cerenatee

Ya'll I'm scared. Like real scared. Like don't know what to do, crying scared.
I don't like being fat but I really don't have too many health problems yet. Just high cholesterol, I snore, I get tired easily, and my legs fall asleep a lot. I know other health problems are coming but they're not here just yet. Vanity is definitely a part of why I want this surgery but so is peace of mind. I'm tired of worrying about my health. Today it's high cholesterol but tomorrow it may be cancer. I lost my sister, my mother, and my grandmother to cancer within a 7 year period so cancer is consistently on my mind. My mom and sister were relatively healthy and thin and they still died so I know it's only a matter of time before my bad weight and bad genetics meet up. It's like a ticking time bomb and I'm always looking for it to go off.
But the complications of this surgery, when they happen, are pretty horrible. And I don't think a lot of us make peace with that really. We just assume they're not going to happen to us. At least that's what I was doing. I can only speak for me. Now I'm really thinking about what I could be putting myself though and I just don't know. What if I'm the leak, the abscess, the stricture, the pneumonia, the excessive swelling, the blood clots, the 1001 things that could go wrong. By God's grace people like Iggy are here to tell us their stories, they have overcome, and they're way better but they went through hell and none of them think the surgery was worth the benefit. No one ever says if they're overall health is better but I'm guessing it's not since they're still being treated for the complications.
Then some people don't even get those benefits. They're losing 20 lbs in 3 months, they're still hungry, they don't have a lot of restriction, etc, etc. WTF?!! All that money, time, and pain and you don't get the benefits? I know most people do but some don't and that's another negative I have to weigh. What if I go through all this for nothing? That would be so freaking awful.
But the only alternative is to call off the surgery and try to lose the weight on my own, again, like I've tried 100s of times before. But even that's scary. What if I call off the surgery and I'm still in the same place next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, until I look up and 10 or 20 years have passed, but now my health is awful and I'm 100 lbs heavier and I'm living in regret for what could have been if I had just had the gastric sleeve performed back in May 2013.
It's so much to think about and so much to consider and my fear vs my wants are blocking my prayers. I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense but I just had ot get it out of my head. I'm hoping someone else has been crazy like this, or is currently freaking out themselves, and understands what I'm going through.
Hugs.

Hey mamamareli I have two small kids, too - they are my biggest motivation!
Cerenatee I have to thank you again, you are getting your focus back in the right place.
I have been really scared - for about a week. Yesterday was another moment of making the decision, again, to move forward with the surgery. Last night my daughter was running around the car parked in the driveway, while I was walking and playing with her. I enjoy my time playing with her, but I just kept thinking, I want to run with her! That is the reason I am on this path.
I am confident in my surgical team and hospital. I have to move forward understanding there may be complications - I will pray that everything goes well, but try to have the attitude that I will take things as they come.
I want to RUN with my kids! I was to ride rides at Disneyland with them. I'm not going to continue to allow my weught to prevent me from being the mom I want to be!
I guess this emotional rollercoaster is normal in the days and weeks leading up to surgery. I think it is important that we share that, though, so people know it isn't just smooth sailing up to the day of surgery.
Best wishes and prayers for each of you ladies!

Ya'll I'm scared. Like real scared. Like don't know what to do, crying scared.
I don't like being fat but I really don't have too many health problems yet. Just high cholesterol, I snore, I get tired easily, and my legs fall asleep a lot. I know other health problems are coming but they're not here just yet. Vanity is definitely a part of why I want this surgery but so is peace of mind. I'm tired of worrying about my health. Today it's high cholesterol but tomorrow it may be cancer. I lost my sister, my mother, and my grandmother to cancer within a 7 year period so cancer is consistently on my mind. My mom and sister were relatively healthy and thin and they still died so I know it's only a matter of time before my bad weight and bad genetics meet up. It's like a ticking time bomb and I'm always looking for it to go off.
But the complications of this surgery, when they happen, are pretty horrible. And I don't think a lot of us make peace with that really. We just assume they're not going to happen to us. At least that's what I was doing. I can only speak for me. Now I'm really thinking about what I could be putting myself though and I just don't know. What if I'm the leak, the abscess, the stricture, the pneumonia, the excessive swelling, the blood clots, the 1001 things that could go wrong. By God's grace people like Iggy are here to tell us their stories, they have overcome, and they're way better but they went through hell and none of them think the surgery was worth the benefit. No one ever says if they're overall health is better but I'm guessing it's not since they're still being treated for the complications.
Then some people don't even get those benefits. They're losing 20 lbs in 3 months, they're still hungry, they don't have a lot of restriction, etc, etc. WTF?!! All that money, time, and pain and you don't get the benefits? I know most people do but some don't and that's another negative I have to weigh. What if I go through all this for nothing? That would be so freaking awful.
But the only alternative is to call off the surgery and try to lose the weight on my own, again, like I've tried 100s of times before. But even that's scary. What if I call off the surgery and I'm still in the same place next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, until I look up and 10 or 20 years have passed, but now my health is awful and I'm 100 lbs heavier and I'm living in regret for what could have been if I had just had the gastric sleeve performed back in May 2013.
It's so much to think about and so much to consider and my fear vs my wants are blocking my prayers. I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense but I just had ot get it out of my head. I'm hoping someone else has been crazy like this, or is currently freaking out themselves, and understands what I'm going through.
Hugs.

