny pieces of biltong.Then I had taste of red wine and then I had 1.5oz o fillt steak n 1/5 of a baby potato,just a bite really.Just relaxed without overdoing it but enjoying every moment of it.
     
    I am shocked to see how easy the crisps goes down...I wont be eating that again.Th guilt wanted to overwhelm me afterward but then I realized that I am normal and I ate very little when all is said an done.I am petrified of the scales however!
     
    Maybe this will be the night that I sleep well....I really need a good nights rest.
    xxo
  11. desertmom

    First Test!

    By desertmom,

    On Monday I am getting my first overseas visitors post sleeve.We will be doing all kinds of stuff like a dhow dinner cruise,a dhow cruise to Musandam,a beautiful area in Omani waters where you snorkel and of course eat! A desert safari,and of course eating in the desert...o and lots more.This will be a real challenge for me as I dont know what to try and eat at events like these.Will have to think this through carefully.
     
    Beginning of May is th next set of visitors...we are going to stay in a desert resort that makes the most devine food...o well,no better moment than these ones to teach me to accept my new life without th loads of food I always ate.
     
    xxo
  12. desertmom

    Change

    By desertmom,

    There's been a lot of things going on in my head over the past 3 weeks.I have to come to terms with a lot of stuff.Being mindful has never being one of my strong points.The moment something gets emotionally uncomfortable,I would just retreat in my mindless world of eating.Since I cannot do that anymore I have been going through a bit of depression I think.
     
    I have to face the fact that I just dont heal as fast as I wanted to.When I walk I still get this pain in the back...really badly.The white coating on my tongue is a nightmare for me.I struggle to swallow and hate this fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat.It should go away at some point,I cant wait!
     
    Being of the kind that always thinks I know better than everyone..lol..I planned on doing my protein with food only.Now I am on soft foods I thought I would do it for sure!Well,its not happening is it?I can do quarter cup of food at a time.I opened different cans of stuff (expensive stuff!) that I kind of feel obligated to eat,but it takes days to finish a can.I will start cooking clean foods from today so I can see how many calories and proteins I am really eating.the past 2 days I did a protein bar per day that is calories that I consume and then I didnt feel like food.
     
    This is really more difficult than I thought it would be.Getting on with my life is difficult.Planning everything ahead of time is what gets to me.
     
    My head knows it is going to get easier.My lying deceiving heart is just petrified that I will not lose weight.
     
  13. desertmom

    Entertaining Again

    By desertmom,

    Tonight we had friends over for a BBQ for eath hour.The disconnect I feel with food (even knowing what to give the kids for dinner every night is a nightmare to me,I just cannot think about food) was an issue but my friend and my housekeeper took over and all in all it was a great success.
     
    I really dont have an interest in people or going out at the moment.Its as if I have lost interest in life as it was.I know this will get better when I start eating again.I suppose part of what I feel is just a lack of energy because of low calories.
     
    Life just seems so boring at the moment.I cannot walk for longer than 25 minutes.Shopping seems a bit pointless.Cant swim yet,wounds are not healed yet.But day by day I am feeling stronger and I know soon it will all be better and back to some sort of nomal.
     
    It really sounds as if I am whining but I am not really.I said I would be honest and I am.Eating was a big part of my life and I suppose I miss dealing with my emotions by eating.So,I will keep truckin and I will overcome.All will be good in the end.Down 22 pounds today.
     
    xxo
  14. desertmom
    It often seems to me that people make things up as they go along.Very often,depending on who they are talking to,the story changes to suite the audience.About events in their lives,about the way they feel about thing and the way they have experienced it.Human beings are great at self deception and deceiving....not always on purpose either.Often to make things seem better.Often to make ourselves look better and often because we just dont remember things the way they happened.I have friends that had this surgery and the way they remember the early days now is not the way I remember it at all,and I did go through this at some small level with them...what they ate,how they felt,how they reacted to things.
     
    The purpose of my blog is to expose the way having a surgery like this makes me feel.What it does to me physically and my reactions to it.How it affects my every day life and what my expectations are.
     
    Now,I live in a country where no one is prepaired to admit they had this surgery.Support group is in early developmental stage and my great therapist left abruptly in the middle of last year sans a 65 pounds regain from me and the surgery as a result.
     
    I do not work outside of my house and I have a full time live in housekeeper.I have 2 kids,one at uni and one going to middle school next year.I have a lot of free time on my hands at the moment as a whole lot of my close friends left the country last year and the friends I have left are the people that we mostly eat with and have coffee mornings or tea with.That in itself is slightly challenging for me at the moment.Eating out,going to Friday "brunch" (lunch like on sunday) going to lunch with friends and eating cakes at coffee shops for some reason,mostly peoples birthdays or going away teas, are big passtimes for us here.o,when we are not to heavy or ashamed of the weight gains we also exercise together when we can agree on which class to do.Life as an expat is different.life in the middle east is different.It is a good life with lots of disposable cash and no family support structure and a lot of heartache over good friends leaving.It is a trancient society where no one ever really gets to know anyone too well...they will leave again so you just dont invest too much of yourself in people anymore...10 years experiencing all this teaches one how to protect your heart.All this might seem very trivial to some but I do not need to defend my life or justify the way we live anymore.This was the first thing I now had to overcome.This is my life and it is great.
     
