bikrchk

Panic? Never. When I was losing I weighed once per week. I knew that focusing on habits and not numbers was the way to stay sane. At some point after entering maintenance I got a wifi scale. I like the "toy" and tend to use it daily but don't generally worry unless I see a several week trend or go over my magic number. When that happens, I go back to food journaling for a while and it tends to resolve.

I keep hearing about that "act like a lady, think like a man" book. Reading the reviews it doesn't really sound like my world view (the tired saw that all men are dogs). Hell, at my age I am pretty stoked to find a guy who matches my libido...but I digress. since what I have been doing is no longer working for me, I am gonna change things up even if I have some doubts about the underlying premise.
The big mistake I make over and over is narrowing to one person too quickly, I lose interest in meeting anyone else. This has resulted in a few relationships over the last few years, none of them lasting more than 3-4 months and i am tired of it. (Not entirely true, had a pretty long relationship with someone who was supposed to be a more casual thing - weird, huh?)
I realize this is starting to impact my feminine self esteem even though I have been just as likely to end things...more like I just am tired of getting to know someone, they impact my life and then are just gone. I don't take losses well, even unimportant ones like breaking up with someone I wasn't in love with.
This wasn't my experience when I was young so I guess I am finally taking seriously the advice EVERYONE has given me and when I am ready to "try again" to avoid this pattern. What the heck, nothing to lose - I am going to do the thing where you see several people and wait for months before exclusively dating any one person. Is this what people call serial dating - a term that makes no sense to me bit I have seen in guys profiles "no serial daters". Me, I am just trying to avoid serial killers, I have very reasonable standards.
Here is the thing I keep wondering about people who date 3-5 people (the members of the pool most likely change quite a bit until you find a serious prospect ) - how on earth do you have time? I mean I figure you need to see a person at least 3x a month so they remember you, right? That is alot of dates.
Do you move toward going "dutch" in this situation? Men always pay for dates in my experience unless I specifically am treating them, but I would often cook or do things like that. I guess I am wondering what people think is typical.
I am just trying to figure out how to actually do this thing I said I am going to do. Hope the book comes with an instruction sheet.
I predict that I will start going to meetups, fire up an online profile etc in March. so far, getting dates has been no problem, but finding love has been quite elusive. ....
I have another change I need to make but I am not yet sure how. I need to learn how to flirt better. I mean with complete strangers - I have this terrible habit of avoiding eye contact or smiling at someone I find attractive - I think i send out "don't come near me" signals sometimes. I am not a shy person so it is quite specific to men I find interesting, you know at the store or out at a dance or something ...maybe remnants of my history of feeling bad about my looks???
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That. Sucks. But you did nothing "wrong". You being honest about what you want will never be "wrong". It may mean that he's not ready, but has little to do with YOU! Your story sounds like 90% of the men I meet online. I'm 10 years older, divorced with no kids and no x in the picture but the story is the same. For the few that I actually click with, they tend to "ghost" on me around the second or third date. But don't give up hope... There have been a few that work too! None that have worked long term... yet, (10 months is my record for online men) but every once in awhile you do find one who's in the same place as you are and you at least get to explore the opportunity! Met one before Christmas and we're still hanging out which bodes well
My advice... Don't lose heart. Try not to get too attached too fast and enjoy the ride that is meeting people. Even the ones you're not meant to be with can add value to your life as a lesson. Good luck!

I agree about the TMI. I don't want to know about your health issues in your profile. Keep it positive and highlight the things you like to do. Funnily enough I did meet another sleeve patient online. He was complaining about being cold on a 70 degree day too! But we just didn't "click". No big. Lotsa fish in the sea!

Panic? Never. When I was losing I weighed once per week. I knew that focusing on habits and not numbers was the way to stay sane. At some point after entering maintenance I got a wifi scale. I like the "toy" and tend to use it daily but don't generally worry unless I see a several week trend or go over my magic number. When that happens, I go back to food journaling for a while and it tends to resolve.

That. Sucks. But you did nothing "wrong". You being honest about what you want will never be "wrong". It may mean that he's not ready, but has little to do with YOU! Your story sounds like 90% of the men I meet online. I'm 10 years older, divorced with no kids and no x in the picture but the story is the same. For the few that I actually click with, they tend to "ghost" on me around the second or third date. But don't give up hope... There have been a few that work too! None that have worked long term... yet, (10 months is my record for online men) but every once in awhile you do find one who's in the same place as you are and you at least get to explore the opportunity! Met one before Christmas and we're still hanging out which bodes well
My advice... Don't lose heart. Try not to get too attached too fast and enjoy the ride that is meeting people. Even the ones you're not meant to be with can add value to your life as a lesson. Good luck!

My Nut visit fulfilled an insurance requirement. That's it. I was told to schedule with one of the grocery store dieticians so I did. Listened to her schpeel, didn't learn anything new, (I'd been well educated in support group meetings), got my form signed paid her and was on my way. In my experience you have to jump through some hoops (most of them valuable) to get this done. If you want it. Do it. If you have concerns about the advice you're getting, get another opinion. As far as post op monitoring, I saw my surgeon at 1 month, 3 and 6. Labs at 3 and 6. Subsequent labs are done yearly with my pcp as my surgeon left the city.