From what I read on here, your loss is solid. I think 5 lbs a week is nothing to sneer at, unless you're like 400 lbs then I understand a little. Higher BMIs tend to lose a lot of weight real quick. I think you're beautiful and you're definitely on your way to a healthier you.

Thanks for showing up and speaking out everybody. May 2013 is right around the corner and this stuff is real now.
Ya'll, after getting some love from my FB group, I'm in a much better place. I got so wrapped up in my fears that I forget I have done my research. I have selected a great surgeon and a great hospital. I am following all my doctor's pre-surgery orders and I'm going to follow all his post-surgery orders as well. My surgeon is very careful and he's very cautious. He places the staples and then he goes back over them with sutures. He leaves the drain in for 4 days after the surgery in case of excessive bleeding. He checks for leaks after the surgery and the next day. He keeps you in the hospital for 2 days and then in a hotel, which he stays at himself so he's close, for another 2 days. On my return, I have solid medical care in case anythng goes wrong. Yes, the care is 4 hours away but that's ok. I can be admitted to the hospital with no problems and the bariatric surgeon has residency there so I'll see him as much as necessary, if needed. Most importantly, I have a God that loves me. I have a God that has brought me out of hell, that has always shown a light in my despair. I have never been deserted or rejected. I have never felt alone during my darkest moments. If God has been saving me from this world since I was a child, I know He's not going to overlook me because I'm in Tijuana.
That's my truth. That's what's going to allow me to have this surgery and claim the victory I know is mine, even if I have to walk through trials and tribulations to get to that victory.
Now ya'll tell me your truth. What steps have you taking to be ok? How have you ensured that no matter what happens, you've done your part? Because at the end of the day, if we've done our parts, the rest is up to the fundamental goodness and purpose of this universe. Whether you believe in God or not - I use to believe in whatever was keeping the trees alive because the trees didn't work and they didn't move - sometime you just got to let life be life.

It does change the relationship usually. Not that they don't love you but some spouses get an insecurity the didn't have before. You can google "major weight loss relationship" and read about other people's results. In the end, if your relationship is strong, you'll work through it just fine.
My hubby is somewhat insecure but he loves me and it'll be ok. The funny thing is he's fit and gorgeous so I'm not sure what he has to be insecure about but there's no telling with the human mind.

Thanks for showing up and speaking out everybody. May 2013 is right around the corner and this stuff is real now.
Ya'll, after getting some love from my FB group, I'm in a much better place. I got so wrapped up in my fears that I forget I have done my research. I have selected a great surgeon and a great hospital. I am following all my doctor's pre-surgery orders and I'm going to follow all his post-surgery orders as well. My surgeon is very careful and he's very cautious. He places the staples and then he goes back over them with sutures. He leaves the drain in for 4 days after the surgery in case of excessive bleeding. He checks for leaks after the surgery and the next day. He keeps you in the hospital for 2 days and then in a hotel, which he stays at himself so he's close, for another 2 days. On my return, I have solid medical care in case anythng goes wrong. Yes, the care is 4 hours away but that's ok. I can be admitted to the hospital with no problems and the bariatric surgeon has residency there so I'll see him as much as necessary, if needed. Most importantly, I have a God that loves me. I have a God that has brought me out of hell, that has always shown a light in my despair. I have never been deserted or rejected. I have never felt alone during my darkest moments. If God has been saving me from this world since I was a child, I know He's not going to overlook me because I'm in Tijuana.
That's my truth. That's what's going to allow me to have this surgery and claim the victory I know is mine, even if I have to walk through trials and tribulations to get to that victory.
Now ya'll tell me your truth. What steps have you taking to be ok? How have you ensured that no matter what happens, you've done your part? Because at the end of the day, if we've done our parts, the rest is up to the fundamental goodness and purpose of this universe. Whether you believe in God or not - I use to believe in whatever was keeping the trees alive because the trees didn't work and they didn't move - sometime you just got to let life be life.

