Yup, just as the title says, I got dumped today....Valentine's Day. Thankfully, it wasn't a long term relationship or something that I had invested a lot of time into. However, that doesn't much help the feelings of rejection and profound disappointment. I'm almost 38 years old and have never been in a relationship. Ever. After so many years, I can't help wondering what is wrong with me. Yes, I know it is them, not me, but there's that evil little voice that says that when a pattern develops, there must be a common cause.

Basically, I met a guy who was as close to fulfilling my "list" as possible. Incredibly intelligent (PhD and speaks 5 languages), gorgeous, funny, sweet, etc. Most importantly he was clearly attracted to me. That's a first for me! After talking for several days we decided to try a date. It. Was. Amazing. We met for coffee and ended up enjoying a long walk in a park. Instant chemistry, good conversation, neither of us wanted a casual relationship and wanted to find a serious relationship, etc. We made plans for a second date.

Between the first date and the second date, I think he got scared. I don't think he was expecting to like me so much and he freaked. I was texting with him last night to confirm our second date and he broke things off. He said that he was only looking for a lunch buddy (we met on a dating site).

I would like to consider myself a catch. I have no children, no ex-husbands, am capable of participating in an adult conversation, and am a giving soul. Sigh, back to the drawing board and time for some inner reflection of what I did wrong.

My natural process for dealing with disappointment tends to be a day of dealing with the hurt feelings/disappointment and tomorrow I will be right as rain and continue on. It was just a brief glitch in the spectrum of all things. I have spent my whole life being criticized, bullied, and rejected on many fronts because of my outward appearance. I am working hard to realize that things are not always my fault. That is a steep, hard climb but I am trying.

All this and human, too. You really are a catch.

I got catfished today, Valentines Day, but I've been suspicious of him from the start. Texted thru a chat app (he claimed he was shy about talking on the phone which I didn't believe), then when making plans to meet, he suddenly gets an assignment to go to Afghanistan for 6 weeks starting tomorrow - says he's semi-retired Army.

So I told him to take a pic of himself with his dog and send it to me right now, through the chat we were using. He got defensive, then logged out. Uh huh.

Look at us bullet-dodgers!

I got catfished today, Valentines Day, but I've been suspicious of him from the start. Texted thru a chat app (he claimed he was shy about talking on the phone which I didn't believe), then when making plans to meet, he suddenly gets an assignment to go to Afghanistan for 6 weeks starting tomorrow - says he's semi-retired Army.

So I told him to take a pic of himself with his dog and send it to me right now, through the chat we were using. He got defensive, then logged out. Uh huh.

Look at us bullet-dodgers!

Great job trusting your gut!

Get your hands on a copy of Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady: Think Like a Man.

It will help you develop a new perspective on how to value your own worth and how to detect a stinker. It explains what qualities different kinds of men are really looking for.

It will help you decide if you want to be high maintenance, cheap to feed and easy to entertain, or just cheap and easy.

It will help you realize that YOU have control over how a relationship develops and that a man needs to prove that he is worthy of your company and sexy goodies.

You don't have to wear yourself out trying to figure out why you are not pleasing to a certain man and what you must do to fit his ideal of a mate or a free treat.

Amazon.com has many copies of that book, both new and used. Good luck.

It wasn't you, he probably doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. His loss.

Remember the old adage:

If you love something set it free.

If it comes back to you its yours.

If not, hunt it down and kill it.

(JUST KIDDING!)

I have one word for you sweetie! NEXT!

It is one of my failings. I always assume I did something wrong.

Please don't take this personally ... but you gotta admit that ^^^ is actually funny.

And here I was feeling sorry for myself that I had to call roadside assistance twice yesterday because I left my headlights on TWICE in the SAME AFTERNOON!!! Of course, I also have no beau to come rescue me when I do stupid things like that, but that's another issue.

@@Yaberhoo - I feel your pain. At least he figured it out before things went any further and you were emotionally involved further. You are amazing and worthy of love. Just keep your eyes open. It will find you where you least expect it!

pam

I watched some episodes of that show Catfish, and I just couldn't figure out...why. most of the catfish aren't scheming for money, just hiding behind fakery. I don't think this has happened to me because I either drop it or meet pretty quickly. Not looking for a pen pal.