Thanks - I needed that peptalk. .wait that wasn't for me!
I cannot explain it by I have been perturbed since an ex from 2014 called me wanting me back. His main reason? I am not crazy like all the other women he's met in recent years. Itis hard to NOT take it personally after awhile like i am so unlovable that sanity us my main attraction? I know he didnt mean it like that, but i seriously think i miss doing something, some game that makes men get googoo eyed. It takes me forever to fall in love with someone and i suspect that i dont send enough "i adore you " signals early on. I am bubbly and outgoing but am very shy about directly flirting with a man. Maybe I should take a class.
Alot of people fishing around online don't necessarily have a clear relationship goal in mind - or have unrealistic expectations. I have met (and dated for a few months in one case) men with big emotional issues too. In his case I came to realize that he was dating because his therapist wanted him to; he picked me because I looked good enough to show off to his friends, outdoorsy (he and pals all avid outdoorsman ) and very normal/conventional appearance - I was part of a fake image he was creating. I learned all that months after we broke up. I am not heart broken over any of it, but it has lost its entertainment value.
I hope I get my mojo back soon because otherwise I am going to get 3 more rescue dogs and become an excentric old broad who wears outlandish clothing and dances alone in random places. I have seen them, I know this can happen.

That. Sucks. But you did nothing "wrong". You being honest about what you want will never be "wrong". It may mean that he's not ready, but has little to do with YOU! Your story sounds like 90% of the men I meet online. I'm 10 years older, divorced with no kids and no x in the picture but the story is the same. For the few that I actually click with, they tend to "ghost" on me around the second or third date. But don't give up hope... There have been a few that work too! None that have worked long term... yet, (10 months is my record for online men) but every once in awhile you do find one who's in the same place as you are and you at least get to explore the opportunity! Met one before Christmas and we're still hanging out which bodes well
My advice... Don't lose heart. Try not to get too attached too fast and enjoy the ride that is meeting people. Even the ones you're not meant to be with can add value to your life as a lesson. Good luck!

That. Sucks. But you did nothing "wrong". You being honest about what you want will never be "wrong". It may mean that he's not ready, but has little to do with YOU! Your story sounds like 90% of the men I meet online. I'm 10 years older, divorced with no kids and no x in the picture but the story is the same. For the few that I actually click with, they tend to "ghost" on me around the second or third date. But don't give up hope... There have been a few that work too! None that have worked long term... yet, (10 months is my record for online men) but every once in awhile you do find one who's in the same place as you are and you at least get to explore the opportunity! Met one before Christmas and we're still hanging out which bodes well
My advice... Don't lose heart. Try not to get too attached too fast and enjoy the ride that is meeting people. Even the ones you're not meant to be with can add value to your life as a lesson. Good luck!

On the menu at the bar on bike nite, "Tacos, $1.50 each". Me "Perfect, I'll have one taco"! Waitress: "Oh we only sell them in three's. One is too much trouble for the kitchen when it's busy".
What the actual eff? LOL
I did end up talking them into selling me ONE but I don't even bother with food there anymore.

Everyone needs to do what works for them! I still monitor myself pretty closely and I do battle weight "creep". When it creeps outside my comfort zone, I journal and drop back to 1200 calories per day until the problem is managed. I also live alone and do all my own cooking so I don't have a lot of distractions, which helps!

WAY too much sugar or fat in a day. I'm not talking one fried chicken leg for lunch, but if I have a particularly low impulse control day and overdo sugar or fat at multiple meals, oh... it's baaaadddd times ahead. Moderation is key for me!

That's pretty much exactly how the sleeve works for me. I eat what I like in small portions. I enjoy treats, but no longer to excess. And yes, there are things I tolerate less well now than I used to. Too much fat or sugar over the course of a day, (not typically one meal) will send me to a place I don't enjoy, (food trying to leave my body violently either the way it went in or by dumping), so I have to pay attention. But I do enjoy all things including carbs, deserts, and even a drink now and then in moderation.
Has it been a major change, yes, absolutely! I went from being a couch potato who ordered a lot of pizza to a person who exercises 5x per week and tends to eat a lot more high Protein, home made meals. I've come to prefer it most of the time, (probably out of self preservation . For example, I had a single fried chicken leg for lunch with a Starbucks latte (unusual for me to do that much sugar in a drink but I do occasionally). I have skinless chicken thighs, potatoes and carrots in the crock pot when I get home and will eat on that for the next several days. When I'm done for today, I'll have had about 1200-1300 calories and 75g of Protein which, I've learned is about what I need to maintain while exercising off about 500 calories per day. I've maintained my 90ish pound loss for 2 years so far.

@@bikrchk, I admire that you can handle small amounts of everything, but I'm still nervous. Lately I've started taking a tiny bite of special foods my wife or daughter make just so I can ooh and ahh over them. But just a taste, not enough to go, "Wow, I want more of that!" But I'm still 3 months shy of one year since making goal weight. We'll see where I am in another year or more. I've heard/read a number of times that years 2 and 3 are critical to long-term success. Which is what I wish for you and for us all.