    We are blessed beyond believe with a wonderful church and wonderful people in church.Our kids are healthy and doing great.We have enough money to travel a lot and life in general...just great.
     
    This surgery is a big thing in my life.I believe I am as positive as I can be about it.As for my feelings about the long term outcome.I know I will have to make this work.At the moment it is still a little overwhelming to me that it is school holiday and insteat of going to stay at a beach resort we will stay home...the eating thing is just to complicated for me at the moment.Summer holidays are coming up in little less than 3 months.This is the time of year we go back to our home countries for 2 months or travel to europe to holiday,how will I cope with that?The lack of routine always gets to me during summer and the family back home do not know about this surgery.
     
    I am,and will go through all 120 different emotions every day and I will acknowledge each and every one of them.Pay attention to the good ones and let go of the bad ones.That is the way I will earn to deal with the new me.The me that cannot eat away pain.The me that constantly think about food.The me that realize that my hunger has always been in my head,and it feels no different now.
     
    This is how I will overcome using food for fun and learn to be normal.I can feel all this and not react to it.Not act on it.Not give in to it.I will be honest about everything I eat and feel.
    I will win this battle to become normal.
     
  15. desertmom
    First I just want to say that my silly Ipad does not allw me to comment on the comments...I will sort this out as I really want to be able to thank evdryone for the encouragement!
     
    As for today.2 days ago I changed my PPI to Nexium as I know it works for me....and it does!I also got some disflatel ( like gasX) and one Tumm per day,cut into tiny pieces,Every time I get that slighty hot feeling I take a tiny little piece of the tumm and well,it sorts it out.And every time I get that tight feeling after a sip or my back start aching so bad,I take a disflatel and voila,I had a fabulous day!
     
    Could even drive my little kid home from gymnastics.
     
    I still havent lost more weight but my little and me have decided I will loose 10 pounds overnight,just like that..lol
     
    I am not drinking any artificial sweetners as of today.It doesnt help for the acid and it also doesnt make the swallowing easier.So I am using a little honey in my tea and let me tell you,its going down a whole lot easier.
     
    I also made a soup with 5 oz sweetpotato and 2 carrots and some stock and it was so good that my I had to wressle my 10 year old when she just wanted to finish it.That was the 5 half cupmeals for the day.The protein thingy is still not working and I will have to work on it.
     
    All in all a great day.
     
    One thing,I woke up at 4:00 this morningwith the biggest thirst possible.And of course I couldnt just chug down a bottle of water...by the time the thirst was quenched,it was 6:00 am and time to get up.This is a problem and I dont really know what to do.This thirst was right into my tummy and I had to sit and sip and sip and sip.....will have to make a plan with this.
     
    NOW THE WEIGHT MUST JUST START DROPPING TO REALLY MAKE ALL THIS WORTH IT.
     
    Onto day 7
  16. desertmom
    Today was a little more difficult for me as far as the drinking was concerned....I WANT TO EAT!
     
    There,I've said it! Now,I will let it go!
     
    I am constantly worried about calories.Being onw of the only people who still havent lost weight at 5 dys post op I am questioning myself seriously even though I know that is crazy!
     
    Drinks for the day:
    3 cups of clear beef soup.It has about 50 calories in each cup I think.
    1 scoop isopure protein 110 calories
    A small little bit of sf puding in liquids generously 70 cals
    Then I had about 100 ml skim milk...dont know how much say 45 cals
    And as an encore I had a mushroom liquid cup-a-soup for dinner 70 cals
     
    Only about 30g of protein though.
     
    That is a whole lot...almost 500 for day 5. My goodness.
    Part of the issue is that I add something to all water as I have a real hard time drinking water.So I am sipping something all the time but it is not just water.
     
    What is going to happen to me?Am I going to out eat this sleeve right from the start?How will I do when I get to eat?
     
    I am so full of doubt and then I really struggle to understand the instructions for This pureed phase.
    It says: half cup per meal
    6 meals per day
    30 minutes per meal
    Water,broth,fat free milk,fat free gravy ( whatever that might be) PUREED POTATO AND PUTEED VEGETABLES.
    Two weeks long,food must have consistency of a smooth paste or a thick liquid.add spicey or dairy slowly and in small amounts.
     
    I am really stupid and will have to look up which veg will go down well.I will start cooking fresh though as my tumm never liked instant anything,even before.
    Will also consult a friend that had the surgery the 28th of Feb. About what she ate.Lucky girl is now on stage 3 with soft solid foods.
     
    Just hope the next week passes quickly and I can start to drive my car ( dont know when I can)
    Stitches comes out next Saturday!
     
    O well,another day another whatever..LOL
     

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