OMG!! I know exactally how you feel....My surgery is May 3 and I have even had awful dreams. My son told me I hope your surgeon knows what hes doing because your my only parent....geeez!! My anxiety is through the roof all I think of is the surgery....Im soooooo ready and excited but damn Im scared!! Also I read about preop diets and hospital stays. My Dr is doing my surgery outpatient and I only have to fast after midnight the day of surgery.

I'm scared too. Getting sleeved on may 8th. Trying to be positive but you are right, things can go wrong. I have 2 small children and sometimes I'm scared they will be left motherless. But obesity could do that too. This is tough. Thank you for posting. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Chances are good that we will all come through it just fine. I need to keep focusing on the positive things this surgery can bring to my life.

Hi Cerenatee,
Thank you for posting this! I feel the same and you stated everything so well.
I am pre-Op, my date is May 7th. I was in the office today and there was part of me hoping that they would find some reason that I could not go forward with the surgery.
I am very thankful for this site, there is so much information and support, but I have not really found a place to hash out my fears. I admire your courage for posting this. I know I am done with being overweight... obese... and I have done a lot of work to understand why I got here, but feeling confident about those things is very different from feeling confident about having the surgery.
You're right, the risks of complications are small and we try to just tell ourselves that they won't happen to us... but just because we tell ourselves we won't have any complications doesn't mean we won't.
This is a very serious surgery. It has the potential to seriously change our lives for the better, but I'm affraid we are kidding ourselves if we do not consider the possible complications seriously.
I'm scared, too.
Thank you again for posting this!

I don't understand why she would tell them at all but especially at 2 or 3 weeks out. Usually that's the casual, "what kind of music do you like to listen to" or "can you have an intelligent conversation about music" phase. When did it turn into the "here's my entire medical history" phase? I've only been with my hubby about 2 years so I know I'm not that out of the loop yet. Or maybe I am.
Either way, I've never discussed my dieting..or my shopping...or my home grown pedicures...or my moustache waxes or anything else in that category with guys that were not already in love with me and on lock down. As far as dating guys were concerned, God just magically stopped my toenails from growing and I woke up every morning with pretty colors on them. Even with a committed guys, I only said things in passing, if necessary, and I still didn't really bring up diets. Reason one, I could never stick to one, and reason two, most guy just don't care. They're always, "yeah baby, you can do it" and then back to the ballgame. I only got my husband to pay attention when I mentioned this surgery. He could still care less about pedicures or bikini waxes or anything else that proves I'm human. He just wants the results, not the process. LOL.
I would suggest your friend forgo her desire to blab. I know she's excited but she needs to join VST where she can gush all day and night. If she has tons of loose skin or surgical scars that need to be explained, then yes, she might want to mention them but again, in passing. Something like "I use to be a little bigger so now I have loose skin." We know "a little bigger" and "loose skin" doesn't go together but it gives a guy an out to say "okay" and move on in his mind. This is generally enough for the guys I know. Most guys are straight-forward and they keep it simple. No need for long drawn out discussions. To this day, my husband can't stand "I have something I want to talk to you about." LOL. He always looks up like Homeland Security is at the front door. It's pure fright and too funny. So if she tries to have an in-depth discussion about her girly parts, loose skin, or anything else in the first weeks of dating, a lot of guys may think she's too intense, which translates into too much work, and bail.
In summary, she needs to not bring it up unless necessary, and then present it as "a little bigger and I lost some weight." Then move on with the conversation.

