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Dumped on Valentine's Day



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Yup, just as the title says, I got dumped today....Valentine's Day. Thankfully, it wasn't a long term relationship or something that I had invested a lot of time into. However, that doesn't much help the feelings of rejection and profound disappointment. I'm almost 38 years old and have never been in a relationship. Ever. After so many years, I can't help wondering what is wrong with me. Yes, I know it is them, not me, but there's that evil little voice that says that when a pattern develops, there must be a common cause.

Basically, I met a guy who was as close to fulfilling my "list" as possible. Incredibly intelligent (PhD and speaks 5 languages), gorgeous, funny, sweet, etc. Most importantly he was clearly attracted to me. That's a first for me! After talking for several days we decided to try a date. It. Was. Amazing. We met for coffee and ended up enjoying a long walk in a park. Instant chemistry, good conversation, neither of us wanted a casual relationship and wanted to find a serious relationship, etc. We made plans for a second date.

Between the first date and the second date, I think he got scared. I don't think he was expecting to like me so much and he freaked. I was texting with him last night to confirm our second date and he broke things off. He said that he was only looking for a lunch buddy (we met on a dating site).

I would like to consider myself a catch. I have no children, no ex-husbands, am capable of participating in an adult conversation, and am a giving soul. Sigh, back to the drawing board and time for some inner reflection of what I did wrong.

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You are meant for something more than him. I am so sorry this happened to you but your gorgeous and don't feel any different. That guy didn't deserve you!

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Oh, No! Sorry to hear that your gentleman friend is not as smart as he thinks he is, or else he wouldn't have turned his back on such a giving person as yourself. I was married to two stinkers before I happened to meet the love of my life, and we have been together nearly ten years.

Chin up and don't settle for anyone less than that person who will give you happiness and peace of mind. How are you going to know you have met your prince if you haven't kissed a few frogs first?

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It is one of my failings. I always assume I did something wrong.

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So sorry for your crappy day. I, too, am a Valentines Day "droppee". Mine was my very first boyfriend, who I dated all through high school, lost my virginity to and was planning to marry. I was a freshman in college, he was two years older and had joined the Army after graduation. He didnt officially dump me that day. In fact, even sent a gushy card and roses, but It was Valentine's Day that I found out from his younger brother that he was actually engaged to someone else! He had been cheating on me for 6 months, which was pretty easy since we lived so far apart at that point. At least I got to send his ring back to him after smashing it flat as a pancake.

You certainly didn't do anything wrong. I know it hurts now, but try and brush it off as an insignificant moment cause in the big picture, it is nothing more than that.

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Why think you did something wrong? Sounds like you dodged a bullet before things got to be too deep. Move on! You are so worth it. <3

This x 100.

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It is one of my failings. I always assume I did something wrong.

The only thing you did 'wrong' was too overestimate him after not much contact. When someone is in the middle of making a plan for the next day and, in the middle of the middle, says, "Oops, never mind," you know you've given him too much credit. His on-paper credentials may be solid, but there's a major piece missing.

You're feeling disappointed and hurt, so you may not want my take on a few of the details you laid out. If that's accurate, stop reading after these next words: You're fine and he's a dope. Now I'll continue in no particular order just in case.

Telephone is better than text, especially in the early, getting-to-know-you stage. To text is to put distance between parties, it's so impersonal. If someone has time to text, he/she has time for even a quick call to confirm. Texting gets less objectionable when people have enough connection and history to be super-casual.

You wrote, "Between the first date and the second date, I think he got scared. I don't think he was expecting to like me so much and he freaked." Maybe, maybe not. You'll never know what was going on in his pinhead, so don't speculate. Speculating accomplishes one thing only: It keeps us on the hamster wheel. (Easier said than done, but certainly doable.)

You are a catch because you're taking the risk to meet men. Keep applying your non-negotiable criteria when deciding whom to meet and try not to think of each one who is in contention for a second get-together as a potential sweetie. A friend told me about a friend of hers who is now planning her wedding with a man she met on a dating site. Her approach was to keep dating those who met the basics until one turned into a relationship. It doesn't sound like such a bad method, especially when a dating résumé isn't vast.

I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do now.

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My dear Yaberhoo,

There's a special place in hell for a guy that act like that on V Day. Any how, I agree. You dodge the bullet. Concentrate in your long term weight loss and don't let this be a deterrent to accomplish your life goals. It hurts because is your first. I have a sister like that and still waiting for the first. Believe me.....you will have plenty of disappointment in your love life until you find the perfect frog...Laugh, pray tonight, enjoy your evening. This is just another day of the year. Think about it...you have 364 more days to be happy. Yours truly...a man, speak three language, gorgeous, funny, sweet, etc, and never dumps in V Day or cheats...LOL

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Well.....

Edited by waterwoman

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Perhaps he was not totally honest about his availability?

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My natural process for dealing with disappointment tends to be a day of dealing with the hurt feelings/disappointment and tomorrow I will be right as rain and continue on. It was just a brief glitch in the spectrum of all things. I have spent my whole life being criticized, bullied, and rejected on many fronts because of my outward appearance. I am working hard to realize that things are not always my fault. That is a steep, hard climb but I am trying.

The only thing you did 'wrong' was too overestimate him after not much contact. When someone is in the middle of making a plan for the next day and, in the middle of the middle, says, "Oops, never mind," you know you've given him too much credit. His on-paper credentials may be solid, but there's a major piece missing.

It is one of my failings. I always assume I did something wrong.

Edited by Yaberhoo

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Perhaps he was not totally honest about his availability?

I truly don't believe that was the case. Is it possible? Yes.

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My dear Yaberhoo,

There's a special place in hell for a guy that act like that on V Day. Any how, I agree. You dodge the bullet. Concentrate in your long term weight loss and don't let this be a deterrent to accomplish your life goals. It hurts because is your first. I have a sister like that and still waiting for the first. Believe me.....you will have plenty of disappointment in your love life until you find the perfect frog...Laugh, pray tonight, enjoy your evening. This is just another day of the year. Think about it...you have 364 more days to be happy. Yours truly...a man, speak three language, gorgeous, funny, sweet, etc, and never dumps in V Day or cheats...LOL

I absolutely agree. Luckily, he wasn't "my first" as we didn't get to the point of a relationship. I am licking my wounds tonight and will be raring to go tomorrow.

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