I think you dodged a bullet. For all you knew he could have been married and was just looking for a little something on the side.

The good news is that there's plenty of fish in the sea and you are at a time where you don't need to be jumping into something serious. You need to experience the joys of just dating and having fun first before you move on to a serious relationship. You will need time to process everything as well as discover yourself after weight loss.

That. Sucks. But you did nothing "wrong". You being honest about what you want will never be "wrong". It may mean that he's not ready, but has little to do with YOU! Your story sounds like 90% of the men I meet online. I'm 10 years older, divorced with no kids and no x in the picture but the story is the same. For the few that I actually click with, they tend to "ghost" on me around the second or third date. But don't give up hope... There have been a few that work too! None that have worked long term... yet, (10 months is my record for online men) but every once in awhile you do find one who's in the same place as you are and you at least get to explore the opportunity! Met one before Christmas and we're still hanging out which bodes well

My advice... Don't lose heart. Try not to get too attached too fast and enjoy the ride that is meeting people. Even the ones you're not meant to be with can add value to your life as a lesson. Good luck!

Thanks - I needed that peptalk. .wait that wasn't for me!

I cannot explain it by I have been perturbed since an ex from 2014 called me wanting me back. His main reason? I am not crazy like all the other women he's met in recent years. Itis hard to NOT take it personally after awhile like i am so unlovable that sanity us my main attraction? I know he didnt mean it like that, but i seriously think i miss doing something, some game that makes men get googoo eyed. It takes me forever to fall in love with someone and i suspect that i dont send enough "i adore you " signals early on. I am bubbly and outgoing but am very shy about directly flirting with a man. Maybe I should take a class.

Alot of people fishing around online don't necessarily have a clear relationship goal in mind - or have unrealistic expectations. I have met (and dated for a few months in one case) men with big emotional issues too. In his case I came to realize that he was dating because his therapist wanted him to; he picked me because I looked good enough to show off to his friends, outdoorsy (he and pals all avid outdoorsman ) and very normal/conventional appearance - I was part of a fake image he was creating. I learned all that months after we broke up. I am not heart broken over any of it, but it has lost its entertainment value.

I hope I get my mojo back soon because otherwise I am going to get 3 more rescue dogs and become an excentric old broad who wears outlandish clothing and dances alone in random places. I have seen them, I know this can happen.

That. Sucks. But you did nothing "wrong". You being honest about what you want will never be "wrong". It may mean that he's not ready, but has little to do with YOU! Your story sounds like 90% of the men I meet online. I'm 10 years older, divorced with no kids and no x in the picture but the story is the same. For the few that I actually click with, they tend to "ghost" on me around the second or third date. But don't give up hope... There have been a few that work too! None that have worked long term... yet, (10 months is my record for online men) but every once in awhile you do find one who's in the same place as you are and you at least get to explore the opportunity! Met one before Christmas and we're still hanging out which bodes well

My advice... Don't lose heart. Try not to get too attached too fast and enjoy the ride that is meeting people. Even the ones you're not meant to be with can add value to your life as a lesson. Good luck!

He sounds married as hell.

There are so many married dudes on dating sites, the middle aged ones who are just trying to see if they can still pull women. It is vast and pathetic.

On the bright side he didn't dump you, you didn't have a relationship.

Never date one guy at a time, date 3 to 5 at a time and make them compete for your attention and affections. This way you don't get attached to one guy, you maximize your time, and the cream rises to the top. Accelerated natural selection.

If you have a deep bench, you can easily replace a damaged starter.

Edited February 15, 201610 yr by OutsideMatchInside

Omg! I am so sorry, This is why I don't date!

I got catfished today, Valentines Day, but I've been suspicious of him from the start. Texted thru a chat app (he claimed he was shy about talking on the phone which I didn't believe), then when making plans to meet, he suddenly gets an assignment to go to Afghanistan for 6 weeks starting tomorrow - says he's semi-retired Army.

So I told him to take a pic of himself with his dog and send it to me right now, through the chat we were using. He got defensive, then logged out. Uh huh.

Look at us bullet-dodgers!

You didn't get "catfished", Sweety. You "escaped the hook". Whew, that was a close one!! Good Girl!