Ya'll I'm scared. Like real scared. Like don't know what to do, crying scared.
I don't like being fat but I really don't have too many health problems yet. Just high cholesterol, I snore, I get tired easily, and my legs fall asleep a lot. I know other health problems are coming but they're not here just yet. Vanity is definitely a part of why I want this surgery but so is peace of mind. I'm tired of worrying about my health. Today it's high cholesterol but tomorrow it may be cancer. I lost my sister, my mother, and my grandmother to cancer within a 7 year period so cancer is consistently on my mind. My mom and sister were relatively healthy and thin and they still died so I know it's only a matter of time before my bad weight and bad genetics meet up. It's like a ticking time bomb and I'm always looking for it to go off.
But the complications of this surgery, when they happen, are pretty horrible. And I don't think a lot of us make peace with that really. We just assume they're not going to happen to us. At least that's what I was doing. I can only speak for me. Now I'm really thinking about what I could be putting myself though and I just don't know. What if I'm the leak, the abscess, the stricture, the pneumonia, the excessive swelling, the blood clots, the 1001 things that could go wrong. By God's grace people like Iggy are here to tell us their stories, they have overcome, and they're way better but they went through hell and none of them think the surgery was worth the benefit. No one ever says if they're overall health is better but I'm guessing it's not since they're still being treated for the complications.
Then some people don't even get those benefits. They're losing 20 lbs in 3 months, they're still hungry, they don't have a lot of restriction, etc, etc. WTF?!! All that money, time, and pain and you don't get the benefits? I know most people do but some don't and that's another negative I have to weigh. What if I go through all this for nothing? That would be so freaking awful.
But the only alternative is to call off the surgery and try to lose the weight on my own, again, like I've tried 100s of times before. But even that's scary. What if I call off the surgery and I'm still in the same place next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, until I look up and 10 or 20 years have passed, but now my health is awful and I'm 100 lbs heavier and I'm living in regret for what could have been if I had just had the gastric sleeve performed back in May 2013.
It's so much to think about and so much to consider and my fear vs my wants are blocking my prayers. I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense but I just had ot get it out of my head. I'm hoping someone else has been crazy like this, or is currently freaking out themselves, and understands what I'm going through.
Hugs.

I haven't read all the posts and I'm not going too. There is no way I'm taking the advice of someone with no medical training of any kind over my doctor because he has a doctor or nutritionist in his family. I have a pilot in my family but I'm not trying to fly a plane. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. From the research I've done "Most authors suggest that the major risk factor for gastric leaks is not staple line dehiscence but is due to ischemia [lack of blood flow] in the gastric wall next to the staple line. Classic ischemic fistulas [a fistula is a hole] tend to appear between 5 and 6 days after surgery, when the wall-healing process is between the inflammation and fibrotic phase [your stomach's forming connective tissue to seal over the cut creating a barrier between the cut and the staples]. Mechanical fistulas are usually discovered earlier, within the first 2 days after surgery [6]."
This is actual medical research, not my opinion. After surgery your stomach is inflammed, it's swollen, and it's trying to repair itself. That takes time, thus the need for the liquid and soft food diet. The "Oh eat a piece of pizza right after surgery" mentality is going to stop your healing.
Listen to him if you want, all adults have that right, just know he's not going to be the one cut open for a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th surgery, he's not going to care for your kids, he's not going to pay your hospital bill or your mortgage, and he's not the one that may have a permanent feeding tube if things go wrong.
Successful Management of a Gastric Sleeve Leak with an Endoscopic Stent http://www.hindawi.c...gm/2012/205979/

VSG is such a crazy world--we consider a 5-pound-a-week weight loss "slow," where pre-op, that would have been miraculous! We consider a morbidly obese BMI of 35 as being "a low BMI." We think 1 cup of food is a LOT. It's all relative--and it's the new normal!!!! :-)

A very wise woman once told me "People's reactions to you are never about you; it's always about them. So their reactions don't reflect who you are; it reflects who they are." She made TREMENDOUS sense and has never steered me wrong.
Sorry some reacted negatively to your post. The important thing is you are awesome.

A very wise woman once told me "People's reactions to you are never about you; it's always about them. So their reactions don't reflect who you are; it reflects who they are." She made TREMENDOUS sense and has never steered me wrong.
Sorry some reacted negatively to your post. The important thing is you are awesome.

From what I read on here, your loss is solid. I think 5 lbs a week is nothing to sneer at, unless you're like 400 lbs then I understand a little. Higher BMIs tend to lose a lot of weight real quick. I think you're beautiful and you're definitely on your way to a healthier you.