That's pretty much exactly how the sleeve works for me. I eat what I like in small portions. I enjoy treats, but no longer to excess. And yes, there are things I tolerate less well now than I used to. Too much fat or sugar over the course of a day, (not typically one meal) will send me to a place I don't enjoy, (food trying to leave my body violently either the way it went in or by dumping), so I have to pay attention. But I do enjoy all things including carbs, deserts, and even a drink now and then in moderation.
Has it been a major change, yes, absolutely! I went from being a couch potato who ordered a lot of pizza to a person who exercises 5x per week and tends to eat a lot more high Protein, home made meals. I've come to prefer it most of the time, (probably out of self preservation . For example, I had a single fried chicken leg for lunch with a Starbucks latte (unusual for me to do that much sugar in a drink but I do occasionally). I have skinless chicken thighs, potatoes and carrots in the crock pot when I get home and will eat on that for the next several days. When I'm done for today, I'll have had about 1200-1300 calories and 75g of Protein which, I've learned is about what I need to maintain while exercising off about 500 calories per day. I've maintained my 90ish pound loss for 2 years so far.

At about 6 weeks I started focused exercise (more than light walking). I purchased a good quality stationary bike and use it religously 5 days per week first thing out of bed before work. 45-60 minutes and 20ish regular pushups or a few 2 minute planks. If I'm not "feelin it", (unless I'm really sick) I do it anyway, usually on a much easier setting, but for at least 45 min. It's a 2 year old habit now and my day is just not right without it.

You are EARLY in the process. All I can tell you is that right now, you need to be treating everything you intake as if it is part of your prescription diet. Because it IS. It may be months before things taste normal again. Until then you need to nourish your body in spite of it. You don't take your supplements because they taste like Skittles, you take them because this is what you signed up for to get healthy. It's the same with your Protein supplements. Right now, do your best to get down whatever the prescribed amount is.
Now, that said, there IS hope if you don't fancy shakes, (me either). Once you can take solids, there are lots of products to help you get your Protein in if you can't get it all from whole foods. I can't achieve the number I should without at least one supplement per day and I'm more than 2 years out! I do a Protein Bar, protein muffin, protein bread, protein Pasta, protein hot chocolate or latte... Something to give me about a 20g boost at least once per day. Sometimes it's in a product I purchase, sometimes I make my own Protein Bars using whey protein as a component. Point is, it's rare that I ever do a "shake", but I do supplement.
Other simple swaps like spinach for lettuce, greek yogurt for regular, Fairlife milk for regular (you can do that one now on liquids) can all help get you there.
Hang in there! Work your plan like the prescription that is is and you'll get there!

Exercise, MFP, digital kitchen scale, Nutribullet, WiFi smart scale

Absolutely! Looks, smiles, people seem to greet me first, even the solicitors at the mall who never approached me before won't leave me alone now! The whole "invisible fat person" thing is really a thing! I always wore makeup before and dressed well, (in a vain attempt to hide my weight). I'm also fully aware that a portion of this is all about the vibe I give off... How approachable I am. I am am happier, more confident person these days and it shows! That's probably part of it too.

Absolutely! Looks, smiles, people seem to greet me first, even the solicitors at the mall who never approached me before won't leave me alone now! The whole "invisible fat person" thing is really a thing! I always wore makeup before and dressed well, (in a vain attempt to hide my weight). I'm also fully aware that a portion of this is all about the vibe I give off... How approachable I am. I am am happier, more confident person these days and it shows! That's probably part of it too.

Absolutely! Looks, smiles, people seem to greet me first, even the solicitors at the mall who never approached me before won't leave me alone now! The whole "invisible fat person" thing is really a thing! I always wore makeup before and dressed well, (in a vain attempt to hide my weight). I'm also fully aware that a portion of this is all about the vibe I give off... How approachable I am. I am am happier, more confident person these days and it shows! That's probably part of it too.

Absolutely! Looks, smiles, people seem to greet me first, even the solicitors at the mall who never approached me before won't leave me alone now! The whole "invisible fat person" thing is really a thing! I always wore makeup before and dressed well, (in a vain attempt to hide my weight). I'm also fully aware that a portion of this is all about the vibe I give off... How approachable I am. I am am happier, more confident person these days and it shows! That's probably part of it too.

Absolutely! Looks, smiles, people seem to greet me first, even the solicitors at the mall who never approached me before won't leave me alone now! The whole "invisible fat person" thing is really a thing! I always wore makeup before and dressed well, (in a vain attempt to hide my weight). I'm also fully aware that a portion of this is all about the vibe I give off... How approachable I am. I am am happier, more confident person these days and it shows! That's probably part of it too.

Dbags will be dbags. That said, I didn't have that problem when I was fat. It was like I was invisible to all people. I get looks, catcalls, whatever occasionally now. Not sure what these guys are thinking. "Hey maybe if I say something really offensive to this person, I can get lucky"? SMH.