Cerenatee - I feel exactly like you. I am so scared to have this surgery, but I am also scared NOT to have this surgery. Although I have 160 lbs to lose, I have been so fortunate that I don't (yet) have any other health issues -mild high blood pressure, but no aches & pains or diabetes that you would expect. But I too have tried 100s of times and 100s of times gained back all that was lost, plus more. I don't want to look back a year from now wishing I would have had the surgery in May 2013. It's so scary - emotionally, physically & spiritually. But I am not going to back out. I am just going to pray, follow the plan & exercise. Looks like we will be recuperating at the same time - I wish you all the best!
Teresa

It all makes sense, but think about you future. When and where are you having the surgery?
I am having mine on May 10th @ OCC.< /p>

I am absolutely right there with you. One moment I am fine, looking forward to surgery and changing my life, then the next time I come here and read complication stories or regret stories I wonder what the hell I'm thinking. You put it all very eloquently.
I did the only thing I could do - i researched the heck out of doctors and actually made a switch from where I thought I was going to another group an hour away from home. I felt an urging from God to check them out, went on Saturday to another seminar there, and found comfort in the choice. It's a big group that has literally done thousands of surgeries, including doctors who were pioneers and are nationally ranked. Yes, an hour away from home is a lot more driving, but I have peace that I am doing all that I can to get that complication figure as close to zero as I can. After that, there's really nothing you can do. Pray and make a leap of faith, asking God to bring you through it with him.

I too was nervous before going in with this surgery however I've also been thin b4 with the help of the band. When I lost the weight I got my life back and was able to do things I havn done in years like run not walk, play with my kids, swim etc.. unfortunatey, I devloped herniab and took it out gain most of my weight back but I am glad to have a second chance with the sleeve. Being over 300 pounds is so debilitating to my life. Since surgery 3 weeks ago despite the ups and downs my knees don't hurt and I look forward to what summer will hold with me and my family. I chose the surgery because I want to live a long healthy life. I intend on folowing the program so I can accomplish just that. I am glad I found this forum so I can encourage and be encouraged as well. Put God first and he wil do the rest. Yur fate does not have to be your mom or sisters. Keep pushing(pray until something happens-push)

I'm a little concerned. I know everyone is saying this is a lifestyle and we should treat ourselves but the OP ate an entire 580 calories burger. She didn't have some of it, or a few bites of it, or any of the other things people are saying they do. She had the entire burger. At 580 calories. 3 months after surgery. Does no one see a potential problem, other than the one poster who was called names and ridiculed (even though she didn't call anyone names but I guess it's ok as long as everyone agrees)?
A lot of us have a unhealthy relationship with food and that's what got us in this mess in the first place. I keep reading over and over again that this surgery is a tool and we have to do the work or we're going to put the weight back on. People on this post keep saying it's a lifestyle, yada yada, but that's what I always read on the regular diet boards and none of us ever lost any significant weight or maintained the weight we did lose. I know a smaller stomach helps with the weight loss but the long-term posters are talking about having 3 or 4 bites, not an entire burger.
If I'm eating an entire burger 3 months out, what am I eating a year out? That would be my concern.

I'm a little concerned. I know everyone is saying this is a lifestyle and we should treat ourselves but the OP ate an entire 580 calories burger. She didn't have some of it, or a few bites of it, or any of the other things people are saying they do. She had the entire burger. At 580 calories. 3 months after surgery. Does no one see a potential problem, other than the one poster who was called names and ridiculed (even though she didn't call anyone names but I guess it's ok as long as everyone agrees)?
A lot of us have a unhealthy relationship with food and that's what got us in this mess in the first place. I keep reading over and over again that this surgery is a tool and we have to do the work or we're going to put the weight back on. People on this post keep saying it's a lifestyle, yada yada, but that's what I always read on the regular diet boards and none of us ever lost any significant weight or maintained the weight we did lose. I know a smaller stomach helps with the weight loss but the long-term posters are talking about having 3 or 4 bites, not an entire burger.
If I'm eating an entire burger 3 months out, what am I eating a year out? That would be my concern.

You look lovely, in both of them, but definitely thinner in the second one.

I'm in Greenville! I'm starting my diet tomorrow and having my surgery May 8th in Mexico with Dr. Lopez. I would love to be buddies.